- Earth-shaking news here, that West Virginia and Kentucky lead the nation in the rate of residents suffering from heart disease. You’re telling me that states which feature chitlins, fried chicken, assorted pork products, deep fried everything and every food on the menu slathered with a pound and a half of butter on the menu of every diner in their borders lead our nation in heart disease? Have you ever been to Kentucky and West Va., U.S. health officials in charge of this study? Even more stunning, every single Southern state except Georgia was in one of the two highest levels for heart disease. Up next: studies showing that residents of Southern California are more likely to be subjected to high pollution levels, that those residing in Washington are more likely to have smoked weed and that people in Northeastern states are at a higher risk of being subjected to extreme cold and hypothermia than people residing in Hawaii, Arizona, Florida and New Mexico. Truly a milestone moment for science, here, one we’ll all look back on as a day the world changed forever in a dramatic, life-altering way.
- Proving that there’s a dark lining for every cloud, we’re finding out that the nationwide crackdown on smoking and the emphasis on medicines and patches to help kick the habit are causing a slight problem for state governments. Previously, states had been able to rely heavily on massive amounts of income from so-called “sin” taxes that raked in many dollars from smokers. Now, with less and less people smoking and with less places in which to smoke, those tax revenues are slowly declining. In fact, just one-fifth of U.S. adults smoked in 2005, down about 25 percent from a decade ago. A side note….why is it that even though only 20 percent of adults smoke, there are always a gaggle of people standing around the door of most every public building I enter, desperately puffing on their cancer sticks and trying not to freeze just so they can get their nicotine fix? Just a thought.) Now, with many less cigarettes being sold, money that was once raised by the sin taxes will have to be found elsewhere. On the upside, in the years ahead, the government won't have to spend nearly as much helping to finance health care for smoking-related illnesses, so it’ll all balance out…..sure.
- Interesting tactic New Mexico is implementing in its attempt to combat drunk driving: talking urinal cakes. The speaking-enabled sanitary devices ask the guy using the urinal if he’s had too much to drink, which is unsettling on several levels. One, I absolutely hate it when I go into a public restroom (actually, I hate public restrooms, period), and some random dude starts talking to me. Hey pal, I don’t know you, I’m here to do my business and this isn't something I need your help with. Mouth closed, eyes straight ahead, mind your business. Now, you’ve got a strange voice coming at you from the urinal, at a level where you generally don’t want a voice coming from. And how many drunk dudes are going to reconsider driving home in their condition because some automated voice in a urinal cake asked them if they’ve had one too many? If they won't listen to friends who tell them they’re too hammered to drive, what credibility can a urinal cake hold?
- If there’s one thing I love most about soccer, it would have to be the rioting/looting/general mayhem initiated by soccer hooligans. These people are like fans on steroids, cocaine and speed all at once, trashing the stadiums they attend games in, the cities they live in and brawling with anyone who stands in their way or roots against their team. Problem is, not enough soccer fans around the world are hooligan-ing it up at a high level, and as a result, soccer is suffering. That’s doubly true in America, where no one gives a crap about soccer and some good old fashion soccer hooligan-ism would greatly help. Well, a group of Argentine soccer hooligans are trying to help by training other soccer fans in the ways of proper hooligan-ism. Fans of Argentina’s premier soccer league have made that very offer, and I’m hoping that some U.S. soccer fans take them up on it. If American soccer fans can learn how to be legit hooligans, then soccer really might take off here in the U.S. Throwing urine bombs and flares at players is just the start, so take good notes, all you American fans, the beautiful game needs you at your looting, rioting and debaucherous best.
- Great news: the L.A. Galaxy, SoCal’s Major League soccer team, has chosen two players from the open tryout/publicity stunt it held last weekend. All told, 800 suckers tried out, meaning that most importantly, the Galaxy raised $82,400 ($130 per player) for the team coffers. The Galaxy definitely need the money if they’re hoping to pay David Beckham’s salary once he arrives. Of course, that amount isn't the final number, because you have to subtract the cost of all the Capri Suns and orange slices used for those trying out, plus dozens minivans and soccer moms the Galaxy undoubtedly had to rent in order to transport players to and from the tryouts. All in all, a successful stunt for the Galaxy, not so much for the 798 out of shape losers who gave the team $130 of their money to make a fool of themselves on the pitch.
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