- The biggest douche bag among owners in pro sports just might have hung himself out to dry when it comes to trying to rip his team from its home city and move them away. Seattle SuperSonics owner Clay Bennett, a certified piece of crap, was dumb enough to send scores of emails about potentially moving the team from Seattle to Oklahoma City and in the process show that he was lying to everyone involved in this situation. More e-mails involving Bennett’s relocation plan have been revealed that could slow or even stop the move from Seattle to Oklahoma City, with a filing by the city of Seattle this week in federal court in New York including e-mails to and from Bennett that show the NBA was concerned last summer that Sonics owners may be breaching their contractual promise of good-faith efforts to find a new arena in Seattle. In court documents provided Thursday by attorneys representing the city, Bennett clearly wrote in an e-mail to Sonics co-owner Aubrey McClendon last Aug. 13 that the NBA was investigating issues “relative to certain documents that we signed at closing that may have been breached.” Bennett told McClendon in the same email that president of league and basketball operations Joel Litvin was looking into the possible breach. Earlier that same day, Bennett had written an e-mail to McClendon referring to the fallout from McClendon's comments to an Oklahoma business publication that “we didn't buy the team to keep it in Seattle, we hoped to come here. Yes sir we get killed on this one,” Bennett wrote to McClendon. “I don't mind the PR ugliness [pretty used to it], but I am concerned from a legal standpoint that your statement could perhaps undermine our basic premise of ‘good faith best efforts.’” NBA commissioner David Stern, who has proven himself a spineless, gutless weasel on this issue, fined McClendon a mere $250,000 for his comment. The city is now citing it as evidence Sonics owners lied to Seattle when asserting they weren't trying to move the team. Umm…pretty much. The case is now before the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, where Seattle is attempting to compel the NBA to provide financial records for all of its teams. The city is also attempting to compel Stern to testify as part of Seattle's dispute with the Professional Basketball Club, the Sonics' ownership entity, over the KeyArena lease. It’s been common knowledge this entire season that basketball fans in Seattle were being dicked over, but these emails are one of the only hopeful signs of any significance during their battle to hold onto their team. Bennett’s argument is that he is contractually allowed to write a check to buy out the lease and thus move his team to Oklahoma City for next season, thus enacting a final swift punch to the gut and kick to the package of the fans he’s lied to ever since he bought the team. The only hope for a good resolution now is that the court agrees with the city’ assertion that the lease requires the team to play in KeyArena through the 2009-10 season. The line of thinking the city and its supporters are espousing is that if they can keep the Sonics in town for those two years, it will buy time for a group led by Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer or some other local buyer to find an arena solution and keep the team in the region long term. If you’re interested in watching as the fate of professional basketball in a city hangs in the balance, the trial is scheduled to begin June 16 in federal court in Seattle.
- One thing you can say for the powers that be in Zimbabwe is that they’re not afraid to be oppressive, unfair, unjust and brutal and do so in full view of the world. As the country’s contested election hangs in the balance, police in the city of Harare engaged in vicious raids on the headquarters of the country’s opposition party, rounding up bloodied, battered, frightened men, women and children while also ransacking the offices of independent election monitors. There was exactly zero subtlety as they stole documents validating President Robert Mugabe’s defeat, making Watergate look like a clever, covert and well-planned operation by comparison. Opposition candidate Morgan Tsvangirai maintains that he won the election, as does anyone who has bothered to objectively look at the results and who is not trying to keep themselves in the position of power they currently occupy. More than 250 riot police stormed the opposition’s Harvest House offices in the capital city of Harare, arresting at least 300 people in brute-force fashion. Opposition party spokesman Nelson Chamisa said that those inside the offices tried to stand their ground, but to no avail. “We asked about a warrant and the answer was a baton stick.” Great quote. Nice tactics there, Mugabe and Co. When you lose the election fair and square, don’t actually accept your defeat. Don’t even contest the results through the proscribed means and challenge them in court. No, attempt to use military and physical force to beat the living sh*t out of anyone who tries to go along with the results of the election that they themselves voted in. If that doesn’t make you a beloved and revered leader, I don’t know what does. Trouble now is that we live in a global community and your oppressive, thick-headed actions are being witnessed by the whole world. You’re not going to get away with this one, Mugabe, but by all means keep on trying idiot….
- NBC is all set up for the total departure of good, actually funny humor for its late-night broadcast once 2009 rolls around. It’s then that Jay Leno, who is actually funny a good chunk of the time, will be retiring as per the decision he announced back in 2004. Succeeding him as host of The Tonight Show is a man who is a significant step down in humor, Conan O’Brien. Some people like Conan’s odd slant on comedy; I’ve just never been one of them. In general, I’d venture to say that a lot of people agree with me and aren’t looking forward to the change. However, that decline in funny-ness from one host to another is nothing compared to the one that will take place when O’Brien leaves his current show, Late Night. That spot will be filled by one of the most overrated members of Saturday Night Live history, one Jimmy Fallon. Yes, the dude whose best acting of late has been dancing on the sidewalk in a Pepsi commercial will be taking over from Conan in 2009. Nice of NBC to go ahead and concede that time slot to the other networks, which is effectively what they’re doing with this über-terrible personnel decision. Jimmy Fallon? Seriously? This guy is trying way too hard to be funny and failing miserably, but you want him hosting a show for you? Why not just hand the job to Gilbert Gottfried or Chris Tucker? Was Dane Cook not available? NBC hasn’t officially announced the move yet, but Fallon has reportedly agreed to a contract and will be officially introduced as O’Brien’s successor on May 12. It’s not too late to get out of this, NBC, do it while you still can…..
- Is mopping up monkey poo enough for a troubled young man to turn his life around? I guess we’ll find out in the case of Washington Nationals outfielder Elijah Dukes, who spent 25 hours during the past week cleaning cages and mopping at an area zoo as part of a deal to shorten his probation on a previous drug charge. Dukes has had no shortage of brushes with the law during his short career, but this drug charges were the most substantial of the bunch and definitely aren’t something you want from one of your promising young players if you’re a Major League Baseball team. Dukes’ continual knuckleheaded-ness led the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays to trade Dukes to the Nationals during the offseason after his latest round of criminal activity, which included allegations by his estranged wife that he had threatened her and her children. He hasn’t exactly torn it up with his new team, having been on the disabled list since March 31 with a strained hamstring. But a strained hamstring doesn’t prevent you from serving the community, as you don’t need to run much when shoveling crap from the lion cage. A judge apparently feels that Dukes has sufficiently served the community and agreed to terminate Dukes' supervision on Thursday after seeing his work at the Lowry Park Zoo. That punishment came after Dukes was sentenced to one year probation in September following his pleading no contest to a misdemeanor marijuana possession charge. Could a stint as a pooper-scooper be just the thing to turn Dukes’ life around? Stay tuned and see for yourself….
- Are you paying attention to this, United States Congress? You all have gotten pushed around by our idiot president W. over the issue of war funding for months and months, gutlessly capitulating to his continued requests for more billions of dollars to finance his own personal Vietnam over in Iraq. Maybe you should take a lead from your Mexican counterparts, who just finished up a 16-day blockade of their group because they were unhappy with their president’s proposed energy-reform bill. Leftist lawmakers in our neighbor to the south decided that the best way to take a stand against a bill they believed was bad for their country was to set up a blockade of their own legislative body. That blockade came to an end this past week, but those behind it are hoping that the two-plus weeks it lasted will be enough to stimulate debate on the issue and prevent this bill from becoming law. Now I’m just talking hypothetical, crazy talk here, but why couldn’t our own Congress have staged a blockade on Capitol Hill at any point the past five or so years this debacle of a war has dragged on and refused to even discuss funding for the Mess O’Potamia? W. might not be able to spell or pronounce blockade (Blo-…Blah….heh, heh, this is a hard one…), but even in his limited mental capacity he would have to understand that Congress was refusing to do anything and it was because of his own colossally poor decisions. My advice is free and available to you any time, Congress, you know where to find me.
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