Danger on the high seas, desperation from a reality TV star and when peanut butter will be safe to eat once again

- Whew, that was close. A week nearly passed without a cruise ship disaster or virus outbreak of some sort, which would have broken the streak of 441 straight weeks with such an occurrence. The Greek-flagged cruise ship Sea Diamond saved us from that fate, striking a reef in the Mediterranean and forcing the evacuation of nearly 1,600 passengers. Hundreds of American tourists were among the ship’s passengers, all of whom had to abandon ship near the island of Santorini. More than a dozen ships were involved in the rescue efforts, and thankfully no one was seriously injured in the incident. Many of the passengers were out on the ship’s main deck taking pictures when the collision with the reef happened. No official word yet on who was at fault in the matter, the ship or the reef. A fortunate break for the passengers is that because they were forced to abandon ship early, they didn’t remain on board long enough to contract Norovirus, the ailment that seems to make its way onto every cruise ship if given enough time. Silver linings, people, always look for the silver linings.

- On the topic of viruses and food-borne illnesses…..the cause of salmonella-laced peanut butter from ConAgra Foods has been found. Moisture from a leaky roof and a fault sprinkler aided in the growth of the salmonella bacteria found in the peanut butter, which resulted in more than 400 illnesses nationwide. ConAgra foods promises that the problem will be rectified and that come mid-July, when the company returns its Peter Pan brand peanut butter to stores, the product will be totally safe. I, however, will continue growing my own peanuts, pesticide-free, grinding them up and processing my own homemade peanut butter for another year or so, just to be safe. Yes, there are some drawbacks, such as the cramps in my feet from stomping the peanuts in my peanut press…..what, you mean that’s not how you make peanut butter? Well, it tastes fine to me, and it’s a lot safer than eating potentially deadly sandwich spread bought off a store shelf.

- Legislative bodies might be no good at passing laws and enacting reforms that actually help the people they serve right here in the 21st century, but they’re damn good at helping out people who have been dead for almost 150 years. The North Carolina Senate passed a measure this week apologizing for the state’s role in promoting slavery and anti-black Jim Crow laws during Civil War times. Following the lead of lawmakers in Virginia, the North Carolina Senate issued a statement acknowledging its “profound contrition for the official acts that sanctioned and perpetuated the denial of basic human rights and dignity for fellow humans.” Whoa, that’s a lot of BS and political mumbo-jumbo packed into one long, long sentence. I’m sure that the zeros and zeros of slaves who are still alive appreciate that very much, senators. Don’t tax yourselves with trivial matters like education, highways, crime and taxes, you just keep working in resolutions that don’t accomplish a single freaking thing that matters to the day-to-day operation of your state.

- Dear God, this has the potential to be the biggest disaster in musical history…….ever. Teaming the steaming, stinking heap of money crap that is American Karaoke with a musical novelty act like Gwen Stefani was one thing and it was bad, but when you add Jennifer Lopez to the mix……yikes. Lopez, whose primary strength as a musician is that she’s hot and has one of the world’s elite bottom halves, is going to be the centerpiece for what is being termed a “Latin-themed” week on AK. Forget that Lopez doesn’t have a single good song in her entire repertoire; even if she did, you want these glorified karaoke contestants to try and mimic Latino music when they’re so incredibly inept and overwhelmed by crappy American music? Lopez is appearing in a vain attempt to pump life into her floundering Spanish-language album, but selling your musical soul and appearing on AK doesn’t revive your music career, it kills it. Lopez should devote herself to being a wife and mother, maybe make a mediocre movie or two and forget about music. When I think of Lopez “mentoring” these contestants on how to use a synthesizer to boost and mask your atrocious voice, how to have someone else write songs for you because you lack the talent to do so, to make a music video focusing entirely on how hot you are so no one notices what an awful singer you are…..it makes my heart swell….scratch that, it makes me want to vomit.

- MTV’s reality show The Hills, a spin-off of Laguna Beach and a show that was mildly entertaining for one season, has now spawned an alleged sex tape involving star of The Hills Lauren Conrad. I personally lost interest in both of those reality shows right as their respective first seasons were ending. For one season, you can talk yourself into thinking it’s like an extended documentary and that laughing at spoiled rich kids and their trivial “problems” is amusing, but more than one helping of these spoiled brats clues you in to the fact that they’re really not that interesting and in many ways, you’re a whole lot smarter than any of them. But The Hills has plugged on and has been picked up for a third season, a season that could receive some added attention of Conrad’s former boyfriend, the leech known as Jason Wahler, sells a sex tape he made with Conrad. It took any semi-intelligent person .005 seconds to realize that Wahler was using Conrad and the show in an attempt to jump start his own career and garner some undeserved publicity. Since that failed, it appears he’s peddling the sex tape in an attempt to grab a little extra time in the public eye. Next stop for this loser? The adult film industry should be waiting with open arms for him, so life is definitely looking rosy…….