5:41 - Shannon Sharpe is still loud, obnoxious and has a hard time speaking English. Boomer Esiason declares that this will be a “Peyton Manning Super Bowl” and proclaims that this is the day Manning will rise triumphantly to the top of the NFL mountain. He picks the Colts, as does Dan Marino (like Dan knows anything about winning Super Bowls). Shannon Sharpe makes his prediction and still has not yet removed that gravel from his mouth. He picks the Colts, too.
5:44 - The genius running the PA system at Dolphins Stadium has put Vertical Horizon’s You’re a God on, clearly forgetting this is 2007, not 2001. Also, nothing like some melodic, thoughtful trendy rock to pump up the crowd before the ultimate game in a rugged, tough sport like football. Way to go, guys, can’t anyone find some “Crazy Train” or “Hell’s Bells” and put it on a loop?
5:47 - Gloria Estefan is still around? Seriously? Will Crockett and Tubbs also be making an appearance in an homage to the 80s? And what the hell is Cirque de Soleil doing at a football game? Acrobats in fruity costumes tumbling and dancing around? Can we get Gallagher and his watermelon-smashing antics here too? Maybe mix in a few mimes and we’ll be set. This evening is off to an auspicious start.
5:54 - Cirque de Soleil is fruitier than I expected. Dudes and chicks should not have leopard-style paint on their faces, be wearing spandex pants and have football jerseys on. Ever. Period. Let’s just end this whole pregame debacle, shall we? You guys are beginning to make me look forward to Prince performing at halftime. Yes, it’s really that bad.
6:03 - For future reference: a video montage filled with anonymous people who proclaim themselves to be relatives of, former teachers of, friends of, lawn mower of, one of the players in this game, not such a good idea. Why do I give a rat’s tuccus who these people are? They declare that Player X is playing for them too, not just for themselves, so what? How do I know who you are who you claim to be? Maybe CBS found some desperate actor to play the part for the sake of this video. I don’t know and I don’t care. Go away.
6:05 - Jim Nantz is announcing. Goody. At least I can take solace in knowing that his blowhard, self-righteous SOB of a partner, Billy Packer, isn't here. Thankfully, Billy’s bitter, surly personality is limited to ruining college basketball.
6:12 - Why I LOVE sideline reporters and their interviews; can you believe it, when Steve Tasker asked Tony Dungy his feelings at the moment, as opposed to what they were when he was a player in this game, the Colts coach says they are different! Amazing, so putting on the pads and going out to hit someone in the mouth is different than standing on the sidelines, watching other people do so? Amazing. Also, Solomon Wilcots is here, and the look on his face conveys one thing: “I am thankful, above all else, that I’m not being forced to interview Bill Belichick after his team was eliminated from the playoffs. Even being attacked by an alligator would be preferable at this point.”
6:19 - The Piano Man, Billy Joel, in for the national anthem. Good choice, and having the song played on piano as well as sung was neat. Also glad that Billy was able to stop driving cars into houses long enough to perform. Sorry, cheap shot….
6:20 - THE COIN TOSS IS COMING!! THE COIN TOSS IS COMING!! I’M SO THANKFUL JIM NANTZ ALERTED ME TO THIS AND DID SO IN SUCH AN OVERLY ENTHUSIASTIC VOICE! OTHERWISE, I MIGHT HAVE GONE FOR A SNACK RUN TO THE KITCHEN AND MISSED IT!
6:24 - The Bears have chosen their long snapper as one of their captains. Excellent choice guys, people always rally behind the long snapper. Also, Dan Marino as an honorary game captain? The players look like they’d rather shove their heads into a meat grinder than make contact with Dan, lest his legacy of Super Bowl flopping somehow rub off on them.
6:25 - When they do those video headshots of players to use for on-screen graphics, isn't it creepy when the graphic stays on screen for too long and the players are staring blankly at you, just a decapitated head with an awkward expression. Very creepy, this might be something we want to stop doing.
6:26 - Opening kickoff……wow, I predicted Devin Hester vs. the Colts special teams would be a key, but this is absurd. Opening kickoff, back all the way for a touchdown. Not even touched on the return, and the Colts are stunned. So are millions of gamblers worldwide who just won or lost bets on who would score first and how. Rex Grossman, you’re off the hook…for now. We’re in store for squib kicks from the Colts for here on out, no way they’re kicking to Hester again.
6:32 - Our first penalty flag of the evening. And if you don’t think some degenerate gamblers who placed wagers on when that happened…well, you’re just in denial. False start on the Colts’ Tarik Glenn, by the way.
6:35 - Manning is intercepted and his postseason struggles continue. But honestly, it was a long pass and the net yardage exchanged on the play made it more like a punt anyhow. Big picture, though, is that a turnover isn't nearly as disturbing when you realize Rex Grossman is now on the field and leading the opposing offense. Kinda takes the edge off and makes you breathe a little easier, doesn’t it?
6:45 - Dallas Clark catch, will have to be a major factor for the colts to win, first down here, still feels like colts are being forced to dink and dunk too much, at this rate, will need 25 play drive to score
6:47 - Reggie Wayne WIDE open behind the defense for a 53-yard touchdown. How does a guy get this far open? I know he played in Miami, so maybe he knows some shortcuts and back ways around town, but does he know about some time warp, black hole vortex that allows him to dematerialize, then rematerialize 15 yards behind the defense? That’s about the only excuse for a guy being that far away from you, Bears safeties.
6:51 - Just as I predicted, a squib kick…..and it works out amazingly well when Bears upback and backup tight end Gabe Reid fumbles the ball. The Colts recover and on the heels of a terrible special teams play, the bad snap on extra point, this is huge. Maybe this will shift the momentum back to Indy’s side…..
6:52 - Or not. The Colts fumble right back, with Joseph Addai putting the ball on the ground. Bears LB Brian Urlacher can't hang on, but his teammate Mark Anderson does. So far, this game has a weird, helter skelter feel. If anyone can hold onto the ball, we’re going to see some major scoring and might be in for a 41-38 ballgame.
6:55 - Touchdown bears. Grossman to Muhammad. Amazingly, as fans cheer “Moose” for Mushin Muhammad (first name pronounced like Moose obviously), Jim Nantz, the master of the obvious, somehow refrains from explaining, “The fans aren't booing here, they’re chanting ‘Moose’ for Mushin Muhammad.” Nice restraint Jimbo, let’s see if we can keep it up.
6:57 - when are we going to get survivor: Siberia? just wondering.
7:00 - Justin Timberlake performs at the Grammys this week and you can vote for his partner. can I vote that he not perform at all or do so without a mic?
7:01 - The Colts are having serious trouble running the ball. The Bears are flying to the ball and shutting down Addai and Rhodes after one or two yard gains. If this persists, the Colts are in big trouble, because Manning is going to have to pass 50 times in this game and if he passes that often, the Bears will start getting to him and hitting him….hard.
7:05 - The momentum shifts again, another fumble. Bob Sanders is a missile out there, helmet down, he came flying in to pop Cedric Benson and knock the ball loose. Can no one hang onto the ball here? I mean, I’ve seen games in the rain before, not with this many fumbles. Also, the Bears need to stop alternating backs and stick with Thomas Jones. He did rip off a 52-yard run after all, but what do I know?
7:09 - Tony Dungy lacks juevos…..if he had any testicular fortitude at all, he’d go for a fourth and 3 from the Bears 36 following an offsides penalty on a would-be punt. His team needs a shot in the arm right now, but he’s going to stick with the punt. If the Colts lose, look back at decision making like this to figure out why.
7:12 - Cedric Benson = poor man’s Coolio.
7:13 - On a third and long from their own 9, the Bears run a draw. Yeah, and they have total confidence in Rex Grossman. Sure.
7:15 - Worst shameless promotion ever: David Spade, Patrick Warburton and Oliver Hudson in front row of the stands after a promo is read for their soon to be cancelled show that is set to premiere on CBS in a couple weeks. And they look uber-happy to be sitting in the rain and being used as promotional items. Or maybe the other two are just pissed that they have to spend their weekend with David Spade.
7:18 - A new record has been set with four turnovers in first quarter - and Rex Grossman was not involved in any of them. You could have gotten 5,000 to 1 odds if you’d wagered on that in Vegas.
7:26 - The strategy and mind games continue. In anticipation of squib kick, bears move Hester up to 30-yard line. Thus, the Colts kick deep and outsmart them. I have a feeling this cat-and-mouse game is far from over.
7:31 - I know this is a secret to his longevity, not taking big hits, but what a wuss M. Harrison is. Dude runs out of bounds when defenders are five yards off just to avoid contact. I know you’re not 6’3, 235 lbs., Marv, but take someone on, earn a few extra yards for your team. It is the Super Bowl and all, you might want to go all out for this one.
7:34 - I stand corrected. The Colts are having some success running, picking up a key first down and then having RB Dominic Rhodes punch it in for the TD from a yard out. But still, at this point, Indy’s running backs are having more impact catching passes than running the ball.
7:39 - I normally hate commercials, but the one about the GM assembly line robot nightmare about becoming obsolete due to GM’s new longer warranty and then going through downward job spiral (including selling condos) was actually a little sad (I admit it, ok?) and also pretty clever. I’m not going to buy a GM car because of it, but it entertained me, so it served my purposes.
7:42 - We’re told via a sideline report (well, a secondhand account and retelling of a sideline report by Jim Nantz in the booth) that Cedric Benson’s knee injury will keep him out the rest of the game. I guess this makes my point about the Bears not alternating between Benson and Jones moot, although if they’d listened to me, maybe Benson’s injury could have been adverted. See, I’m looking out for everyone’s well being here.
7:50 - Stop me if you’ve heard this before….a fumble has occurred. Bryan Fletcher, third-string tight end for Indy, makes a catch and puts it on the ground the Bears recover. Indy’s drive to score before halftime is thwarted, but……
7:51 - Rex Grossman to the rescue! Five turnovers have happened, and clearly he’s upset about not having one yet. He needs to do his part, so he fumbles a snap to hand the ball right back to Indy. Way to go, Rex, you show ‘em!
7:53 - Manning courts danger, darting from the pocket and lateraling at the last minute to Rhodes. Somehow it’s called a pass, but that was clearly a lateral. Either way, Manning on the run, pitching the ball like an option QB is dangerous, but it works this time.
7:57 - Rex Grossman’s first half stats: 6-8, 32 yards, 1 TD, one fumble lost….and honestly, it doesn’t seem all that bad at this point. Manning is better, 17-26, 193 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT. Like I said, he’s on pace for 50+ passes, not a good thing.
7:58 - First half over, uncharacteristic Vinatieri field goal miss. Still, Colts 16, Bears 14. And Indy gets the ball first in the second half……back in a few.
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