- Know who throws some of the best riots? Nepal, that’s who. Just like in high school and college there’s always a guy or a group of buddies who throw the best keggers and the parties that always end up getting raided by the cops, there are countries that just know how to riot. Nepalese citizens took to the streets in protest for a verrrrrrry good reason this week: to protest the country holding the Miss Nepal pageant. Maoists and women’s rights groups led the uber-violent protests, with nearly 200 people, including members of Maoist affiliated Young Communist League and Maoists women's wing, staged protests at the main gate and attempted to keep contestants from entering the venue. The following very enlightened quote was lifted from literature distributed by the dissidents and explains why these commies are acting like such idiots: “We oppose the beauty contest because it promotes woman as an object for advertisement and damages their prestige by commercializing beauty.” Well put, people, assuming you live in the 17th century, have no active brain cells and operate under the assumption that communism is a valid option of government. Even angry feminists here in America don’t make that much of a fuss about beauty pageants because (and this may come as a shock to you) the contestants participate voluntarily. Hard to argue the whole exploitation angle when the women take part of their own free will. Why can't you all be more like the Sherpas, the cool mountain dwellers who can scale Nepal’s tall mountains in under a day? Now those people reflect positively on your country, whereas you ass clowns just make Nepal look like a backwards, socially retarded misfit in the international community.
- The schedule makers in Major League Baseball need to pool up their spare change, go down to the local convenience store and buy a travel map. These dopes annually fail to realize that scheduling early season games in cold weather cities is a bad idea. With 15 of MLB’s 30 teams in either warm-weather cities (California, Texas, Arizona, Florida or Georgia) or having domed stadiums, the scheduling brain deads eschew using these sites for first-week games and giving the weather an extra week to turn more spring-like in the cold-weather cities. Thus, you have series like the Seattle-Cleveland series in Cleveland, where all three games were snowed out and a scheduling nightmare has ensued because this was to be the Mariners’ only visit to C-Town this year. Oh, and Seattle is one of those cities with a dome, so having the series there and avoiding the snow would have been a smart concept. There’s no reason I need to see a White Sox-Twins game in Chicago with all of the players wearing ski mask/hood combinations, blowing on their hands constantly and looking like they’re about to turn into giant icicles when the Twins have a dome and the series could just as easily have been played there. I’m here if you need any help with that whole schedule-making thingy, MLB, and from the looks of it, you need a lot of help.
- Shawn White and Travis Pastrana can call themselves extreme athletes if they want (and I do love the Flying Tomato), but I’m going to throw my support firmly behind my main man Martin Strel. Strel just completed a nine-week Herculean effort to swim the length of the Amazon River, a 3,272-mile odyssey fraught with danger from all kinds of threats. Strel’s swim put him in the same river as piranhas, bull sharks and the toothpick fish, an animal that swims into body orifices and sucks blood. He suffered from dizziness, vertigo, high blood pressure, diarrhea, nausea and delirium, among other ailments. Dolphins swam alongside Strel for portions of his journey and in order to reach his goal of swimming the length of the world’s second-longest river, he even mixed in some night swimming (cue R.E.M. if you have it). Some lasting souvenirs from the adventure that Strel will have are the many abrasions and chafing from his wet suit and the remnants of the chronic insomnia that he developed over the past nine weeks. But I have to believe if you asked Strel if making the trip was worth it, he would say yes and he would be right. That’s about as macho of an effort as any athlete can make, and my respect for this dude’s toughness and testicular fortitude could not be higher. Good job, Marty, what you did is the most balls-to-the-wall athletic feat I can imagine and one I doubt anyone else will have the guts to try for a long time.
- Nice to see that airline passengers aren't the only ones who are pissed off. Ordinarily travel delays, lost luggage, whiny toddlers and idiotic security regulations on toothpaste irritate passengers to the point of rage, but a cursing pilot at the airport in Detroit may have topped all of that. The Northwest Airlines pilot on a Detroit-to-Las Vegas flight forced the flight’s cancellation after a cursing rage that included a tirade directed at a passenger. The pilot was in a heated cell phone conversation in the cockpit, then went into a lavatory and continued the conversation. Somewhere during the incident, he cursed out a passenger and the whole fracas ultimately led to the flight’s cancellation. Not that I’d want a pissed-off pilot with a severe case of air rage flying my plane (unless I really needed to get somewhere and couldn’t afford a delay), but I’m wondering exactly what sort of designation or code the airline used for the flight status screens in the terminal to explain this nice surprise. “CANCELED - PISSED OFF PILOT” doesn’t exactly fit on a single line, does it? Ironically, this all took place in the same city (Romulus, Mich., where the airport is technically located) as last week’s incident featuring the mother who agreed to let a man who turned out to be an undercover cop take pornographic pictures of and have sex with her 7-year-old daughter. Nice city you folks have up there, Romulus, raging lunatic pilots and parents pimping out their young children.
No comments:
Post a Comment