- Making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. That’s exactly what LPGA golfer Michelle Wie is doing, except for the whole making friends part and as long as you consider pissing people off and disappointing them as “influencing people.” For the second event in a row, this one the LPGA’s U.S. Women’s Open, Wie has withdrawn because of what she claims is a sore wrist. Also for the second event in a row, Wie was soaring more than a dozen shots over par when the withdrew, this time +17 at the time she pulled out of the tournament 10 holes into the second round. If you remember, Wie drew the ire of many a few weeks ago when she pulled out of a tournament just two holes and a stray shot or two from shooting an 88 for her round and incurring the one-year LPGA ban than comes for any non-member who shoots an 88 or worse in a round. Now, Wie was clearly not going to make the cut and she may have been on her way to another run at 88 before she just couldn’t bear the pain anymore and quit. If she truly is injured, she needs to stop playing, rest her wrist and wait til she’s healthy to resume playing, because she’s not doing any good by going out at less than full strength, hacking around and quitting tournaments when her score gets too high. If she’s not hurt and is withdrawing from tournaments mid-round to avoid shooting 88, then she’s a coward and has no integrity. Either way, it would be best for everyone if M. Wie doesn’t play any events for a while……..
- This week’s award for People Who Need to Remove the Stick from Up Their Ass goes to…..the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. The Boston-based collection of tools is vociferously criticizing the ads and marketing of toys for the new Transformers movie, claiming that the toys are being marketed to children as you as two even though the movie is rated PG-13. Oh no, little Joey might get a Transformers toy and…..and…..play with it and have fun! Hey idiots, I and a lot of other kids who grew up in the 1980s played with Transformers toys and watched the show on TV and guess what, it didn’t turn us into a bunch of violent, psycho killer zombies! The CCFC based their moronic complaints on viewing selected Nickelodeon programs and recording how many times ads for Transformers toys were shown. Again, I’m wondering exactly what these dolts think a two or three-year-old is going to do that’s so bad simply because someone gave him or her a Transformers toy. And guess what, ass clowns, if a kid finds out about this movie and it’s too violent or mature for them, the great thing is that no kid can drive himself to the theater and see the movie of his or her own accord. Their parent or guardian can still say no when the child asks to see the movie, that’s the great thing about all of this. Kids don’t need uptight, uber-conservative groups of losers like the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood to run their lives for them. Go away, losers, you all suck.
- There are just some people who shouldn’t write books about certain subjects. Michael Jackson should not be writing books about how to care for young boys, the makers of American Karaoke should not be writing books about how to produce a quality television show and Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen should not be writing books about how to build a successful NFL franchise (no Matt, no one has forgotten the team’s 24-72 record in your tenure) and Donald Rumsfeld should not be writing a book about being a secretary of defense. Sadly, that last one is going to happen, because Rummy will be writing a book on his experiences as a sycophant, er, minion, er, official in W.’s administration. The only hope for all of us is that the book will be a how-not-to manual for being a secretary of defense, because that’s all Rummy is qualified to write at this point. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. He could also write a comedic best seller based on all the screw-ups, mishaps, mistakes and awful decisions he made in office. But shouldn’t there be some sort of law on the books preventing someone who has f’ed up our country so terribly in such a large scope from writing a book and profiting off of his years of incompetent service? Shouldn’t Rummy be required to donate all proceeds from this book to charity, maybe to benefit the families of military personnel who have lost their lives in this debacle of a war? I would say that Rummy should be ashamed of himself for so blatantly capitalizing on a reign of incompetence in office that caused so many casualties, but I don’t think he’s capable of actually feeling shame.
- Attention, everyone, I have an urgent message of utmost legal import: Lisa Marie Nowak’s lawyer denies claim the astro-nut wore diapers as she drove halfway across the United States to kill or kidnap a romantic rival in a bizarre astronaut love triangle. Yeah, because that’s what’s really important, establishing whether or not your client wore diapers as she drove cross-country with a cache of weapons to kidnap or kill a fellow astronaut. That’s akin to O.J.’s lawyers making sure they clarified that the Juice and Al Cowlings weren't speeding and didn’t break any traffic laws as O.J. tried to flee from the police after (allegedly) double-murdering his wife and Ron Goldman or Jeffrey Dahmer wanting to clarify that he used a napkin when consuming the flesh of the people he so brutally murdered. How this helps Nowak, I’m not sure. Unless not wearing diapers, if that’s true, helps Nowak unless it also means she didn’t concoct the plot against Colleen Shipman, didn’t drive from Houston to Florida with a car filled with weapons, didn’t confront Shipman at Orlando International Airport and isn't totally insane. Otherwise, let’s go ahead and assume that the diaper part is true anyhow, because 1) It’s still freaking hilarious, and 2) it has no actual bearing on the case against Nowak. Thanks Mr. Lawyer for Lisa Marie Nowak, now don’t bother me with any more irrelevant details from here on out……..
- There haven't been a lot of great albums released this spring and summer, or this year in general if you’re being honest. While fans of good music, especially fans of rock, bide our time and look for something, anything decent (well, the new White Stripes album helps), a short word of encouragement: a new album is on the way from The Elms, a great rock group from Indiana that has jettisoned the restricting label of being a Christian music artist and has become just a flat-out great rock band, no tags attached. Their last album, The Chess Hotel, was a bluesy, raw, balls-to-the-wall rock-fest that showcased great guitar play and honest, bold vocals by lead singer Owen Thomas (check it out if you haven't listened to it already). Now, the group is coming back to the studio to record a new album that will come from a repertoire of 30 new songs The Elms have conjured up and promises to be more of the same great, straightforward rock that makes The Elms one of the absolute best things in music right now. Keep an eye out for the new album later this year, follow its progress at The Elms' myspace page, and I’ll keep you posted on anything I hear……..
- It has been too long since I came across a good riot story, so if I have to travel halfway across the globe to find it, so be it. Of all the reasons to riot, a group of flood victims in Pakistan have found one of the best ones: lack of food and aid to their region following the natural disaster in question. Slow and miniscule aid are all that have reached the marooned villages in the central region of the country after Cyclone Yemyin dumped torrential rains on the area Tuesday. Great reaction time on the riots, I have to say. The disaster struck Tuesday and by Friday, the villagers were in full-scale riot mode because they aren't receiving the aid they need from the government. Of course, I do always say to riot first, ask questions later, especially when there’s any chance that your own government may be wronging you. There’s always a reason to riot against any government, so even if you are a bit off base in your stated cause for a particular riot, you can just shift blame onto something else and be totally justified in your rioting nuttiness. But hey Pakistani government, since these villagers are busy digging out from the effects of a flood, effects which may include finding many bodies of people who died in the storm, why not make a concerted effort to get the survivors the food and supplies they need? Let’s get someone on that, if you don’t mind.
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