- Believe it or not, there re new allegations that W. and his cadre of ass hats that he calls an administration have made even more attempts to wreck and destroy our environment. A former official for the Environmental Protection Agency says none other than Mr. Shoot-a-Buddy-in-the-Face himself, VP Dick Cheney, pushed for major deletions from testimony before Congress on the consequences of climate change on public health. Jason K. Burnett was a senior advisor to EPA Administrator Stephen Johnson until last month and he claims that Cheney’s office demanded the cutting of six pages from Burnett’s presentation to a congressional committee. Why? Because the content of those six pages, had it been heard by Congress, would have made it harder for the environment-hating tools in this administration to avoid regulating greenhouse gases. Yes, they may have actually been forced to give a damn about the environment - or at least pretend to. The testimony took place in October, but the matter came to light because Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-California is investigating the situation and Burnett’s revelation came in a three-page letter to the senator. “The Council on Environmental Quality and the office of the vice president were seeking deletions to the CDC testimony (concerning)…..any discussions on the human health consequences of climate change,” Burnet wrote. I am flabbergasted. Someone in the W. administration doing something to dick over the environment? No way. Because why would they want the added burden of regulating greenhouse gases and thus protecting the environment? That might force them to tighten rules on business and industries that pollute the environment by putting out massive quantities of greenhouse gases! Nice to know that this administration is bent on f’ing over the environment right up to the day their sorry asses are booted out of Washington….how many months away is that? Far too many if you ask me…..
- A great day for stoners just may be on the way. Well, every day is a nice, mellow day if you’re a stoner and have a healthy supply of Doritos, Cap’N Crunch and Planet Earth DVDs, but this particular day could be even more special. The favorite band of stoners around the world, Phish, could be heading towards a reunion. In recent months, all four members of the mellow, jam-band rockers have been hinting that a reunion could happen. That hint-dropping reached new heights at the Rothbury Festival in Michigan last weekend. During a solo set by Phish front man Trey Anastasio, bassist Mike Gordon came out for a few songs. The duo even played two new songs, Down the Number Line and Alaska, and ruminated about what could happen if they could “just find a drummer and a keyboard player somewhere.” To pay back his bandmate, Anastasio joined Gordon’s own band for a few songs and later, Phish drummer John Fishman came out to bring three-fourths of the band together. Keyboardist Page McConnell has already gone on record as being open to the reunion idea, so ready your glow sticks and lighters, roll a nice fatty and prepare to mellow rock, stoners.
- Now here’s a Nintendo Wii game I can get with. Playing Mario Kart or Tiger Woods ’08 are cool and all, but what’s better than playing virtual beer pong on your new Wii? Las Vegas-based JV Games Inc. read my mind and to that end, they’ve created Beer Pong, a new video game that brings the favorite sport on college campuses nationwide to the masses. Now, instead of trying to land a real ping pong ball in a cup of beer on your opponent’s end of the table and getting a buzz while you play, you can have the fun of the game without the nasty hangover. It’s a win-win, unless of course you really just want to get drunk, in which case real-life beer pong is the game for you. As you might expect, the PC police have spurred the game’s makers to eliminate all references to alcohol from the game - well, other than the name, which pretty much supercedes everything else if you ask me. The Entertainment Software Rating Board has rated the game as suitable for children as young as 13, which seems about right to me. For square, uncool politicians like Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, that age rating is too low. Blumenthal is outraged that the ESRB has rated the game as suitable for teens. Memo to you, Rich: the rating doesn’t mean a damn thing. If kids want to play the game, they’ll find a way to get it and play it, rating or not. Besides, you’re assuming that because they do something on a game, they’re immediately going to run out and do it in real life. I don’t remember an outbreak of teens thieving cars, hitting it with hookers and running people over on sidewalks in stolen cars when Grand Theft Auto was released. And hey, maybe playing this game will give these kids a head start on becoming a better beer pong player so they can fit in and make friends when they head off to college in a few years…..yup, that’s me, always looking for the bright side….
- I hate authority figures, I hate rules and I really, really despise law enforcement. If it were up to me, the Clash would have sung, “I fought the law and I won.” That being said, there are certain things even an anti-authority, anti-establishment dude like myself has to condemn when it comes to striking back at the law. Baking LSD cookies and delivering them to a dozen police departments in your area would fall under that designation. We’ve all heard about the disgruntled employee who bakes some pot brownies and takes them to work, causing dozens of co-workers to get high and develop a serious case of the munchies. However, I can’t remember ever hearing about someone baking LSD cookies, pretending to be a representative for Mothers Against Drunk Driving and giving them to local police departments. Christian Phillips, 18, stands accused of doing just that in the Dallas-Forth Worth area earlier this week. He began distributing his drug-laced baked goods Monday and so far, at least three officers have reported becoming ill after eating them. The prank stopped when officers in the city of Lake Worth were tipped off that someone was posing as a M.A.D.D. representative and passing out loaded cookies. They nabbed Phillips when he dropped off a plate of cookies at their department and he’s now charged with possession of LSD. Initially the cops thought they smelled marijuana in the cookies (I guess that’s why they need drug-sniffing dogs, these guys can’t tell the difference), but testing revealed that it was LSD. For his part, Phillips isn't exactly sporting a good cover story. Aside from not explaining why he was lying about representing M.A.D.D., his excuse is that he wasn’t trying to poison anyone and that maybe one of his friends was smoking pot when he was baking the cookies. Nice try, idiot. Someone smoking the chronic in the same room where you’re baking cookies doesn’t infuse them with it. Besides, cookies bake inside of an oven, you tool, so even if someone were toking up in the same room, the cookies would be inside the oven. Next time, stick to egging a cop car or pulling a stunt like Richard Dreyfuss in American Graffiti when he tied a heavy chain to the rear suspension of a cop car and had buddies speed by, causing the officer to hit the gas, lurch forward and pull the rear suspension clean off the vehicle. It works much better for everyone involved - no sick cops, no criminal charges for you, good times all around….
- If you don’t want to go $10 million to $50 million in debt, maybe don’t found, bankroll and operate a major dogfighting ring/gambling enterprise. Maybe that’s a simplistic world view, but I think it works. I know it would have worked for imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick, who filed for bankruptcy protection in a Virginia court while serving time for federal dogfighting charges. According to Vick’s attorneys, he owes between $10 million and $50 million to creditors. Stop for a moment and appreciate the beauty of that - between $10 million and $50 million. Couldn’t narrow it down to a range less than $40 million? Dude, you know you’re in deep s**t if that’s all the more specific you can be about your debts. Vick’s attorneys filed Chapter 11 papers in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Newport News on Monday. The seven largest creditors listed in the court papers are owed a total of about $12.8 million. According to the filings, Vick hopes he “can, after the conclusion of the bankruptcy case, rebuild his life on a personal and spiritual level, resurrect his image as a public figure, and resolve matters with the NFL such that he can resume his career.” I’m guessing he’s hoping that by rebuilding his life, he means get back to being rich like he was before this whole mess, which I don’t see happening. He’s serving a 23-month prison sentence at the U.S. Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan., after pleading guilty last year to funding and founding a dogfighting ring. During the crisis, all of the sponsors he had bailed on him, including shoe giant Nike. On top of all that, once he is released from federal prison, he also faces state charges related to dogfighting. Should Vick be successful in declaring bankruptcy and weaseling out of his debts, one of the debtors who will get dicked over will be his team, the Atlanta Falcons. The debt includes part of a signing bonus that the Falcons are seeking to recover, the $3.75 million a federal judge ruled that Vick has to pay back out of the $20 million he already received from the team under the terms of his contract. Others he owes money to include: $4.5 million owed to Richmond-based Joel Enterprises Inc., $2.5 million to a Canadian bank for defaulting on a loan and a $1.08 million default judgment entered in January against Vick and a business partner in a lawsuit brought by Wachovia Bank over a loan for an Atlanta-area wine shop and restaurant. Question is, will we see the Mike Vick who deftly eluded would-be tacklers on the field here or will we see the dumb, thick-headed criminal Mike Vick who was taken down for dogfighting? The former would mean a bad day for his creditors, the latter would compound Vick’s woes even further. I’m rooting for Option B…..
No comments:
Post a Comment