Baylor football's new low, Cheetos-inspired arson and Action Bronson's blender madness

- There are certain “victimless” crimes where no one is actually hurt, yet something shady still occurred. Pirating a movie that’s already out on DVD, stealing a few sips from your fountain drink soda at the convenience store before refilling what you just drank…and of course, claiming that you climbed the world’s tallest mountain and then Photoshopping evidence to prove that you reached the summit. The criminals behind this nefarious deed are Indian citizens Dinesh and Tarakeshwari Rathod, who have had their climbing certificated revoked and been banned from climbing any mountain in Nepal for 10 years after Nepal mountaineering authorities determined that the Indian couple faked a Mount Everest ascent earlier this year by altering photographs to make it appear they were on the summit. Mountaineering Department official Gyanendra Shrestha said the government has canceled the climbing certificates issued to these liars and won't allow them to scale a single Nepali peak for a decade because they claimed they scaled the 29,035-foot peak in May, only to be proven wrong. The government issued them climbing certificates based on the photographs, but fellow climbers narced them out because, well, climbers have this funny code of honor where they want people to be honest about what they do on the peaks. When other climbers raised objections,  an investigation was launched and another Indian climber, Satyarup Sidhantha from Bangalore, said it was his photograph that the couple altered to make it appear they were on the summit. The best part of this is that the guilty couple are both police officers from Pune in the Indian state of Maharastra. Way to conduct yourselves with integrity, officers. You can't lie your way into being the first Indian couple to scale Everest, d-bags………

- Action Bronson is not your typical rapper. He’s a heavyset, Albanian-ancestry-having, bearded white boy from Queens who is an avid foodie and hosts a show titled, “F*ck, That’s Delicious” on the Fuse network. He doesn’t fit the typical mold of a hip-hop star, which is why it makes perfect sense that he elected to reward fans who showed up at the Ford Amphitheater in Coney Island, New York for a special Sports Illustrated event by taking the unusual step of hurling brand-new, factory sealed kitchen appliances into the crowd. Jay-Z, Drake, Kid Cudi, NWA and Sugar Hill Gang have never shown love for fans by hitting them up with a Kitchen Aid mixer or a stainless steel toaster, but Action Bronson knows that a nice waffle iron might be just the thing the guy in the 20th row needs to really have a great evening at his show. He was in the middle of his performance when, without warning, he began tossing out the freebies. One of the items he gave away was a 1,800-watt “smart grill” and because the simple truth is that fans of any kind, be they sports, musical or otherwise, love free things, the audience immediately began clamoring for the giveaway items. Thankfully, the scene did not descend into mayhem and there weren't any reports of bare-knuckle brawls over a George Foreman grill in the general admission section. The gesture fits right in with a foodie rapper who wants to share his culinary love with the masses, so here’s to more Action Bronson kitchen appliance giveaway nights at a club, amphitheater or pavilion near you……..

- Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are supposed to cause a fire in your mouth, not inspire you to try to burn an entire gas station to the ground. St. Louis resident Joshua Crook, a man who takes his name a bit too literally, did not receive that memo and that’s why he’s now charged with felony attempted arson. See, as police tell it, Crook tried to steal a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos from a BP gas station on South Grand Boulevard and while that’s not the sort of attempted crime that usually puts a business on the road to fiscal ruin, the clerk rose above the fact that he’s paid minimum wage to deal with all manner of nonsense, danger and disrespect and made a legitimate effort to stop the theft. He confronted Crook, who surprisingly did not respond well to someone coming out from behind the bulletproof glass booth inside which gas station clerks reside and refusing to allow him to get away with a package containing nutritionally deficient, heavily salted and artificially colored snacks. No, Crook allegedly punched the clerk in the face, ran out of the store and poured gasoline on the pavement. Why would he pour gasoline on the pavement? So he could attempted to set the fuel on fire with a lit cigarette, police believe. The good news is that in addition to being a terrible thief, Crook also seems to be an awful arsonist and he failed in his efforts to burn this mo-fo to the ground. There was no damage, he was arrested and now, the Cheetos of St. Louis are safer than they were before……..

- Really, Baylor football? You’re on the back end of a massive, pervasive scandal involving widespread allegations of violence and assault against women by your players, a scandal that got your head coach fired and numerous players dismissed from the program as the school became a laughingstock among those who actually dare to think that assaulting women is a legit problem. So with that scandal at least moving off the center of the stage nationally, leave it to Baylor wide receiver Ishmael Zamora to find a new way to embarrass his team and university. The team has suspended this dumbass for three games after a video emerged of him whipping and kicking his dog. "Our football program does not condone this behavior by anyone," Baylor coach Jim Grobe said in a statement. "We are deeply saddened by it and have worked together with the University to hold Ishmael accountable for his actions." And why did a local television station find this video? Because being a mentally deficient millennial, Zamora posted the video to Snapchat and someone alerted KXXV to its presence. Soon enough, the world saw Zamora hitting his dog eight times with a belt and kicking it. Because of his idiocy and stupidity, Zamora has been charged with a Class C misdemeanor. In addition to the misdemeanor citation and fine he already received, he must perform 40 hours of community service "in a manner that will teach him kindness and respect toward animals,” undergo counseling and relinquish his dog to an animal-friendly home. Oh, but he did release a kick-ass statement apologizing in total believable fashion.  "I am sorry that I took out my frustration on my dog and accept the punishment that comes with it," Zamora said in the statement. "This incident will never, ever happen again. I truly love my dog, however, I know that my actions showed differently and I know that I made a big mistake. I apologize to my family, teammates, Baylor University and our fans for my actions.” Here’s hoping this is enough to steer him off the path of becoming the next Michael Vick……..

Fox News musical theater, Romanian corruption hijinks and NBA money talks

- What’s the surest way to know that a professional athlete is bothered about the subject of money? When that athlete is giving interviews or releasing statements in which he or she insists that money is no worry at all, that’s how you know. For example, when Washington Wizards star John Wall posts a video to the Twitter feed of the LeBron James media platform "The Uninterrupted” in which he replies to critics who have voiced concerns over how he is "watching other people's pockets and I'm not worried about basketball and getting better,” that’s a surefire sign that Wall has his mind on his money and his money on his mind - or other people’s money, as in teammate Bradley Beal’s dollars after Beal signed a five-year, $128 million max contract this offseason. Wall remains in the middle of an $80 million deal that runs through the 2018 season. However, Wall insists in the video that the disparity between himself an a player he’s arguably better and more accomplished than ain’t no thang. "I just wanted to clear the air for all these people," Wall said in the video. "If I produce like I'm supposed to on the basketball court and take care of myself and image, I'm going to be fine with making money. That's not why I play the game of basketball." Coincidentally, this video was posted just days after Wall and Beal discussed their apparently conflicted relationship in interviews with Comcast SportsNet Mid-Atlantic, with Wall declaring that “Beal [making] more money, I'm not mad. I'm happy. He's my teammate.” Yes he is and right now, he’s outshining you on payday……..

- Government corruption….in a mildly stable nation in Eastern Europe? No freaking way. Romania, it’s your turn to take center stage in the theater of unsavory political antics and boy, are you taking your chance to shine. That will happen when six senior interior ministry officials are indicted on suspicion of embezzlement and making false statements by Romanian anti-corruption prosecutors. According to those prosecutors, they’ve indicted Rares Vaduva, head of an intelligence agency subordinated to the Interior Ministry, and five former senior officials from the same department for allegedly abusing ministry funds, abusing their position and making false statements. This six-pack of scumbags was questioned by prosecutors earlier this week and according to the government’s official statement, the six took money for themselves, claiming it was for work-related costs. In terms of level of sophistication when it comes to a corruption scandal, this one ranks fairly low on the totem pole and in that sense, it’s a bit of a disappointment. According to Liviu Iolu, spokesman for Prime Minister Dacian Ciolos, Vaduva would be suspended because of the indictment. The investigation remains ongoing and others could be implicated in the days ahead, but what’s interesting about all of this is that Romania has seven intelligence agencies, including the one that is subordinated to the interior ministry. That’s a lot of intelligence agencies stepping all over each other and a country that looks to be more hot mess than well-oiled machine at this point……..

- There are certain critics whose words should be taken to heart by a band because those critics are smart, well-educated and know what they’re talking about when they break down music. Fox News talking head Greg Gutfeld is not one of those critics. Greg Gutfeld, even on topics he knows something about, is a blowhard ass hat. So when Gutfeld denounces Red Hot Chili Peppers as “the worst band on the planet,” no one needs to take him seriously. Appearing on the conserva-Nazi news network’s show “The Five” (possibly about finding the five most ignorant viewpoints possible on any given subject and cramming them all into one show?) Gutfeld spoke about Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea playing bass with a gorilla called Koko and wisecracked, "As most musicians know, this is a vast improvement over Red Hot Chili Peppers, who are the worst band on the planet." Of course, someone was going to run that back to Flea and ask him his thoughts and when they did, he was locked and loaded. "I remember seeing a poll recently that said people who watch Fox News knew less about world affairs than people who watch no news at all. It's clearly a funny program,” Flea said. “It doesn't faze me, not really. It's funny. I don't care. They're all welcome to hate us. God bless 'em." He then turned in a completely new direction, suggesting that playing some of the band’s older hits makes him feel like his "c*ck's gonna fall off." One has to imagine that Gutfeld knows what that feels like because he seems to have been working without functioning man parts for years as an employee of Fox News……….

- Art is designed to capture attention, to shock, inspire, offend, provoke and spur people to thought and even action. Advertising for a business is designed to generate attention where it otherwise would not exist. The intersection of those two worlds is doing wonders for Christian Avanti, owner of the Members Only barbershop in Oak Cliff, a neighborhood in the Dallas area. Avanti owned a business whose name is synonymous with out-of-style jackets people stopped wearing three decades ago, so he clearly needed some talk-inducing advertising to get folks talking about his shop. He found that something special in the form of a massive mural depicting one of the most infamous criminals in American history. It’s a giant painting of Lee Harvey Oswald, the man known for assassinating John F. Kennedy more than 50 years ago.  “It’s not to idolize him in any way. It’s just a piece of art,” Avanti said. Yes, just a piece of art that is generating a lot of talk, which is precisely what Avanti wanted when he put it together. He claims that he thought the painting would be a good fit in the Oak Cliff area because Oswald lived in the neighborhood, which is a bit like claiming that a mural of John Wilkes Booth would be a good idea in his old ‘hood or that depicting Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassin in living color would be a great conversation piece for the area. “There are people that sell shirts, they have tours, they even have a bar named Lee Harvey’s, and I don’t see them getting the negative attention like this pictures getting," Avanti noted. Buses pass by Oswald’s old home six times a day and there is a morbid curiosity about the assassin in Oak Cliff and beyond, but pretending that this painting is about anything other than generating business is just disingenuous……….

MLB ejection four-packs, when you're dead but still alive and more "Luther" may be happening

- Still, Venezuela? Hugo Chavez has been gone from this earth for years, his handpicked successor is perhaps on the verge of being forced out of power and yet, you’re still harassing and imprisoning those who dare to oppose your tyrannical government? Move on, try new things and ….what’s that? Your intelligence agents just raided the home of a prominent Venezuelan opposition leader and taken him back to jail in a move the government claims was necessary to prevent acts of violence? According to Patricia Gutierrez, agents from the Sebin intelligence agency arrived around 3 a.m. without notice at the family home where her husband, Daniel Ceballos, had been held under house arrest. Gutierrez said the agents tossed Ceballos in an ambulance, saying they were taking for a medical exam, but instead transported the former mayor of San Cristobal to the same jail in central Guarico state where was held for more than a year until August 2015, when he was granted house arrest for kidney problems. In a total coincidence, this move comes as the opposition vows a mass protest on Thursday to demand that authorities allow a recall referendum to go ahead. A vote in the affirmative would cut short President Nicolas Maduro's term and trigger new elections, so the government fabricated intelligence that Ceballos was planning to flee before the Sept. 1 protests and carry out violent acts. "The evidence compiled will allow us to continue advancing in necessary investigations to prevent, uncover and neutralize any act that aims to destabilize our democratic system," the Interior Ministry said in a statement. Even if the measure passes, most observers believe it will be difficult to schedule elections this year, but that isn't stopping Maduro’s paranoid regime from clutching and scrambling to consolidate its power in any way possible……..

- The Emmys keep talking, fans keep speculating and Idris Elba keeps giving them hope. Elba, who recently had a Twitter exchange with fans about the status of his detective drama “Luther,” offered a beacon of light for those who want to see the show continue after it returned from a two-and-a-half year hiatus late last year for a pair of hourlong episodes. When asked if there would be more of “Luther,” Elba was optimistic about the idea - even bullish. The fan asked Elba, "what's the chance of a new series of Luther?" to which he replied, "Big chance. Watch this space.." Before coming back late last year, the show had new episodes in 2011 and 2013, suggesting that maybe this will be an every-other-year thing going forward. Last month, Elba was being interviewed and fielded a question about the possibility of turning “Luther” into a feature film. "A film is on the wish list. I think John Luther could transfer really well to a film. We haven't quite got there yet, but yeah man, it could happen,” Elba said before turning his focus to the show’s original home on television. “I'd like to [do more episodes]. The audience loved John Luther and I don't think the story's over yet." In July, it was announced that Elba has been nominated for an Emmy Award for his performance in Luther's recent two-part special, the third time he has been recognized by the Emmys and proof that when the show is actually producing content, it tends to be pretty damn good……..

- Every now and then, there’s a truly hilarious story of a person who, for some odd reason, is believed to be dead even though they’re alive and well. It’s not hilarious to that particular person, but for the rest of us, it’s a chance to have a good chuckle at general governmental incompetence. Barbara Murphy of Roy, Utah is one of these people and according to the federal government, she’s been deceased for two years. "This is the walking dead," Murphy jokes about her plight, which she became aware of two weeks ago. "It's the only thing carrying me through this. I don't know what else to do but laugh." Her problem stems from the fact that a death certificate has been connected to her, leading the Social Security Administration to believe she died in July 2014. Because of that document, the government is attempting to take back two years' worth of Social Security payments and to recoup any Medicare or Medicaid dollars put toward Murphy's treatment during that time. Yes, they want a refund for medical treatments to aid a woman who is supposed to be dead but by virtue of receiving medical treatment, is probably alive. She’s reached out to Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), but has unsurprisingly received no reply. This poor woman is worried that her situation won't be resolved by the time her next round of bills come true and the Social Security Administration isn't saying much at this point, choosing to hide behind bureaucratic excuses and rhetoric. Murphy first became aware of her plight when she was out for a Friday night dinner with her granddaughter on Aug. 12 and her waitress informed her that her card had been declined. When her granddaughter called the bank, she was told the account had been frozen after the Social Security Administration issued notice of Murphy’s death. From there, the situation has only become more fun and chuckles with each passing day………

- Is Mike Everitt in the running for first place in some sort of Major League Baseball umpire fantasy league ejection pool? If so, he’s kicking ass and closing the season strong even though doing so made him a few enemies over the weekend at Comerica Park. Everitt issued not one, not two, not three, but four ejections to the Detroit Tigers during the team's 3-2 loss to the Los Angeles Angels. Everitt’s trigger-happy ways left Tigers players and manager Brad Ausmus confused and infuriated, not to mention the home crowd in a rage. One of those tossed by Everitt was Tigers right fielder J.D. Martinez, who incurred his first career ejection for what he felt was a fairly innocuous comment in the sixth inning. "I don't know, man, he had a short leash today, I guess. I just told him he's having a bad day. Honestly, that's what I said. 'You're having a bad day today, huh Mike?'" Martinez recalled. Everitt asked him to repeat his remark, baiting Martinez, who obliged and was tossed. The good news is that he had company in the clubhouse while waiting for the game to end, as designated hitter Victor Martinez was previously tossed in the bottom of the third inning for arguing balls and strikes. Ausmus and hitting coach Wally Joyner also got the boot during the game, making it seem as if Everitt perhaps had a vendetta against the Tigers for reasons that remain unclear. Having a five-game win streak snapped is bad enough in the midst of a pennant race, but having a vindictive umpire targeting you makes for an awkward evening at the ballpark……….

Courtney Love whores her way to fame, the world's biggest guacamole party and Romania gets Trump-y

- Nothing quite like whoring your way to fame, eh Courtney Love? The egomaniacal lead singer of Hole has made plenty of outrageous claims over the years, but when she says that many grunge-era hits were written about her, it might be less about self-confidence and more about the many rockers she’s hooked up with over the years. According to Love, she dated so many singers in grunge bands that it was inevitable many songs would be written about her. She was famously married to/leeched off the career of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain before his death in 1994 and also had a relationship with Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan. She has admitted to being a fan of satellite radio station Sirius XM’s show Lithium, named after a Nirvana hit, and the station apparently feeds her narcissism. “I listen to Lithium, which is like all of the ‘90s songs and a lot of them are actually about me, which is interesting,” Love not-so-humble-bragged. “There’s so many Smashing Pumpkins songs about me, there’s a Bush song about me…I remember I used to date this movie star in the ‘90s and we were listening to KROQ. Of six songs in a row, five of them were about me. I told him that, and he was ‘No, they aren’t!’ I was: ‘Yeah, they are. I dated every one of those guys, dude.’” The last album Hole released was ‘Nobody’s Daughter’ in 2010, but all love has done musically since then is support pop singer Lana Del Rey on a tour of small theaters last year, something she admitted was a bit rough on that bloated ego of hers………

- Donald Trump, here’s a country where you and your asinine ideas might actually be welcome. Hungary just might heart itself some Trump, at least based on Prime Minister Viktor Orban’s promise to build a new, "massive" fence on its southern borders to defend against a possible surge in the number of migrants. If that promise sounds familiar, it’s because Hungary's prime minister is channeling his best Human Pumpkin Candidate and chasing earlier comments calling migrants “poison” by saying on state radio that there may soon be a "greater need for security" and the fortified barrier would be able to stop "several hundreds of thousands of people," if needed. Oh, and just like Trump, Orban didn’t offer any specifics in terms of when the wall would be built or how such an insane project would possibly happen. Orban did say the surge could take place if, for example, Turkey allows the millions of refugees living there to leave for Western Europe. Oh, and xenophobic fans of building border walls also might recall that Hungary built fences protected with razor wire on its southern borders with Serbia and Croatia last year, when nearly 400,000 people passed through the country on their way west. So eastern Europe is seemingly on a wall-building kick and when Trump loses the presidential election here in a few months, he might need somewhere to go to get away from it all. Romania could clearly be that place……..

- He’s fighting what appears to be a losing battle to retain his spot as the San Francisco 49ers’ starting quarterback, but that didn’t stop Colin Kaepernick from taking a bold, controversial step at his team’s preseason game against the Green Bay Packers. Kaepernick refused to stand during the national anthem prior to the game, citing his views on the country's treatment of racial minorities. "I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color," Kaepernick said. “To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder." That was a direct shot at police involved  in shootings across the country and will likely rankle some of the officers who are involved with security at 49ers home games, which is why the team issued a statement acknowledging that Kaepernick sat on the team's bench during the national anthem while insisting that it’s “an opportunity to honor our country and reflect on the great liberties we are afforded as its citizens.” The league issued a statement in which it said players are not required to stand during the anthem, but Kaepernick said he did not tell the team he was planning to protest the national anthem. "This is not something that I am going to run by anybody," he said. "I am not looking for approval.” He may not be looking for approval, but he is still looking to be an NFL starting quarterback and his play on the field during the game didn’t help him much in that respect……..

- Either the world’s biggest guacamole party was in the works or thieves will steal literally anything they believe they can sell for a few quick bucks. It’s hard to know which is true, but what we do know is that two men have been charged with trespassing and theft after allegedly stealing avocados from a Hawaiian orchard. Max Mattos of Keaau and Kawika Nobriga of Pahoa were arrested after a theft occurred at an orchard off Highway 132 in Kapoho. According to police, the owner of the orchard confronted two men and a woman in a pickup truck on his property and blocked the truck from leaving after spotting about 80 pounds of avocados in the bed of the truck. Mattos and Nobringa were clearly not as smooth or swift as they thought they were, or they needed to pick a better partner in crime than Sabrina Jaeger of Pahoa, who was also arrested on a bench warrant and charged with contempt of court. Many crimes leave the world wondering what those responsible for them were thinking, but this definitely ranks high on the list because anyone who steals 80 pounds of avocados then needs a plan for what they’re going to do with 80 pounds of avocados before they go rotten. Now that they’re behind bars and facing criminal charges, it’s a question this criminal outfit won't have to answer………

Riot Watch! Moldova, NYC public transit normalcy and reviving "The Lost Boys"

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Moldova was expecting to have itself a party, a fun day of celebrating how great it is, as the former Soviet republic marked its independence day. President Nicolae Timofti and other officials laid floral wreaths at a monument honoring Stephen the Great, a 15th-century Moldovan hero, but it was not all flowers and national pride, as hundreds of anti-government protesters crashed the proceedings and clashed with police. Police fired tear gas to disperse the group, which pushed its way toward the main square of Chisinau, Moldova's capital, even though few citizens were permitted to enter the square amid heavy police security. The demonstrators shouted "thieves!" and "shame on you!" as they marched, with the resulting clashes with police resulting in multiple reported injuries. Timofti made a speech earlier in the day in which he noted that Moldova's independence and security were undermined by the presence of "foreign military forces that are on the country's territory against the wishes of the population." That was a direct reference to the presence of 1,000 Russian peacekeepers in the pro-Russian separatist enclave of Trans-Dniester in eastern Moldova, “peacekeepers” being a relative term since Trans-Dniester broke away from Moldova in 1990 amid fears that it wanted to reunite with Romania, which Moldova was part of until 1940. Nearly 1,500 died in a war in 1992 between Moldovans and separatists and the country continues to have tremendous economic struggles. Riots on independence day merely underscore the tense, perilous atmosphere in which the country exists on a daily basis……….

- Ezekiel Elliott is making quite a name for himself and he still hasn’t played a single down in a regular-season NFL game. The Dallas Cowboys drafted Elliott fourth overall this spring and while injury issues have dogged him all preseason long, they’re nothing compared to the fact that he’s under investigation by the Columbus, Ohio, attorney's office for an alleged domestic violence incident involving a former girlfriend, or the fact that he appeared in a video submitted to TMZ this week, showing him visiting a Seattle marijuana dispensary hours before he made his preseason debut. The video shows a man believed to be Elliott in Herban Legends in Seattle and even though he was not shown making any purchases, it’s a decidedly bad look for an NFLer to be hitting a head shop just before he’s supposed to take the handoff and hit the hole. Marijuana remains a banned substance in the NFL even though it’s totally legal to use recreationally in Washington, so Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones weighed in on the video and didn’t sound very happy. "Well, I think that in and of itself the reason we are talking about is in a way part of the learning process," Jones said.  "But it's not good. It's just not good. It's just not good." In his defense, Elliott carried the ball seven times for 48 yards in the first quarter of the game against the Seahawks, so at least he knows how to deliver despite doing something stupid. The NFL is monitoring the domestic violence case and the pot dispensary visit likely won't have any repercussions in terms of discipline from the league, but Elliott is off to anything but a flying start to his pro career……….

- Weirdness, filth and general mayhem are common occurrences on the trains and subways around New York City. If you show up, get from point A to point B and don’t experience pests, mental instability, squalor or just a kook talking to themselves and carrying on all three sides of a conversation, then you’ve had a highly unusual trip. As such, it should surprise no one that a mentally unhinged woman was hassling her fellow passengers by trying to sell live crickets and worms on the D Train between Chinatown and Brooklyn one evening this week. Anyone who’s walked around Chinatown knows that weird critters are swimming and hanging just about everywhere you go, so a mentally unhinged woman looking to shake you down for a few dollars for one of her pet crickets fits right in, but the situation went sideways when the crickets escaped and began jumping all over passengers, causing general chaos and prompting one especially panicky rider to yank the emergency brake, bringing the train to an immediate halt as the train went over the Manhattan Bridge. Various passengers quickly began posting on social media about what was happening, lamenting the fact that being stuck on the Manhattan Bridge for half an hour is far worse than having to put up with crickets jumping all over them. When the train screeched to a halt, mass hysteria broke out and the Metropolitan Transportation Authority had to resolve the mess. MTA officials confirmed that the woman, described as emotionally disturbed, was taken off the train at DeKalb Avenue in Brooklyn, after which the rest of the passengers were able to complete their journey. All in all, just another day on New York City mass transit………

- Ah, unoriginality….you continue to rule Hollywood as no one else does. The never-ending quest to bring all old shows and movies back to life instead of coming up with original ideas for new ones rolls on and its latest inclusion is Joel Schumacher’s cult classic “The Lost Boys,” which is being adapted for a new television series. The original film is decades old and starred Kiefer Sutherland, but the TV show will actually take the original story in a different direction, following the titular gang over a period of 70 years starting in San Francisco during 1967’s Summer of Love. Theoretically, the show will run for seven seasons with each season introducing new characters, settings and stories, but that’s assuming it doesn’t hit catastrophically low ratings as so many new shows do and get canceled within their first five episodes. In keeping with the movie, there will be vampires, but the commonalities will likely end there. The project is the brainchild of “Veronica Mars” and “iZombie” creator Rob Thomas and will reportedly explore the ins and outs of what it really means to be immortal. When it’s ready, the show will air on the CW network, which is hanging its reputation largely on superhero shows and vampire dramas these days. “The Lost Boys” will fit right in alongside the likes of “The Originals” and “Vampire Diaries,” so it at least has a solid foundation for success…….

College hoops renegades, Burundi v. dissenters and Britney Spears v. Lifetime biopic

- Realtors are not known for being the most clever or creative within their profession, but even for them this is wholly unoriginal and lame. The running joke for months among many Americans has been that they will move to Canada if Donald Trump wins the presidential election and it was used so many times that the joke finally ran out of steam…except among realtors in South Carolina, Wisconsin and a few other states. These realtors are people such as Daniel Hamilton, who is trying to capitalize on anti-Trump - and anti-Hilary Clinton - sentiment with billboards on which he asks homeowners the question, “Moving to Canada? I’ll sell your home.” The billboard feature Hamilton’s photo along with head shots of Trump and Clinton. Yet even as those billboards are appearing around the area, another realtor in Charleston is trying the exact same tactic. That realtor, Jeff Cook, readily admits that his billboards are over the top and obnoxious and in a post on his Facebook page, he wrote, “Since the biggest joke concerning the election is moving to Canada if a certain candidate wins we decided to take that and run with it. However, from the start we wanted to make sure we used both candidates to not show favorites or pick sides. That way, the billboard caters to everyone.” Yes, and it’s also lame to everyone, at least everyone who has even a shred of originality or creativity in their body. Real estate is a competitive game and realtors need any edge they can get….and these billboards line up with none of that mission………

- Britney Spears matters even less now than she used to. At best, she’s a has-been pop star whose limited musical abilities took her further than she ever should have gone. At worst, she’s a talent-less hack whose 15 minutes should’ve ended long ago and therefore, should be grateful that Lifetime is set to release a TV movie about her life. The network has confirmed that a Spears biopic is in the works and Natasha Bassett (“Hail, Caesar!”) will reportedly play the singer. Lifetime is clearly excited about this project and describes it as telling the "tumultuous true story" of Spears' career, from starting out as a teenager in Louisiana and her relationship with Justin Timberlake to her marriages and personal struggles. In a twist of either really good or really bad news for the network, Spears is decidedly less excited about the idea and according to her spokesperson, she wants no part of this project and furthermore, refuses to give it her blessing. That could be bad news for Lifetime, but it could also be a blessing. Yes, having a famous person who is pissed at you for making an unauthorized film about their life puts a network in an awkward position, but on the flip side, all of this is creating a lot more buzz than there would otherwise be around what will most certainly be a forgettable two-hour drama fest of a life that really isn't that interesting in the first place. Spears won't be the first to have a biopic about her life made against her will, she won't be the last and clearly, based on her existence up to this point, she also won't be the smartest or most interesting………

- Way to prove that your not a totalitarian regime with zero tolerance for legitimate dissenting viewpoints, government of Burundi. Nothing says tolerant of those who disagree with you quite like detaining eight people accused of being members of a WhatsApp group for defaming the government and insulting public institutions. That went down this week and police spokesman Pierre Nkurikiye said Thursday the eight were among 54 people arrested in the capital, Bujumbura. The government was more than happy to share this news and Nkurikiye said all but the eight were released the same day - as if that somehow makes it less offensive. On the other side of the battle, multiple human rights groups say the continued detentions are another example of the shrinking democratic space in Burundi following President Pierre Nkurunziza's contested pursuit of a third term in office last year. Those same groups denounced the move, calling it unconstitutional, and it has definitely caused problems throughout the country, as at least 500 people have died in Burundi since April 2015 in a crisis caused by Nkurunziza's extended tenure. Patrick Nduwimana, president of the Burundi Radio Association, decried the latest round of detentions, claiming that they are further proof that the regime is becoming more totalitarian. It’s not a difficult argument to make because the very nature of detaining people clearly proves that a regime is totalitarian in its nature……..

- Ah, you have to love a college basketball coach keeping his personal conduct standards high and demanding that players pay the price for committing crimes and embarrassing themselves and the team. Not that University of Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari has been known as a law-and-order hard liner at any of his various coaching stops, but hearing that UK senior forward Derek Willis won't miss any game time despite his June arrest for public intoxication is still a bit of a letdown, even for Calipari. The fact of the case are simply this: A Boone County deputy arrested Willis in Union on June 11 after finding him asleep and lying outside the open driver's side door of a car, reeking of alcohol and with slurred speech when awakened. Willis was arrested for a first and second offense and released after posting $50 bond, but even after all of that, Calipari announced this week that Willis won't be suspended, not even for a meaningless game in November against Northwest Southeastern Texas State A&M, for his misdeeds. It’s not as if Willis is one of Calipari’s typical five-star recruits, having averaged career bests of just 7.7 points and 4.4 rebounds last season, but the controversial coach says the scrutiny that followed the arrest illustrates his point to players that "being here, you can't talk your way out of it." He refused to disclose what disciplinary steps were taken against Willis, but given that all of this took place and has apparently been resolved over the summer and during the offseason, the sanctions can't have been all that severe. Hopefully Willis remembers this valuable lesson next time he’s six beers deep into his night out on the town…….

NHL wardrobe issues, inking yourself with Trump and Riot Watch! Zimbabwe

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Zimbabwean police created one of the most ironic situations possible this week when they decided that the best way to tackle the issue of allegations of police brutality and abuse of power is to fire tear gas, water cannons and gunshots to stop hundreds of youths protesting against police brutality in the capital, Harare. It was an inspiring uprising as protestors battled police in running battles downtown, with bold rebels attacking a supermarket owned by Vice President Phelekezela Mphoko, looking to strike a blow for good by striking out at vegetables and bread, with police fighting back by firing water cannons and gunshots into the air after a group of rioters bum-rushed the supermarket. Another group of these rebels deployed a time-honored riot tradition by sitting fire to a vehicle belonging to state-run broadcaster Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation, creating a chaotic scene with flames wafting up to the sky as water was shot through the air and police did their best to prove that they don’t engage in brutality by brutally beating down rioters and witnesses. The uprising was organized by the main opposition MDC-T party, whose youth wing put the event together to denounce what they described as worsening police brutality against political and civil rights activists. Sensing how out of hand things were getting, police were deployed heavily outside Parliament and on the main streets in late afternoon, forcing shop owners to abandon their business. Quite a day in Zimbabwe, where in case you’re wondering, aging despot Bob Mugabe remains in power……..

- If only we had taken a break. According to Pixies singer Black Francis, the iconic punk rock band could have stayed together if they’d had chance to take some time off before they split up in 1993. They ultimately reunited in 2004, but Francis admits he does sympathize with bassist Kim Deal, who felt pushed out of contributing songs to the band despite writing their hit ‘Gigantic.’ Deal left to focus on another very successful project, The Breeders, in 2013, when the Pixies were recording their first reunion album, ‘Indie Cindy.’ “Kim and I just didn’t get along well after a time. She always had her own ambitions and became comfortable in a leadership role in her other band,” Francis said, alluding to the Breeders. “It must have been hard for her to be in a band where some other guy was always pulling at the reins. We would have survived if we could have just stopped the train and taken a f*cking vacation. The people around us who were older should have seen that.” A few random tours took place after the initial reunion, but Deal exited for good in 2013 and bailed on a project Francis doesn’t exactly seem thrilled with. “‘Indie Cindy’ was transitional at best. It was the most honest move we could make, like ‘We lost an arm, but here we are, still trying to do it,” he said of the project. Coincidentally, Pixies will release a new album, “Head Carrier,” on Sept. 30 and will tour in November, while The Breeders are recording a new album for which Courtney Barnett has contributed backing vocals……..

- Idiots abound, America. They’re easier to identify these days because a lot of them are wearing bright red hats supporting a certain presidential candidate, but there is the occasional ass hat who feels like an ugly hate promoting the bastard offspring of an oversized tangerine and the fur of a dead beaver simply isn't enough. In this case, the ass hat is named Sean and he now bears one of the ugliest marks of shame a man can have, one that is embarrassing now but will be infinitely more so after the first Tuesday in November. Sean recently got inked up by Joshua Dunlap, owner of Sun Coast Tattoos in St. Petersburg, Florida, with the likeness of one Donald Trump. The tat took 13 hours of work - more time than Trump has spent researching foreign policy and world issues in his entire life, it seems - and 20 different colors of ink, a number about 19 higher than the number of races Trump seems to appeal to. Asked why he chose to  permanently ink Trump on his body even though the reality TV star and businessman will almost certainly lose the presidential election, Sean said it was ‘ the first time in my life I have had a choice.” That seems like a dubious statement whether it’s referring simply to politics or life in general, but Sean has more to say on the issue. "I can vote for another career politician or a citizen, a businessman, someone who knows problems and is known for solving problems,” he added. Yet he insists all of the feedback he’s heard on his tattoo has been positive and insisted that even when Trump loses, he has no plans to remove the tattoo. Way to show your full, unwavering dedication to the worst presidential candidate in American history, Sean-O………. 

- NHL goalies who want to look cooler and move better will have to wait a while longer. The league has been working on reducing the size of equipment worn by National Hockey League goaltenders and like all decisions involving large, bureaucratic organizations, it’s taking much longer than it should. In fact, at this point, those involved are wondering whether it will take another full calendar year to complete the downsizing. Way back at the annual meeting of NHL general managers in Florida last March, both the league and the National Hockey League Players' Association expressed hope that streamlined goaltending equipment would be ready for introduction this fall. It’s part of an effort to level the playing field for goaltenders and boost scoring in the process - i.e. make the game more appealing to fans. With the aim of having the new attire produced by four designated manufacturers and be ready for the start of the World Cup of Hockey training camps on Labor Day weekend, everyone set out to make the magic happen. Sadly, it’s been a major fail so far, as only one manufacturer has provided updated equipment and no one believes it will d be ready for the start of the NHL regular season on Oct. 12. "It is a little frustrating because it's not like we started this six months ago," New Jersey Devils goalie Cory Schneider said. "We had this discussion 18 months ago at the competition committee of 2015. Sure enough here we are with a month to go before camp opens and nobody knows.” Much of the problem seems to be the manufacturers figuring out how to produce the downsized equipment, especially the chest protector which has a number of interconnected parts that must all work in unison. The pants and chest protector are the main areas targeted for reduction, as goaltenders' pads were downsized several seasons ago to ensure that some goaltenders aren't getting an unfair competitive advantage with oversized gear. Taking the next step in the process is clearly taking much longer than it should………

Demi Lovato: Confident plagiarist, panicked NFL fans and espionage by sorcery in Saudi Arabia

- Being accused of attempting to disturb public order isn't typically noteworthy. It’s a common criminal charge that can happen nearly anywhere in the world….unless that charge of attempting to disturb public order is accompanied by allegations of violating a kingdom's labor laws and communicating with a sorcerer to bewitch your employer. Yes, communicating with sorcerers to cast spells on your employer does put a different slant on the situation, as an unidentified Egyptian man sentenced to six years in prison in Saudi Arabia is discovering. This convicted evildoer was accused of acquiring a secret military document that listed the movements and names of Saudi troops and of emailing this document to the Iranian Embassy in Lebanon. That’s a serious charge, as Saudi Arabia and Iran are regional rivals, but the charges would theoretically go more along the lines of espionage…or so one would think. This is the latest in a long line of instances of Saudi Arabia accusing Iran of meddling in its affairs and trying to destabilize the region, but the details of the case remain murky. What we know is that the Specialized Criminal Court in Riyadh sentenced the Egyptian national, but what remains unclear is how and why sorcery became involved in this mix. Did this man use a magic spell to transport the document to the embassy? Did he put it into a magic hat, wave his wand and make it disappear? Dammit, Saudi Arabia, if you’re going to convict someone of sorcery, don’t leave us hanging when it comes to the details……..

- NFL fans are a tightly wound lot. They overreact to every bit of news concerning their favorite team - or their fantasy team - as if they’ve just been told that a family member has contracted a fatal illness. Tell them the star receiver tore his ACL and they all but curl up in a ball and start wailing. Inform them that the starting quarterback is undergoing an MRI on his right shoulder and they’re heading to the nearest church to fervently pray for healing. Oh, and have their rookie kicker go 3 for 6 on field goal attempts in practice, continuing his recent run of poor performance in PRACTICE, and those fans are going to boo said kicker lustily and look to run him out of town. Such is life Tampa Bay Buccaneers rookie kicker Roberto Aguayo, who had yet another bad day during a joint practice with the Cleveland Browns. "He's struggling," coach Dirk Koetter said after practice. "He's struggling a little bit right now. He's gotta work his way through it." Aguayo shanked his first attempt of practice at 35 yards out and after making his next two attempts, he was wide on a pair of 45-yard attempts. Through two preseason games, he's missed two field goals and an extra point and that’s not the player the Bucs thought they were getting when they traded up to draft him. They were eager to have a guy who, while at Florida State, was 198-for-198 on extra points and only missed nine field goals in three years. Koetter didn’t exactly stand firm in his defense of his kicker, passing all questions about bringing in another kicker to general manager Jason Licht. "I'd say a little bit, but in times like this, it builds you up so down the road in the future, you're a lot stronger, ya know? You've got to have times like this where you struggle a little bit," Aguayo said of his issues. Umm, sure……….

- If ever was a transparently false, hastily constructed lie trying to cover up illegal activity, this is the most clear-cut example. It belongs to Julio Hernandez, a fired delivery driver for a distribution center in Ruskin, Florida who was recently discovered to have Amazon containers stacked from floor to ceiling in his garage, containers housing $121,000 worth of Amazon items he was supposed to drive from that distribution center in Florida, to Fort Worth, Texas. According to an arrest report from the Lee County Sheriff's Office, Hernandez is suspected of refusing to make the delivery after claiming he never received $1,800 he was owed for his work as a driver for a subcontracted transportation company. That’s the official story, anyhow. That all sounds like a load of crap cooked up by a man who stole all of that merch and then figured he needed a good excuse to make it seem like he wasn’t just a straight-up scumbag. The sheriff's office last month began investigating the theft of thousands of Amazon orders that were supposed to be delivered to Fort Worth and it didn’t take them long to steer their case in the direction of Hernandez, who was locked and loaded with his tall tale of how he refused to deliver the orders because he said he was never paid. Maybe he should have done the smart thing and tried to re-sell some of those items because he could use it for his legal defense now that he’s been arrested on theft and extortion charges and had to pay $40,000 in bail. Nice try on that story of being screwed over by your employer though, Julio………

- What’s wrong with being confident - or just a confident plagiarist? Isn't that right, pop hack Demi Lovato? That question is worth asking because Lovato is being sued by Sleigh Bells for allegedly sampling their 2010 track 'Infinity Guitars' without the band's permission. Ah, a nice, old-fashioned copyright infringement lawsuit was filed in a Los Angeles court, alleging that Lovato’s 2015 track ‘Stars’, which was released on her 'Confident' album as a bonus track, features elements of bass drum and hand-clap rhythms ripped directly rom Sleigh Bells’ own track. Sleigh Bells members Alexis Krausse and Derek Miller are the defendants and they waste no words in going straight at Lovato in their filing. “A comparison of the two songs reveals that, at the very least, the combination of the hand claps and bass drum, structured as 3 quarter beats and a rest, with the bass drum providing a counter-rhythm to the hand claps, is at least substantially similar in both works,” the document states. “This infringing material repeats throughout the defendants’ song.” It’s a pretty damn specific claim, one that comes less than a year after Sleigh Bells took to Twitter to accuse Lovato of using snippets from their songs. The band is on the record as saying that they were "flattered" but that they "were not contacted" about the supposed samples. "Gotta clear those," they said at the time. In response,  Lovato's representatives provided a statement that said,  "We did not use any samples in Demi Lovato's song 'Stars.' Demi was also not involved with the production. She only wrote top line." Wait, a pop singer who didn’t even write their own song and relied on someone else to do all of the work before slapping their name on the finished project? Shocker……..

FKA Twigs needs your help, French dairy farmer riots and Mongolian Olympic spirit awesomeness

- Say what you will about Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, the U.S. men’s basketball team or others embodying the spirit of striving for excellence at the Rio Olympics…but if you really want to see excellence in action, the Olympic memory you will cherish is the one created Sunday by Byambarenchin Bayarra and one of his fellow Mongolian wrestling coaches. These two understand what the Games are all about and what they’re about is fighting like hell for the victory and if the result doesn’t go your way, you unleash all manner of rage up to and including shedding your clothes and subjecting the world to your portly, cherubic physique in protest. The display of passion came on the final game of the Games as Mongolia's Mandakhnaran Ganzorig suffered a heartbreaking defeat in a bronze medal wrestling match. With about seven seconds left in the match, Ganzorig began running around the mat, waving his arms in front of Navruzov in celebration of his impending victory. The final buzzer sounded, he fell to the mat in celebration and his coaches covered him in the Mongolian flag. From there, sh*t went south. Officials penalized Ganzorig for his late-match antics, calling him for fleeing the hold by not engaging in the match's final seconds. A penalty point tied the score 7-7 and when the Mongolians protested the call and lost, their wrestler ended up on the losing end of an 8-7 decision. "There was a problem with the refereeing," Bayarra said. "The Mongolian wrestler won 7-6 and he lost because of this [judges' decision]. This is the only time in history of wrestling with point penalty." It is also the first time anyone can remember that a coach - with Ganzorig rolling around the mat in frustration - tearing off his shirt, storming the judges’ table and slamming his hands on the mat before tearing his shirt off, flexing and roaring loudly. He was joined by the second coach, who rushed in, pulled his shirt off and capped it off by dropping trou. In the end, the Mongolian coaches refused to leave the mat until they were escorted by the Brazilian National Public Security Force. It was an Olympic moment no one will soon forget……..

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! There’s nothing like an agriculturally-based uprising to make the world hearken back to a kinder, simpler and cruder time when there were no social networks to stage a revolt and no tear gas canisters for police to fire in response. A reminder of those good ol’ days of riots came to kick off this week by French farmers occupying an intersection outside the headquarters of dairy giant Lactalis and pleading for someone to lend them a hand as they struggle to compete with cheaper countries in Europe's single market. France has had a year of tragedies, terrorist attacks and trauma and this certainly isn't on par with those incidents, but the simple reality is that a glut of milk and diving dairy prices are forcing French farms to sell below cost. Farmers' unions are demanding that big companies pay more for milk than current market prices as a sort of capitalist charity act to keep French agriculture alive. This week’s protest in the western France city of Laval is targeting Lactalis, which produces Parmalat cheeses, President butter and many other dairy products on European supermarket shelves. Lactalis, through spokesman Michel Nalet, argues that the problem is overproduction and says that other European producers accept lower prices for their milk, so it doesn't make financial sense for their company to pay French producers more. From a distant view, it looks a lot like another case of a corporate titan versus the little guy, of the industrial new world slowly squeezing out the old way of doing business………

- You may or may not know who FKA Twigs is, but she would like your help - in some very vague, general form. FKA Twigs, a.k.a. Tahliah Debrett Barnett, needs some help for an upcoming mystery project and the singer decided to turn to Facebook and Twitter to find people to assist in her efforts. A few months ago, she released a new single called 'Good To Love,’ her first piece of new music since 2015's 'M3LL155X' EP, and has hinted at a collaboration with Oneohtrix Point Never by sharing a mysterious video clip on Instagram, identical to one shared by the experimental producer. What she’s up to now is unclear, but it could be exciting…or bizarre….or both. "i'm looking for performers of all genres to audition for a project i'm making in london this october. no talent or style is too extreme,” Barnett wrote in her post. "all performers must be based or be able to work in the uk. please email a recent cv, headshot and reel link to FKAtwigsaudition@gmail.com. looking forward to hearing from you!" Opening the door to the aspiring, questionably talented masses is always a dicey proposition, but amongst the scores of hacks and crackpots, perhaps Barnett will find a few gems whose skills are a good fit for whatever weirdness she has in mind. She recently debuted three new songs during her performance at a Russian musical festival. The songs’ titles haven’t been confirmed, but maybe one of them will be a part of whatever this mystery project turns out to be………

- The question isn't whether the owner of a naked Donald Trump statue will claim his or her, um, work of…art within the 30 days the city of Cleveland has given this person to come and pick up what has to be a very small-handed statue. The statue of the Republican presidential nominee was briefly, retina-scarringly and cruelly displayed last week in front of a Cleveland Heights bank, but it was soon removed not for what should be the obvious reasons of indecency and public cruelty, but because a city code that prohibits placing items and equipment on public property. Police say the owner of the statue could face a fine for their offense, but this is actually part of a disturbing trend. Life-size naked Trump statues also made appearances in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle, so Cleveland was merely the latest place to be terrorized. It’s sad that this is happening at a time when the real Donald Trump is already causing far too much trauma and suffering across the United States, but the person behind the statues is actually activist collective called INDECLINE, which has spoken out against Trump and his candidacy. Anything that keeps this demagogue, blowhard, windbag of a human traffic cone from ending up in the Oval Office is a positive, but there’s no need to cause emotional scarring and post-traumatic stress disorder in thousands of people by forcing them to  view these statues………

The U is back, Flint residents turn charity into scum-baggery and Tom Cruise's "Impossible" demands

- Everyone just quit. That’s the message being sent out by a coalition of Congo's opposition parties as they call for a general strike after the country's electoral commission said a presidential election once meant for November won't be held until next year. It’s ironic for Americans, who probably wish at this point that someone had the capability to postpone this year’s presidential election indefinitely until we can find someone to vote for who is actually qualified to handle the job, to hear that other countries are angry that their government is in no hurry to hold elections, but Congo is locked in a major battle over this topic. The process of establishing  a new electoral timeline will begin this week, but the opposition coalition says it won't take part and is urging the country to stage a general strike to exert influence on the government until it relents and sets a date for elections. Congo's opposition has long worried that President Joseph Kabila wants an election delay to remain in power beyond his mandate and since that sort of thing is usually African leaders’ jam, it’s not an unfair allegation. With tensions already high, the electoral commission kicked things up a notch when it announced that voter registration for the election would not be ready until next year. It’s a bullsh*t excuse that’s tired, clichéd and unimaginative all at once and the opposition coalition was having none of it, saying it rejects the dialogue's mediator because he has ties to Kabila. One opposition party, the Union for the Congolese Nation, is breaking from the pack and says it will participate given the international mediation, but the rest of the opposition refuses and is taking a hard line on an issue central to its nation’s future……

- He may be insane, he may be well past his prime and in many ways he’s become a caricature of himself, but Tom Cruise still demands top dollar at the negotiating table and his contractual muscle is apparently the primary hindrance to the next Mission: Impossible film. The follow-up to last year's “Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation” is going to happen if for no other reason than there is far too much money to be made once it’s released, but the project is reportedly being delayed because Cruise and Paramount Pictures cannot agree on his salary. Cruise is undoubtedly looking at the fact that “Rogue Nation” grossed over $680 million at cinemas worldwide and figuring that with those numbers, he can demand a huge chunk of the new movie’s profits. Stars often have their pay tied to the earnings of a movie and Cruise is using his leverage to hold up a project that was supposed to begin shooting early next year under the guidance of “Rogue Nation” writer-director Christopher McQuarrie. McQuarrie penned the script for the new movie, with J.J. Abrams due to serve as a producer. None of that matters until Cruise agrees to a contract and he apparently wants a deal  that matches his lucrative payday for the upcoming big-budget reboot of “The Mummy,” which is due to hit cinemas in June. Both sides have remained quiet publicly on the issue, but “Mission: Impossible 6” was due for a release late next year and without its star on board soon, that could in jeopardy. Whenever he extorts Paramount for more money and signs on the line that is dotted, Cruise will join returning cast members  Jeremy Renner and Rebecca Ferguson for another big-budget romp full of espionage and explosions……….

- For many months, Americans have looked on in horror as the people of Flint, Michigan have deal with toxic, chemical-laden water unsafe for cooking, drinking, bathing or even looking at lest they fall ill with any number of serious illnesses. Celebrities, communities, charities and government organizations have rallied behind Flint, donating money and supplies to help in the fight, but the sad truth is that even in catastrophes such as this, there are scumbags who use the opportunity created by an ugly situation to cash in. Enter Flint residents who, while they and their fellow citizens are still being urged to use filters and bottled water, are taking some of the ever-shrining supply of bottled water on hand and flipping it to make some extra spending money. Local churches and charities are distributing bottled water knowing that some who are receiving it will choose not to use it for their own needs, but rather to sell it. Police have warned various organizations still passing out water that there are segments of the community that are taking advantage of their charity, but most of these do-gooders are electing to plow ahead, figuring that they are there to help and not to make any assumptions about how their gifts are being used. However, there are those who want to find a way to stop the abuse of charity. "If you are one of the individuals out there that's actually receiving that water for free and then taking it and selling it to other residents, or selling it to the stores, we're going to ask you to stop doing that please," Flint Police Chief Timothy Johnson said, noting that at present there is nothing illegal about selling the water. Johnson wants the city to figure out a way to legally stop the resale process. "Once we get word back from the prosecutor's office and we can figure out just how to move forward with this, then we will be going after the ones who are actually selling the water that they got for free," Johnson said. Way to turn the good part of a terrible story into a terrible story of its own, opportunistic Flint residents……..

- College football season won't officially kick off until next month, but several top programs around the country are certainly doing their part to create buzz ahead of the season’s commencement. Notre Dame had itself a weekend with six players arrested in two separate incidents away from the field, but the Miami Hurricanes are doing their damage within the confines of their campus. The school is looking into several football players who may have received extra benefits from a South Beach car rental agency and among those in the crosshairs is standout receiver Stacy Coley. Coley is one of the team’s top offensive threats and had 47 catches for 689 yards and four touchdowns last year, numbers he may have trouble replicating this season if he’s suspended for being one of those accused of having “used cars” from South Beach Exotic Rentals, a luxury car agency, “in exchange for future promises.” Coley, starting defensive end Al-Quadin Muhammad and starting linebacker Jermaine Grace are also being investigated by the school and linebacker Juwon Young was removed the Miami roster as a result of the investigation, reportedly because he was not honest with school officials. It’s a mess for a program that less than a decade ago was facing possible sanctions for the unsavory, illegal actions of former booster Nevin Shapiro and was notoriously full of excess and rule breaking during its most prominent period of success in the 1980s and ‘90s. Miami has not commented on the statuses of any players alleged to be involved, but it is the university handling the investigation and not the NCAA. It is expected that several players will receive short suspensions, but so far none of the investigated players have been declared ineligible by Miami. That could change, but given that the team’s new head coach is a man who presided over a Georgia program that regularly topped the SEC in arrests each season, Mark Richt, it’s hard to imagine Miami suddenly walking the straight and narrow…….

Accused murderer to Israeli hoops star, Eastwood + Bieber + Ronaldo and Turkey's rape humor pissing match

- Oh, this is just funny - on a nation-acting-like-a-spurned-junior-high-mean-girl kind of way, that is. Turkey has been scrapping with Austria and Turkey over the past couple of weeks, bristling at the European nations’ respective aspersions cast on its integrity in the area of not allowing people to have sex with underage individuals. The beef began in earnest with a similar news ticker at the Vienna airport last week claiming Turkey allows sex with children and escalated with a tweet by Sweden's foreign minister calling on Turkey to respect child rights. There was no way Turkey was going to take that sort of shade being thrown at it, nor respond in a respectable, diplomatic manner. Nope, the Turks fired back with an ad placed at Istanbul's main airport warning against visiting Sweden due to alleged high incidences of rape. Yes, after summoning diplomats from Austria and Sweden to ream them out over their respective countries’ statements, Turkey opened fire with an ad in Turkish and English which read: "Travel Warning! Did you know that Sweden has the highest rape rate worldwide?" Yes, because any time you can use rape as a one-upper and in a way that both trivializes and mocks one of the most heinous crimes of which a person can be a victim, you seize that opportunity with both freaking hands. The Swedish embassy responded in a tweet, "In light of recurring misconceptions on rape statistics in Sweden" and linking to the site of their National Council for Crime Prevention. Given the direction this skirmish seems to be headed, it was the sort of civil response that Turkey will clearly gloss right over before finding another way to spread unfounded, reckless gossip about its rivals…….

- While it may sound like the drunken casting decisions of a director who is several bottles of Grey Goose into a really bad weekend, the truth is that Canadian pop hack Justin Bieber could be starring in a movie alongside Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo and actor/director Clint Eastwood. Bieber, whose music continues to suck but is currently topping the pop charts with his Major Lazer collaboration 'Cold Water' and has another top single in his DJ Snake collaboration 'Let Me Love You,” is reportedly wanted to appear in  the reboot of the “Goal!” franchise, allegedly portraying a soccer player who has a sudeen and meteoric rise to fame. In arguably the most unbelievable plot twist ever, Eastwood is said to be playing Bieber's grandfather, which makes little sense because the legendary director is old enough to be Biebs’ great-great-grandfather and it’s hard to imagine a grizzled, arch-conservative badass being genetically linked to a greasy-haired, pop music poseur like Bieber. Ever the versatile actor, Ronaldo is reportedly set to play himself and former English soccer sensation David Beckham may also be involved, having appeared in the original “Goal!” trilogy. Word on the street is that this project is well into the pre-production stages and adding Bieber to the mix is one of the final pieces of the puzzle. Banking on Bieber and Ronaldo to pull their respective fan bases into theaters to see this movie isn't a terrible idea, even if the movie itself could be exactly that from an artistic standpoint……..

- If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying and it’s only cheating if you get caught. Unfortunately for suspected drug dealer Shaun Miller, he got caught despite his best efforts to win a Criminal Oscar for best hair and makeup job on a wanted felon. Miller, who was one of over a dozen people named in a federal drug trafficking indictment in April, was considered a fugitive last week when Massachusetts law enforcement surrounded his house. Police were looking for young, shady character wanted on suspicion of drug trafficking, but the person in the home definitely didn't match the description. The man officers encountered was an elderly dude who looked more likely to be using one of those daily plastic pill counters than to be dealing marijuana, heroin or cocaine. However, a bit of solid detective work revealed that something fishy was going on. "Upon further investigation, officers determined that the 'elderly man' was in fact Miller," Yarmouth police said in a press release. "At that point, officers pulled off Miller's realistic disguise and placed him under arrest." Police seized two loaded weapons and almost $30,000 in cash during the raid and Miller was detained on a charge of possession of heroin with intent to distribute. The best part of all of this, given his extreme attempts to hide his identity and escape arrest, is that Miller's attorney, James Cipoletta, says his client denies involvement and will plead not guilty. Well played, counselor…….

- A person suspected of attempted murder is typically advised not to travel and especially not to leave their country. For pro basketball player, getting to grab his passport and exit the United States is confirmation that he’s no longer in the crosshairs for a crime he did not commit. Griffin, who was falsely accused of attempted murder in April, has agreed to a contract with Israeli club Galil Gilboa and will now resume his basketball career over seas. His agent, Tod Seidel, confirmed the deal for his client, who in May spent a week in a Florida jail after being charged with attempted first-degree murder with a firearm. Because of the situation, Griffin lost opportunities to play in the NBA summer league and an offer from a team in the Philippines, as multiple teams withdrew their standing offers to Griffin after finding out about the attempted murder charge. "Even when we provided a letter from the prosecution that explained he [Griffin] had absolutely nothing to do with this horrible crime, teams still backed away," Seidel said. It was only after the Florida state attorney's office investigated the case and determined that it was not suitable for prosecution that Griffin was able to start moving past this incident. One of the facts that led the state attorney's office to conclude that Griffin was falsely identified was the height of the victim's attackers. He stands 6-foot-9 and the victim in the case described the man who shot him -- one of the two men who attacked him -- as being "around 6-foot to 6-2." Griffin was also able to provide an alibi, as his alarm system was turned on the night of the crime and a motion detector picked him up as movement in a hallway. Now, the forward who has played for the LA Clippers, Miami Heat, Dallas Mavericks and Detroit Pistons in training camp over the past four seasons and  lost 15 pounds while in jail can lift this weight from his shoulders, put some of that weight back on the rest of his body and get back to balling out for a living……….

Guardians join Avengers, Floridian idiots go Krylon on wildlife and Notre Dame football has a weekend

- It definitely sounds like a recipe for disaster in one of the world’s biggest cities. You take a bunch of drunk, sleep-deprived people ambling about town in the wee hours of the night and jam them into a metal tube shooting along at high speeds….and yet, authorities in London seem to believe their new overnight subway service is all good. The service began this week and city officials expect to host 50,000 riders each weekend. In what will certainly be the only time he sets foot on this particular section of the subway, London Mayor Sadiq Khan took the first Victoria line train on the new service, chatting with passengers and putting a smiling, sober face on this new effort. He and other city leaders hope the new service will make the British capital a truly 24-hour city on the weekends and bolster its economy, something that remains a big concern as Great Britain negotiates its exit from the European Union. London already has a busy flow around the clock and millions venture out to its many restaurants, clubs and night spots each evening, but the new subway service is also aimed at doctors, cleaners and others who work graveyard shifts. Ever the confident lot, police are confident that they will be able to keep liquored-up idiots in check on the overnight subway, with Chief Constable Paul Crowther of the British Transport Police noting that "someone who's had a lot to drink at eleven o'clock is no different from someone who's had a lot to drink at three o'clock." Not really, P. Someone who’s that drunk at 3 p.m. has an entirely different set of problems……..

- Notre Dame football is having itself quite a weekend. Classes may not be in session yet, but that doesn’t mean members of the Fighting Irish had any trouble finding the party and because of that, five of them were arrested after police stopped them for speeding and reported finding a handgun and marijuana in the car. Head coach Brian Kelly must be so proud of senior safety Max Redfield, redshirt freshman cornerback Ashton White, freshman wide receiver Kevin Stepherson, sophomore running back Dexter Williams and sophomore linebacker Te'von Coney, who were each charged with possession of marijuana, a misdemeanor.  Redfield, Stepherson and Williams showed extra initiative by also getting charged with possession of a handgun without a license, also a misdemeanor, after their car was stopped by an Indiana State Police trooper in Fulton County for driving 73 mph in a 60 mph zone. Not that stoners are known for having great judgment, but maybe if you’re out late at night with an unlicensed gun and ganja in the car, you want to follow every conceivable traffic law so you don’t give the cops any reason to notice you. In this case, speeding led to a traffic stop and that stop led to the officer smelling marijuana coming from the car. Enter a police dog, whose efforts indicated that there were drugs in the vehicle. The search turned up the gun and chron, with the university saying it will wait for the case to play out legally before taking any further action. To cap off a great night, Notre Dame cornerback Devin Butler was arrested early the next morning on preliminary charges of battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement in a separate incident. Way to play like a champion today, Notre Dame………

- Going Krylon on a slow-moving, easy-to-target animal….how is this a thing, Florida. Arguably America’s weirdest and most unpredictable state, Florida has been providing double-take-worthy headlines for decades, but it’s less wow and more SMDH when it comes to Florida wildlife officials having to issue a public statement pleading with the IQ-deprived segment of their population that insists on taking cans of spray paint to their nearest park and going graffiti on a bird, turtle or other easy-to-tag beast. The announcement came after wildlife officials  rescued a painted white ibis bird this week, days after they found gopher tortoises illegally covered in hues of blue and red. Telling people to keep their aerosol paint work to plywood, cinder block wall or nearest abandoned train car seems to go without saying, but it’s being said anyhow. "Please keep your paint on the canvas and off of wildlife," the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission posted on Facebook. "Tortoises and turtles don't need touch-ups! White ibis are protected in Florida. Not only is it illegal to paint them, but it is cruel to paint any wildlife.” Exaclty….given that the gopher tortoise is considered a threatened species protected by state law and painting its shell can have a major effect on its health. "The paint can hinder their ability to absorb vitamins they need from the sun, cause respiratory problems, allow toxic chemicals into the bloodstream and more," Florida officials said in their statement. Sadly, dispatching wildlife officers to every single location around the Sunshine State where an endangered or threatened species may exist simply isn't possible and in a sense, these poor creatures are at the mercy of humans whose IQ appears to be lower than that of the animals they insist on painting up………..

- You can never have too many heroes in a movie. The more superhero-suit-clad, masked warriors a director can jam into two hours, the better his or her chances of banking a lot of money at the box office. So when Vin Diesel confirms that the Guardians of the Galaxy team will appear in the upcoming Avengers movie, “Avengers: Infinity War,” it made perfect sense. Speaking during a live chat celebrating the fact that his Facebook page has hit more than 100 million followers, Diesel was asked about a picture he posted from his first meeting with Marvel that had an issue of Avengers in the background. "What’s gonna be surreal is that picture is going to come to pass because now the Guardians will be included in Avengers: Infinity War and that’s incredibly exciting," he said. "Incredibly exciting. Incredibly exciting and something that if you were a part of our page you knew before everybody." The Guardians crew includes Diesel, Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), Rocket Racoon (Bradley Cooper), Gamora (Zoe Saldana), and Drax (Dave Bautista), a couple of whom actually having acting ability. This crew of monotone-ers, grunters and flat-liners will fight alongside the Avengers in their battle against Thanos in the Infinity War. Directors Anthony and Joe Russo will helm “Avengers: Infinity War,” working from a script by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely. The project is still in its early stages and isn't slated to hit theaters until spring 2018, so there’s plenty of time to find even more heroes to throw into the mix to truly put this endeavor over the top……..