- The reasons may not yet be known, but I don’t need any new reasons top support Baltimore Ravens kicker Matt Stover’s idea to oust NFL Players Association Executive Director Gene Upshaw. Nor does it matter that Stover is now backpedaling like Carmelo Anthony in a fight at Madison Square Garden and saying that he doesn’t want to oust Upshaw, but instead is merely looking to establish a plan to find his successor when ol’ Gene-O’s contract expires in 2009. Yeah, whatever you say Matt. Earlier this week, Stover e-mailed a plan to fellow player representatives to have a new union boss in place by March 2009. In his e-mail, Stover revealed a conference call among player reps on Friday in which he said, "I was on that conference call and I am not the only rep who listened and felt that it is time for a change.” Even Upshaw himself believed that Stover was talking about a coup de tat, saying Tuesday, “Obviously, there's a group that feels we need to have a change now.” Why might there be a change? Well, if all were right with the world and current players as a whole had respect for those who went before them, it would be because Upshaw has turned a deaf ear to the needs of debilitated former players whose pensions and medical benefits are ridiculously small and insufficient. Actually, that’s not fair. Upshaw has heard those concerns from Mike Ditka and his friends at the Gridiron Greats Foundation, then Upshaw gave them all a giant middle finger. He has shown incredible contempt for these broken, battered former players and said his only responsibility is to current players. Guys who gave their health and bodies to help build the NFL and made a small, small fraction of what players make today are suffering horrific mental, physical and emotional problems and Upshaw simply collects his $4 million annual salary and remains indifferent. So maybe Matt Stover is backing off his idea of ousting Gene Upshaw, but that doesn’t mean it was the wrong thing to do.
- Underhanded political dealings, going behind people’s backs, brokering agreements in dark, back rooms and creating mini-scandals….just what the campaign of Sen. Hank Clinton needed right now. Well, what it needed if Hank is to fulfill my goal for her of not getting the Democratic presidential nomination, anyhow. The man we have to thank for dealing another blow to Hank’s sagging candidacy is Mark Penn, the now-former pollster and senior strategist for the second-place campaign. Penn resigned after word leaked that he had met with representatives of the Colombian government to help promote a free trade agreement that Hank opposes. According to a statement released by one of Hank’s henchmen, er, spokesmen, Penn was asked to resign and he complied. Just know this, Mark Penn: you leave with the undying gratitude and appreciation of the American people. Anything that any one of us can do to undermine Hank’s campaign and ensure that Barack Obama secures the Democratic nomination is a true act of patriotism. Thank you for your service, Mr. Penn, this country can never truly thank you for your part in helping to prevent Hank’s reign of terror should that dude be elected president.
- Carl Eller may be a 66-year-old senior citizen, but he’s still a bad mo-fo. Eller, the former Minnesota Vikings great, was jailed Wednesday after allegedly brawling with police after being stopped for possible drunken driving. The charges against Eller include suspicion of driving while intoxicated, fleeing police and assaulting a police officer. According to Police Inspector Mike Martin, officers in north Minneapolis saw an SUV speed through a stop sign and gave chase. The SUV reached speeds of up to 60 mph as it zipped through city streets. At the end of his medium-speed chase, Eller actually made it back to his garage about 1 a.m. Wednesday and at that time, officers asked Eller to get out of the vehicle. Showing that he still understands how to be a belligerent, cantankerous drunk just like current NFLers, Eller refused at first to step out of the vehicle. When he finally did get out, he wasn’t in a good mood. Forgetting that he’s a geriatric former athlete who was driving drunk and that these were the police giving him orders, he threatened and fought with officers. They went with police protocol for dealing with large, drunk and belligerent athletes, using a Taser. However, Eller is either deriving superpowers from alcohol or he’s a freaking beast, because that Taser blast had no effect. It was that that point officers called for backup against the 66-year-old Eller. When more officers arrived, they subdued Eller and took him to the Hennepin County Jail. Eller was fighting it the whole way, refusing to take a breath or blood test. The end result of the whole wild night, other than the arrest and bevy of charges, was one of the officers involved in the arrest being treated for a black eye and bruises. This isn’t the first drunk driving incident for Eller either. In 2006, he was charged in the suburb of Golden Valley with driving under the influence and he later pleaded guilty. Carl, my man, you’re on your way to becoming one of those guys on the local evening news who has no driver’s license but has still been arrested 17 times for DUI. Get a grip, go to rehab and use your time in jail to take stock of your life. About the only positive from this whole mess is being amazed that a 66-year-old guy can get so drunk that he is impervious to the effects of a Taser blast…..
- Whaddya know, a big summer music festival that isn’t packed with artists who totally suck! To be fair, the Lollapalooza festival at Chicago’s Grant Park, right on the shores of Lake Michigan, will habe its share of bad acts on stage. But there are a ton of good acts set to perform at Perry Farrell’s festival as well. The Raconteurs, Black Keys, Bloc Party, Cat Power and Broken Social Scene are among those set to perform beginning Aug. 1. More thaLolln 90 acts will play during the festival, which means ticket prices will be astronomical and you’ll pay $7.50 for a bottle of water and $10 for an über-small personal pan pizza, but the music should be absolutely off the hook. I would definitely pick up tickets now if you’re planning to be in the area on Aug. 1, or even if you live in surrounding states and want to make the drive up. This is a unique chance to see a lot of good acts all at once, and when the sucky ones take the stage you can just cram your iPod headphones into your ears and take a walk along the lake.
- Are we sure Bethune-Cookman University isn’t an elite, D-1 football program? The Wildcats might not be up there with the big boys in terms of roster size, stadium size, funding, etc., but they clearly have a big-time player in Brandon Wright. Wright, a backup quarterback for the ‘Cats, definitely has what it takes to succeed at a Florida State, Oklahoma, etc. By that I don’t mean his on-field skills. No, Wright has elite talent in a very different field - criminal masterminding. Wright was arrested in his dorm on charges of attempted murder and dealing drugs, but his story is so much better than that. According to police, he was living on campus while making a living by selling drugs. On a side note, when one of your players is dealing to make ends meet, maybe it’s time to review your financial aid policies, Bethune-Cookman. Maybe focus more on the scholarship money, Pell grants, etc. and less on the “deal coke” aspect of the college experience. Is that a work study job or something? Was that particular job available to me when I filled out my financial aid papers and I just missed it? B. Wright definitely took his role as the local coke dealer seriously, because an unpaid bill of just $200 nearly led him to murder one of his clients. Last Friday, police were called to a Daytona Beach home where the 21-year-old man inside said he owed Brandon Wright money, so Wright hit him with a shotgun and then taped up his hands and feet. The victim managed escape the restraints, but when he ran into the neighborhood, Wright tried to run him over with his truck. A neighbor, who helped the victim, saw the license plate number on Wright's truck and police arrested him as he was preparing to leave campus Monday. Dude, who are you, Brandon Wright or Tony Soprano? What, you couldn’t drop a pair of cement shoes on the guy and float him to the bottom of the nearest lake? I get that you have to make a point about people paying their bills and all, but didn’t you consider removing the license plates from your truck before trying to run down this guy? Or if you’re an aspiring drug kingpin, maybe take a class on how to properly restrain people with tape, rope, etc. Either Wright was auditioning for a spot on HBO’s The Wire or he’s just insane, but this story is ridiculous - or it would be if it weren’t so awesome. Enjoy jail, idiot, I think your football days might be over. Maybe you can get yourself onto Mike Vick’s prison football team in Leavenworth…..
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