Shady prosecutors, crazy Mike Tyson and why you can get away with any crime as long as you don't cheat on your taxes

- I don’t know about you, but I have felt substantially safer the past few months knowing Mike Tyson is behind bars. Following his Dec. 29 arrest in Scottsdale, Ariz. on charges of drug possession and driving under the influence of drugs, Tyson finally has a trial date: August 20. America’s favorite insane former boxer could be sentenced to as much as 7 ½ years in prison if convicted on all four counts facing him. Ultimately, the most discouraging part of this is that this legal mumbo-jumbo is preventing Iron Mike from continuing work on that facial tattoo that now sits half-completed on the left side of his face. The next pretrial hearing in the case is set for May 24, but Tyson will only participate by phone so as to not interrupt his treatment, according to his lawyers. Spin it any way you want guys, but I think we all know you’re making the smart play by staying as far away from that crazy dude as possible at all times. The less often you put yourself into direct contact with Tyson, the safer you are.

- Most of us have heroes, people we idolize and put on a pedestal because they are great athletes, musicians, actors, politicians or role models in some sense. Likewise, many people who feel a friend of loved one has been wrongfully convicted of a crime fight to clear that person’s name even after that loved one has passed away. However, that doesn’t mean it’s anything but idiotic to fight for a pardon for the governor when your favorite musician, now deceased, was convicted of indecent exposure and profanity at a concert…..in 1969. Dave Diamond, a cable TV producer and fan of Morrison and the Doors, is asking Florida Governor Charlie Crist to pardon Morrison for those charges. Diamond wants people to remember Morrison as a musician, not as a rock n’ roll bad boy with a rap sheet, but that’s where I think his efforts become even more misguided. Besides fighting to absolve a deceased man of a minor crime that nearly everyone has forgotten about, Diamond is ignoring that fact that being lawbreakers and wild men are what make rock n’ rollers the icons they are. Bad behavior is expected, hence the sex, drugs and rock and roll idea. Glad to see Dave Diamond is focused on what really matters in life, though. After all, Jim Morrison should really appreciate it if he is pardoned, assuming that those urban legends about him still being alive and living with Elvis somewhere in the United States are true.

- Now it’s not just the foods you eat that can poison or sicken you, it’s the hygiene products you use after eating that are dangerous too. Listerine, which recently launched a new mouthwash product specifically targeted at children, is now recalling that same product because it could be dangerous to those very same kids due to contamination with microorganisms. Listerine Agent Cool Blue plaque-detecting rinse, which is supposed to color any plaque left on teeth blue, instead is likely to infect your mouth with some nasty little microorganisms and thus all 4 million bottles that have been distributed thus far are being recalled. Call me crazy, but this is not the best way to launch a product. If you need to recall it right away, odds are you should have taken more time to prepare said product for its launch.

- Here’s more proof that you can do whatever you want in America, no matter how lewd, reckless, disgusting and borderline illegal and get away with it, but the second you try to screw the IRS out of tax money, you’re goin’ down. Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series, has been slapped with charges that his company claimed more than $20 million in false business expenses on tax returns. Francis and his company have been in brushes with the law before, but have mostly gotten off unscathed. This time, though, he’s messed with the IRS, and the government gets extremely pissed when you try to scheme them out of tax money. The claims of $20 million in business expenses is especially dubious coming from a production company whose main expenses are buying liquor to help get girls drunk enough to flash the camera and paying sleazy cameramen to film said action. It’s not like you all have a bunch of intelligent, Mensa-like thinkers working there, so don’t try lying on your taxes because you of all people aren’t going to get away with it. Enjoy prison, Joe, I’m sure many of the guys you meet there will be big fans of your work……

- Rich college lacrosse players fought the law and the rich college lacrosse players won. Charges against the three Duke University athletes accused of gang-raping a stripper at a party have been dropped, ending a shoddy, politically driven prosecution by now ex-prosecutor Mike Nifong that ended up wasting a lot of money and time and ruining a lot of lives. Nifong clearly wanted to use this case as a means to re-election, and he did that. However, he was also fired because of the way he handled the case, so ultimately he got what was coming to him. The three lacrosse players, Reade Seligmann, David Evans and Collin Finnerty, had to endure ridicule, condemnation and presumed guilt from many on their campus and around the country, and for that, they deserve some sympathy. Notice I said some, not total sympathy. They are guilty of boorish behavior, acting like spoiled rich kids and crossing ethical lines in what they did at that party. They may not have been guilty of criminal activity, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t do anything wrong. Charges like rape don’t just pop up when absolutely nothing wrong has taken place. These three guys should take a lesson from this, and it’s not that money and affluence can buy you out of tough situations. They should learn and remember that staying out of jail doesn’t mean that what you did was right or justified, it just means it wasn’t criminal.