'Shrooms, hobos and pedophiles, good times!

- I have good visions of the remainder of Gonzaga University’s men’s basketball season, lots of bright lights and colors and groovy…….oh wait, sorry ‘bout that. I was just on a trip from the psychedelic ‘shrooms found in the car of Gonzaga players Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis on Friday night. Police found the ‘shrooms and some marijuana in the vehicle when they pulled Heytvelt and Davis over, and they have been indefinitely suspended from the team. Maybe they were on their way to a party and they were supposed to bring the hallucinogens and weed, but you fellas might want to think things through more thoroughly next time. You’re at a good school on an athletic scholarship, but you can't keep yourself in check long enough to avoid getting arrested and maybe kicked out of school? Everyone likes to get down on the weekend, and maybe you go to a party, have a beer or four, but illegal narcotics might be a tad much. Also, kudos to both of these tools for really thinking of their teammates and the fact that their struggling squad is in serious danger of missing the NCAA tournament. Heytvelt is arguably the team’s top player, and now Gonzaga will be without him as it tries to make the tourney. Hey guys, next time just smoke a joint that somebody else brings to the party so you’re not caught by the cops with the chronic in your own car.

- Everybody has that one co-worker you absolutely hate, the a-hole or witch that you wish you could light their desk on fire, stick their face full of thumb tacks and staple their mouth shut. Maybe you’ve even (and this is just pure speculation on my part) done actual damage to some of their personal property (again, I have NO idea about this kind of thing, just ruminating). But ultimately, you find a way to co-exist, even if you hate that person and only speak to them in terse interactions when it is absolutely necessary. Etan Thomas and Brendan Haywood, both centers for the Washington Wizards, apparently do not grasp the concept of co-existence. In the NBA, where players make multi-million dollar salaries for little actual on-court accomplishment, these two can't just mind their own business and keep from brawling with one another in practice. For the third (yes, third) time in the past two seasons, Thomas and Haywood fought in practice this week and this time Thomas has been suspended for two games as a result. On Nov. 2, they fought in the locker room, and last season, Haywood was suspended for throwing a punch at Thomas. This time was in scrimmage action, where Haywood hit Thomas with an elbow and Thomas took offense, punching Haywood. Thomas, a philosophizing thug/poet wannabe, had this to say, “I am trying to find my rhythm after missing a month with this ankle injury, trying to put together some decent games, feeling good to be a part of everything that the team is accomplishing, and this cat decides to hit me with a cheap shot during practice and I reacted. I could have turned the other cheek. I guess I didn't.” Well, nothing helps you find your rhythm and bring the team together like punching a teammate and missing two more games. The only real solution here is to put these two in a steel cage, no disqualification match and let them beat the bloody heck out of each other. I look forward to seeing both of you inside the cage, Etan and Brendan.

- Places never, ever, ever to move to, taking the #1 spot on the list: Oswego County, N.Y. Simple reasoning here: a winter storm dropped snow by the foot, more than 100 inches in some places, prompting Gov. Eliot Spitzer to declare a state of emergency. Ya think, Mr. Governor? One of my firm rules in life: never live anywhere that has ever received a snowfall taller than Yao Ming (7’6 for you non-NBA fans). Forget about scraping the ice and snow off of your car if you live in Oswego County, you’re not going to be able to find your car unless you drive a truck jacked up on monster truck tires. Sucks to be you right about now, residents of Oswego County.

- Certain professions are breeding grounds for pedophiles; ice cream truck drivers (c’mon, luring kids to your truck with ice cream and creepy music), clowns, circus carneys and now, people who dress up as mascots or in cartoon character costumes. If you are a member of one of these groups, odds are higher than normal that you’re a pedophile of some sort. Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Exhibit A, Matthew Wendland, 20, of Orlando, who dressed up as Goofy and the Beast character from Beauty and the Beast, who was arrested on charges of child pornogrpahy. This dude’s own roommates tipped cops off to Wendland’s collection of kiddie porn and he was busted. Gee, a guy who dressed up in a big furry suit and costume head and is in contact (literally) with kids all day long, hugging them, posing for pictures with them, you’re telling me that someone who does that stuff might also be a kiddie porn freak? No way. Look, I know it might be tough to find people willing to jam themselves into those heavy, poorly ventilated costumes and be out in the Florida heat all day, but can we perhaps have a more thorough screening process for these people? If nothing else, try to weed out the pedophiles, that shouldn’t be too much to ask.

- I heard this rumor on a radio program based in Southern California a while back, but I didn’t want to believe it was true. Now, it turns out that there is truth to the stories about L.A.-area hospitals dumping homeless, indigent patients out on the street on Skid Row. A Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center van tossed a homeless paraplegic man out onto the street with only a soiled hotel gown on and a broke colostomy bag attached to his body on Thursday. Witnesses reported the incident to the police, who traced the van back to the hospital. Nice, so on top of committing such a despicable act, apparently the van didn’t have any identify markers on it, so it took the cops running the plates to find out who it belonged to. I’m sure that isn't part of the Hippocratic Oath, to discard patients that are unable to pay on the side of the street in a helpless state. Maybe they slid that in right after the “do no harm” part of the oath, but I doubt it. Honestly, it’s just appalling, no way around it. Health care is expensive, and yeah, some people are too poor to pay. That, however, doesn’t mean you can just drive them out to Skid Row and throw them out of the van onto the street. Heck, did the van even come to a complete stop, or did they just slow down a bit, open the read doors and roll this guy out the back? Despicable, absolutely despicable.