Pedophiles at Disney World, no NFL in China and more bacteria-laden pet food

- From the Department of Great Ideas That Will Never Come to Fruition: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid wants to cut off all funding for the war in Iraq for the next year as a show of willpower for Democrats rightfully seeking to bring an end to this debacle. Joining Reid’s cause is Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., who stated “In the face of the administration’s stubborn unwillingness to change course, the Senate has no choice but to force a change of course.” Well said, Senator, well said. This administration and the IQ-depraved fools who lead it aren't going to change course because then they would have to admit that they’re wrong and that this whole war has been a giant travesty from the beginning. Of course, the #2 doofus in the administration had a predictable and ill-reasoned reply to the decree from the Senate. “You cannot win a war if you tell the enemy you’re going to quit,” Vice President Dick Cheney moronically stated. First off Dickie, why don’t you go hunting and blast another one of your friends in the face with a rifle. Second, and most importantly, know this: WE ARE NOT GOING TO “WIN” THIS WAR. NO ONE IS GOING TO WIN, EXCEPT FOR THE DEFENSE CONTRACTORS MAKING FORTUNES SELLING WEAPONS AND SUPPLIES. WE HAVE ALREADY LOST THIS WAR BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS HAVE DIED FOR A WAR THAT HAS NO DAMNED POINT! Now, I hope I have made that clear, even to the knuckle-dragging cavemen leading our country. The hope we should embrace is not winning this war, because there’s no way to win. Our hope needs to be getting all Americans out of Iraq, as it is a place we don’t belong and never should have invaded to begin with. The one “victory” we can aspire to would be to end the pointless loss of American lives in Iraq, period.

- How many pedophiles does Disney World have working for it? A couple months ago there was a man who dressed up in the Goofy suit at the theme park and was busted for kiddie porn and other acts of freakery. Now, a trio of Disney workers have been popped for soliciting sex from a minor as part of a massive sting operation in Orlando. The men, ranging in age from college students to dudes their 50s, went online to set up meetings with what they believed to be 13 and 14-year-old boys and girls for sexual encounters in To Catch a Predator-type settings. Polk County Sheriff’s officers were there to make the arrests when these sick frrreaks showed up. And to think that I used to believe that the most dangerous time for a young boy to be in a Disney theme park was when Michael Jackson was in attendance………..

- Hey Canada, here’s a good rule to live by: if your most highly esteemed entertainer is Nelly Furtado, it’s not a good idea to hold a national music awards show to honor Canadian artists. When a twenty-something version of Britney Spears whose music videos revolve around her dancing in dimly lit basements and on rooftops, shooting laughably “intense” expressions at the camera while shaking her hips as her primary musical “talent” is the most-honored artist at your little gathering, you don’t need a two-day awards show. What you really need is to use some extra cash to lure better artists with actual musical talent to your country and convince them to become Canadian citizens so the rest of the world doesn’t realize how much your musical talent is lacking.

- I wish I were making this story up, but sadly not. Yet another pet food company has announced a recall of its products, this time due to the discovery of salmonella in dog, cat and ferret food. Eight in One Inc., a division of United Pet Group Inc., announced the recall Monday while declaring that not only could the bacteria be dangerous to the pets, it could also be hazardous to people handling the food. Frankly, this has gone too far, because when you put the lives of ferrets in danger, that’s going waaaaay too far. The primary product under recall is Dingo Jerky in its various flavors. What a sad world it is when a dog, cat or ferret cannot enjoy a simply strip of jerky without fear of contracting a deadly virus. I would advise pet owners to switch over to alternative foods, perhaps even food intended for humans, in order to avoid the ever-growing hazard that is pet food - that is until you realize that food intended for humans is just as likely, if not more so, to include bacteria and viruses. It’s ironic that in a world where people regularly shove deep-fried Twinkies, deep-fried Oreo cookies and deep fried cheese on a stick down their pie holes that the truly deadly items are pet jerky and human foods like spinach, mushrooms, lettuce, green onions and peanut butter (all of which have been recalled in recent months because of bacteria-related scares).

- In a truly tragic loss for football fans, the NFL has cancelled its first-ever preseason game in China, a game that was to be played in Beijing in August. By truly tragic, I mean that it’s the best thing to happen to NFL fans since the advent of the forward pass. The notion of having a game in a country that’s 12 freaking hours away (or more) from any American city is insane. Spare me the BS about growing your game globally, NFL. American football is not basketball, nor is it baseball, which are more universal games. You have a nation of diehard fans here in America and sticking a game, even a preseason contest, in what would have been an early morning, weekday slot when shown live in the United States, would result in a game that was ignored by almost everyone here. Quit the whole wanderlust, searching-for-love quest that has you scheduling games in England (a regular season game, nonetheless!), Japan and China. The game in China will still take place, mind you, but not until 2009. In the meantime, the NFL might want to focus on other more pressing matters, like how to cope with a league of felons who are gradually alienating the fan base that supports them. People in remote parts of China aren't going to be too pissed that you’re not coming, either. Their lives will be no worse off because a league they don’t care about and don’t understand the point of isn't playing one meaningless exhibition game in their country, a game in which the top players from each team might play two series, as is the custom for early preseason games. What a giant waste of time this whole concept is……..