- What are people who are terrified of roller coasters so afraid of? Basically, they worry that they’re going to be serious injured, die or be placed in great peril by going on a coaster. In other words, they fear exactly what happened to a dozen amusement park goers at Magic Springs & Crystal Falls in Hot Springs, Ark. a just a couple of days ago. Apparently a bird or other wildlife creature got into the power supply for the X-Coaster roller coaster and shorted it out, leaving a dozen people stranded in the middle of the ride, hanging upside down for half an hour. Park authorities were able to get a backup generator going within half an hour and get the riders back to the ground safely, but I’m thinking at least a couple of lawsuits are coming out of this situation. People tend not to take it well when you suspend them upside down, a hundred or so feet off the ground, in the middle of a ride. And no, I don’t think giving them free tickets or concessions or season passes or lifetime passes to your park is going to help assuage their anger. After all, hanging people upside down at great heights for prolonged periods of time isn't exactly healthy, what with all of the blood rushing to your brain and leaving the rest of your body. This would be a good time for all you coaster enthusiasts to cross Magic Springs & Crystal Falls off your list as a destination for summer fun, unless you harbor an unrealized death wish.
- Maybe I need to stop declaring certain individuals to be the worst person ever, because every time I do, some new despicable lowlife piece of crap vaults to the top of the list with actions that make me vomit repeatedly and wish I had an atomic bomb to drop on their head. Take my newest candidate for Worst Person Ever, Wayne Albert Bleyle, 55, of San Diego. This scumbag is a former respiratory therapist who pleaded guilty to eight counts of lewd acts on a child and four counts of exhibiting a minor in pornography because he had molested young, brain-damaged patients at the hospital where he used to work. That’s right, this sick freak molested brain-damaged kids, which is as blatantly offensive as any non-killing crime you can commit. It’s incredibly, absolutely awful to harm normal, capable children in any way, but it is uber-revolting to do those same things to brain damaged kids. How Bleyle sleeps at night and is able to look in the mirror without placing a shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger is beyond me, because this guy is reprehensible in every sense of the word. Sometimes stories just piss me off and cause me to make snarky comments, but hearing this one literally made me want to take a barbed-wire-covered baseball bat, go find Wayne Albert Bleyle and keep swinging the bat at his head until he’d lost every drop of blood in his body. Let’s just move on before I am actually spurred into action for real……
- Medical experts tend to blow a lot of hot air and waste a lot of time when you listen to them. But every now and then, these so-called experts come up with something worthwhile, and this would be one of those times. A committee of medical experts convened by the American Medical Association has come up with a recommendation that doctors stop tip-toeing around with fat children and start calling them what they are - overweight or obese. It has become common practice to use kinder, gentler terms for chubby children in some misguided attempt to spare their self-esteem. However, with 17 percent of children being classified as obese and one-third of all American children being overweight, I think we should all agree that their expanding waistlines and increasing risk of heart disease and other obesity-related illnesses is more important than hurting little Timmy’s feelings. Besides, he’s heard far worse than fat, obese or overweight from his classmates in gym class or on the playground, so it’s not as if he doesn’t know he’s fat. Maybe if we started calling fat kids fat when they’re still kids, we wouldn’t have so many pasty, portly and pudgy adults spilling over armrests at baseball games and on planes, showing off their double chins and oversized bellies at the mall and beach and cramming deep-fried Oreos down their pie holes at the county fair. Seeing people that grossly obese isn't just unhealthy for them, it’s bad for me too, and for anyone with a working pair of eyes. No one wants to see some 5’8, 290 pound person waddling around, looking all gross and flabby. Basically, those people are saying, “Hey, I don’t care how bad I look, I’ve given up on life to the point that I don’t care what I eat and I don’t want to make any effort to exercise at all.” Being blunt and direct with fat children could help alleviate this problem to some extent, and I’m all for it.
- Andre Rison is just the kind of guy that bad things happen to. Some of them are his fault, some he didn’t have much to do with, but inevitably bad happenings following this guy around like Rosie O’Donnell chasing the ice cream truck down her street, money clutched tightly in her meaty, flabby hand. After all, you don’t earn the nickname Andre “Bad Moon” Rison by being a happy-go-lucky, good-fortuned guy. First, Rison had a promising NFL career curtailed by drug issues, bad conditioning and other circumstances. Then, his ex-wife, the late Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez of the all-girl pop/dance trio TLC, burn down his mansion in an act of vengeance. Even now, as a common citizen and with his days in the spotlight behind him, Rison can’t seem to right his ship. He’s facing a court-ordered bankruptcy and seizure of his assets in order to settle a $105,000 deficit Bad Moon is currently running in child support payments. He has until June 25 to take care of the deficit before the U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Flint, Mich. takes care of it for him by seizing his assets and selling them off to get the money Rison owes in back child support payments. It might be tough to scrounge up $105,000 now that you’re no longer a pro baller, Bad Moon, but if I were you I’d start liquidating my assets and at least getting close to market value for them before the court takes them from you and starts auctioning them off for a fraction of what they’re worth. Let this be a lesson to all you deadbeat dads out there; pay your child support, and if you don’t want to added burden of supporting kids, the simple answer is to stop having kids. That should settle that.
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