- Go away and stay away, Brett Favre. You are a selfish, self-centered, narcissistic piece of crap and you are creating a lot of problems for a lot of people because you think the entire universe revolves around you. For the past 3-4 years, Favre has played a cat-and-mouse game when it comes to his retiring from professional football. He has spent every regular season being dodgy and evasive about his plans to return the next year, dragged his decision out most of the offseason and kept the team from making plans on what to do with its quarterback position and then decided at the last minute to come back. In so doing, he’s expected the team to wait for him and bend over backwards to wait for his decree. Because he’s Brett Favre, gunslinger and beloved Wisconsin sports icon who led the team to a Super Bowl title and was among the greatest quarterbacks ever, the Green Bay Packers have played along. The ride appeared to come to an end after the Packers were eliminated from the playoff in the NFC title game in January. A teary Favre held a press conference the following week, announcing that although he could physically still play the game, he didn’t have the drive or desire to. He was retiring, finally ending the roller coaster ride and not holding the football world hostage for another offseason. We should have known better…..Favre can’t stay away. That tool is now contacting the Packers, telling them that he may want to play again and that his family is encouraging him to do so. Are you freaking kidding me? How selfish can you be? The Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers in the first round three years ago and he’s played a few inconsequential snaps since then. He can leave the team after this season via free agency and unless he gets to be the starting QB this season without Favre butting in, that’s what he’s going to do. Would you stay if you had a guy like Favre always lurking, a self-centered legend who is apt to swoop in at any time and try to take back the quarterback job? The position was promised to Rodgers when Favre retired and now Favre is reversing field? I don’t care if he claims that the talks to return haven’t reached a serious level yet; they shouldn’t be happening at all. Shut up and get lost, jerk. Your request for the team to trade or release you won't work either because letting you go would unleash a firestorm of angry Packers fans lobbing verbal missiles at the team and its front office. They can’t let you go, nor can they bring you back as starting quarterback. So stop being selfish, own up to your decision to retire and stop thinking only of yourself.
- The plan was flawed and had holes in it from the beginning, so you had to expect that sooner or later Samuel Israel III was going to get caught. The rogue hedge-fund manager slated to go to prison for ripping off his clients who decided to fake his own death and go on the lam rather then report to jail to begin serving his sentence surrendered to authorities in Southwick, Mass. Wednesday morning. He was staring down a 20-year sentence for his role in the collapse of the Bayou hedge funds, brought on by he and two partners reporting false profits to clients in order to sucker them into investing $450 million with the company. Just hours before he was scheduled to report to prison in New York to begin serving his sentence on June 9, Israel hatched a plan to escape. He abandoned his SUV on a bridge over the Hudson River north of New York and wrote the words “Suicide is Painless” in dust on the hood. Since then, police say he has been living in RV parks and at highway rest stops. He was apparently in contact with his mother because she was the one who helped broker his surrender. Now Israel has tacked on a charge of failing to surrender to serve a federal sentence to the fraud and conspiracy convictions he was already rocking. Like I said, this plan was terrible from the start. First, an empty SUV with a cryptic message on the hood in dust isn't going to cut it. You need blood, you need signs of some sort of injury, you need a weapon or a body you manage to distort or maim beyond recognition and you need an elaborate plot. You need to be as theatrical as possible and it needs to look like you really did kill yourself. Second, you need to have set aside a big chunk of cash in advance to live off of and you need to be heading out of the country ASAP. Doesn’t matter where you go right away, just as long as you get out of the country. Eventually you need to land in a country without an extradition policy and you need to start a new life there with a new identity. You also cannot - repeat, cannot - be in contact with anyone you know, friends, family or otherwise. The police will be monitoring them and expecting you to call them, so you can’t. Maybe down the road you can get a message to them indirectly to let them know that you’re still alive, but even that’s dicey. Not an impressive scheme, Sammy. Then again, you are going to prison because you suck at planning crimes, so this really isn't a huge surprise….
- Yesterday, on the day America celebrated the anniversary of its birth as a nation, we faced a very real, very dangerous threat to our supremacy….as the world leaders in gluttony. At the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, defending champion and true American patriot Joey Chestnut put his title as the biggest, baddest hot-dog eater in the world on the line against arch nemesis Takeru Kobayashi. Last year, Chestnut dethroned Kobayashi, who had won the previous six Nathan’s contests held at Coney Island, by crushing 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes to best Kobayashi’s 63. This year, a new format shortened the competition to 10 minutes and ratcheted up the intensity. As a parade of freaks in elaborate costumers paraded onto the stage sporting nicknames like “Eater X”, “Crazy Legs” and “Badlands Booker,” the crowd readied itself for the battle. Early on, Chestnut surged ahead of his rival and looked to be headed for easy victory. But Kobayashi proved that you can never, ever underestimate the heart of a champion glutton. Using the controversial “cannonball” technique, Kobayashi surged into the lead and maintained a one-dog lead for the latter part of the race. Yet as the end neared, Chestnut dug down deep, searched his soul and found the wherewithal to cram enough hot dogs down his throat to make it close. The clock hit 0:00 and the final tally was calculated, revealing….a tie. Both Chestnut and Kobayashi had eaten 59 hot dogs, necessitating a five-dog eat-off to determine the champion. Whoever consumed the five additional dogs first would be the winner and in the end, Chestnut was that man. He retained his title belt and defended American honor in a day that will go down as a great day for these here United States. No one can consume massive, nauseating quantities of food like we can, dammit, and don’t you forget it…..
- Show fixtures like the über-hot Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) and Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) may be missing for most or all of Season 7 of Smallville, but when the show returns back in September, the Super Friends of the Justice League will be back. The group - Green Arrow, Aquaman, the Flash, Cyborg and Black Canary will reunite to search for Clark Kent, who went AWOL in May’s season finale after throwing down with Lex at the Fortress of Solitude. With show creators Al Gough and Miles Millar having departed, there will be new faces as the top as well with four of the series' longtime producers have taken over for Season 8. Kelly Souders, Brian Peterson, Todd Slavkin and Darren Swimmer will be taking over and since they’ve all been with the show for a while, the transition should be smooth. One of the first things the new leadership did was lock in Justin Hartley for at least 12 episodes as Green Arrow/Oliver Queen, a fan favorite who was a mainstay in Season 6 but in only one episode last season. He'll start the season by gathering Aquaman and Black Canary to locate and rescue Clark. Alan Ritchson (Cyborg) and Alaina Huffman (Black Canary) will reprise their roles, and the Martian Manhunter (Phil Morris) will also be back in the season premiere, titled “Odyssey.” According to Souders, the season’s theme is “double identities,” and it will feature Clark Kent trying to build a normal life with his double identiy still intact. As part of that theme, he takes a job at the Daily Planet right across the desk from Lois Lane (Erica Durance). “The camaraderie as they work side-by-side that everyone loves from the DC Comics and all the Superman lore is going to come to fruition this year,” Souders says. “The two of them are thrown together in some unfortunate situations for Clark. She becomes a little bit of an obstacle to him saving the world, when he's on a deadline.” So is this new story line enough to offset the loss of Kreuk and Rosenbaum (both may make a few select appearances). Probably not, but it will help a bit…..
- It takes a big man - well, a big, enraged man with a serious anger problem - to punch and break a car windshield in a road rage incident. University of Arkansas football player Wendel Davis is that man. Davis, 19, faces up to 10 years in jail after University of Arkansas police arrested him on a felony criminal mischief charges Tuesday. Police allege that Davis went medieval on a 2005 Nissan Altima after the driver bumped his motorized scooter and then tried to hit Davis with the car around 1 p.m. Tuesday afternoon on the UA campus in Fayetteville, Ark. No, I didn’t say Davis went after the driver, I said he went after the car. According to a police report, Davis pulled up to the intersection of Maple Street and North Garland Avenue when a car behind him hit his scooter, Crain said. Even though the bump was so minor that it caused no damage or injury, Davis reacted swiftly and angrily. “Wendel got off the scooter and pounded the car with his feet and fists,” said Lt. Gary Crain of the university police department. The report also states the driver attempted to run over Davis before he started hitting the scooter. Police charged the driver of the Altima, Onyebuchi Odunukwe, 20, with felony aggravated assault and terroristic threat. Astonishingly, this whole incident appears to be over a girl. Court documents state Odunukwe and Davis had two previous altercations involving Odunukwe’s girlfriend. So Odunukwe thinks Davis is macking on his girl and trying to steal her, so he decides to try to run him down with his car. I don’t normally advocate violence and I think Davis’ best course of action was calling the police, but I can see where he might be pissed. Someone tries to run you down with their car and then attacks you on your scooter with their car as a weapon…..they’re asking for it. In his rage, Davis caused several dents to the car and broke the windshield, with the estimated the damage at about $3,000. Davis himself needed treatment for his injured hand, but I still have to say he won this fight. Hammering out that much damage to a car with your bare hands and getting only a minor hand injury in the process is impressive. Memo you you, Odunukwe: Your girlfriend isn't impressed by your act. She thinks you’re a moron and that you’re going to jail because you couldn’t check yourself. Defending her honor is one thing, but using your car as a battering ram against a dude on foot and on a scooter is not defending anyone’s honor. Just an all-around bad situation and one that is not at all surprising on a major college campus.
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