Real life pirates, copycat movies and a 43-foot magnet

-Another violator of my rule against blatantly ripping off mediocre movies that are less than five years old has emerged. Red Line, a movie that aspires to be taken seriously (at least based on its promos) could not be a more egregious copycat of The Fast and the Furious trilogy, right down to the twenty-somethings racing souped-up sports cars with specialized paint jobs on deserted roadways and having “thrilling” near-disasters while talking ridiculously-scripted smack to one another. There’s the token hot chick driver too, and the ever-present possibility of a love connection between racers. If a director and producer are going to so obviously copy such a recent film, I propose that they be required to cite their sources in much the same manner as a student writing a term paper. Just as Mrs. Feffercorn doesn’t want you bogarting your term paper on Beowulf from the encyclopedia and some online term paper site, it’s not fair that someone rip off the concept and script for a bad movie and try to pass it off as their own. Word to the not-so-wise: The Fast and the Furious wasn’t much good in its first, second or third incarnation, so pick a better movie to replicate. How is it that we can have four variations of this crappy concept but no one has made a movie similar to Shawshank Redemption or A Beautiful Mind? Maybe bad movies are easier to remake because they didn’t take all that much effort or thought in the first place……….

- Who has time to fill previous Olympic-level commitments when you’re trying to become the world’s youngest billionaire and build a gaudy 35,000 square-foot mansion with a ginormous bas-relief sculpture of yourself? LeBron James, the Man Who Would Be King (assuming he could win anything, of course), is in a bit of a tussle with USA Basketball because early indications are that James is reconsidering living up to the three-year commitment he made to play on Team USA in its pre-Olympic schedule and in the 2008 Summer Games in Beijing. Asked what his thoughts were on playing for USA Hoops as it attempts to qualify for the Olympics, James replied, “Right now, I’m 50-50.” Funny King, but I don’t think there’s a 50-50 provision in that agreement you made with USA Basketball. Jerry Colangelo, Team USA Director, doesn’t know about that provision either. “Unless people have a legitimate reason for not participating, I expect them to uphold their three-year commitment,” he explained. He went on to say that simply preferring not to play this summer would not satisfy his criteria for a legitimate reason. Colangelo is right on this, by the way. Yes, playing competitive ball during the summer when it is supposed to be your off-season is an added responsibility, but it’s one you agreed to. You knew when you signed on that you’d be playing a lot of extra games, but you decided to make the commitment ands now you need to honor it, King. You don’t get to cherry-pick which tournaments you play in, then step in at the Olympics and do your thing. Be a man, live up to your promise and play in the qualifying tournament; otherwise, step aside, don’t play this summer and then you can also not play in the Olympics. Your call, chief.

- Well that was certainly quick. Five episodes in, NBC has snuffed out The Black Donnellys, a New York-based mob drama centered around four Irish brothers. I appear to have been largely alone in watching and enjoying the show, because after strong ratings for the first couple of episodes, Black Donnellys saw its ratings drop precipitously the past few weeks. All told, it was a very good show that could have been much, much better. I can understand why NBC might pull the plug; after all, the mission of over-the-air networks is to sell ad space, not to provide quality shows. Sure, this show could do a lot better than what it was doing, but even so it was markedly better than most of the crap NBC shoves on its viewers (and again, I’m not saying this because Olivia Wilde, the uber-hot chick who played Marissa’s lesbian lover on The O.C. was a main character). Black Donnellys mostly serious, but it had some understated laughs and characters you could love and hate at the same time, which is always interesting because no one in real life is perfect and likeable all the time, so characters who are that way aren't plausible. Here, some expansion on the neighborhood and lives of the Donnelly brothers beyond their family bar and moneymaking schemes would have been a good start, but now the show won't have that chance. The final six episodes that have been filmed will be streamed at NBC.com, so that’s the place to go for one last fix. The cancellation continues a disturbing trend of my becoming hooked on new shoes that are axed in five episodes or less, following CBS’ Love Monkey, starring Tom Cavanaugh, which had its short run back in 2006.

- At the risk of driving a point right into the ground, a quick hitter on the Iraq war funding debate: the height of hypocrisy is our despised president labeling the recently passed bill containing troop-withdrawal language as “irresponsible.” No, W., what’s irresponsible is sending tens of thousands of American soldiers to a foreign country they had no business going to in the first place, throwing them into combat against insurgent groups they have no reason to fight and then refusing to admit that the mythical WMD’s we invaded Iraq to find don’t exist. Your entire premise for this war is a lie and a snow job, and you’re the one who is irresponsible and reckless. There’s no other way to describe a man who haphazardly invades a foreign country and then refuses to admit his mistake and end the insanity. Shut your cake hole, you ignorant, intellectually stunted piece of crap.

- Who doesn’t love a good pirate story? I know I do, and when the story involves hijacking ships using assault rifles and rocket-propelled grenades, count me in. Yes, I know some of you cling to the antiquated notion of pirates as peg-legged, sword-wielding, parrot-having scoundrels a la Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, but get with it people, pirates have gone modern. In Somalia, pirates using the aforementioned weapons of assault hijacked an Indian cargo ship and held it for ransom as it was preparing to dock at Mogadishu’s port. The vessel was carrying about 900 tons of cargo when the 10 pirates overpowered the ship’s 14-man crew. No word on whether they were heard to sing, “Yo, ho, ho, a pirate’s life for me,” nor do I know how many of them wore eye patches and yelled “Arrrggggh!” I do find it odd that these pirates simply held the ship for ransom. Aren't pirates supposed to loot and plunder, then leave? Please tell me that they at least forced a couple crew members from the cargo ship to walk the plank. Ultimately, I salute these pirates and I sincerely hope these guys get away and live to pirate another day, because the world needs more good pirate stories in its daily news.

- Bad news from Switzerland, where one of the world’s largest magnets has broken. The 43-foot-long magnet was being used in the world’s biggest particle collider, but it broke and now a big dilemma is at hand. What will scientists use to affix their children’s artwork to the world’s largest refrigerator? The magnet broke during a pressure test, emitting a cloud of dust and a loud bang (sounds like what happens when W. tries to form a coherent thought on foreign policy). Researchers are working to find a replacement part, although an initial scan of the Office Max catalog failed to turn up and 43-foot-long magnets. Try Office Depot, fellas, they have a better selection and better sales most of the time……….