Places not to hide your dime bag, Notre Dame football still has its arrogance and Motion City Soundtrack set for a new beginning

- The eternal question persists: Where do you hide your illegal narcotics so as to minimize the chances of being caught with said illegal narcotics? I don’t know that there is one definitive answer, but what I do know for certain is that inside one of your two-year-old daughter’s shoes before shuffling her off to daycare is a decidedly poor option. That was illustrated clearly in the case of an Nacausha Spears of Clinton, La., who crammed her dime bag into the shoe of her poor, unwitting two-year-old little girl who showed up at First Steps Academy in Baker and soon complained to owner Wanda White about a hurting foot. When White looked in the child's sneaker, she found a bag of the hippie lettuce worth about $10. "What if she had eaten it and taken sick or died?" White wonders. Well, aside from being really mellow and looking to bum extra snacks from all of the other children at the daycare, I don’t know……well, that’s another discussion entirely. "No matter how it looks on the mother, that I love dearly. No matter how it looks on me. How it looks on the center. It's all about the child, so that's why we did what we did," White explained. For a square, law-abiding citizen like White, the only option was to immediately call police and Child Protective Services. Spears was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile and simple possession of marijuana. Like any good pothead, she denied knowing anything about the drugs found in her daughter's shoe. Right, because random strangers are looking to hide their sticky icky in the shoe of some random two-year-old who doesn’t belong to them for safekeeping. Nice try, N. Spears. Let’s just say that I’m going to go ahead and declare that when Child Protective Services completes its investigation, that child is no longer going to be in Spears’ care and she’s going to be living somewhere new, some place with bars and guards………

- As someone who has come around on Notre Dame football from the point of hating them with a passion to rooting for them on a weekly basis, I hate saying what I’m about to say. But it’s the truth, so I have to state it whether I like it or not. In all of the moves the university and its athletic department have made since the season ended, the lone correct decision was dropping the guillotine on the ill-fated coaching career of the cherubic Charlie Weis. Weis was mediocre at best during his five years at ND and the talent he brought in was clearly not translating to success on the field. However, the way the team is handling its head coaching search thus far isn't exactly inspiring confidence. Two of the coaches they have an interest in, Florida’s Urban Meyer and Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, have been hounded so relentlessly about the ND job that they have gone out of their way to insist that they have no interest in it. The one coach that the Fighting Irish want and have a shot at getting, Cincinnati’s Brian Kelly, admitted that he would listen if the Irish wanted to talk and they had sure as hell hope that they get him because if they don’t, I don’t see a single candidate out there who inspires confidence in my mind to turn around the sinking Notre Dame program. But my real beef is with how the school, specifically athletic director Jack Swarbrick, handled the possibility of the Irish being selected for a bowl game. Going 6-6 made the team bowl eligible, but rather than give their outgoing seniors one last game in the Notre Dame uniform, Swarbrick and his minions decided to decline any potential bowl bid. In speaking about the decision and displaying the very arrogance of which Notre Dame is so often accused, Swarbrick announced the decision and cited "unique circumstances." He didn't elaborate, but Swarbrick did say he reached the decision after meetings with assistant coaches and team leaders. "The unique circumstances surrounding our program at the current time prevent us from making the commitment required to compete in a bowl game," Swarbrick said in a statement. In other words, we’re F’ing Notre Dame, 6-6 is embarrassing to us and how dare anyone expect us to play in the Las Vegas Bowl or the Liberty Bowl. How Notre Dame of you, Swarbrick. Look, I know a second-tier bowl with a small payout might seem beneath you, but give the players the chance to finish their season and/or career on a high note. So what if Weis was the team's offensive coordinator and the team wouldn't have had an experienced play caller for a bowl game? If you had doubts about how motivated the team would be for a minor bowl game, then a) there’s a major problem with your team and b) that lack of motivation and focus could be a big part of why they lost to also-rans like Connecticut, Navy and Michigan. Man up, play the bowl game and show that you can be a class act whether you’re 12-0 or 6-6……….

- It’s a new world for punk rockers Motion City Soundtrack, who are set to move to a new record label, Columbia, and release their first album with their new imprint after putting out three albums with indie label Epitaph. The band’s last Epitaph effort was 2007's "Even If It Kills Me," but MCS had signed its new deal with Columbia several months before the album was released. Now, the band is preparing for the Jan. 19 release of its Columbia debut, "My Dinosaur Life." The challenge from this point forward is going to be balancing its new major-label status with the independent, grass-roots approach that has endeared Motion City Soundtrack to its fans. It’s a challenge that a lot of bands face and unfortunately, most fail to conquer. Too many promising indie artists sell out and go mainstream when they ink a deal with a major label, eschewing their original sound in favor of something more commercially viable. As for the move to Epitaph, guitarist Joshua Cain says it seemed like a logical next step. "Knowing how things change so fast and having no idea how the next record would do on Epitaph, it just felt right to make the move when there was the right interest there," he said. "This feels like a big machine that can work really well toward the goals we have at this point. Because we're not a new band, we don't need the [initial] development phase, but we need the development phase on the bigger side.” I don’t like the sound of that, to be honest, because it sounds like a bit of a cash grab. However, Motion City Soundtrack has already gone down that road a bit with its frequent appearances on the Warped tour. Upcoming touring plans call for MCS to support Weezer on several dates in December and January, which is fitting because Weezer is one of the bands that Columbia executives want to liken their new artist to in the minds of fans. Following the dates opening for Weezer, Motion City Soundtrack will go out on a headlining tour starting in late January, covering the United States, Australia, and Japan in the first three months following the album release. On top of all that, MCS already has three sold-out Chicago shows in mid-December, each of which will feature one of the band's Epitaph records in full. "It's kind of our holiday, coming-back moment for being on and off so much in the last year," Cain explained. Fans can preorder the new album on the band's Web site, and fans who are dumb enough to fork over $60 (seriously, I love Motion City Soundtrack, but I’m not shelling out $60 for a deluxe version of anyone’s album) will receive five bonus tracks, a hard-bound book with six 7-inch picture discs, a signed lyric booklet and album artwork for each song by Joe Ledbetter. The album's first single, "Her Words Destroyed My Planet," is being serviced to modern rock radio, and the track "Disappear" and an accompanying video were already released to fans online. In an attempt to reach out to its longtime fans, MCS frontman Justin Pierre spent the month of November traveling with the band's tour manager and a friend on a tour they called On the Dino Trail, during which Pierre made appearances and played acoustic shows throughout the Midwest and East Coast. Fans were encouraged to help plan the tour’s itinerary through Twitter, and all of it was chronicled on MyDinosaurLife.com. As I said before, the question is whether the band can keep the same sound and M.O. now that it is a major-label band. That’s a question we won't be able to answer for a long time, perhaps another album or two down the road……….

- The tough financial times facing the United States and the world in general do not discriminate. Even for non-profit and religious organizations, the sagging economy is posing major problems and for the parishioners of First Baptist Church in Brattleboro, Vt., their perilous financial state is forcing them into a difficult decision to part with a longtime landmark. With donations declining, tithes tapering off and attendance down, church leaders recently voted to seek bids and sell a 9-foot tall, 33-inch wide, multicolored window displaying the image of St. John the Divine. The image of the saint has looked down from a stained glass window in the choir loft for almost 100 years, but with the church down to its last $8,000, the impossible decision became unavoidable. "When you see the sunlight coming through it on a Sunday morning, it's just spectacular," said church member Karen Davis. However, the fact that the window is a Tiffany original makes it the most valuable asset the cash-strapped church possesses. Church leaders aren’t happy about the prospect of auctioning off their prized artwork, but they believe it's the right thing to do if it keeps the church and its winter homeless shelter open. “No one wants to see this Tiffany go," said the Rev. Suzanne Andrews, the pastor. "But when it came down to the question of do we sell the Tiffany to keep our doors open for the ministry of God, then the decision became quite clear to all of us, that this Tiffany window — as beautiful as it is — is a material thing.” First Baptist of Brattleboro is not the only church having to make tough financial decisions, but selling off a valuable Tiffany original is one of the more extreme examples I’ve heard of a church trying to stay afloat financially. While no figure was given for the expected sale price, the church spent $34,000 last year alone to heat its building and with roof repairs needed, the proceeds from the sale will go a long way towards making ends meet. For a small church (the 88-member congregation's attendance at Sunday services has dropped to about 35 people in recent years) in a tiny Vermont town, it could be a saving grace or it could simply be delaying the inevitable. Already, the church's trustees voted to make Andrews a part-time minister and to lay off sexton George Goulet, the only other full-time church staffer. When those steps weren’t enough, it came time to talk about selling the window. By a vote of 20-4, the trustees approved the decision to take bids on the window, which is signed by Louis Comfort Tiffany, a scion of the New York jewelry house Tiffany & Co., who dominated the stained glass business in America in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Place your bids now, one and all, as proceeds go to help a good cause…….

- Not sure about all of you, but I love things that liven up an often drab, dreary afternoon commute. Bumper-to-bumper traffic, honking and construction zones tend to bring me down, so I can honestly say that I wish I had been in the greater Phoenix area early Friday afternoon when a naked man started removing his clothes and hurling them at passing motorists. According to Arizona Department of Public Safety spokesman Bart Graves, the disrobing man took up residence on in the median off the southbound Interstate 17 to the eastbound Interstate 10 at the stack transition. Graves cryptically stated that the man's actions were apparently the result of a collision, though he did not provide further details. Traffic cameras from the Arizona Department of Public Safety showed several highway patrol cars and a fire truck surrounding a single black vehicle, although no obvious damage could be seen on the vehicle based on the video footage. The same video showed police officers wrapping the clothes-chucking man in a blanket and escorting him away from the scene. A small section of the left lane was closed as a result of the incident, but I say it’s a small price to pay for a little afternoon entertainment on the highway. How many of you wouldn’t get a good laugh and smile out of seeing an angry fellow motorist – provided he’s not a disciple of the Mark Mangino fitness plan – throwing a temper tantrum and ripping off his clothes, then throwing them at the cars in his immediate vicinity? Your life would be much better for having that experience and I can only wish I had been there for this one…………

Another pro wrassler dies young, kangaroo smuggling and accidentally giving out phone sex line numbers

- And the disturbing trend continues. Current and former professional wrestlers dying young is an alarming trend that shows no signs of ending any time soon. Former WWE superstar Edward Fatu, better known as "Umaga," died Friday of a heart attack in a Houston, Texas, hospital. Fatu’s contract was terminated by the WWE in June for having violated the WWE's Wellness Program and refusing to enter rehab. During his time with the company, he was a two-time Intercontinental champion and competed against current stars like Triple H, John Cena and Ric Flair. His death puts him in the same category as men like Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Curt “Mr. Perfect” Hennig, all of whom died before age 45. Those are just three names on a list that spans literally dozens and dozens of former wrasslers, leading one to a discomfiting conclusion that being a professional wrestler is hazardous to your health – and I’m not talking about the chair shots and steel-cage matches. In case you’re not all that great at reading between the lines, I’m referring to the rampant use of steroids among pro wrasslers. This phenomenon is not exclusive to WWE, but owner Vince McMahon did go before Congress to be grilled about the use of ‘roids in his “sport” about two decades ago. Make no mistake about it, steroids are still an integral part of pro wrestling, even if the WWE insists that it has a testing program that discourages usage. There is no possible way for its performers to be as big, as chiseled and as fast as they are naturally, period. Thirty-six-year-old guys simply don’t drop dead of heart attacks like Fatu did, not unless there are complicating factors. And who knows, perhaps an autopsy will turn up some sort of heart abnormality or other congenital condition that led to his death. I’m simply saying that it’s much more likely that we’ll find out that he used steroids at some point during his career and his very dismissal from WWE would seem to back that up. This is a guy who was a member of the famous Anoa'i wrestling family, which includes cousin Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, his two uncles, who wrestled as The Wild Samoans in the 1980s, and brothers, Sam "Tonga Kid" and Solofa Jr. "Rikishi," so he knew how the game worked. I’d love to be proven wrong on this one, but I just don’t see it happening………

- What is going on with institutions of higher learning and governments giving out sex line numbers by accident? Last season, the University of Central Florida gave media members the number to a phone sex line when sending out information for head coach George O’Leary’s weekly teleconference. Bewildered (or slightly turned-on) media members dialed the wrong number and found themselves talking to girls looking for their credit card info and bedroom fantasies. Now Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has committed a similar gaffe and directed people calling to enroll in the Florida KidCare program to a phone number you’d call for “hot, horny girls.” When callers dial initially, they are put on hold and receive a recorded message from the governor, who then gives them another number to call. Unfortunately for Crist, he transposes a couple of numbers and turns the phone number into a very different sort of experience for the caller. The bizrre part of this is that this phone sex line has also made its way into the following as well: a misprint in the West Palm Beach annual report on water quality which directed readers to the recording, a former Medicare info line in Pittsburgh which now directs callers to the recording and the phone book for FasTrack, the city of San Francisco’s version of Florida’s SunPass for drivers using the state’s turnpike system. When callers dial the number, they hear the following: “Hey there, sexy guy. Welcome to an exciting new way to go live, one on one, with hot, horny girls waiting right now to talk to you.” Curiously, nothing about health care for kids, Medicare information, West Palm Beach financial information or buying a pass for your state’s turnpike system. Next time, elect a governor who does not suffer from mild dyslexia, Florida voters…….

- Everyone, how many times have I warned you all about illegal kangaroo smuggling? It has to be in the triple digits by now, but clearly some of you aren’t listening or else I would not be saying what I am about to say. An unidentified (good that he’s unidentified or else I would know whose ass to kick) Indonesian man was arrested by police as he offloaded 10 rare kangaroos from his boat in the East Java provincial capital of Surabaya on Friday. Indonesian police nabbed the suspect as he attempted to smuggle the creatures back onto dry land after taking them from New Guinea island. Sadly, five of the kangaroos had already died by the time the police stopped this debacle. The five surviving kangaroos — of a small, rain forest-dwelling variety — were given to a Surabaya animal sanctuary, where they will hopefully survive and live happy lives. Illegal trade in rare, exotic animals is an expanding problem in Indonesia, where law enforcement tends to do a significantly below-average job of enforcing any laws. Should he be convicted, the suspect faces up to five years in jail and a $11,000 fine for violating Indonesian conservation laws. Look, I know that kangaroos are native only to Australia and New Guinea, so everyone else in the world is basically screwed if they want to own one. But either move to Australia or New Guinea or go to your local zoo, because clearly bad things happen when idiots who don’t know any better attempt to illegally smuggle kangaroos across international borders. You all are not smart enough to pull this sort of effort off, so try smuggling something else, such as drugs, plants or insects……..

- There was not a full slate of college football today, sadly, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t find plenty of exciting action on the field. The first big game of the day was also the best game of the day. Fifth-ranked Cincinnati took on Pittsburgh in snowy, windy conditions at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, fell behind 31-10 and rallied for a miraculous 45-44 victory that thrust the Bearcats into an automatic BCS bid. Pitt helped by snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, showcasing a porous defense that matched Cincinnati’s effort on D in allowing Pitt freshman running back Dion Lewis to rip off nearly 200 yards and three touchdowns. Yet Cincinnati quarterback Tony Pike overcame three interceptions to lead his team to the game-winning score, which came after both teams had missed extra points on crucial late-game touchdowns. Receiver/return man Mardy Gilyard also had a huge day, carrying Cincinnati with almost 400 yards total between kick returns and receptions, including a touchdown of 67 yards or more both receiving and returning. The drama wasn’t nearly as high in the SEC championship game, where No. 2 Alabama curb-stomped No. 1 Florida so badly that all-everything UF quarterback Tim Tebow was left in tears after the game. The 32-13 beatdown vaults ‘Bama into the (bogus) BCS title game against Texas, which defeated Nebraska 13-12 (more on that shortly). Idiots who don’t bother to pay enough attention to college football will argue that Alabama running back Mark Ingram’s 186 total yards and three rushing touchdowns in this game make him the Heisman Trophy favorite. Umm, not really. He still has less rushing yards, less total yards and less touchdowns than Stanford running back Toby Gearhart, whose team had a very good year at 8-4 and who deserves college football’s highest individual honor more than anyone else this season. The Big 12 title game was a major snooze-fest, with Nebraska looking to ugly the game up because it lacked the offensive firepower to compete with Texas and hanging in to the end before bowing out on a last-second UT field goal for a one-point loss. Nebraska didn’t help it’s cause by ineptly kicking the ball out of bounds on a kickoff with less than two minutes left, thereby handing Texas the ball at their own 40-yard line and then committing a stupid pass interference penalty to hand UT another 15 yards to gift-wrap a win. Another team completing an undefeated season was No. 6 Boise State, which pummeled hapless New Mexico State 42-7 to finish 13-0 and all but assure itself of a BCS at-large berth despite constantly being overlooked and dismissed in the discussion of college football’s best teams. The Broncos are 13-0, the beat a beastly Oregon team that everyone seems to love these days and they have gotten the job done every week, period. They should be headed to a BCS bowl, no questions asked, and it’s fairly certain that they will be. But perhaps the most impressive victory of the weekend may well have bee Division III Mount Union, which absolutely buried Albright 55-3 in a national quarterfinal game to run its record to 13-0 and advance to the national semifinals again. Why is that so impressive? For one, Mount Union has won 10 of the past 16 D-III national titles – that’s 10 of 16. Don’t belittle them because they are Division III, because they are playing Division III opponents and so that sort of domination is amazing at any level. Also, in three playoff games this season, Mount has outscored its opponents 177-17, which is absolutely staggering to say the least. So the college football regular season – the Division I portion, that is – is all but done. This Saturday’s Army-Navy game is all that’s left, so it’s on to the bowl season………

- I see the effort you are making and I am behind it 105.5 percent, New Delhi, India. Any city that wants to curb people taking a leak in public whenever they feel like it is a friend of mine. This is a major problem in India, especially in its capital, which has launched a campaign to discourage urinating in public places -- a common sight across the country. The crackdown on public pissing comes as New Delhi prepares to host the Commonwealth Games in October of next year. To make sure that the message is clear, the city will soon be displaying large billboards along its gridlocked roads and on buses in a bid to embarrass those who continue to relieve themselves in public – as if they shouldn’t already be sufficiently embarrassed. Three colorful, charismatic characters will lead the new campaign: Mr Thu-Thu Kumar (the spitter), Mr Kuda Kumar (the litterbug) and Mr Su-Su Kumar (the person who pees in public). "The capital of India must be clean. We see how clean are places like Singapore. Then, why not Delhi?" Mayor Kanwar Sain said. The campaign will also have radio and television arms, meaning that it will be all but impossible to escape the message that you need to stop peeing in plain sight of others in public settings. Urinating, spitting and littering in public are acts punishable with a fine of $10 or more in New Delhi, which doesn’t seem like much until you consider how much that amount is for the average New Delhi resident. Poverty reigns in this city and that sort of fine is actually a fairly stiff punishment. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to double it, so let’s look into doing that, k? Meanwhile, experts say that merely cracking down on public urination is not enough. To meet its sanitation needs, some analysts say that New Delhi needs at least 40,000 more well-maintained urinals and bathrooms. Nationally, India must build 112,000 toilets every day if it wants to meet its sanitation goal by 2012, according to the ministry of rural development. This may seem like a rudimentary matter, but for a country seeking to build a reputation as a global economic power, having millions of its citizens still live in poverty and filth is a decided mark in the “con” column. The government estimates that less than 30 percent of villagers have access to latrines, which is obviously a major problem. Having said all of that, I am on board with the new campaign and will be rooting for its success………

Kansas football dumps a lot of dead weight, the Air Force gets with the times and America gives back potential gains in life expectancy

- Kansas football program sheds dead weight……a lot of it. Under intense pressure from an internal university investigation into his treatment of players and assistant coaches, coach Mark Mangino announced his resignation Thursday. Two years after guiding the team to a 12-1 record and Orange Bowl win, the morbidly obese coach and the university struck a buyout agreement and the program will now move forward without him. The university made the announcement as athletic director Lew Perkins met with players to give them the news. "We appreciate the eight years that Mark has given to rebuilding our football program," Perkins said in a statement. "He and I have reached a mutually satisfactory agreement that reflects the appreciation we have for his efforts on behalf of Kansas football." Not exactly going overboard to say kind things about the big guy, eh Lew? This decision was set in motion last month when the university launched its investigation amidst rampant allegations that Mangino habitually treated players in humiliating, insensitive ways. Many former players came forward to speak out about insensitive, degrading remarks they claim he made to them during games or practice, often in front of others. To be fair, there were many current and former players who came to Mangino’s support and vouched for his influence on their lives. And lest you think my references to his weight are just cruel FAT jokes, listen to what I’m about to say. With the stress of being a Division I college football coach, even a guy in the best possible shape would be worn down. These guys put in ridiculous hours in and out of season, so a man carrying 400-plus pounds like Mangino is a ticking time bomb. Morbid obesity + immense, nonstop stress = fatal heart attack before age 55 every day of the week. On top of that, just stop and think about how unhappy a person who is that FAT has to be. They look in the mirror every day and see their horrible physical condition and are constantly beset by the reality of all that their girth prevents them from doing. They’re the butt of FAT jokes, they’re considered unattractive and they become winded doing the most routine activities, like going up a flight of stairs. Of course Mangino lashed out and treated those around him like crap; that’s how he probably felt internally. Would this be a different story if his overall record at Kansas were 70-28 instead of 50-48? Maybe. But wins and losses don’t make someone a better, more caring person. He may have gotten away with his act if he won more, but the people he (allegedly) treated like garbage would still have been hurt. Worse still, Mangino continued to say prior to his resignation that he had no plans to change his coaching style moving forward. Dude thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that he’s not the problem. Keep telling yourself that and sticking to the Funjuns/doughnuts/pizza/cake/fudge/Big Mac/chocolate diet and you’ll be meeting your own demise, both professionally and life-wise, sooner rather than later, M……….

- Glad to see you join the rest of us in the 21st century, United States Air Force. Just one week after the morons running the Air Force dropped a strict ban prohibition of tattoos on the "saluting arm," the new policy has been deposited right where it belongs: the trahs. A spokeswoman for the Air Force Recruiting Service in San Antonio, Christa D'Andrea, said the rule, which took effect Nov. 25, is no more and that the entire tattoo policy will be reviewed. "It's an effort to standardize the policy for all members of the Air Force," D'Andrea said. Yes, I know that the military is all about conformity and everyone looking ridiculously the same right down to the butt-ugly haircuts, impeccably shined shoes and funny-looking hats, but no tats on your “saluting arm”? That’s just dumb. How dumb is it? Well, the new rule had the potential to impact as many as 17,000 recruits who joined under the delayed entry program. This is 2009, where tats are more common than they have ever been and where a ban on right-arm body art is not only impractical, it’s downright absurd. The Air Force said it did not want tattoos to be seen when an airman salutes, but clearly that decision is being reconsidered. Furthermore, the updated policy also prohibited tattoos on either hand. It was a decidedly up-and-down week for some new recruits who were told they had been disqualified under the new rule even though their tattoos had been approved under previous, more lenient guidelines. What I love about the outcome of this story is that the Air Force admitted that the public outcry and media scrutiny of the new policy contributed to the decision to reconsider the tattoo crackdown. "It was unfortunate there were recruits caught in the middle," D’Andrea said. So there you go, critics who say that nothing good comes from the media. My sympathies go out to the enlistees who were not able to begin basic training this week at Lackland Air Force base because of the new tattoo policy. You all can forfeit your free will, individuality and right to not be humiliated by angry drill sergeants at a future dates………..

- How typical of you, America. We finally start to tackle one health menace and there you go, allowing another one to ravage this nation. According to research published this week in the New England Journal of Medicine, fewer people are smoking -- and therefore less likely to die from cigarette-related causes – but the obesity epidemic is canceling out any potential gains in life expectancy. According to the study, conducted at the National Bureau of Economic Research, by 2020, the typical 18-year-old will gain 0.31 years due to the drop in smoking rates but lose 1.02 years on average due to the obesity epidemic. That means over the next decade, Americans will lose 0.71 years of their life span simply because they are so FAT. If all Americans were a) smart enough not to smoke and b) possessed enough self-control to push away from the buffet table, life expectancy would increase by 3.76 years, according to the study. “Life expectancy is not going to decline," says the study's lead author, Susan T. Stewart, Ph.D., a researcher at the National Bureau of Economic Research. "But it could have risen by that much more if it weren't for the increases in obesity." The good news from this study is that smoking has decreased by 20 percent in the United States in the past 15 years. However, obesity has increased by 48 percent over the same period. One smoke-free step forward, two FAT steps back. Both maladies impact overall health, especially heart health, and obesity also contributes to heart disease, diabetes, joint problems, stroke, and some sleep disorders. What should truly disturb all of us is that, according to this study, 45 percent of the population will be obese by 2020. This study is the first to examine the combined effects of obesity and smoking, so its results are especially interesting. "No one ever has really done quite this linkage between smoking and obesity," says S. Jay Olshansky, Ph.D., a professor of epidemiology and biostatistics at the School of Public Health at the University of Illinois at Chicago. "Some people have suggested we're on the verge of dramatic increases in life expectancy because of reductions in smoking, but these authors are saying, 'Hold on a minute; the negative effect of obesity is much greater.'" This goes to show that sitting on your FAT ass, watching TV and pounding Big Mac’s and fudge can be just as lethal and cramming cancer sticks into your mouth and lighting up. Ironically, many experts believe that reversing the obesity epidemic will be just as difficult, if not moreso, than stemming the tide of smoking. Never have I understood people’s preoccupation with doing things that are so harmful to themselves, so I’d encourage Americans to step their game up, throw away the cigarettes and cigars and say goodbye to the fast food……….

- Speaking of obesity, a brief warning for those of your trying to lose weight with the help of all Slim-Fast ready-to-drink products served in cans, regardless of flavor, best-by dates, lot code or UPC number: Don’t drink those cans. Unilever, the maker of Slim-Fast, announced a recall of its canned, ready-to-drink products due to possible bacterial contamination. The recall applies only to Slim-Fast products even though Unilever also makes products like Skippy peanut butter and Ragu pasta sauce. Apparently the drinks may be tainted by Bacillus cereus, which can cause diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, and apparently these things aren’t all that appealing to consumers. U.S. Food and Drug Administration spokeswoman Rita Chappelle said the recall affects 10 million cans distributed in the United States, some of which are still in warehouses or on store shelves. Those cans will be pulled from circulation immediately, but if you have some of the tainted cans, you are urged to discard them immediately and contact the company at 1-800-896-9479 for a full refund. At this point, Unilever is still in the process of identifying and correcting the production problem that led to the contamination. Meanwhile, the FDA is currently investigating the company's production facility in Covington, Tenn after being notified by Unilever of the possible contamination on Dec. 2, The recall does not apply to other Slim-Fast branded products, such as powdered shakes, meal bars or snack bars. Just don’t let this small scare affect you if you are making a legitimate effort to lose weight, because even vomiting, nausea and diarrhea are not as bad as dying 30 years too soon because you were 150 pounds overweight………

- I know that football coaches, especially at the professional level, do not typically dispense driving advice to their players. In a 48-hour span, two different Minnesota Vikings players were pulled over for driving in excess of 100 mph, which is well above the speed limit even in a barren, sparsely populated tundra like Minnesota. First, running back Adrian Peterson was cited for driving 109 mph in a 55 mph zone. Video footage of the traffic stop show Peterson reacting with surprise when he was informed how fast he was going. "How fast you think you were going?" an Edina police officer asked him. When Peterson replied, "85," the officer replied, "You think you were 30 over the limit? I got you going 109." Clearly his lesson did not resonate with Peterson’s teammate receiver Bernard Berrian, who was dinged Monday night for driving 104 mph in a 60 mph zone on Interstate 694 in suburban Oakdale. Two words for you, Vikings fans: Uh-oh! Neither player received special treatment from police, which is odd because when your team is 10-1 and a legitimate Super Bowl contender, you’d think two of the team’s top offensive players could get away with topping the century mark while behind the wheel. And who knows, the officer who stopped Berrian may have given him special treatment – if only he had a clue who Berrian was. The state trooper who pulled Berrian over apparently did not realize he had stopped a member of the Vikings. At least he didn’t go to the tried-and-true athlete play of pulling the “Do you know who I am?” card, which never works anyhow. All in all, I think now would be a time for coach Brad Childress to sit his entire 53-man roster down and have a little chat with them about safe driving. I don’t need to see Brett Favre and Sidney Rice post matching speeding tickets this coming week for driving 112 and 108 mph, respectively, in 50- and 55-mph zones. I know you fellas are NFL players and you’re used to getting away with most anything, along with living a fast-paced lifestyle, but feel free to keep the speedometer in double-digits if you can manage it………

Once again the Grammys show what a joke they are, one man's quest to become a Tom Hanks character and new music by The Arcade Fire forthcoming

- Well this shouldn’t further fortify my ironclad argument that the Grammy Awards are the biggest farce in the world of music. When the three artists receiving the most nominations for your awards show are Beyonce, Taylor Swift and the Hack Eyed Peas, you are officially a musical farce. Forget the lame-tastic concert the Grammys rolled out for the announcement of the nominations; they should have staged a three-ring circus or comedy show, both of which would have been far more appropriate. Beyonce scored nominations in each of the big three categories for the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards and received 10 total nods, including album of the year for "I Am...Sasha Fierce," record of the year for "Halo" and song of the year for "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)."
Swift, who straddles the line between two crappy genres (country and pop) and is crap-tacular in both, also received nominations in the top three categories: album of the year for "Fearless," and record of the year and song of the year for "You Belong With Me" as part of her eight nominations. But perhaps nothing pisses me off more than any awards show, anywhere and at any time, nominating the Hack Eyed Peas for anything. These poseurs crank out over-produced, lyrically brain-dead, artififcal, sugar-sweet pop music while wearing some of the loudest, most egregiously awful outfits known to man. They suck in a way that completely redefines the word suck, to be blunt. Yet there they are, helping to fill out a truly ridiculous race for album of the year. None of the nominees for that abortion of an award would be in the top 1,000 on the list of the year’s best albums for anyone with any musical taste at all. In case you’re wondering, the nominees are Beyonce's "I Am...Sasha Fierce," the Black Eyed Peas' "The E.N.D.," Lady Gaga's "The Fame," Dave Matthews Band's "Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King" and Taylor Swift's "Fearless."
All three of the artists I took time to rightfully rip at the top of this paragraph are also facing off in the record of the year category, where the nominees are Beyonce's "Halo," the Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling," Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody," Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" and Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me."

If I were Kings of Leon, I’d be so ashamed by being lumped in with those other four ass clowns that I’d ask to have my nomination withdrawn. Not that this in any way validates the Grammys at all, but the one category in which at least four of the nominees don’t completely suck is the best rock album category, where the nominees are "Black Ice" by AC/DC, "Live From Madison Square Garden" by Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood, "21st Century Breakdown" by Green Day, "Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King" by the Dave Matthews Band and "No Line on the Horizon" by U2. As always, there were a few oddball nominations tucked amidst the 109 categories nominated for the 52nd Grammy Awards; Johnny Depp, for example, is nominated in the category of best album notes alongside Douglas Brinkley for "Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson - Music From The Film."
Should you have an inexplicable hankering for the complete list of nominees for this absurd exercise in self-aggrandizement and pomposity, you can find that list at Grammy.com. In order to qualify for a Grammy nomination this year, the eligibility period for releases was from Oct. 1, 2008 - Aug. 31, 2009 -- one month shorter than the typical eligibility period due to an earlier Grammy Awards show during the awards-heavy first few months of the year. The actual awards farce, er, show will be held on Jan. 31 and telecast on CBS. If you can’t figure it out by now, I won't be watching no matter when it’s held…………

- I’ve always preferred college basketball over the pro game, but if there were more NBA players like my man Ron Artest, I may have to reconsider that stance. No, I’m not talking about Artest’s absolute nuttiness, his borderline insanity or his tenacious on-court persona. Nor am I referring to what he brings to a team to help it win, although all of these things are certainly present. What I am talking about is the story that Artest is currently selling about allegedly liquoring up at halftime of games early in his career. That’s right, dude claims he used to down a few swigs of Hennessy in the locker room at halftime. . "I used to drink Hennessy ... at halftime," Artest said in a recent interview. "I [kept it] in my locker. I'd just walk to the liquor store and get it." Awesome. Just…..awesome. I don’t know if he kept it in a special flask or perhaps an innocuous Gatorade water bottle to conceal the booze, but it almost doesn’t matter. What’s better than the mental image of a guy whose team is out on the court battling and doing its best to focus, bear down and defeat an opponent and one of its key players is turning halftime into happy hour at the local pub? Artest said he drank when he played for the Chicago Bulls, where he played for his first three seasons (1999-2002). According to him, he did not continue the practice during subsequent stops in Indiana, Sacramento, Houston and now Los Angeles. Part of me wonders if he was hitting the Hennessy at halftime of the 2004 game in Detroit when the brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills occurred and he charged into the stands to pummel the wrong fan for throwing a cup of beer at him while he lay on the scorer’s table after a bad call. Was Ron-Ron just angry that someone was wasting good booze? He’s telling this story now, but it’s clearly not the first time he’s shared it because former teammate Chuck Hayes was asked about the story and his response seemed to indicate that he’d heard it before. Hayes, who played with Artest in Houston, said he didn’t believe that Artest actually drank during halftime of games, but I’m not sure I’d put anything past Ron-Ron, to be honest. To hear Artest talk, his wild ways are behind him even though he is still clearly a certifiably insane loon. He claims to have tamed his wild lifestyle, although he still likes to party and have fun. "When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild," he told the magazine. "A lot of marijuana and alcohol -- even before [that age]. ... I [still] party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night." That sort of activity I could not care less about; the drinking during games interests me. Any random slug can go out and get their drink on at the nearest bar or in their home on any given night, but there are only about 360 guys in the world at any given time with the opportunity to liquor up right in the middle of an NBA game for which they are being paid tens of thousands of dollars to play. Of those 360 men, only Ron Artest is willing to take the chance and for that, he has my fandom and support………

- Sweeet! There is so much terrible music released every year that when a good album by a good artist comes along, I appreciate it even more than I probably should. Hearing that Canadian indie rockers The Arcade Fire will soon be back with their first new album in nearly three years is that sort of good news. For the musically uninformed, The Arcade Fire’s sound is…..well, it’s an amazing mix or instrumentation, it’s eccentric, eclectic and layered while still rocking out. The band burst onto the scene with 2003's "Funeral" and has since release two albums, a self-titled project in 2005 and 2007's "Neon Bible." Details about their new album are scarce at this point, but what we do know is that the band is nearing completion of the project and plans to return to the stage in 2010. Early reports have it projected for a release some time in May and as for touring plans, they would be The Arcade Fire’s first live performances since Jan. 21, when the group played at the Obama Campaign Staff Ball at the DC Armory following the presidential inauguration. Not surprisingly, it was revealed that the band has spent the past six months entrenched in the studio with producer Markus Dravs, working on the album. When your sound is as intricate and varied as TAF’s, going in and ripping through an album in a couple of weeks just isn't how business is done. Dravs has worked with the likes of Coldplay, Bjork and Brian Eno, and served as engineer on "Bible," so there should be a certain degree of continuity in the sound, depending of course on what direction the band wants to go in terms of their sound. Asked about the sound of the new songs, Dravs reportedly called the band's new songs "better.” Hmm…..cryptic, yet encouraging. Look for a single to hit the air early next year, although being the sort of person who doesn’t bother listening to the radio for music (mostly because I boast the world’s best iTunes collection), that’s not a huge deal for me. No tour plans are definite, but a band of The Arcade Fire’s stature obviously has quite a few offers and is expected to take a top slot at one or more of the major North American summer festivals. I would expect the new album to be the most successful commercially of the band’s soon-to-be four releases, with "Funeral" having sold 466,000 copies in the United States and "Neon Bible" having sold 420,000 thus far. "Funeral" has also been named one of the top albums of the decade by multiple music media outlets and if you haven’t listened to it by this point, I’d say now is the time to change that……..

- Well this is absolutely shocking, to say the least. A doctor who exposed the torture of jailed protesters in Iran died of poisoning from a delivery salad laced with an overdose of blood pressure medication, according to an autopsy conducted after his unexpected passing. Ramin Pourandarjani, a doctor at Kahrizak, a prison on Tehran's outskirts where hundreds of opposition protesters were taken, laid bare some details of the torture of prisoners arrested following the bogus re-election of dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Those revelations were a major back eye for the country's clerical leadership and security forces. The scene at the prison became so ugly that Iran's supreme leader was forced to close it down. Pourandarjani eventually testified to a parliamentary committee and reportedly told them that a young protester he treated died from severe torture. He said he was also forced by security officials to list the cause of death as meningitis rather than the actual cause – abuse and torture. Then all of a sudden, Pourandarjani died on Nov. 10 in mysterious circumstances. Initially officials claimed he was in a car accident, then their story became that he either had a heart attack or committed suicide. Thankfully, an autopsy was performed and forensic tests showed that the doctor died of "poisoning by drugs" that matched doses of propranolol found in a salad that was delivered to him. Propranolol is used to treat high blood pressure, rapid heart rate and tremors, and can be lethal in high doses. Now call me cynical, but a lethal dose of a drug that could obviously be found inside a prison to treat patients finds its way into the salad of a doctor who exposed embarrassing secrets about prisoner abuse at another facility by the government…..sounds fishy, no? Opposition groups seem to agree with me that . Ramin Pourandarjani was killed because of what he knew. Investigators say they are still trying to determine whether the death was murder or suicide, but I’ll go ahead and assume that they are either lying or stupid, possibly both. The key witness in the case, the restaurant delivery man, told investigators that he gave the salad directly to Pourandarjani and described how the doctor took it from him at the door of his room, then closed the door behind him. I wouldn’t expect this guy to change his story any time soon unless he too would like to find his way into a shallow grave sooner rather than later. Iranian police are insisting that Pourandarjani was simply distraught over failure to fulfill his duties treating prisoners. If you can talk yourselves into believing that load of horse crap, Iraqi police, then you are far more skilled at self-deception than I’ll ever be……….

- It’s a scene right out of the Tom Hanks movie "The Terminal," sort of. Feng Zhenghu is indeed stuck in political and diplomatic limbo inside an airport, but unlike Hanks’ character, his home country has not ceased to exist. Feng is a Chinese citizen who has moved into Narita (Tokyo) Airport's international arrival concourse for the past month because his home country has denied him re-entry on eight seprarate occasions. Rather than accept the rejection and make himself comfortable living in Japana for the time being, he’s holding the proverbial boombox over his head and standing out in front of the house of the girl he loves (in this case, China), blasting cheesy ‘80s music while rain pours down, pleading to be let inside. Four times he boarded planes and landed in Shanghai before Chinese immigration turned him around and the other four times Japanese officials didn't let him board the plane, saying he'd be refused entry. Ironically, he’s never been given an official reason for the rejection, although Feng suspects it's due to his prior work in China as a human rights activist. After the eighth rejection, Feng decided that enough was enough and that he would make his case a public spectacle by refusing to leave the airport until he was guaranteed re-admittance into China. To promote his cause, he took two of his t-shirts and wrote messages in Chinese and English explaining that he is a Chinese citizen refused entry into China. He began walking up and down the concourse, encouraging fellow passengers to stop and read his shirts. He’s also making use of technology, exploiting his mobile connection and the camera in his cell phone to blog, tweet and update the world on his saga. "27th day, hot water," Feng tweeted. On one lonely day, "Silence is the loudest sound." As a quick aside, that sounds like the journal entry for the central character in a bad adventure movie after he or she has been stranded in the jungle for weeks on end with no food and little water. The design of the airport is posing a challenge for Fend, as there aren't any restaurants in the arrival concourse before customs. That has forced Feng to rely on the kindness of flight crews and travelers to drop off food as they pass by. They’ve brought biscuits, pizza and even salad. Feng was so pumped by the pizza that he snapped a picture of it and posted it on his blog. Initially airport officials figured he would give up and accept his fate after a few days, possibly even accepting Japan’s offer of asylum. Instead, he’s forged on without hot showers, without regular food and without a clue as to when his odyssey will end. Feng is entering his second month in residence and Yoshiyuki Kurita, Narita's Vice President of Security, says he's growing concerned. "I really like Mr. Feng," says Kurita, who now considers Feng a friend. "That's why I want him to enter Japan, for the sake of his health. My wish is that he voluntarily enters Japan. This is not a place to live. I really hope he understands this. We don't need a Tom Hanks at this airport." Airport security could technically escort Feng into Japan, but Kurita would rather he do it willingly. Just don’t expect the Chinese government to cave and suddenly grow enough of a heart to allow Feng back in. "China's relevant government agencies will adhere to appropriate regulations and entry-exit laws to address this issue," said China's Ministry of Foreign Affairs spokesman, Qin Gang. So the question is how long Feng will keep up his protest and the answer came in one of his recent tweets. Feng wrote that he's getting used to his new life, plans to wait it out as long as he can stand it and that, "It is when the majority of Chinese have learned about my story that I shall return to my homeland." Hope you like being a permanent resident of the arrival concourse, Feng………

Victoria's Secret finally embraces diversity, differing ways of preparing for college football's postseason and Texas prison inmates outsmart guards

- It’s about freaking time. We’ve brought diversity to so many parts of society in these here United States, from the White House to Congress to Major League Baseball and beyond. But somehow, there hadn’t been a Victoria's Secret model of Asian descent to walk the catwalk – until now. Liu Wen, who began modeling four years ago after entering a modeling contest in China to win a computer to use for school, appeared in the Victoria's Secret fashion show that aired Tuesday on CBS. "I was surprised when my agent told me," Wen said. "I asked my agent if she was joking. I didn't think an Asian girl would get this job." She received her opportunity after Victoria's Secret picked her out of a regular model casting call. "Liu Wen is a beautiful woman. She has a strong and energetic presence on the runway. She looked absolutely stunning in our fashion show," said the show's executive producer, Monica Mitro. Judging from the show, Wen fits right in with the rest of the tall, thin lingerie models of various ethnic backgrounds that VS uses to hawk its overpriced inventory, much more so than she did as a 5’10 model in China, where the average height for women is closer to 4’10 than six feet. I suppose her future in fashion was aided by having a dad who was clearly out ahead of the metrosexual revolution, with a career as an interior designer. Her initial break came in high school whenshe submitted photos for a modeling contest, hoping to win the top prize of a laptop. "I was studying to be a teacher in China and my friend was entering a modeling contest," she said. "The prize was a computer, and I needed a computer for school. So I entered the contest, too, and then I won." Her win led Wen to move from her hometown of Yongzhou to the Chinese capital of Beijing, where she appeared on the covers of Chinese editions of FHM and Marie Claire and Chinese Elle. She made her runway debut in 2008, followed quickly by fashion weeks around the world for designing giants like Anna Sui, Dolce & Gabbana, Alexander McQueen, Chloé and Lanvin. Now that she has broken the Asian barrier for Victoria’s Secret, Wen says she’d also consider trying her hand at acting. There is no bigger fan of diversity and opportunity than yours truly, so I definitely applaud this development and any other 5’10, über-hot Asian chicks who want to walk around in lingerie on national television are fine by me as well………

- I take it all back, WNBA honks….actually, no I don’t. Your league is every bit as irrelevant and unimportant now as it was before confirmed steroid user and disgraced track star Marion Jones announced that she is training for a comeback in the WNBA. Jones has been training with members of the San Antonio Silver Stars (yes San Antonio, you have a WNBA franchise), a fact confirmed by coach Dan Hughes. It’s been more than a year since Jones was released from federal prison for lying about ‘roiding up, which is apparently enough time for the all-mighty WNBA to forget about her convicted-felon status and offer her an opprotunity. Jones has been in San Antonio working on her skills and conditioning in San Antonio since October, which seems like a good idea because what the hell else is she going to do? "I thought it would be an interesting journey if I decided to do this," Jones said. "It would give me an opportunity to share my message to young people on a bigger platform; it would give me an opportunity to get a second chance." Her background in basketball includes a stint as the starting point guard at North Carolina, where she was a member of the Tar Heels' national championship team in 1994. No word on how she fared in prison pickup games at a Texas federal prison during her six-month stint for lying about doping and her role in a check-fraud scam, but the experience clearly left her with a hankering to play subpar basketball that no one cares to watch. But hey, I’m sure that a WNBA championship trophy (I assume they have one, or maybe like all other amateur sports out there, the coaches just take the players out for ice cream to celebrate) would definitely fill the void left for Jones when she was stripped of three gold medals and two bronzes she won at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Even though it has been nearly a decade and a half since she last played basketball competitively, Jones believes she can be an asset to a WNBA team. "It's important for people to know that it's possible to make a mistake in your life, but it's what you do after the mistake that people are going to remember you by," she said. "Are you going to make whatever negatives that happened in your life a positive? Are you going to disappear? That has certainly never been in my horizon. How can I use my experience, my story, to help people and in the process hop on this journey of trying to make a team?" Well said, M. If nothing else, big ups to you for actually managing to find a new sport that the sporting public cares even less about than your former sport of choice………

- Honduras has heard your threats, demands and pleas, rest of the world, and they could not care less. Nearly everyone outside the country may want deposed Honduran President Jose Manuel Zelaya to be reinstated as head of state, but the country’s congress disagrees and their votes are the only ones that matter. A vote was held Wednesday and of the 128 lawmakers, more than half voted in favor of a motion against the reinstatement of Zelaya. In the Honduran chamber, each lawmaker addressed the rest of the legislature and then recorded his or her vote. It was a painstakingly slow process and although voting was not complete by the end of the day, Zelaya's opponents tallied the simple majority, or 65 votes, needed to keep Zelaya a political pariah. Only eight lawmakers had voted to reinstate Zelaya by the tie his opponents achieved a majority. The vote came after a U.S.-brokered pact that representatives for Zelaya and de facto President Roberto Micheletti signed October 29 which allowed the Honduran congress to decide Zelaya's fate. In some sense, the vote was a moot point, as Hondurans elected a new president, opposition candidate Porfirio Lobo Sosa, on Sunday. The best Zelaya could have hoped for was to win the right to serve out the remainder of his term as a lame-duck president, but even that faint hope is now gone. Perhaps sensing how the vote would go, Zelaya said prior to it he would not accept the post even if Congress voted him back in. His theory was that accepting the job would legitimize the June 28 military-backed coup that ousted him and made Micheletti the country's de facto president. Now that he has been officially denied a return to power, Zelaya’s status makes for a sticky situation for the international community. Many nations said before Sunday's election they would withhold recognition if Zelaya were not returned to power. The United States, Colombia and Costa Rica have said they will recognize Lobo, but Argentina and Brazil have said they will not. Members of congress would reply that they were merely voting the will of the people, as elected representatives are supposed to do. "History will judge us, and I'm certain it will judge us positively," congressman Juan Angel Rivera Tabora said. "Congress didn't make this problem. The problem came to us." In making their decision, the congress sought opinions from the nation's Supreme Court and other bodies before holding the vote. Of course the court was going to advise the congress not to vote Zelaya back in because just last week, the court ruled that Zelaya cannot return to office without first facing trial on charges that he acted unconstitutionally when he tried to hold a vote that could have led to the removal of presidential term limits. Now, Zelaya must decide his next move. He can’t exactly continue to be an indefinite houseguest at the Brazilian Embassy in Tegucigalpa, where he’s been staying since Sept. 21. Time to figure out your next stop, Joe………

- Different teams gear up for college football bowl season in different ways. Allow me to illustrate exactly what I mean by that statement. For example, the Michigan State Spartans are a so-so Big Ten team headed for a mid-level bowl game and to get ready for the Insight or Alamo bowls, some of their players are honing their fighting skills by taking part in campus residence hall brawls. The fight took place during a potluck function sponsored by the Iota Phi Theta fraternity on Nov. 22 at a residence hall. University police, clearly with some free time from their specialty, citations for underage drinking, have identified 10 suspects and hope to identify five more. Michigan State confirmed Tuesday that sophomore running back Glenn Winston and junior safety Roderick Jenrette were present during the incident and those two geniuses have already been dismissed from team due to the infamous “unspecified violation of team rules.” The university has also suspended eight additional players who were present at the brawl: wide receiver Mark Dell, wide receiver B.J. Cunningham, wide receiver Fred Smith, running back Ashton Leggett, cornerback Chris L. Rucker, linebacker Brynden Trawick, nose tackle Ishmyl Johnson and defensive end Jamiihr Williams. All eight players have been suspended from all team-related activities, with the suspensions of Dell, Cunningham, Leggett and Rucker noteworthy because all four have started games for Michigan State this fall. Police were able to identify all suspects from the fight through interviews with victims and witnesses and following a review of on-site video. Once the investigation is complete, Michigan State police expect to forward their findings to Ingham County Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings III. Dunnings will determine whether any warrants will be issued and what charges will be filed, if any. It was quite a weekend for the Michigan State football program, it turns out, as there was a massive rumble during a party sponsored by the same fraternity at The Small Planet, a nightclub near campus, the previous night. A manager at the club stated that football players were involved in the fight. Quite a team you have there, coach Mark Dantonio and athletic director Mark Hollis. Perhaps you suscribe to the theory that the team that throws down together wins together, but you should really try to class things up. Now, for a different approach to postseason preparation. Let’s look at the curious case of Florida Gators defensive end Carlos Dunlap, who was arrested and charged with driving under the influence early Tuesday morning in Gainesville. Dunlap, a junior from North Charleston, S.C., was arrested at 3:25 a.m. near campus after officers responded to a reckless driving complaint and found Dunlap's 2000 Chrysler stopped at a traffic light near the 200 block of W. 34th Street. And when I say stopped at a traffic light, I mean stopped at a traffic light, as in Dunlap slumped over in the driver’s seat while not one, not two, but seven green lights came and went. Officers reportedly approached the car, found Dunlap passed out and attempted to wake him. Gainesville Police Department spokesman Lt. Keith Kameg said officers “talked to him and he would only open his eyes for a few seconds and then fall back asleep." Eventually, officers were able to unlock the car and turn off the ignition, then administer a field sobriety test that Dunlap failed badly. Nothing like seeing a 6-foot-6, 290-pound defensive end who is considered a potential first-round draft choice stumble his way through a simple field sobriety test, I have to admit. Dunlap was booked into the jail at 5:52 a.m., then released on his own recognizance about six hours later during his initial appearance at the Alachua County Jail. Before he was set free, Judge Mary Day Coker admonished Dunlap for underage drinking, and said he cannot possess alcohol, illegal drugs or prescription drugs that are not prescribed for him. In the wake of Dunlap’s arrest, Florida coach Urban Meyer announced after practice Tuesday evening that Dunlap has been suspended indefinitely from the team and will not play for the No. 1 Gators against No. 2 Alabama for the SEC Championship on Saturday in Atlanta's Georgia Dome. How very responsible of you, Urb. Actually, I’m stunned to see the coach of an elite Div. I team have the stones to suspend one of his top players before the biggest game of the season. Don’t expect that suspension to last beyond this game, especially if UF wins and makes it to next month’s national championship game. So there you have it, two different methods to preparing for the college football postseason. We just have to wait and see whose approach is more successful in the end………

- Phony invalid prisoner 1, state of Texas criminal justice system 0. That’s the scoreboard after a prisoner in a wheelchair escaped on foot Monday from two armed guards as he was being transferred between prisons. Arcade Comeaux Jr. is the prisoner who faked an inability to walk, scored a wheelchair and then managed to overpower two guards on his way to a new prison. The man who oversees Texas' criminal justice system, state Sen. John Whitmire, is oddly upset by this development and seems to view it as some sort of indictment of the system itself. Whitmire, a Democrat from Houston who is chairman of the state Senate's Criminal Justice Committee, called Wednesday for a shake-up in the system as authorities searched for Comeaux and tried to figure out just what the f*ck happened. "I just think enough's enough," Whitmire said. "We need a complete shake-up of the leadership of our prison system and/or an outside review by third parties. We just can't have security breaches of this nature." Probably not, especially when the escapee in question was serving a life sentence for aggravated sexual assault and two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The scene sets up thusly: a van containing Comeaux and two correctional officers left the Estelle prison in Huntsville about 5:45 a.m. Monday, bound for the Stiles prison in Beaumont, where Comeaux was being reassigned. Comeaux was shackled and in a wheelchair, "which he had claimed was needed for mobility,” according to a police statement. About 45 minutes into the trip, as they were driving through Conroe, 40 minutes north of Houston, Comeaux pulled out a pistol and ordered the guards to drive south to Baytown, east of Houston. The obvious question would be how a prisoner got his hands on a gun, but somehow he did. Clearly this is a guy who saw his best chance to escape, knew there was nothing more that could be added to his punishment because he was already serving a life sentence and decided to carpe the diem in a big way. Once the van reached Baytown, Comeaux took one of the guards' gray uniforms, handcuffed the officers together and left them in the rear of the van unharmed and sans dignity. He fled the scene after taking the officers' two semiautomatic pistols and a 12-gauge shotgun and leaving his own weapon behind. That was at approximately 9 a.m., an hour before law enforcement officers arrived and found the unharmed officers in the back of the van. Ironically, Comeaux was being transferred to Beaumont so he would be near John Sealy Hospital in Galveston, for treatment of the supposed paralysis he had suffered during a reported stroke. That claim would appear to be a complete fabrication and adds even more egg to the face of the criminal justice system. In an attempt to rectify their mistake, police are offering $16,000 in reward money for information leading to Comeaux's rearrest. More than 100 investigators are searching for the escapee and hopefully they are smarter than those charged with guarding and overseeing Comeaux up to this point. The critical mistake in this incident appears to be the failure of the two guards to pat down Comeaux while he was in his wheelchair and before they began the trip. Insufficient searches appear to be a substantial issue throughout the Texas prison system of late, as more than 900 cell phones have been confiscated this year alone from the 112 locations that house the state's 158,000 prisoners. You’re not exactly inspiring confidence in your prison system, Texas officials. Step your game up, keep a closer eye on prisoners and try not to allow them to Jedi mind-trick you with incredibly simply escape plans……..

Getting FAT to get fit, a college football nightmare ends and all fear the Black Screen of death - courtest of Microsoft, of course

- Paul James is a bit of a freak. While most people are looking to shed pounds and live a healthier lifestyle, James was looking to go the opposite direction – albeit with an ulterior motive. James, a personal trainer from Melbourne, Australia, was a chiseled 176 pounds of muscle a year ago. He is a trainer at Doherty's Gym in Melbourne, where dozens of like-minded, athletic specimens go to get their workout on. Yet when New Year’s Eve rolled around, James decided to make a resolution that could make only people like Mark Mangino and Rosie O’Donnell proud: gain weight and live a less-healthy lifestyle. James decided to stop working out, start eating junk food and pack on the pounds because he was having a difficult time relating to heavier gym patrons. "I always got along well with my clients, but there was a little bit of a bridge that I couldn't cross," James said. "Having never been overweight myself, it was really hard to understand what people go through -- what it feels like to go to the gym for the first time and how to get motivated. These are things I thought were real easy to address." To better empathize with those chunky gym-goers, James literally stopped working out entirely, began downing fast food habitually (he once ate four large pizzas in one sitting - 14,400 calories in an hour and a half, by his calculation) and filmed the experiment for an upcoming documentary titled "Fat and Back." He insists that his project is not a copycat of Morgan Spurlock’s McDonald’s expose, Supersize Me, and claims that he went to great lengths not to mirror Spurlock’s work. Instead, his purpose was to understand what overweight people go through and the struggles they face in changing their lifestyle – wherever they get their unhealthy food. In order to reach his bizarro-goal weight of 265 pounds, James ate a lot of crap and once he hit that mark, he spent three months maintaining it. Besides packing 12 inches on his waistline, he also found himself experiencing muscle pain, increased fatigue and dangerous spikes in cholesterol and blood sugar. Doctors worried about the impact on his spine from having to support his newly bulging stomach. Friends talked junk to him about his growing man boobs and James admits that the emotional toll from gaining 89 pounds and living as a fat guy was more than he expected. “I definitely overlooked the mental side of things and didn't realize how difficult it would really be," he explained. Come July, it was time to turn things around and get back to working out so he could complete the second half of his journey. Working out for the first time in six months proved to be a major adjustment as well. "The transition back into training was the hardest moment for me because I just didn't have any desire to train at all, and I was addicted to fat and sugar at the same time so my motivation was at an all-time low," James stated. After six weeks of training and shifting his focus, he managed to kick his junk-food habit and get back to healthy eating and regular workouts. Today, James is under 220 pounds and confident he can work his way back to his former physique by the end of the year. "It's all about motivation," James explained. "I want to move on and do more training on a wider scale with people from all over the world." Filming for "Fat And Back" will conclude in January and from there, James hopes to see it released in theaters or on television within a few months. It’s a truly bizarre journey and not one that anyone out there would be well-advised to follow. Get rid of
the junk food and fast food, start getting regular physical activity before it’s too late………

- Thank God, the nightmare is over. While I may be viewed as a jackass by some for celebrating the end of one of the most celebrated tenures in college football history, I’m not saying anything that a) isn't true and b) a lot of you aren’t thinking anyhow. Legendary Florida State coach Bobby Bowden, who built one of college football's greatest dynasties in 34 seasons with the Seminoles announced his retirement today in a written statement. He will coach FSU in whatever bowl game gets stuck with his 6-6 Seminoles, then ride off into the proverbial sunset. My problem with Bowden is simple and it’s also complicated. The simple part is that he’s one of those self-centered sports figures who cannot admit that they’ve outlived their usefulness and should call it quits. The story with Florida State football now is not the team on the field or the players; it’s all Bobby Bowden, all the time. Will he continue coaching? Will he retire? Can he still get the job done? It’a all about him and would be for as long as he was the head coach at Florida State. The bottom line is that his team’s on-field performance is worse from year to year and shows no signs of improvement. In light of this, Bowden should be able to, assuming he actually believes the messages of team-first thinking all coaches spout to their players all the time, admit that the program needs new leadership and step aside. But Bowden’s ego won't allow him to graciously step aside and this old codger still thinks that at age 80, he can make FSU an elite program once again. Not happening, B. The complicated side of the issue is that due to his immense legacy at FSU, getting rid of him is next to impossible. Firing the great Bobby Bowden would be unconscionable at best and his loyal supports would be looking to tar and feather anyone involved with such a move. So how do you get rid of a coach you can’t fire while simultaneously respecting all he’s done for your school and football program? The answer, as FSU president TK Wetherell and athletic director Randy Spetman discovered, is shaming Bowden into retirement by allowing him to return for one more season only if he accepted a severely reduced role that would make him little more than a figurehead for the 2010 season. Faced with this choice, Bowden’s ego clearly drove the bus and told him to retire. He made it official today and will leave the game as the second-winningest coach of all-time with 388 career victories, trailing only Penn State's Joe. Offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher, who was named Bowden's eventual successor near the end of the 2007 season, has agreed to contract terms to replace Bowden after this season. I hate the trend of naming a coach-in-waiting two or three years before a head coach retires as well, but that’s another argument for another day. The bottom line here is that this season marked the third time in four seasons that FSU lost six games and if Bobby Bowden couldn’t take an objective look at the state of his football program and admit that the time had come for him to leave, then whatever means the university took to force him into retirement were justified and wholly acceptable……..

- Sorry to all of the Alex O'Loughlin fans out there – both of you. For a second time, they must say a premature farewell to their favorite actor after CBS announced the cancellation of his new medical drama, Three Rivers. The organ-donor drama has been bottoming out in the ratings, drawing an average of 7.5 million viewers, and the network simply decided that it was wiser to air repeats of Criminal Minds and NCIS: Los Angeles instead Rivers. Effective immediately, the network will yank the show from the air, even though Rivers will complete production on all 13 episodes from the show's original order. No decisions have been made on whether they will air, but I wouldn’t be looking for them to show up any time soon. On the positive side for CBS, it did have two successful new series this fall with NCIS: LA and The Good Wife. Wife and LA averaged 13.7 million and 17.5 million viewers, respectively. Those are strong numbers even for shows I have no interest whatsoever in. Then again, I don’t regularly watch any shows on the supposed most-watched network on television, so that’s no surprise. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure why I’m talking about this at all, so let’s just move on and pretend this never happened…….

- All fear the Black Screen of Death! And if I’m talking black screens of death, of course I’m talking about the world’s worst operating system, Microsoft Windows. Microsoft admitted on Monday that it is looking into reports that its latest security updates are causing some serious problems for certain users, a problem that has been dubbed the "black screen of death." It leaves users with a black desktop and little else on their screen – ironically, this is an improvement over the travesty that is any version if Windows. "Microsoft is investigating reports that its latest release of security updates is resulting in system issues for some customers," the company said in a statement. "Once we complete our investigation, we will provide detailed guidance on how to prevent or address these issues. " Allow me to translate that from business-ese: We have no damn idea what the problem is with our sh**ty operating system. The issue was first identified by security firm Prevx on its blog on Friday. Ironically, Prevx actually did have a clue what the problem was. "The symptoms are very distinctive and troublesome," Prevx said. "After logging on there is no desktop, task bar, system tray or sidebar. Instead you are left with a totally black screen and a single My Computer Explorer window." Prevx suggested that the black screen issue can occur on a wide range of Windows machines from Windows NT through Windows 7 and that not all causes of the black-screen issue are related to the security update. "In researching this issue we have identified at least 10 different scenarios which will trigger the same black screen conditions," Prevx said. "These appear to have been around for years now." Well, most problems with Windows have been around for years – since its creation, actually. When Microsoft released its latest security updates on November 10 and issued six bulletins addressing 15 flaws, it succeeded in doing what it does best – making matters worse. Worse yet, a Microsoft representative said that the company continues to recommend that customers "test and deploy" the November security updates. Yes, deploy security updates that will bring the Black Screen of Death to your computer, well said…………

- This isn't going over well. President Obama announced Tuesday that he is sending 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan and as you’d expect, the sh*t immediately hit the fan. Liberals railed against the decision to seemingly further a war that Obama had vowed to end and conservatives ripped him for a) the manner in which he made the decision, b) the speech he gave to announce it and c) sending only 30,000 troops when the military leaders on the ground in Afghanistan had asked for more. The president attempted to cushion the blow by insisting that he plans to conclude the war and withdraw most U.S. service members within three years. The military reinforcements are scheduled to arrive in Afghanistan within six months, marking Obama’s second escalation of U.S. forces in the war-torn country since he came to power in January. In another attempt to make his flip-flop on the war look less douche-baggish, Obama is also seeking further troop commitments from NATO allies as part of a counterinsurgency strategy aimed at wiping out al Qaeda, stabilizing the country and training Afghan forces. With these new troops, the American presence in Afghanistan will now surpass 100,000 troops in Afghanistan, with only about 45,000 NATO forces by their side. And what speech would be complete without bashing the other side of the political spectrum? Obama accomplished this by firing back at Republicans who had accused him of "dithering" over the decision. In the end, it’s a difficult decision that will ramp up the one war we’ve fought this decade that actually had some justification at some point in its existence. Not that the situation in Afghanistan is any better for it, but I suppose you can’t ask for too much…….

A Heroes recap, an impossible decision for Israel and the quest for all-time NBA ineptitude

- Gee, it’s hard to see why the marriage between David Hasselhoff and Pamela Bach didn’t work out. The Hoff is a known alcoholic whose best recent work was that pathetic YouTube video in which one of his daughters filmed him writhing and rambling while fall-down drunk on the floor in an attempt to shame him into quitting his drinking ways. Now that we know that the former Mrs. Hoff is also a raging alkie, it’s just not that difficult to figure out why these two couldn’t keep their relationship from going off the tracks. Bach’s revelation as a lush came Saturday when she was arrested at 8:03 p.m. Saturday in the west San Fernando Valley on on suspicion of DUI. She was later booked at the Van Nuys police department and released early Sunday morning after posting $15,000 bail. Oh, and her arrest came just a day after the Hoff was hospitalized after he was found passed out at his home. But fear not; as with all good drunks, Bach has a solid explanation. She claims that she was trying to comfort the couple's daughters earlier in the evening and then went out for dinner where she had a few drinks. "I am remorseful and mortified. I am going through a really difficult time between David being in the hospital and dealing with the divorce," she lied. As if that lie wasn’t enough, she also stated that she is now attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Maybe she and the Hoff can stage a family reunion at the next AA meeting, then go out for a few gin-and-juices afterward, since that’s what they seem to do best………

- Maybe I’ve just watched too much television, but this sounds exactly like a plot from an episode of 24 or some other spy/international espionage-themed drama. Israel is facing a difficult situation because of of an Israeli soldier who is being held captive by Hamas. Cpl. Gilad Shalit has been a prisoner of the terror group for three years and now Hamas is attempting to use him to leverage the release of 980 Palestinian prisoners currently in Israeli custody. That figure, released by Israel's State Prosecutor's Office, is the first official estimate of how many Palestinians could be freed in exchange for Shalit. He was captured in a 2006 Hamas raid near the Israel-Gaza border. Making this sort of demand, the release of hundreds of dangerous prisoners in exchange for one captured person of importance, is just the type of dilemma that you’d expect for hear Jack Bauer debating. But the Israeli government is clearly giving strong consideration to these demands, as papers filed with Israel's high court reveal. The documents spell out the government’s potential plan for an initial release of 450 prisoners in the first phase of a deal, with another 530 prisoners slated to be freed in a second phase. The decision has caused an understandable amount of outrage from relatives of Israelis slain by Palestinians and a group of these relatives have petitioned the court to force the government to release more information about the details of a possible exchange. Negotiations for Shalit's release have been conducted through third-party mediators seeking to bridge the gap between Israel and Hamas. Talks have started and stopped repeatedly and at numerous times during the process, there seemed to be no real hope for an agreement. However, Shalit's freedom has become a condition for the Israelis to consider ending a blockade that has economically wounded the Palestinian territory of Gaza and that has been enough to bring Hamas back to the table. At a critical impasse in negotiations last week, Israeli President Shimon Peres met with Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak in Cairo, Egypt, and hinted that the talks could be at a critical juncture. That fueled speculation about a possible deal, but any such accord will also require the Israeli government to announce the list of any prisoners to be released and allow 48 hours for objections before a deal can take place. I’m honestly not sure where to come out on this, because a lot of people lose either way. If Israel doesn’t ante up and save Shalit, his friend, family and fellow soldiers will be heartbroken and angry. If Israel caves and releases nearly 1,000 Palestinian prisoners, then the family members of those who were killed or injured by the released prisoners will be livid. It’s the proverbial no-win situation and all I can say at this point is how thankful I am that it’s not my decision to make………

- Old things ending and new things beginning was the theme for tonight’s Heroes, the last episode of 2009 and the final one before the two-hour behemoth on Jan. 4 that will mark the show’s last night in the 8 p.m. Monday time slot before moving back an hour to accommodate the (much anticipated) return of another fave show, Chuck. The old things ending appeared to be 1) the tenure of Edgar as Samuel Sullivan’s second in command at the Sullivan Bros. carnival, Nathan Petrelli’s life (and Adrian Pasdar’s time on the show) and Claire Bennet’s grasp on reality and the outside world. In regards to the Petrelli family, Peter’s quest to track down the mutated hybrid that is his brother Nathan mashed up with über-villain Sylar was on, even after a visit from Peter’s mother Angela during his shift as a paramedic at the hospital. Instead, Peter happily welcomed a second visitor to help him in his quest: the Haitian, a.k.a. Rene. Eschewing the advice of his mother, Peter used his ability to absorb the power of others to take on Rene’s power to block the powers of others and also to erase their memories. Equipped with his new power, Peter had a chance to use it sooner than expected. On an elevator ride to a higher floor of the building, a husky, black female nurse suddenly accosts him and lifts Peter clean off the floor with one hand. The elevator stops and Peter is hurled through the open door into the wall of a floor currently closed for remodeling. Out of the elevator steps Sylar, who had shape-shifted into the appearance of the female nurse. He seizes Peter’s bag of drugs, intended to be used to subdue Sylar so Peter could use his new power to wipe out all of his Sylar memories and turn the body they occupied back into his brother. A fight ensues and Peter strikes the first blow with a 2x4 to the back after hiding in the shadows. Sylar falls to the floor and turns around to use his telepathic powers to toss Peter across the room again, but to no avail. Peter blocks his powers and instead the duo battles it out mano a mano. Peter takes some solid shots but gains the upper hand, using his rage to fuel his fire. He eventually subdues Sylar enough to really go to work with a nail gun, pinning his adversary to a piece of plywood on the floor. Next, Peter attempts to permanently turn the body in front of him back into his brother by wiping out all Sylar memories. The attempt seems to work as the body shape-shifts back into Nathan’s likeness and Nathan speaks to Peter to confirm the change. Still, he admits that he’s extremely tired from fighting to stay alive inside the body while Sylar’s mind tries to kill him off. Peter suggests that they get out for some fresh air to clear Nathan’s mind and takes him to the building we saw Peter leap from the roof of in the first episode of the series when he was still figuring out his own powers and believed he could fly. The two reminisce about Nathan saving Peter that day by unleashing his own power to fly. Joy is short-lived, however, as Nathan continues to lament that he’s really not still alive and is merely a fraud living in a borrowed body. In the end, he takes his own way out by jumping off the roof. Peter catches him and is able to hold onto him momentarily, but in the end Nathan convinces him to let go in an emotional speech that brings tears to both brothers’ eyes. Peter releases his grip, Nathan falls and…..turns into Sylar mid-fall. Before he hits the ground, Sylar is back in possession of the body and in spite of crashing into the hood of a car, Sylar walks away unscathed thanks to his power to heal. A helpless Peter can only look on in dismay as Sylar waves to him from a hundred feet below and strolls casually away from the scene. There’s nothing casual about Claire Bennet’s current situation. Having stolen the mysterious compass from her father’s apartment last episode, Claire and roommate Gretchen follow the bizarro navigational device to the Sullivan Bros. carnival somewhere in southern Ohio. H.R.G. realizes the compass is gone right as he’s to leave for a date with former/current flame Lauren Gilmore (whose name is a nod to Gilmore Girls and star Lauren Graham, perhaps). She shows up at his apartment, asks about his new wall collage detailing his research into Samuel Sullivan and other people with powers currently making news in the world and spurs H.R.G. to dig into his desk for the compass to illustrate what he’s up to. The compass is gone and H.R.G. realizes instantly that Claire took it, bringing a swift end to his date and sending he and Lauren on a frantic search to pinpoint Claire’s location. She doesn’t answer a phone call, but Lauren is able to triangulate her cell phone’s signal to the southern portion of Ohio. That leaves H.R.G. at a loss for what to do next, but he compounds his woes by admitting to Lauren that they had a romantic relationship while working for the Company but that when it became clear than their affair wasn’t working out, she “Haitian-ed” herself, using her own power to wipe out all her memories of the relationship so they could both move on. She’s taken aback by the revelation and none too happy, but a knock at the door interrupts the conversation. The visitor is none other than Eli, the man whom Samuel Sullivan has asked to be his new right-hand man in light of Edgar’s departure last episode on account of Samuel falsely accusing him of murder and attempting to kill him. Eli is a replicator, meaning he can multiply himself. He actually takes a straightforward approach with H.R.G. and is honest about who he is and the purpose of his visit. When H.R.G. won't allow him inside, Eli uses his power to multiply himself and with several copies to go around, he manages to get inside the apartment and force H.R.G. and Lauren to retreat to the bathroom to regroup. H.R.G. pulls out several hidden guns and announces a plan to shoot every copy of Eli in sight until they hit the original one, which should kill all of the Eli’s. The problem with that plan is that by this time, Eli (all of him) is gone, having stolen the files Samuel wanted from H.R.G. With all of his research gone, H.R.G. has to figure out his next move while also trying to find his missing daughter. Speaking of Claire, she’s having a day at the carnival with Gretchen and finds herself surprisingly happy and content within the world of the Sullivan Bros. carnival. Samuel meets her at the gate and welcomes she and Gretchen inside. He tells them to look around, enjoy some popcorn and peek behind the scenes. Claire gradually finds herself warming up to the atmosphere because it’s a place where people like her can use their abilities and be around individuals who know what it’s like to live with an ability. Gretchen isn't sold on the idea, even if the super-powered con men, as she calls them, are using their powers to do things like helping a little girl win a carnival game and get a fun prize. The evening also features a visit to the Tattooed Lady, Lydia. After telling Samuel that she knows the truth about him murdering his brother Joseph but vowing to keep quiet to protect her daughter Amanda, Lydia fills her role in the family by offering to use her power to help show Claire why she’s at the carnival. Lydia takes Claire’s hand and uses her power to show a tattoo of Claire’s likeness on her back, with the words “Indestructible Girl” written below. When Claire asks what this means, Lydia says she isn't predicting the future, but merely showing Claire her true desires. As they wander around the rest of the carnival, Claire and Gretchen encounter a familiar face with whom Claire has a history: Eric Doyle, a.k.a. the Puppet Man. Even though he once attempted to kill her, it was Claire who helped Doyle elude government capture and flee Costa Verde last season. Now, he’s a member of Samuel’s family at the carnival and thanks Claire for her help in getting there. To further play with Claire’s emotions and convince her to join his merry band of misfits, Samuel calls on her to tell a story to the children in the group. She consents and basically tells her life story wrapped up in a fairy tale. The children love it, but the evening doesn’t end on a happy note. An irate carnival patron who lost a ball toss game because one of the workers used his power to rig the game when the man wouldn’t step aside to let a little girl play storms the employees’ area and attacks Samuel. Surprisingly, Samuel takes the beating because he believes the man has the right to say what he needs to say. However, Claire has seen enough and steps in between the two. Undeterred, the angry man breaks a beer bottle and attacks her. He slashes Claire on the right cheek, but when she turns back around and he sees her heal right in front of him, he’s so freaked out that he flees. A huge smile creeps across Samuel’s face and his motives for taking the punches becomes immediately clear. He offers to allow her to stay at the carnival for a couple of days to do some soul searching before heading back to school. Claire ultimately decides to accept the offer and tells Gretchen to make the 21-hour drive back to campus without her, but that she’ll be back on Monday. As Gretchen drives away, Samuel and Lydia have a bizarre conversation. Samuel confesses that “she” is not the one he’s after, with the she apparently being Claire. The implication seems to be that Gretchen is the one he’s after, although I could be mistaken. We see Gretchen drive away and as she does, the reflection of the carnival in her read csr window disappears, seeming to indicate that the carnival has vanished once again. Also, what looks like a dead body of a very obese man is lying in the bed of a truck in the parking lot, not sure what that means. The episode ends with a montage of various people with powers – Hiro, Ando, Emma, Peter, etc. – living their lives wherever they are and Samuel speaking a monologue. He goes on about reuniting their “family” and not being carnival nomads anymore. The final shot is of him and his family, Claire among them, in a nondescript field where they gather around Joseph’s grave and Samuel vows that when they gather everyone (people with powers), this is where they will make their home and roam no more. So for the next month, the story stops here, this will pick back up in January………

- This should shock exactly no one, but Iran doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about what the rest of the world thinks of its nuclear-development plans. Iran approved plans Sunday to build 10 industrial scale uranium enrichment facilities, an expansion of the that basically gives a giant diplomatic middle finger to U.N. demands it halt enrichment. Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made this move knowing full well that it would ratchet up tensions with the West and the timing of the announcement is no coincidence. It came only days after the U.N. nuclear watchdog agency censured Iran over its program and demanded it halt the construction of a newly revealed enrichment facility. The more the West puts its collective foot down and issues ultimatums, the more Iran digs in and defies those who would like to prevent it from developing the capabilities to nuke Israel from the face of the Earth. There is not a snowball in hell’s chance that Iran ever agrees to a U.N. deal aimed at ensuring Tehran cannot build a nuclear weapon in the near-term future. Threatening new U.N. sanctions if Iran does not respond should only spur Ahmadinejad and crew to thumb their nose at the West even more. "Time is running out for Iran to address the international community's growing concerns about its nuclear program," White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said. Talk all you want, Bob, Iran ain’t listening. Nor are they going to have an open mind for the U.N.'s International Atomic Energy Agency and its rebuke over enrichment. Just look at the words of one Iranian politician after hearing of the rebuke - parliament speaker Ali Larijani. Larijani threatened on Sunday to reduce cooperation with the IAEA. "Should the West continue to pressure us, the legislature can reconsider the level of Iran's cooperation with the IAEA," Larijani told parliament. Meanwhile, Iran’s one current operating enrichment facility, at the central town of Natanz, has churned out around 3,300 pounds of low-enriched uranium over the past years — enough to build a nuclear weapon if Iran enriches it to a higher level. All along the way, Iran has insisted that it has no intention of following through on that possibility and is merely using its nuclear program to generate electricity. At the risk of pissing off my man M. Ahmadinejad, I would like to point out that ordering the Atomic Energy Organization of Iran to begin building five uranium enrichment plants at sites around Iran and proposing five other locations for future construction within two months is not a good way to convince people that you aren’t looking to develop a massive nuclear arsenal. The fact that these new sites are to be built inside mountains to protect them from possible attacks should only heighten the apocalyptic fears that everyone outside of Iran seems to be harboring right about now, good times………

- I was so ecstatic last year when the Detroit Lions ran the table in reverse for a 0-16 miracle season that was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Seeing a team in a major professional sport not do what it takes to win for an entire season, to see them find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory time after time…..it was inspiring, to say the least. But because an NFL season is only 16 games long and the seasons for other major sports in the United States are much longer, a winless season from an NBA, NHL or MLB team is simply impossible – or so I thought. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the 2009-10 version of the New Jersey Nets, a team that has now tied an NBA record with an 0-17 start. The Nets equaled the mark in a 106-87 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers on Sunday, with the defeat coming less than 24 hours after head coach Lawrence Frank was fired for his team’s inept play thus far in the season. New leadership clearly did not help the Nets against one of the NBA’s best teams and they lost to match the worst start to a season that was previously held by the 1988-89 Miami Heat and 1998-99 Los Angeles Clippers. It’s a solid start to a quest for futility as daunting as losing 82 straight NBA games, but there are still 65 games left to lose for the Nets. They will have to lose to a lot of bad teams to get the job done, teams that are almost as pathetic as they are – almost. General manager Kiki Vanderweghe will come down from the front office to coach the team for the rest of the year and this concerns me for a variety of reasons. First, his job could well be on the line just like Frank’s if things don’t turn around. He assembled this roster and if it is able to bring about the fulfillment of my dream of a winless NBA team, Vanderweghe could follow Frank out the door. Second, Vanderweghe is bound to bring a fresh perspective and new approach to the team and that could be just the sort of infectious thinking that will ruin the team’s focus and cause them to slip up. And yes, I realize that hip-hop icon Jay-Z is a minority owner of the Nets and seeing H.O.V.A.’s squad perform so miserably is not something I would have hoped for, ever. That being said and even though I would much prefer it to be a different team headed for historical incompetence, I don’t get to choose the team that will chase this dream. The team chooses itself by its play on the court and I am merely here to root them on in their unintentional quest for a dream……..my dream……..

Afghan jail breaks, weekend movie news and the might of the naked mole rat

- Why in the world would anyone want to escape from a place at swanky as an Afghan jail? That’s a question I can't answer, but there are 12 guys who could explain it – the 12 prisoners who escaped jail through a tunnel they dug from their cell to the outside in western Afghanistan. This dirty dozen was a collection of low-level Taliban militants, drug-dealers and other minor criminals. Farah province police chief Gen. Mohammad Faqir Askar revealed details of the escape, along with news that a 13th prisoner was arrested during his attempted escape. That prisoner spilled the beans on his comrades and told authorities that the tunnel took 10 days to dig and the plan was to slowly empty the prison overnight. At the time of the escape, there were more than 300 inmates were held in the prison, which was built to hold about 80. Now I am the first to admit that I am not the holder of a master’s in advanced mathematics, but that sounds to me like this prison was about 220 prisoners over capacity, give or take a few. Prison overcrowding has been a major problem in Afghanistan as the country’s corruption-prone government struggles to establish a justice system and prove to the nations – especially the United States – assisting it that there is hope for a better future. Escapes are not the only issue facing Afghani prisons, as violence inside detention facilities has also been a major problem. Last year, inmates in the main prison in Kabul took control of entire cellblocks before being pushed back. In June 2008, Taliban militants launched an assault on a prison in the southern city of Kandahar that freed 900 inmates. Prison overcrowding is also an issue here in the United States, but clearly a developing, war-torn nation like Afghanistan is going to have a much bigger struggle with the same problem because of its limited resources and lack of experience in handling such issues. Not to speak for our government and for Secretary of State Hank Clinton (largely because I fear that Hank might kick my ass if I do), but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that a mass prison escape isn't what Hank had in mind when he proclaimed a need for the Afghan government to weed out corruption and step its game up if it wants to continue receiving assistance from the U.S…………

- Thank God that Bud Selig is at least a little bit smarter than a group of ass-hatted Major League Baseball owners who clearly don’t understand what’s good for their sport. Sure, Selig has done some nice things for the game of baseball during his tenure, but this guy has made as many major errors as he’s had success stories. For every implementation of the wild card system, there’s a tie in the All-Star Game, a failure to institute wider use of replay in the game and an imbecilic decision to award home-field advantage for the World Series to the winner of a meaningless exhibition game like the ASG in a vain attempt to inject it with meaning. In spite of this, a group of baseball owners recently approached Selig and asked him to stay on after his contract ends in 2012. Sources close to the situation say that it was a group of five owners that approached Selig and asked if he would be willing to continue his reign of terror beyond 2012. Thankfully, Selig has the offer and will leave his post once his current contract ends in 2012. That will mark 20 years as commissioner for Selig, who took the job when Fay Vincent was forced out of the commissioner's office 1992. Selig, who is 75, told the moronic owners who asked him to stay on that he wants to leave baseball to pursue other interests while he's still able. No word on what those interests are, but I’m guessing they have nothing to do with baseball and more to do with taking long naps and going to flea markets with other old-timers in Florida. Selig owned the Milwaukee Brewers prior to taking over as commissioner, so clearly he has given the majority of his life to baseball and I for one will not be sad to see him move on……..

- Let’s all enjoy an eco-friendly story that should serve as an example to one and all of how construction projects don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive to protecting and nurturing the environment. The tiny port town of Edmonston, Maryland is showing the rest of us how it’s done as it breaks ground this week on one of the greenest streets in the nation. Edmonston, located in Prince George's County, is touting the road as the greenest on the East Coast. What makes it so eco-friendly? Well, the road will help clean and filter toxic storm water pollution that drains into rivers, and eventually into Chesapeake Bay. "What we're hoping to do, from top to bottom, is build a street that is completely environmentally sustainable, " said Edmonston Mayor Adam Ortiz. Ortiz went on to explain that the design for the street incorporates native tree cover to cool off the streets, wind-powered street lights that use high-efficiency LED bulbs, and pedestrian and bicycle access. However, the mayor cites the most important feature as the street’s ability to filter rainwater rather than simply having it wash off directly into local rivers’ debris and all. "[It's] not going to be flushed into our local rivers. Instead it's going to be naturally filtered. And that's very important for us to save our rivers and to help save the Chesapeake Bay here in Maryland,” Ortiz explain. Typically, storm water runoff carries toxins and pollution from parking lots, city streets, farms and agricultural lands, depending on its location. The normal setup is to have underground concrete drain systems that collect the runoff and dump it into rivers and streams, pollutants and all. "What we're going to do, instead, is divert that water into natural gardens. To the naked eye it just looks like a regular garden, but actually it's very specially engineered to absorb a lot of water and naturally filter it before it gets into the water table, and to keep it from washing all those pollutants into the river," Ortiz added. This is important for Edmonston in particular because its storm water runoff drains into the nearby Anacostia River, which feeds into the Washington Channel, then empties into the Potomac River and eventually Chesapeake Bay. Cleaning the water at the start of the process will have a positive effect all along the way. As for the system itself, here’s how it works: The includes using porous bricks in building the road and creating bioretention cells or rain gardens. Polluted runoff water is collected and sent through natural filtration systems, coming out much cleaner on the other side. The project is being funded by the Environmental Protection Agency through a $1.1 million Recovery Act grant. The state of Maryland is looking to Edmonston as a model for similar projects elsewhere in the state and officials say that they have already allocated $20 million for other green projects. "Our goal is that other towns and cities and communities will steal our ideas," Mayor Ortiz said. "We'll know we're successful when we see these technologies used in other places." Agreed and agreed. Now, let’s hope that other towns see and follow your solid example………

- Naked mole rats: They’re not just for Disney Channel cartoons like Kim Possible. Scientists like Thomas Park, a professor of biological sciences at the University of Illinois at Chicago, have been studying these curious creatures and finding that the naked mole rat just might have some important lessons to teach us. For starters, naked mole rats don't get cancer, they aren’t seriously affected by encounters with acid and they age so well, some are older than the handling them. "They really are from Mars, I think," Park said. In actuality, the creatures are native to the horn of Africa. Researchers are bringing them into the lab at a rapid rate and trying to learn what makes the naked mole rat so durable and long-living. They're being used to study everything from aging to cancer to strokes. Nearly 1,500 naked mole rats are currently living at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, making it the largest colony in the U.S. At least a half-dozen other universities also have colonies to study the nearly blind, hairless rodents with their wrinkled skin, tiny legs and buck teeth. Average lab mice live about two years, so having naked mole rats and their potential to live for up to 30 years is a nice bonus. Better still, there bone quality doesn't start to diminish until they're about 24 years old. Their appearance belies all of these impressive facts, which you’ll know with one quick glance at a naked mole rat. They are small (several can fit into a palm) and it’s actually possible to see beneath their pinkish skin. Still, don’t underestimate their toughness. Whereas squirting lemon juice on an open wound would cause you or I to wince in pain, naked mole rats don't feel pain because they lack a neurotransmitter known as substance P. Because of this, they’ve become a key asset in the field of pain research. Park and fellow researcher John Larson will publish their findings in next month's journal NeuroReport. Their report will include the revelation that the brains of adult naked mole rats can withstand oxygen depravation for a half-hour or more, which could be extremely beneficial in stroke research. So the next time think of the goofy Rufus the naked mole rat of Kim Possible fame, now you’ll know that it’s not entirely fiction. Rufus and his fellow naked mole rats are much closer to superheroes than any of us could ever have imagined………

- Another weekend, another box office victory for The Twilight Saga: New Moon. You ladies out there just cannot get enough vampire lovin’ and so New Moon raked in $42.5 million over the three-day (Friday through Sunday) weekend, making it the top-grossing movie for the second straight weekend. That take brings its cumulative total to $230.7 million — the sixth highest of the year, just below Star Trek ($257.7 million). Coming in second was a superior movie to New Moon, the Sandra Bullock-led The Blind Side, with $40.1 million despite being a football-centric movie and trying to appeal to decidedly non-football fans. With a $100.3 million total so far, it’s Bullock’s second $100 million hit of the year after this summer’s The Proposal ($164 million). The third-place finisher was end-of-the-world “epic” 2012 with $18 million, proving once again that people would much rather watch a movie about their supposed fiery demise than be out living life to the fullest just in case that supposed demise comes to fruition. Finishing fourth was a true clunker, the Robin Williams-John Travolta “comedy” Old Dogs, with $16.8 million. I put the word comedy in quotes because just like the film it’s basically a rip-off/lame-tastic sequel of, Wild Hogs, this movie is as unfunny a comedy as you’ll ever find on a movie screen. However, Old Dogs has only made $24.1 million total so far and definitively hasn’t been able to draw in the same older, male demographic that drove Wild Hogs to a $39.7 million debut back in 2007. Disney’s A Christmas Carol, the animated holiday flick, was fifth with $16 million and now that Christmas is upon us, this is one film I would expect to receive a strong holiday bump to keep its earnings fairly steady. Up next was a film I saw a crapload of promotion for during a visit to New York a few weeks ago, Ninja Assassin (sixth place, $13.1 million). Meanwhile, George Clooney’s new animated project, Fantastic Mr. Fox, made $7 million . in its first wide-release weekend. Another limited-release film, The Road, grossed $1.5 million at 111 theaters. Overall, the box office raked in an all-time high of $278 million over the five-day weekend. With the holiday season now in full swing, go ahead and expect overall box office revenues to remain high for the remainder of the year, regardless of the actual quality of movies at your local multiplex…………