- I owe an apology to Charles Barkley. Before the start of the NBA playoff series between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Washington Wizards, the Chuck-ster called the Wizards the “dumbest team in the history of civilization” for intentionally antagonizing LeBron James and calling him overrated. My feeling going into the series was that the Cavs were one of the most beatable No. 4 seeds in many years, given to uninspired, flat performances against even the most mediocre of teams. I actually thought the Wizards would win the series, not because they’re a great team but rather because the Cavs aren’t all that great. Well, Barkley’s comments about the Wizards have proven to be uncannily accurate to the point that they are literally handing Cleveland a series win on the strength of Washington’s sheer stupidity. All series long, the Wiz have been acting like total ass clowns, trying to bully LeBron and disrespect him for what reason I’m not sure. Guard DeShawn Stevenson, clearly the chief idiot on a team full of them, insists on mimicking WWE wrestler John Cena’s trademark gesture of waving his hand back and forth in front of his face after making a good play, telling LeBron and the Cavs that “you can’t see me” with the gesture. Furthermore, in Game 4 on Sunday, Stevenson proved his worthiness as village idiot further by delivering a flagrant foul to James on a drive to the basket that consisted of D. Stevenson clubbing James in the head with what looked like a closed fist. That came on the heels of teammate Brendan Haywood also getting hit with a flagrant foul in Game 2 for deliberately shoving James to the floor on a drive to the basket. Roughing up James and trash talking him seems to be the Wizards’ comprehensive strategy for the entire series, which only proves that Barkley was 100 percent correct when he called them the DTITHOC (dumbest team in the history of civilization). Fact is, if the Wizards had kept their mouths shut, harnessed their considerable talents and just played basketball, they had an outstanding shot to hang with and maybe even beat the one-man gang that the Cavaliers are with James and their roster of also-rans. Instead, Washington is about to be bounced by Cleveland in the first round of the playoffs for the third straight year. If all of that doesn’t scream DTITHOC, nothing does.
- You always love it when you see lawmakers at any level - local, state or federal - who have their priorities straight. Some issues just cry out for attention and must be addressed because of their importance to the citizens of a particular town, city, state or country. One such issue has come to the forefront in the state Senate of Florida, where lawmakers have introduced a bill that would ban - wait for it - metal replicas of bull testicles as bumper ornaments on trucks. Apparently a lot of loser truckers in the state have gotten the misguided impression that slamming a couple of metal replica bull nuts on their bumper is cool, so the practice has spread to the point that state lawmakers are taking time away from issues that actually matter in order to consider banning the practice. Those sponsoring the bill acknowledge that there are more pressing issues but have chosen to ignore that fact so they can waste time on this subject. They passed the bill because they feel that unless they address what they deem obscene displays such as this, more such displays will appear. The bill now goes to the House, but its odds of being passed or sufficiently debated before the legislature’s current session ends this Friday are extremely low. Damn, and this was such a vital issue to have a decision on before the situation gets any worse….
- This may have been the single dumbest box office weekend in the history of box office weekends. When the über-moronic, lame, hack-job Baby Mama is the top-earning film with $18.2 million and Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay is second best with $14.6 million, let’s just say IQ points were rarer than a truthful statement from Roger Clemens. But the stupid films don’t stop there, no way! Coming in third was the almost-as-moronic action flick The Forbidden Kingdom, last weekend’s box office leader, with $11.2 million in earnings. The fourth and fifth-higehst earning films were leaps and boundsw better than the first two despite one of them being a romantic comedy and the other being a fantasy kids’ film. Forgetting Sarah Marshall ranked fourth with $11 million in earnings and in a distant fifth, Nim’s Island with $4.5 million. Look for every one of these films to get bumped way down this coming weekend with the first summer blockbuster, Robert Downey Jr.’s Ironman, coming out. Of course, no matter what was coming out this coming weekend, it was a surefire lock to be better than either of the top three films from this past weekend.
- Believe it or not, being a cheating, lying steroid user might not be the worst thing you can call former MLB pitcher Roid-ger Clemens. The Pocket Rocket has already soiled a potential hall-of-fame career by inserting himself into the spotlight of the steroids scandal plaguing MLB and by putting on a truly unbelievable, scumbag performance in a congressional hearing on ‘roids. He’s gone from a surefire spot in Cooperstown to a guy who is a walking punch line. That being said, nothing he’s done in regards to steroids is even close to being as utterly reprehensible and despicable as what he’s now being accused of doing nearly a decade ago. According to a story now appearing in the New York Times, Clemens allegedly had a 10-year fling with country music singer Mindy McCready. That’s a problem in and of itself because Clemens is married was during the entire time the alleged relationship with McCready went on. But the adultery issue becomes secondary when you do the math and figure that if the information in this story is accurate, McCready was 15 years old when the relationship began. Can you say statutory rape? Yikes. As bad as cheating on your wife and cheating the game of baseball are, they’re nowhere near on par with inserting yourself into the same category as other child sex freaks like Roman Polanski, Woody Allen and Michael Jackson. Clemens is denying the story and saying that while he did have a relationship with McCready, it was not sexual in nature. So far, we don’t know what hard proof the Times has on this one, but Clemens had better be sure on this one because if it’s proven that he was getting after it with a 15-year-old girl, he is D-U-N. I don’t care if it was one time or repeated encounters over 10 years, if you’re a 28-year-old (as Clemens was at the time the alleged affair began), you cannot be hitting it with a minor. In other parts of the world, that might be part of the culture, but not here in the United States or in most other civilized, non-Third World countries. I always thought Clemens was a reprehensible, arrogant piece of crap, but even I didn’t think he was a statutory rapist. So as much as I’d like to see him go to prison and have to deal with all of the other inmates knowing what he’s there for, I’m sincerely hoping this isn’t true. It would just be far too disturbing and disgusting, no doubt about it. For your sake and ours, Pocket Rocket, here’s hoping this isn’t what it appears to be.
- Would someone help me out with this one? Why is it that famous or even semi-famous athletes continually feel the need to get after it with hookers? I’ve always been fairly certain that being an athlete of note at the high school, college or professional level brings a certain amount of tail with it. You’re a good player, you get girls. That’s a given in the world I know, but the more of these stories I see, the more I begin to question it.
One-named soccer loser and world famous athlete Ronaldo got a major shock Monday night when he discovered a prostitute he'd picked up was in fact a transvestite who then allegedly tried to bribe him out of $30,000 in order to keep quiet about the incident. The three time world Footballer of the Year, recovering in Brazil after knee surgery in February, was having a night out in Rio de Janeiro, watching his beloved club Flamengo at the Maracana stadium. After the game, he dropped his girlfriend off at her house, then picked up a prostitute and took her to a nearby motel. Along the way, Ronaldo failed to notice his lady of the night was really a dude of the night, a post-op trannie who was looking to work him over. She was a he, more specifically Andre Luiz Ribeiro Albertino, a 21-year-old transvestite. When my main man Ronaldo realized his mistake, he allegedly threatened to hit Andreia, who in turn accused him of asking her to buy him drugs. Andreia videoed Ronaldo emerging from the motel on his/her mobile phone's camera. Now if that were most people, the story would end there. No matter what happened next, you’d deny the whole thing and do your best to pretend the whole incident never happened. Doesn’t matter what the shim (she/him) did, you deny, deny, deny. That’s the worst night of your life and one you don’t want anyone knowing about. But for Ronaldo, getting taken by a trannie hooker was a no-go. According to Rio police superintendent Carlos Augusto Nogueira, Ronaldo reported to the police “that Andreia had taken his car documents and demanded 30,000 dollars.” As disturbing as all of this is, I have to ask once again: why not just have sex with your girlfriend? She won't do the things you want to do in the bedroom? There have to be thousands of girls who would love to get with the world’s best soccer player (just none in the United States). Sleep with one of them, one you can confirm is in fact a woman and has been from birth and isn’t a lady of the night. This incident, combined with stories from last year in which Notre Dame football player Derrell Hand was suspended from the team after soliciting sex from an undercover police officer posing as a hooker and being hit with criminal charges and then-Ohio State third-string quarterback Antonio Henton was popped for soliciting a prostitute and faced misdemeanor charges, makes me wonder. Is it really that hard for athletes to score girls? C’mon fellas, restore my faith in the order of the world. Stop paying skanks for sex and start picking up girls who are awed by your athletic prowess…..
No comments:
Post a Comment