Rallying to the defense of stoners, the O.C. and our freedom from the tyranny of American Karaoke

- Reasons for pulling a TV show from the air can vary, but there are a few criteria that should be used in any circumstance: 1) is the show consistently experiencing abysmally low ratings, 2) do you have something better to put on in its place, 3) has the show been on for a long time and simply run its course and 4) have so many of the actors who were originally on the show left that the show is simply a subpar, bastardized version of itself. If the answer to any one of those questions is no, then you should leave the show right where it is. If more than one of those answers is no, then you’re an idiot for even thinking about pulling it. Of course, a show like 7^th Heaven would get a yes to all four and would’ve for the past four or five years, so of course the CW network refuses to kill it, which makes no sense at all. Yet The O.C. is given the ax and in its place now Fox has…..Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?…….what the frak? Maybe the O.C. wasn’t a show built for a long, Seinfeld-ian run, but you run it off the air so you can have some half-baked game show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy? This guy hasn’t been a relevant cultural figure since the late 90’s, and even then he was only marginally popular. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go set fire to my TV listings and smash every TV set in my home with a sledgehammer.

- So it turns out that garlic is only good for use against vampires. Sadly, a study by Stanford researchers have found that garlic has no substantial impact on reducing cholesterol levels in people whose levels are already high. These findings directly contradict the promises of all of those garlic supplements on the market that promise to fight bad cholesterol and make you healthier. Now there’s a distinct possibility that a study two months from now will totally contradict the results of this study, but I’ll stick with the Stanford people on this one, they tend to be fairly smart. And you definitely don’t need a study to know that eating or ingesting a lot of garlic does have one definite effect: reducing your chances of getting a date or finding someone to hook up with when you go out to a club. Of course, if you’re expecting a run in with Dracula, garlic is still a good option.

- Can we go for more than a month without a contestant on a TV show or beauty pageant popping up in nude/semi-nude/raunchy photos on the Internet? First it was a couple of beauty pageant contestants early this year, namely Miss USA Tara Conner. Now it’s some random American Karaoke contestant. While I’m sure that Antonella Barba (couldn’t pick her out of a lineup if she had a “Hey, I’m Antonella Barba” t-shirt on) is the shiz-nitz in her hometown of Holmdel, New Jersey, I have to ask why she can’t avoid popping up in ‘Net photos of chicks on a beach posing topless. You’re a freaking wannabe karaoke singer, so you should probably keep your clothes on for now. That way, if you ever become quasi-famous and your fifteen minutes of fame are running out, then you can pull out the “Sex/nudity scandal” card. If you’ve already done it before you become a minor celebrity, then you won't have it to fall back on later. But again, if you’re appearing on American Karaoke, I have to assume that you’re not too bright anyhow, so this really shouldn’t be overly surprising.

- Willie Nelson, where are you when your stoner friends need you? Willie, whose tour bus is so polluted by the smell of the hippie lettuce that motorists who pass by in the other direction will have a contact high for days, should definitely come to the assistance of famed weed enthusiast Ed Rosenthal, who has been charged by the feds with growing marijuana, laundering money and falsifying tax returns. Comedian Tommy Chong, of Cheech and Chong fame, will be hosting a benefit for Rosenthal, seeking to raise money to help cover trial expenses that could reach $300,000. Call me crazy, but I think Rosenthal is screwed here, and it has nothing to do with the weed, with his authorship if marijuana cultivation books or his columns in High Times magazine. No, Ed is up the creek without a paddle because as we all know, you can commit whatever crime you want, narcotics-related or otherwise, but if you try to cheat on your taxes, you’re going down. Do what you want with your life, but try to take money out of Uncle Sam’s pocket and the feds will be on you like Rosie O’Donnell on a box of deep-fried Ring Dings. Even if Willie Nelson did rally to Rosenthal’s defense, no star power in the world is going to ease the rage of the IRS when you don’t pay your taxes. Had ‘ol Eddy stuck to growing the wacky weed in his back yard and shot straight on his tax returns, he could have evaded the law for as long as he wanted. Now, he’s D-U-N.

- One Oscars-related note, more movie related than show related, but: I don’t get the complaints that The Departed was too gruesome and bloody to be so warmly received and awarded. I saw the movie, and the violence and bloodshed weren't gratuitous or over-the-top. As someone who’s very squeamish about blood and gore, I’d be the first person to say if there were too much of it. Also, I doubt these same people were b*tching about Saving Private Ryan being too gory, so that criticism doesn’t hold much water. This is actually the first time I can remember liking a movie that won Best Picture, so I’m inclined to be happy about the development, not to complain about how many people were killed in the movie.