- I owe and apology to Adam “Pacman” Jones. I’ve been adamant for a long time that this guy is the single biggest moron in the National Football League, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe that title should be bestowed by now-former Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry. You may remember that Henry was suspended without pay by the NFL for the first half of last season because of repeated run-ins with the law that had resulted in not one, not two, but four arrested during his three-year pro career. Henry was reinstated at midseason and almost immediately found himself in a small altercation with a parking lot attendant over and unpaid parking fee. No charges were filed and Henry tried to say all the right things about straightening his life out. Following his NFL suspension, Henry caught 21 passes for 343 yards and two touchdowns. Then the off-season came….and Henry revealed once again just how stupid he is. He has been accused of punching an 18-year-old man in the face and breaking his car window with a beer bottle, according to court documents filed Wednesday. The arrested took place Monday night and resulted in Henry, 24,being charged with misdemeanor assault and criminal damaging. The Bengals wasted no time in breaking him off, releasing him with a simple, terse statement declaring their efforts to help him become a productive, non-felonious member of society over. This isn’t Henry’s only legal trouble this offseason either. He was in court just last week after being ticketed for driving with expired Kentucky license plates and paid a $149 fine. According to an affidavit filed in Hamilton County, Henry was identified by Gregory Meyer, whose hometown was not listed, and an eyewitness. The eyewitness claimed Henry punched Meyer, causing "visible injury." Henry then threw a beer bottle at Meyer's car, breaking the rear passenger window, according to the affidavit. So let me get this straight, Chris: you’re on thin ice with the NFL and your team. You’ve been arrested four times and have spent more time at the police station than most of the cops who work there and you decide that the best way to spend your free time is getting into a bar brawl? My man, I don’t care if some dude spits in your face, cracks you over the head with a beer mug, blasts you in the package and gropes your girlfriend, you CANNOT react violently. As hard as it might for you (and clearly it’s a Herculean task for my boy C. Henry), you have to stay down. You can go to bars and clubs, but you have to do so with the realization that you’re putting yourself in a near-impossible situation. Odds are some sort of hostilities are going to happen at any bar or club, but you can't be part of them. See, this is why I don’t get at all the outrage people have about the photos of Matt Leinart having the beer-bong party at his house and hot-tubbing with some hot girls there. He’s at home, he’s not out in a club and he’s not putting himself in the same dangerous environment as tools like Henry. But I digress….back to Henry. He’s now without a team and likely facing another suspension from the NFL. If he’s actually convicted or pleads guilty to these new charges, commissioner Roger Goodell will probably drop a one-year suspension on him. Yes, Henry is a talented athlete and a big-play receiver, but don’t mistake him for Jerry Rice. He’s not a hall of famer, not even close. All I can figure is that Henry is sporting an IQ in Brick Tambland range, 48 or so, and is just too stupid to realize what he’s doing. Nice going, Chris, you really do deserve whatever you can get. I do wonder how you managed to break a car window with a beer bottle, though….pretty impressive.
- Prepare to be stunned, shocked and amazed, America. The W. administration, which has trampled the Constitution like no administration before it and pissed on more legal standards than anyone ever thought possible, is going to say “F**k you” to more than 30 laws and regulations all at once so it can forcibly finish its pet project of building 670 miles of fence along the southwest U.S. border by the end of 2008 so we can keep those pesky Mexicans out of our country. By cashing in two legal waivers passed by Congress, W. and his cadre of tools he calls advisors will be able to disregard all kinds of environmental laws designed to prevent the federal government or anyone else from totally f’ing up the environment and ecosystem in the name of some construction project. The fence will run along a portion of the border spanning California, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. Can’t say this is at all surprising, given that this administration has basically used the Constitution as toilet paper its entire time on office. Go out the way you’ve gone all along, eh idiots? How long until we can choose between Barack Obama and John McCain to replace the worst president in the history of this country?
- What to do on spring break if you’re a spoiled rich kid….what to do, what to do. Oooh, I know….a trip to Cabo! That’s a good spot for the privileged and wealthy to spend their break, right? But Cabo is getting a little clichéd, maybe not as fresh as it once was before it became an “it” place to go. So you need something to mix it up while you’re there, to make your spring break different than those of your fellow rich kids so you can have some good stories to tell once you get home. What to do…let’s see if Portland State University basketball players Jeremiah Dominguez and Scott Morrison can help us out. These two were on a spring break trip in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico when they hit a local bar and things got out of hand. Next thing you know, a guy named Kyle Meagher is laying in the hospital in serious condition after getting the crap kicked out of him and a witness is claiming that Dominguez and Morrison were overheard bragging about the fight by a witness in another bar the following night. Dominguez and Morrison are going w. the always-popular “we were set up” card, but Meagher's brother Dan told TV station KGW a different story on Wednesday. “Dominguez and Morrison were starting a fight,” after being denied entry to a club VIP room, Dan Meagher said. “Kyle said he was trying to break it up when he got struck.” Meagher, a community college student in Lansing, said he didn't have a chance to identify his assailants. He told police from his hospital bed in Cabo San Lucas that the only thing he remembers is being hit and then he lost consciousness. Dr. Alejandro Rojas, general manager of the Balboa World Class Clinic, a hospital where Meagher was taken, told KGW Meagher's jaw “was in multiple pieces” and doctors had to put eight screws and two titanium plates into his jaw. I have to say, I hope this isn’t true. I know athletes - even college athletes - like to think they’re the sh*t and that they’re entitled to special treatment, i.e. VIP rooms at clubs, but you can’t go from being denied entry to a VIP room to administering a violent beating that shattered a young man's jaw, period. Sadly, Meagher has decided not to press charges, a U.S. consular official in Tijuana said Wednesday. Dominguez and Morrison were set free late Tuesday night from the city jail in the Cabo after Meagher decided not to press charges. What’s funny about this is that the two PSU players have not only maintained their innocence, but they’re claiming that they were framed. “In brief conversations that the Athletics Department has had with Scott and Jeremiah, they have maintained their innocence," a statement from the PSU coach said. “However, there is cause to believe that the two student-athletes have acted outside the reasonable standards of behavior established by our athletics program and are therefore suspended at this time.” According to consulate spokesman Charles Smith, under Mexican law, since the aggrieved party didn't press charges, the two had to be released and that they were free to leave Mexico. Dominguez has headed home to Portland and Morrison to his home in Canada, with Portland State University officials saying the two would be suspended indefinitely during the investigation. They are still facing some charges from the incident, with Dominguez accused of resisting arrest when Mexican police responded to the fight. “Dominguez was the not the one who beat him up but he ran away from police and that's what got him in trouble ... Police threw him on the ground and punched him because he resisted arrest,” Lorena Blanco, a spokeswoman for the consulate told The Associated Press. Now that, my friends, is a good spring break story. Denied access to a VIP room, beat the sh*t out of some random dude who got in the way, tried to flee from the cops, got arrested, spent a night in jail and ended up being released when dude you assaulted didn’t press charges. See, now if you could guarantee me that kind of fun, memorable experience on a trip to Cabo, maybe I’d be more interested in visiting.
-Pimpin’ ain’t easy and clearly, being a drug kingpin ain’t easy either. Governments in a lot of countries seem very set on hunting down, prosecuting and jailing those who grow, harvest, process, ship or sell drugs of all shapes and sizes. A couple of weeks ago, Nicaraguan drug smuggles were forced to dump 3,300 pounds of cocaine overboard and into the waters of the Caribbean as they were being chased by the U.S. Coast Guard. Now, a Brazilian court has sentenced Juan Carlos Ramirez Albadia, the alleged leader of a Colombian drug cartel that has shipped hundreds of tons of cocaine into the United States, to 30 years in jail for crimes committed on Brazilian soil. Great, just great. Another week, another horrific blow to the cocaine industry. Where do you all think we’re going to get our coke when you throw the leaders of drug cartels in jail and are running smugglers ragged on the high seas to the point that they have to dump their cargo in order to escape? Honestly, it’s like governments all around the world just don’t care about the well-being of the coke heads in their respective nations. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think these governments didn’t like the idea of their citizens being addicted to one of the most dangerous drugs in the world….
- If you’re at all squeamish or tend to be grossed out by really nasty, perverted stuff, go ahead and skip this next story. It involves a Penn State men’s basketball player who I suspect is mentally ill and suffering from some weird psychological problems, given what Penn State Police have charged him with. Police confirmed that they have filed charges against Nittany Lions basketball player Stanley Pringle in an incident involving public masturbation that occurred last Thursday in Pattee Library on the school’s State College, Pa. campus. According to a police report, Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, then attempted to start a conversation with the woman. Next comes the truly disgusting part of the situation….after beginning the conversation, Pringle allegedly began masturbating. I don’t know and don’t want to know how or why he went from talking to this woman to servicing himself in public, it’s just disturbing. Anyone who engages in that kind of activity in public clearly has something wrong with them mentally. That’s not even something you’d do on a dare from your boys; it’s just too bizarre, nasty and repulsive. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident, but because Centre County District Judge Jonathan Grine was out of the office, he was unable to sign the criminal complaint and as a result, Pringle was not immediately arrested. What makes this even more disturbing is that it may not have been the first time Pringle committed this sort of act. A similar incident occurred on March 21 on the PSU campus on the second-floor landing of McElwain Hall's main stairwell between 8 and 8:15 p.m, when police said a man entered the building behind the woman, followed her to the stairwell landing and began to masturbate. The physical description of the suspect given to police was similar in both situations, but no charges have been filed for the McElwain Hall incident. Honestly, I’m not going to reach for something clever, quippy or funny to say about this, I just can’t. Pringle or whoever the creep is committing these crimes needs help, a lot of counseling and probably medication. Let’s just hope this is the last time we hear about this kind of incident on the PSU campus, or any other campus for that matter…..
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