- There are two concepts in life that Travis Henry just doesn’t seem to grasp: the purpose of birth control and the NFL’s substance abuse policy. The man who (allegedly) has nine kids by nine different women has also proven quite proficient at running afoul of the NFL’s drug policy, with two prior failed drug tests and a third test that he failed but had overturned early last season. Now he has reportedly failed another drug test, meaning he faces a one-year ban from the league. He’s also a man without a team, having been released by the Denver Broncos on June 2. The Broncos said at the time that his commitment to the team was in question and that having him around wasn’t worth the trouble. You have to figure that no one is going to take him on now, not when he’s all but assured of not being eligible to play next year. Tell me this, Travis: what don’t you get about the drug policy? You smoke weed, you get in trouble. You’re a confirmed two-time offender, which means you are more closely monitored and more frequently tested than the average NFL player. Yet you’re spending your offseason, which theoretically should be all about working your butt off to convince some other team to sign you, toking up? I guess it’s not a surprise when a guy who keeps having kids with different women and then neglecting to support those children doesn’t get the message here either. But take comfort, T., in knowing that you’ll now have a whole year off to mull these and other of life’s great mysteries.
- Albums to Avoid are always a hit, but so are Albums to Love. The new self-titled album from British indie rockers Fleet Foxes is just that, a great album that is similar in a lot of ways to the great sounds of another band that has released a fantastic album this past month, My Morning Jacket. Fleet Foxes have a great mix of sentimental, artful lyrics and a bit of a folksy, mellow sound throughout much of the album, especially on songs like Your Protector. But it’s not all calm, mellow-ness for the boys from across the pond. There are also cool indie rock tunes like Ragged Wood, which mixes some great harmonies (not exactly a rock n’ roll staple, but oh well) and layered lyrics like, “You should come back home, back on your own now.” The song has some great, funky acoustic guitar along with bass and percussion that are understated and blend in nicely. It’s alternating slow (verses) and fast-paced (the chorus), but on the whole the album is has a slower pace to it. That same unconventional approach to rock has worked well for MMJ and it works really well for Fleet Foxes as well, making this an album you’ll love once you hear it.
- Surprise, surprise. The iPhone was released Friday and there were major glitches and issues that rendered many phones all but unusable for the time being. Other than everyone, no one saw this coming. The release of the first iPhone model was a disaster, so why would the next incarnation of Apple’s newest gadget be any different? The problem this time arose during the activation process, with customers waiting on Apple store employees to get their new phones up and running. For a store that calls some of its staffers geniuses because they’re supposedly savants for all things Apple, this wasn’t a banner day. A global glitch with Apple’s iTunes servers resulted in customers waiting for their phones to be activated while ginormous lines formed behind them. “It’s such grief and aggravation,” complained Fredrick Smalls, a customer in Whitman, Mass. who was among those waylaid by the iPhone activation issues. Smalls was unable to get his phone activated in the store, as were many customers. The instructions they received were to take their new phones home and complete the final step of the activation there on their home computer. However, that advice proved worthless when consumers encountered the same problem they faced in the store: server issues. As a result, their pricy new toys were all but worthless, usable for emergency calls only. Eventually everyone will get their iPhone activated and they can move on to new problems like low battery life, but not the stellar rollout of its new pride and joy that Apple had hoped for….
- Boy, I was really prepared to love “Meet Dave,” the new comedy starring Eddie Murphy. Really, what evidence did we have to suggest that an Eddie Murphy comedy would be anything less than stellar (besides Nutty Professor, Nutty Professor 2, Dr. Doolittle, Dr. Doolittle 2….)? And who wasn’t jazzed about a movie that’s basically a remake of Borat, substituting an alien for a foreigner from Kazakhstan? The premise is all spelled out in the movie’s promos, aliens who are really tiny and have come to Earth inside of a spaceship designed to look like a normal human being. With a winner like that as your central theme, where could things go wrong? Well, other than a poorly acted movie with uninspired, lifeless performances from everyone in the cast, starting with the star and going down the list? The plot, lame as can be, is for the aliens to drain Earth of all its water and take the salt left over back to their home planet. To complete the mission, the aliens must navigate their spaceship, a.k.a. Dave, through the mean streets of New york and learn to adapt to Earth’s culture. Hilarities ensue….or at least I think they were supposed to. Joke after joke falls flat, comedic gags are missing actual comedy and there’s even the requisite bathroom humor following Dave entering a hot-dog-eating contest. All told, this is a truly forgettable movie that is even worse than you thought it would be going in….
- Why is it that those who try to make our world a better place are always persecuted? Shouldn’t we celebrate and honor those who try to put smiles on the face of their fellow man and joy in his heart? So what if that joy comes courtesy of a stripper dancing on the poles of the local subway trains? The hero in this tale is Monserrat Morilles, 26, a slutty but warm-hearted stripper in Santiago, Chile who surprised subway riders all week stripping to skimpy underwear, but refusing tips for her, um, efforts. See, she wasn’t doing it to earn money or because she’s an attention-starved degenerate. Nor is she doing it to fund her coke habit, as Bambi, Ginger, Cinnamon and the other strippers are your local strip joint are doing. No, Morilles was protesting the prudishness of Chilean society. I’m down with any protest, so you know I’m with my girl M. Morilles here. Unfortunately, the police in Santiago were the squares you’d expect law enforcement to be, arresting her on Thursday during one of her performances. While Morilles was removing her clothes in an act of social defiance to protest a lack of tolerance in Chile, one of Latin America's most conservative societies, the police were moving in to shut down the party. They didn’t even take into account that the professional pole dancer worked quickly all week to avoid arrest, dancing between stops after making sure to find a subway car with no children on it and stripping in time to exit at the next station. See, she was even looking out for the kids, making sure they weren’t exposed to anything inappropriate. In explaining her actions, Morilles said, “This is just a beginning. We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further,” she told Reuters as police and subway guards surrounded her. Gosh, I hope so. Spread your message of defiance via stripping all around the world, take it from nation to nation and change the world…..
No comments:
Post a Comment