- Shawne Merriman blows past the left tackle, he closes in on Peyton Manning’s blind side….a bone-crushing hit and….was that a Bloods sign he just flashed? Was he signaling “West Side” there? Yes, welcome to the world of the National Football League, where league officials are concerned that players may be flashing gang signs after making big plays on the field. The NFL has hired experts to study game footage to determine whether players are displaying street-gang hand signals as part of their on-field celebrations, according to some media outlets. “There have been some suspected things we've seen,” said Milt Ahlerich, the league's vice president of security. “When we see it, we quietly jump on it immediately, directly with the team and the player or employee involved to cease and desist. Period.” This doesn’t seem to be a new issue for the league, either. “We were always suspicious that [gang-related hand signals] might be happening,” said Mike Pereira, the NFL's vice president of officiating. Ahlerich added that he does not believe the problem is widespread, but added that the league has spoken to some players whose names he refused to provide. Additionally, first-year players were counseled on gangs at the league's recent rookie symposium, and a video on the dangers of gangs was required viewing for every player in the NFL last year. However, at least one player believes that policing gestures could be tricky business. “Guys come from all over the country, and who knows what they're really doing?” Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Dennis Northcutt said in an interview. “People have got signs for their kids, signs for their fraternities. How do you differentiate who's really throwing up gang signs? This is a gang sign,” he added, touching his index finger to his thumb to form a squished version of the hand sign for OK. “But at the same time, it's a sign for a personnel group.” If that’s true, how do you know if your offensive coordinator wants the jumbo package in the game or if he wants you to bust a cap into that Blood who’s sitting in the third row, Dennis? And since when do the Kappa Tau Gamma’s have the same signs as the Crips? Either way, I look forward to the NFL trying to police gang signs in games while at the same time making sure that players’ socks are worn at the correct height, the towels tucked into their waistbands aren't too long and that they don’t have too much face paint on their grills….
- NASA is asking it’s employees to get pissed….no, check that, they’re asking them to take a piss, not get pissed. An internal memo accidentally posted online reveals a request from space program contractor Hamilton Sundstrand for employees at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas to donate as much of their urine as possible for research purposes. See, Sundstrand isn't some perverted freak; he works for a company that is working on the new Orion space capsule that will be taking astronauts to the moon. The craft will dock unoccupied in space for as long as six months at a time while astronauts work on the moon. The urine comes into play because the creators of the Orion craft are having trouble getting ride of the urine onboard due to certain solids in it that clog up the ventilating system. Sundstrand and his fellow engineers are asking NASA employees to fill an 8-gallon per-day quota for piss, including weekends. The memo supposedly wasn’t intended for public consumption, but bygones….
- One of the potentially great stories for the Summer Olympics may not even take place. Double-amputee South African sprinter Oscar Pistorius failed Wednesday in his final bid to run an Olympic qualifying time in the 400 meters. Pistorius finished third in his heat at a meet in Lucerne, Switzerland, with a time of 46.25, three-fourths of a second over the qualifying standard of 45.55 seconds. “I am so excited and so happy,” a smiling Pistorius said after the race. “I really enjoyed tonight.” He still has an outside chance of making the Olympics because South Africa could still name him to the six-man roster for the 1,600-meter relay. Doing so would defy an ass-hatted request from the IAAF, the governing body for track and field, to keep Pistorius out of the Olympics because the organization feels that his prosthetic “Cheetah blade” legs are a threat to his safety and the safety of other runners. Riiiiiiight. Hey IAAF, remove your collective head from your collective ass and stop hassling this guy. Get over your bigoted, antiquated notions about physically handicapped people and your biases against advances in technology and allow Pistorius to compete without further harassment. If his country feels he’s good enough to be on the team and he’s won the right to compete by taking your sorry butts to court, then back off. Having him compete will make the Olympics better, not worse.
- Today is a proud day for you, Canada. One of your own, Barenaked Ladies singer/guitarist Steven Page, has made a valiant attempt to instill actual rock credibility into his band by doing that most rock ‘n’ roll acts, getting busted for drug possession. Page, a Toronto native, was visiting two women at their suburban Syracuse apartment when he was stopped by police and found to have a small amount of blow on his person. Page now faces a charge of fourth-degree criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony that carries a sentence of up to 15 years in prison. Unfortunately for Page, his coke arrest can’t lend any rock credibility to the Barenaked Ladies because….well, because they’re the Barenaked Ladies, a shameless pop group that has as much of a hard edge as the Teletubbies and Flintstones fruit snacks. This isn't exactly the optimum time for a drug arrest on Page’s part (not sure if there is an optimum time for a drug arrest, but this sure isn't one), as he and the rest of the Ladies recently released Snacktime, a collection of two dozen children’s songs. Whoops! Hey parents, be sure to buy our album for your kids to….hang on, let me snort a rail of coke….okay, be sure to….hang on, my nose is bleeding now….just buy the album, please….
- Hypocritical professors across America are in an uproar over a new website that allows students to posts exams and other materials from classes they have taken so that those who come after them can download and benefit from them. At PostYourTest.com, students at college and universities across the United States can share materials from classes they’ve taken. The site was created by Damir Oral, who started the site on the West Coast where he resides. For that reason, materials aren't available for most schools in other areas of the country because Oral says he simply hasn’t looked to expand to those areas yet. However, some professors are none too happy with the site and the old tests it provides access to. “I would not be happy if a student who had taken a class of mine had taken an exam and posted it online,” lamented Sarah Hall, a graduate professor of psychology at Penn State University. “Some teachers reuse past exams.” So in other words, because you’re lazy and want to recycle old exams instead of using your ample free time to write new ones, you think this site is a bad thing. You don’t want students to be lazy and download old exams in lieu of actually studying because it prevents you from being lazy and reusing old tests? Super. Thankfully, not every PSU professor is so small-minded. Mary Bojan, a chemistry professor at the school, doesn’t object to PostYourTest.com because she says she writes new exams each semester. The verdict here? Students are going to cheat, they’re going to look for shortcuts and hating on them for doing so is a waste of time. Get over it, professors like Sarah Hall, and get over yourselves….
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