- We all have that one friend who is always trying to tell everyone they meet about the newest, coolest thing in their life when no one actually cares to hear about it. Perhaps they bought a new car and are dropping hints like mad, trying to hook you into asking them about their cool new whip. People become extremely annoyed with and tired of that person in a hurry, right? Now you know how baseball fans, execs and others around the game have to be feeling about Jeff Borris, agent for baseball’s most hated man, Bar-roid Bonds. After the San Francisco Giants allowed Bar-roid to leave after the 2007 season via free agency, speculation began on when and where he would play again. After all, he’s a world-class jackass, he’s been indicted for perjury by a federal grand jury and he’s a major distraction to any team he’s on. Furthermore, his planet-sized head, bad back and balky knees make it impossible for him to play the outfield anymore, meaning his only option would be playing as a designated hitter for an American League team. Taking all of that into account, it’s not surprising that Bar-roid isn't playing anywhere this season. No one has missed him, no one is disappointed that he’s not playing and his absence has been a peripheral, secondary topic at best. Yet there’s Borris, giving regular interviews and statements about Bar-roid’s readiness to play and alleging collusion on the part of MLB owners to keep Bar-roid out of baseball. “Barry is ready to play now,” Borris said recently. “He could be ready within 10 days.” Thanks for that Jeff, but….well, I’ll let you explain. “Nobody wants him,” Borris whined. He also stated that when he talks to baseball executives, they “never bring up his name.” I could be reading too much into this, Jeff, but it appears that no one wants the circus sideshow act your client would bring. Nor are teams too hep on signing dudes under indictment for perjury to a federal grand jury. Yet your gums keep flapping, trying to drum up interest in a guy that the rest of us are ready, willing, able and well on our way to forgetting with good reason….
- So what’s your grandma up to right now? Maybe she’s knitting, maybe she’s baking some cookies or shopping at the store. Maybe you’re one of those whose grandma has passed away, but you still have great memories of her. Here’s guessing that those memories don’t include good ol’ grandma going to the slam for her role in a double-murder of two homeless dudes in a plot to extort millions of dollars from insurance companies. That’s because your grandma isn't Helen Golay, 77, or Olga Rutterschmidt, 75, of sunny southern California. These two senior citizens were sitting around, deciding how they’d like to spend the latter years of their life and a murder/extortion scheme seemed like the most interesting option. Golay and Rutterschmidt put their plan into action by pretending to befriend two homeless men, after which they took out insurance policies on their new pals. As a quick aside, I know homeless individuals can sometimes be mentally ill or not extremely intelligent, but wouldn’t you be at least a little suspicious if you met someone and within a few weeks they were buying you a life insurance policy? But I digress….after taking out the policies, the dynamic crime duo of Golay and Rutterschmidt then staged the murder of the two homeless men in what appeared to be hit-and-run accidents. Great idea, right? Who cares if two homeless dudes are run over in the street and left for dead? Well, apparently the two grannies aren't the criminal masterminds they fancy themselves to be, because police were suspicious of the “accidents” and the resulting investigation led to the arrest and conviction of Golay and Rutterschmidt. Their April conviction was followed by their sentencing this week, with both receiving two consecutive life terms from Los Angeles Superior Court Judge David Wesley. He marveled at the two women extorting $2.8 million with their scam yet having, as a probation report done on them found, “they have no conscience and are a serious threat to the community.” Yeah, I’d say so. I know we’re supposed to respect our elders and all, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Helen Golay and Olga Rutterschmidt are class 1-A scumbags, worthless, irredeemable pieces of crap and they deserve to never see a day of freedom for the rest of their miserable lives….
- CSI appears to be turning into the new Law & Order. In other words, the entire freaking cast has all but changed since its debut and it’s an entirely different show, the same in name only. Yes, Jorja Fox is reportedly going to be back for a few episodes this season, but she’s gone as a series regular. Ditto for Gary Dourdan, who appeared to die in last season’s finale and will be back for a one-episode run this season. Now comes word that the show’s cornerstone, William Peterson, will be leaving the cast as well after 10 episodes in the new season. Peterson, whose Gil Grissom character has been the most visible one for most of the show’s run, will remain as an executive producer and will appear as a guest star from time to time. Still, you have to wonder if it’s time to hang it up for the original CSI. When you have such a complete cast turnover and there’s a major continuity problem, keeping the show alive starts to look like a desperate play more than an effort to maintain a great show. Besides, there are about six dozen CSI spin-offs anyhow and pulling the plug on this one would give CBS the opening it’s been looking for to green-light CSI: Boise. Instead, the show is conjuring up a new character to take Peterson’s place, with Laurence Fishburne, Kurt Russell and John Malkovich being considered for the role. Yes, nothing like bringing Morpheus or Snake Plishkin to CSI to breathe new life into the show….
- I’m starting to have serious doubts about Anheuser-Busch’s decision to sell its company to Belgian brewer InBev. How can we entrust one of America’s most respected names in beer to a nation whose government just collapsed on itself? While I maintain that the sale isn't a huge call to arms for Americans and an affront to true patriots everywhere, I do have reservations about the stability of a country whose government is imploding. The issue at the heart of the collapse is the continued divide over increased self-rule for the country’s French and Dutch-speaking citizens. So serious is the situation that the country’s premier is suggesting that it could mean the end of Belgium as a nation. King Albert II is meeting with lawmakers in an attempt to resolve the crisis, but it’s not looking good. How typical of the Belgians, they’re handed a great thing like one of the world’s most-respected names in brewing and they can’t keep their act together. I swear, if it wasn’t for your fries and waffles, you would be a total loss for the world, Belgium….
- What to do after college….it’s the age-old, über-difficult question that confounds and frustrates many. It’s a huge choice and there are so many possible answers. Go back for grad school, find a job, relocate….or concoct a massive identity-theft scheme that funded trips, fancy dinners and expensive salon visits. Let’s go with option four, shall we, and see where it leads. Guiding us on this trip down Fraud Lane will be 22-year-old Jocelyn Kirsch and ex-beau Edward Anderton, a onetime Ivy League swimmer. These two have been living the good life, with their vacation pics showing them posing in matching red swimsuits by a luxury hotel pool and kissing near the Eiffel Tower and other exotic locales. How’d they afford this life of luxury? For that, let’s bring in Assistant U.S. Attorney Louis Lappen. “She and Edward Anderton stole the identities from numerous people from all walks of their lives, from co-workers to neighbors, anyone that they encountered,” Lappen said after a hearing in which Kirsch entered her guilty plea. Oh, so that’s how. The pair deployed an extremely sophisticated set of schemes to obtain garner than $116,000 in goods and services and attempted to obtain at least another $122,000 more, according to prosecutors. They stole the identities of friends and neighbors in the Philadelphia area in 2006 and 2007 to net those ill-gotten gains and travel the world with them. Their slip-up came when an employee at an upscale city salon told police that a check for Kirsch's $2,250 hair extension job had bounced. Yes, $2,250 for hair extensions, it’s freaking insane. About the same time, a neighbor of Kirsch and Anderton told police that a package that she did not order had been sent to her. Whoops again, that’s a problem. As they investigated the unraveling crime spree, police were assisted by the fact that Kirsch and Anderton were sloppy crooks who didn’t do a great job of hiding their crimes. Investigators found evidence of their trips in dozens of digital photos on their laptop computers. From there, the case built to the point that Anderton, a University of Pennsylvania graduate originally from Everett, Wash., and Kirsch were each hit with six charges, which include bank fraud and money laundering. Anderton plead guilty last month and now his ex has joined him. The counts carry a two-year minimum sentence, but prosecutors expect her to get about six years under federal guidelines, while Anderton is expected to receive in the neighborhood of five years in prison. Together, they are being called “the poster children for identity fraud,” which isn't exactly the most bad-ass of criminal labels. For her part, Kirsch maintains that she or her family legitimately funded some or most of the international trips, which I doubt is going to sway the judge during sentencing. Privileged, wealthy chicks who are the daughter of a North Carolina plastic surgeon don’t tend to get a lot of sympathy, even if they are really hot, as Kirsch is. Prison should really be an…..um….interesting experience for her….
- So what’s your grandma up to right now? Maybe she’s knitting, maybe she’s baking some cookies or shopping at the store. Maybe you’re one of those whose grandma has passed away, but you still have great memories of her. Here’s guessing that those memories don’t include good ol’ grandma going to the slam for her role in a double-murder of two homeless dudes in a plot to extort millions of dollars from insurance companies. That’s because your grandma isn't Helen Golay, 77, or Olga Rutterschmidt, 75, of sunny southern California. These two senior citizens were sitting around, deciding how they’d like to spend the latter years of their life and a murder/extortion scheme seemed like the most interesting option. Golay and Rutterschmidt put their plan into action by pretending to befriend two homeless men, after which they took out insurance policies on their new pals. As a quick aside, I know homeless individuals can sometimes be mentally ill or not extremely intelligent, but wouldn’t you be at least a little suspicious if you met someone and within a few weeks they were buying you a life insurance policy? But I digress….after taking out the policies, the dynamic crime duo of Golay and Rutterschmidt then staged the murder of the two homeless men in what appeared to be hit-and-run accidents. Great idea, right? Who cares if two homeless dudes are run over in the street and left for dead? Well, apparently the two grannies aren't the criminal masterminds they fancy themselves to be, because police were suspicious of the “accidents” and the resulting investigation led to the arrest and conviction of Golay and Rutterschmidt. Their April conviction was followed by their sentencing this week, with both receiving two consecutive life terms from Los Angeles Superior Court Judge David Wesley. He marveled at the two women extorting $2.8 million with their scam yet having, as a probation report done on them found, “they have no conscience and are a serious threat to the community.” Yeah, I’d say so. I know we’re supposed to respect our elders and all, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Helen Golay and Olga Rutterschmidt are class 1-A scumbags, worthless, irredeemable pieces of crap and they deserve to never see a day of freedom for the rest of their miserable lives….
- CSI appears to be turning into the new Law & Order. In other words, the entire freaking cast has all but changed since its debut and it’s an entirely different show, the same in name only. Yes, Jorja Fox is reportedly going to be back for a few episodes this season, but she’s gone as a series regular. Ditto for Gary Dourdan, who appeared to die in last season’s finale and will be back for a one-episode run this season. Now comes word that the show’s cornerstone, William Peterson, will be leaving the cast as well after 10 episodes in the new season. Peterson, whose Gil Grissom character has been the most visible one for most of the show’s run, will remain as an executive producer and will appear as a guest star from time to time. Still, you have to wonder if it’s time to hang it up for the original CSI. When you have such a complete cast turnover and there’s a major continuity problem, keeping the show alive starts to look like a desperate play more than an effort to maintain a great show. Besides, there are about six dozen CSI spin-offs anyhow and pulling the plug on this one would give CBS the opening it’s been looking for to green-light CSI: Boise. Instead, the show is conjuring up a new character to take Peterson’s place, with Laurence Fishburne, Kurt Russell and John Malkovich being considered for the role. Yes, nothing like bringing Morpheus or Snake Plishkin to CSI to breathe new life into the show….
- I’m starting to have serious doubts about Anheuser-Busch’s decision to sell its company to Belgian brewer InBev. How can we entrust one of America’s most respected names in beer to a nation whose government just collapsed on itself? While I maintain that the sale isn't a huge call to arms for Americans and an affront to true patriots everywhere, I do have reservations about the stability of a country whose government is imploding. The issue at the heart of the collapse is the continued divide over increased self-rule for the country’s French and Dutch-speaking citizens. So serious is the situation that the country’s premier is suggesting that it could mean the end of Belgium as a nation. King Albert II is meeting with lawmakers in an attempt to resolve the crisis, but it’s not looking good. How typical of the Belgians, they’re handed a great thing like one of the world’s most-respected names in brewing and they can’t keep their act together. I swear, if it wasn’t for your fries and waffles, you would be a total loss for the world, Belgium….
- What to do after college….it’s the age-old, über-difficult question that confounds and frustrates many. It’s a huge choice and there are so many possible answers. Go back for grad school, find a job, relocate….or concoct a massive identity-theft scheme that funded trips, fancy dinners and expensive salon visits. Let’s go with option four, shall we, and see where it leads. Guiding us on this trip down Fraud Lane will be 22-year-old Jocelyn Kirsch and ex-beau Edward Anderton, a onetime Ivy League swimmer. These two have been living the good life, with their vacation pics showing them posing in matching red swimsuits by a luxury hotel pool and kissing near the Eiffel Tower and other exotic locales. How’d they afford this life of luxury? For that, let’s bring in Assistant U.S. Attorney Louis Lappen. “She and Edward Anderton stole the identities from numerous people from all walks of their lives, from co-workers to neighbors, anyone that they encountered,” Lappen said after a hearing in which Kirsch entered her guilty plea. Oh, so that’s how. The pair deployed an extremely sophisticated set of schemes to obtain garner than $116,000 in goods and services and attempted to obtain at least another $122,000 more, according to prosecutors. They stole the identities of friends and neighbors in the Philadelphia area in 2006 and 2007 to net those ill-gotten gains and travel the world with them. Their slip-up came when an employee at an upscale city salon told police that a check for Kirsch's $2,250 hair extension job had bounced. Yes, $2,250 for hair extensions, it’s freaking insane. About the same time, a neighbor of Kirsch and Anderton told police that a package that she did not order had been sent to her. Whoops again, that’s a problem. As they investigated the unraveling crime spree, police were assisted by the fact that Kirsch and Anderton were sloppy crooks who didn’t do a great job of hiding their crimes. Investigators found evidence of their trips in dozens of digital photos on their laptop computers. From there, the case built to the point that Anderton, a University of Pennsylvania graduate originally from Everett, Wash., and Kirsch were each hit with six charges, which include bank fraud and money laundering. Anderton plead guilty last month and now his ex has joined him. The counts carry a two-year minimum sentence, but prosecutors expect her to get about six years under federal guidelines, while Anderton is expected to receive in the neighborhood of five years in prison. Together, they are being called “the poster children for identity fraud,” which isn't exactly the most bad-ass of criminal labels. For her part, Kirsch maintains that she or her family legitimately funded some or most of the international trips, which I doubt is going to sway the judge during sentencing. Privileged, wealthy chicks who are the daughter of a North Carolina plastic surgeon don’t tend to get a lot of sympathy, even if they are really hot, as Kirsch is. Prison should really be an…..um….interesting experience for her….
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