Astro-nuts, "dynamite" protests and W. is still a moron

- Kudos to U.S. astro-nut Lisa Marie Nowak. In a world where most people lack the focus, drive, determination and dedication to see their goals through to completion, this whack job took commitment to a new extreme. Nowak, you may already know, is the woman who strapped on an adult diaper, loaded her car with mace, rubber tubing, a knife, a steel mallet, garbage bags and God knows what else and drove 900 miles from Houston to Orlando in an attempt to kill or kidnap the a women she viewed as a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut that she was in love with. Forget that Nowak is a married mother of three, or that the woman she assaulted, Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, isn't even in an actual relationship with Cmdr. William Oefelein, the fellow astronaut in question. Nothing says commitment to excellence quite like being willing to wear a diaper so you can soil yourself and thus save a few minutes in travel time. Think for a minute about the fact that this is the kind of person we’re apparently sending up into space. People operating obscenely expensive equipment and technology and operating in dangerous, tight conditions out in space are the same ones from whom we get this mental case. How does Nowak get past the initial screening process at NASA? How does someone not red flag her during her psych exam? Somehow, I don’t think using the insanity defense in her upcoming attempted murder trial will be that much of a stretch.

- Both houses of Congress have a difficult time working cohesively on both an internal basis and when it comes to functioning with the other half of America’s chief legislative body. Bills and issues are held up and twisted so many times and in so many different ways that you begin to wonder if anything will ever get done. Pretty amazing, then, when you consider that both the House and the Senate are moving forcefully to oppose W.’s new plan for Iraq by any means possible. In the House, a non-binding measure to oppose the 21,500-troop surge will be voted on next week. That measure would be only a symbolic gesture because the House can't actually force the troop surge to stop, but it would be an open condemnation of an idiotic plan being forced on all of us by our Moron in Chief. Meanwhile, withdrawal bills have been introduced in the Senate, and Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois said in part, “We’re not going to stand by a failed policy that exposes more of our soldiers to death and suffering.” For that, Sen. Durbin receives my Senate MVP of the Week award. I know our Constitution gives certain powers to our President out of necessity, but the ability to unilaterally send thousands of American troops into a pointless war that’s already dragged on far too long and expose those troops to grave danger and possible death should not be one of them. There needs to be a way for Congress or someone else to put a halt to this, because it has reached a point of absurdity. Everyone with even a modicum of sensibility and intelligence (and not related to or appointed by W.) is standing up to oppose his plan, yet this lothario refuses to budge. There has to be some way to impeach this chump…….

- Now here’s how you protest: in Bolivia, more than 20,000 miners marched into the city of La Paz on Tuesday and lobbed sticks of dynamite in the streets in protest of President Evo Morales’ plan for a steep hike in mining taxes. The whole concept of protesting has been largely lost in America since the 70s, when hippies (a group that’s just gotten a bad rap) and other peace-loving individuals came out en masse to oppose the W. of the 1970s, Richard Nixon, and his whole war in Vietnam saga. But when you start tossing around explosives and blowing things up, I can get with that. When all you have is signs, placards and chants, you are a lot easier to ignore than when you light the fuse on some explosives and hurl them around on city streets. Using dynamite would also be an effective negotiating technique for the miners; a few well-placed sticks of TNT under Morales’ car (when no one is in it, of course), maybe a few on the lawn of the presidential residence and in select other locations could really expedite the negotiation process.

- In the wake of the Colts’ Super Bowl win Sunday, the one guy in all of football who has to be the most absolutely sick to his stomach is Arizona Cardinals running back Edgerrin James. Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the rest of the Patriots might have blown an 18-point lead in the AFC title game to the Colts and hate them bitterly, but James is the guy who busted out of Indy after last season, signed a $60 million contract with the hapless Cardinals and suffered through a 5-11 season before having to watch his former team rip off four straight playoff wins en route to a world championship. How’s that taste, Edge? You jumped ship for a huge contract, now you’re stuck on an awful team while the team you just left replaced you with a rookie running back and the guy who backed you up and actually got better. Now they have the Super Bowl rings on their fingers and you’re left to see how many luxurious homes, plasma screens, iPods and tricked out cars you can buy while playing on one of the NFL’s worst franchises. Worst of all, I can't remember hearing even once during the playoffs that the Colts missed you or were at a loss because you were no longer with them. Hope all that money makes it worth your while, Edge.

- Akron, Ohio is a mostly nondescript place on the national scene. Some people know that Goodyear, the mammoth tire maker, is headquartered here and baseball fans might know the city as the home of one of the finest minor league stadiums in baseball, Canal Park. Oh, and there’s the whole thing about being the hometown of LeBron James. But network television seems to have developed a peculiar fascination with the city in recent months. First, part of an epsidoe of the hit series Prison Break was set at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron (a fictional version of it, anyhow, but the city was still referenced and used as a setting on the show) and now a bizarre new pilot for a show about a drug addicted model who leaves Manhattan to come back to Akron, her hometown, to live with her dysfunctional family and to do community service. The bizarre part is that she becomes a celebrity when it’s reported that a vision of the Virgin Mary blessed her after a car crash on the girl’s way back to Akron. That sounds….umm, weird and destined for cancellation after six episodes. But still nice to have the ‘ol hometown become a favorite of the television world. Ever since that whole Cuyahoga River burning thingy in the 1980s, Northeast Ohio has needed all the positive attention it can get.

- I’m going to go ahead and pass on the upcoming self-help book to be written by Jim Carrey. The book will focus on how to be “OK” with life’s annoyances and thus achieve some sort of inner peace. And honestly, who can relate better to the common stresses in the life of the average person better than a multimillionaire Hollywood star who makes eight figures for every movie he does? I’m sure Jim will have some fascinating insights into how to improve the lives of farmers in South Dakota, cab drivers in New York, construction workers in Atlanta and oil rig workers in the Gulf Coast region. Stick to making mediocre movies with sophomoric humor, Jim, and leave the self-help book writing to people with actual qualifications to dish out life advice.