Weather massacres Valentine's Day, Colorado's football coach is crazy....crazy good

- University of Colorado football coach Dan Hawkins is awesome. And by awesome, I mean the guy is a raving lunatic. Seriously, dude is a freaking madman and I absolutely love it. In case you didn’t hear this, D. Hawk had a completely out-of-the-blue meltdown at a seemingly routine midweek press conference, a meltdown that has me wondering if Hawkins has entered some sort of mentoring, “Big Brother” program with former Arizona Cardinals coach Denny Green. Either Denny has been acting as a mentor for Hawkins or Dan just has a well of untapped anger deep inside, because he let loose with a memorable tirade. He detailed how a parent of a player sent him an anonymous letter complaining that the players were only getting two weeks off before beginning summer conditioning drills as opposed to the normal three-week break. Going from zero to really pissed in ten seconds flat, Hawkins then screamed, “This is Division I football! This is the Big 12 conference! This ain’t intramurals! "You've got two weeks after finals, you've got a week of July Fourth and you get a week before camp starts," Hawkins continued, still shouting at the top of his voice. "That's a month that's probably more vacation then you [reporters] get. And we're a little bummed out that we don't get three weeks? Go play intramurals, brother … go play intramurals," he said, clearly channeling his inner Hulk Hogan, brother. So just eat your vitamins, say your prayers, brother, and make sure you’re there for summer conditioning. Eaaaaaasy, Hawk. This is only February, this is the off-season for you. You’ve still got more than six months before the games get going and the real pressure sets in. After that 2-10 record you posted last year, you might want to settle down, stay in your shoes and get to work on how to make the 2007 season better than ’06.

- You’ve been hearing me say this for a while now, that we just do not have enough people running for the respective party nominations in the 2008 presidential election. It seems like no one wants these nominations, because to the best of my knowledge, no one has clearly stated whether or not they will be running in ’08. Either that or everyone who holds any sort of political office, appointed or elected, or has held such an office in the past decade is running. Add Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, to that list. If you’re like me, you’re asking one question about Romney’s candidacy: who the hell is Mitt Romney? All I know is that dude is billing himself as “a political outsider”, which is without a doubt one of the three worst ways to kick off any campaign, right behind sex scandal and sex change operation. If you’re already admitting that you’re a political misfit before your campaign kicks off, let’s go ahead and assume you won't be winning anything. This does force me, however, to add another tenet to my manifesto of voting guidelines that I follow whenever heading to the polls: Never, ever vote for a candidate named after a piece of sports equipment. Mitt is something I stick on my hand so I can make diving catches of fly balls to the outfield, not someone I elect to be President. Thanks for nothing Mitt, I look forward to you becoming the first of the 14,337 candidates to officially withdraw from this election.

- I’ve never seen Lost, but I have a newfound respect and admiration for one of its actors. No, this guy didn’t save a family from a burning house or donate a kidney to save the life of a total stranger. Michael Benson, who plays the manipulative Ben character on the uber-popular ABC drama, said something that is both profoundly true and in dire need of being said over and over. His quote, in response to what kind of music tortures him the way the characters on Lost have been tortured: “I have an allergy to the current celebration of athletic balladeering that has been enshrined on American Idol.” Mike, my man, I hate to correct you, but the right way to refer to that show is American Karaoke, but other than that, you’re right on. Now I have no idea what you mean by “athletic balladeering”, but I can deduce that you, like myself, are not down with the offensive crap that A.K. is foisting on the viewing public. I encourage the rest of you to join me and my good friend, famous actor Michael Benson, in actively opposing the further atrocities that American Karaoke can and probably will subject the television viewers of the world to. Help us, and together, we can put a stop to this torture.

- Guys all over the Midwest and Northeast caught a major break this Valentine’s Day. For those who were tardy on calling for reservations and weren't able to land a table anywhere other than Arby’s, the massive snowstorm that has slammed states from Illinois to Massachusetts and everywhere in between has given them an out. Now, they can simply explain that they’re snowed in and it’s just too bad outside to go out. Maybe even feign worry about the health and well being of their significant other having to go out on the roads in this awful mess……kinda like finding out there’s a snow day at school on the same day you’re supposed to have an exam you forgot to study for. Score one for procrastinating guys everywhere.