The real source of steroids in baseball, what Bush administration staffers hire hookers for and a great time capsule prank

- In trying to crack the steroids scandal in Major League Baseball, it appears those investigating have been looking in the wrong place. Questioning players and former players was the wrong choice, because as I’m sure everyone now realizes, it’s the equipment managers and clubhouse assistants who truly wield the power in the world of performances enhancing drug distribution. Don’t believe me? Take the story of former New York Mets clubhouse employee Kirk Radomski as evidence. Radomski has pleaded guilty to distributing performance-enhancing drugs to dozens of major league players between 1995 and 2005, including anabolic steroids, human growth hormone, Clenbuterol, amphetamines and other drugs given to dozens of current and former MLB players. Under the terms of his plea agreement, Radomski faces up to 25 years in prison and $500,000 in fines. Investigators are hopeful that he will be a resource through which they can discover other suppliers and participants in baseball’s steroid market. Actually, if you look at this objectively, a clubhouse attendant being responsible for steroid supplying and distribution makes perfect sense. These guys are gofers for the players, doing everything from picking up their dry cleaning to getting their cars washed. They do the menial tasks for the millionaire athletes, and what’s more of a dirty work task than supplying illegal performance-enhancing drugs? This may not be the place most people expected to crack into the steroid issue, but at this point it doesn’t much matter where the crack in the wall is, investigators need to exploit it and start taking people down wherever they can. Steroids have no place in sports and the more cheaters that can be caught and removed from the game, the better.

- Didn’t know that Mormons loved their guns so much, but I guess they do. As debates kick up about security and safety on college campuses in light of the tragedy at Virginia Tech, resident of Utah are proudly touting their state’s one-of-a-kind law that allows for the carrying of concealed weapons on all college campuses in the state. Utah is the only state with such a law, and citizens and elected officials in Utah are proudly proclaiming the value of this law in their state. Allow me to disagree with you, my Utah homies, because allowing drunken frat boys, jocks with a sub-2.00 GPA and flaky drama majors to come to campus strapped doesn’t seem to make your campus safer, it just seems like a recipe for increased carnage in the occurrence of a shooting. Across the nation, 38 states have laws on the books banning guns in schools and 16 of those states explicitly ban guns on college campuses, but in Utah, it’s textbooks, pens, notebook paper and your pistol apparently. “If the government can't protect you, you should have the right to protect yourself,” claimed Republican state. Sen. Michael Waddoups. Waddouos’ contention that if the government can't protect you, you should be allowed to protect yourself is erroneous. The more guns that are placed in the hands of people who aren't experts at handling them, the more dangerous a campus becomes. If a shooter bursts into a building on a campus in Utah, you’re telling me that a dozen students with minimal firearms training and experience pulling out their guns and shooting is going to make things safer? This isn't the OK Corral, people, it’s college, so maybe hire extra security guards, drop in some metal detectors and mandate regular mental health screenings for students instead of allowing them to carry a concealed weapon to class. More guns isn't the answer to any problem, unless you’re fighting an actual war.

- The NFL Draft is a beast, one of the central events in what is now the most popular professional sport in America. Still, is it too much to ask that the first round of the draft be completed in under six hours? The first round of this year’s draft took six freaking hours and 20 freaking minutes, which is absurd. I know teams are investing tens of millions of dollars in these guys, but if you can't wrap things up in under six hours, maybe you aren't qualified to be making high-pressure decisions and should step aside for someone more qualified. On the upside, it was nice to see the interview with Omar Epps now that he’s presiding over his first draft as head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers? Don’t believe me? Just check out these two photos www.media.scout.com/Media/Image/28/288906.jpg and http://tv.yahoo.com/omar-epps/contributor/30786/photos/1;_ylt=AkW_59Ih80zzvevfz.5V31Ogo9EF and you tell me that isn't the same dude in both of them. I do need to caution Omar/Mike Tomlin that the chin-strap, linear beard is ugly and creepy whether you’re a movie actor or an NFL coach, so maybe get rid of that thing before it kills your chances to star in the next crappy boxing movie Meg Ryan signs to make.

- Times may change, but college students acting like immature goof-offs doesn’t. By the way, I’m not cracking on this phenomenon; it’s a decidedly good thing, because too many people take themselves far too seriously, especially at colleges and universities. So I was glad to read a story about the University of Washington unearthing a time capsule left by the Class of ’57 and finding the normal items such as audio tapes and copies of the 1957 school yearbook and………….a condom a pair of dirty underwear and 1980s-era porn. Yeah, some intrepid prankster found the time capsule placed inside the wall of the university’s Communication Building and slipped in those extra items. Nice to know that there are still college students out there with an Animal House-type spirit.

- Alberto Gonzales must have been starting to feel lonely, hung out to dry as a Bush administration sycophant/official under intense scrutiny for alleged misdeeds and misconduct. Thus Randall Tobias, head of the administration’s foreign aid programs, has stepped in with a scandal of his own to take some of the heat off of Gonzales. Tobias’ name has come up in an investigation of a high-priced call-girl ring in our nation’s capital. Tobias has admitted to calling the Pamela Martin and Associates Skanks for Hire firm (not the official name, of course, but close enough), but he says he only hired escort/skanks to come to his condo and give him massages. Sure, because that’s what most men who hire hookers/escorts do, have them give massages. I assume these were deep tissue, therapeutic massages to help with muscle tightness and back problems Tobias has been experiencing. Either that or massage is a new euphemism for some sort of freaky, kinky sex act that we’re better off not imagining a 65-year-old senior government official taking part in. The fact that Tobias immediately resigned when his name surfaced in conjunction with the investigation doesn’t make him look at all suspicious either, right? This administration is just full of winners and future Mensa members, top to bottom………