A penchant for stating the obvious, a new low for the war in Iraq

- Time for news of more researchers wasting money “discovering” things that are more painfully obvious than a Michael Jackson nose job. The British-based Internet Watch Foundation has uncovered shocking evidence that over the past four years, child pornography on the Internet is becoming more brutal and more graphic. The group claims the number of images depicting violent abuse has risen fourfold since 2003. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe in a world where there’s a new sex scandal weekly, where porn sites comprise an unsightly majority of the ‘Net and where prisons are littered with pedophiles and sexual deviants, but it’s true. I’m just curious about one thing that the IWF researchers didn’t explain: after they figured out their new “discovery” that had to take all of half an hour because it’s so frickin’ obvious, what did they do over the remaining months of their “research” project? How did they spend the rest of their research money after using paying their high-speed access bill for the first time and realizing they had all the data they needed on Day One? Ah, the luxurious, simple life of an Internet researcher, where new insights and fresh analysis aren't needed and you can waste money figuring out something most seventh-graders could already tell you.

- The DWB defense didn’t work for former NFL player John Mobley, so now the ex-Denver Bronco is headed to jail for a seven-day sentence on a drunken-driving conviction. Mobley and his lawyers claimed he was the victim of racial profiling by police, i.e. driving while black, but Colorado’s Supreme Court refused to hear the argument and now Mobley is going to spend a week in the hole. The jail time can’t be the major concern here, because after all, it’s a week in county jail, not a huge ordeal. I’ve gotta believe that having a drunken-driving conviction on his record is of greater concern to Mobley. Still, arguing racial profiling on a DUI is weak, because your blood-alcohol content and failure of sobriety tests tends to prove you are indeed drunk, regardless of skin color. Whether the cop pulled you over because you are black (which is wrong), if you’re drunk and exhibiting signs of that in your driving, the tests they put you through will bear that out. Do your time, J., and in the future don’t give the cops any excuse to suspect you of driving drunk by, um, not driving when you’ve had a beer or six.

- So the war in Iraq seems to be going muuuuuuuch better…..if by better you mean that American troops are dying at the highest rate of any time since the war began. Military authorities announced the deaths of seven more service men and women over the weekend, bringing the running total to 3,308, or about 3,308 more than would have died if our bungling president hadn't created this pointless war in the first place. At the same time, prominent members of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki’s cabinet loyal to a radical Muslim cleric have resigned, leading to growing speculation that Muqtada al-Sadr and his followers could be planning another confrontation with U.S. troops. For a war we’re supposedly winning and have a chance to emerge victorious from, does anyone else notice the dearth of good news or even remotely positive developments coming from the Mess O’ Potamia lately (or since the war began, either/or)? I know W. is not an intelligent or scholarly man, but does he really think that you spell victory as D-E-F-E-A-T or D-E-A-T-H?

- Normally I don’t make a point of reveling in the misfortune of others. However, I always make an exception when bad things happen to the New York Yankees, the most loathsome professional sports team in America. Any time anything negative happens to those arrogant, corporate sellouts short of a real tragedy like serious illness or the loss of life, I’m going to be the first one there for the celebration. So it is with great joy that I point out the current state of the Yankees’ starting rotation, with its top three starters on the disabled list. Mike Mussina, Chien Ming Wang and Carl Pavano are all on the DL, and now the starting five for the Yanks sports legendary names like Darrell Rasner, Kei Igawa and Chase Wright. Yes, the Chase Wright, the one who has made all of two starts at the AA level. With only the lowly Tampa Bay Devil Rays standing between them and last place, the 5-6 Yankees are relying on Rasner, Igawa and Chase Wright to right the ship. Compounding the hilarity is the knowledge that this is the team that a $200 million-plus payroll has bought, making it the biggest waste of money in New York since the Backstreet Boys’ final concert came to town in 2005.

- There are a few ways you can be certain of finding trouble in life, one of which is being Likes to Fight Guy. You probably know Likes to Fight Guy; he’s ready to throw down for any reason at any time, or for no reason at all. Insult his girl, cut in front of him in a line, look at him the wrong way, spill his beer or just be in his way when he’s having a bad day. Likes to Fight Guy doesn’t find trouble; he creates it. Such is the case with NBA referee Joey Crawford, whose self-created confrontation with San Antonio Spurs star Tim Duncan has landed Crawford a suspension for the remainder of the season, including the playoffs. Duncan is a notorious flat-liner who rarely shows any emotion or personality, but late last week Crawford ejected him from a game by giving Duncan his second technical foul as Timmy was sitting on the bench, laughing with his teammates. Crawford took the laughter as a personal affront and ejected Duncan, and according to Duncan Crawford also challenged him to a fight. NBA Commissioner David Stern is pissed at Crawford for his out-of-line conduct and thus the suspension. Crawford needs to learn that in the middle of an important NBA game is not the place to be Likes to Fight Guy. Do it at your favorite bar, do it at a party, do it in a pickup game at the Y, but not in a late-season game that is important to both teams involved. This only provides more evidence for critics who rip officials and umpires for having a God complex, for abusing their authority and for having vendettas against certain players.