Real World redux, a London screw job

- Few things are creepier than seeing that photo of Larry Birkhead standing outside a courthouse in the Bahamas, arms raised triumphantly over his head after learning that he is officially the father of the late Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Glad to see you’re so troubled by Smith’s passing, L, and that you are committed to raising your child in a responsible, non-exploitative fashion. Oops, you mean that you’re already exploiting the kid for your personal benefit and are so jubilant because you realize what this development means to you financially as the child’s biological father? Well, I’m sure that this baby girl no chance at all to be screwed up by being raised by a publicity hungry, out-for-money loser and with the knowledge that her mother died in such tragic fashion. This kid will be just fiiiiine…………………

- What a way to start your “home” season if you’re the Cleveland Indians. Following four consecutive snowouts in Cleveland as they tried to kick off the home portion of their schedule, the Tribe took a trip to Milwaukee to their new temporary home at Miller Park. While the Brewers, the stadium’s normal tenant, were out of town, the Indians had a three-game “homestand” against the Los Angeles Angels. Ticket prices were set at $10 and only the lower bowl of the stadium was open for the games. I’m sure there was a very homey feel for these games, what with the minuscule crowds that showed up and the fact that most of them were just baseball fans in general, not a fan of either the Indians or the Angels. Thanks a bunch, Major League Baseball, for not having the good sense to schedule the first week of the season in the 15 warm weather or dome-having cities in the league so we can avoid having entire series snowed out and seeing neutral site home openers with indifferent fans in the stands.

- It’s the cruise ship crash that keeps on giving. After a Greek cruise ship sank off the coast of the popular tourist island of Santorini, necessitating a rescue at sea for 1,600 passengers and having two French tourists lost in the fracas, word now comes that a major oil spill has resulted from the crash. Funny how ramming into a volcanic reef tends to cause that sort of thing, eh? With the captain being charged with negligence and blaming choppy seas for the crash, the ship said captain wrecked and sunk is leaking massive quantities of oil that cleanup crews are struggling to deal with. The time may be coming where we really need to go ahead and shut down the whole cruise ship industry, for both the well being of potential passengers who will undoubtedly contract some sort of illness or virus on their cruises, and for the sake of the environment, which tends to be harmed with hundreds of gallons of oil are leaked into it.

- Speaking of creepy, MTV has decided that no longer is its Real World franchise all about hooking up seven strangers in a ridiculously pimped-out house and waiting to see how many people they can sex up in said house. Instead, the network will reunite the entire cast from its Las Vegas incarnation of the series in the very same Palms penthouse they made famous the first time around. It is mildly sad, although totally predictable, that none of these people have advanced in life enough that they don’t still have time to go be reality TV characters for a few months. People who end up on a show like Real World typically are looking to become famous, launch acting careers and if all else fails, become a member of the Real World/Road Rules challenge series and try to glean a living off of that. They’re not aspiring to become doctors, lawyers, civil engineers and college professors; they want to have sex with their cast mates, live in fancy digs and get their face on TV. I would say it’s also sad that MTV is getting so lazy as to simply recycle past casts in the same locale, but it’s not that dumb of a move. People who enjoyed this group the first time around will tune in to see what these seven schlubs have become. If we’re lucky, cast member Trishelle Cannatella will go all out to launch her career in the porn industry during the season and add some excitement to the proceedings. She’s headed there, it’s just a matter of time………

- I feel bad for music fans in London, because in this summer’s Live Earth concerts (to be held July 7), Londoners got stuck with an atrocious lineup of awful music that includes both Madonna and the Black Eyed Peas. While other cities around the globe get Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kanye West, Keane, John Mayer, Bloc Party, Snow Patrol and others, if you’re in London you get Madge and a group of talentless hacks whose lead singer seems only able to craft songs revolving around how hot she thinks she is and how many guys want to sleep with her. The only way the London show would work well in helping raise awareness about the environment is if you could pay to have those acts not perform. I’d pay double the price of admission if I could be assured that the Peas would not be performing in my city.