- Congrats to Danica Patrick on winning a race in a “sport” that next to no one gives a crap about and which isn’t even a sport to begin with. Danica managed to beat a bunch of other losers driving tiny cars around in circles over the weekend, securing her place as the first woman to win an Indy Car race. She took first in the Japan 300, a race in which a bunch of non-athletic schlubs hop into small cars and drive round and round a big oval for hours on end. Enjoy the win, D., and I guess celebrate the fact that you’re the first woman to accomplish the feat, just realize that a) it’s not a sport, b) you’re not an athlete and c) to the overwhelming majority of American sports fans, your little driving competition is not even in the top ten sports stories for the weekend. You can try to score this one as a victory for gender equality if you want, but I’d like to believe that women have far more important arenas in which to strive for equality with men than in driving funny-looking cars around in a giant loop for a few hours. Not quite on par with fighting for equal pay, the right to vote or becoming the country’s first female president, is it? So enjoy your success D., just realize that in the grand scheme of things it is totally and utterly inconsequential and irrelevant.
- A solid weekend at the box office in terms of money made, with the action flick Forbidden Kingdom taking first place with an estimated haul of $20.9 million. Proving that people would rather see nig names with marginal to poor acting ability than a good movie, Jackie Chan (avowed Olympic torch protector) and Jet Li teamed up to take the top spot for the weekend with their pedestrian, lame action flick that’s basically a string of fight sequences strung together by horrible dialogue. Coming in second was a superior movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And no, I’m not just saying it’s a better movie because I’m a huge fan of über-hot Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars, Heroes). Rounding out the top five are last weekend’s crappy top movie Prom Night, psych thriller 88 Minutes starring Al Pacino and kid’s flick Nim’s Island. If you’re going to see any of those five, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is your best bet, unless you’re under the age of 12, then go with Nim….
- Maybe it’s time to find a new stunt driver for the upcoming James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. It could just be me, but when the dude who’s supposed to be the stunt driver for a movie is entrusted with delivering a $240,000 Aston Martin to the set of the film and ends up submerging it in a lake, my confidence in said stunt driver doesn’t exactly soar. The driver was navigating a winding road in the rain and took a wrong turn around a sharp corner, sending the expensive whip careening into Lake Garda in northern Italy. This tool got out of the accident with only minor bruises, but the state of the car wasn’t immediately known. Reportedly it was the only one of its kind available for the movie, so this guy had better hope it’s still usable. I have to imagine that it was a verrrry pleasant phone call when this guy had to dial up the movie’s producers and explain to them that the car they’re paying good money to use and which is extremely rare was now swimming in a lake in northern Italy thanks to the incompetence of the driver who was supposed to not only deliver it to the set but also drive it once filming began. The movie is scheduled to shoot in several locations including stops in Spain, Panama, England, Chile and Mexico. For the sake of the film’s execs, let’s hope there are actual competent stunt drivers in those countries.
- Remember the good old days, a time when a prince of England could take a military helicopter for a ride and land it at the home of his girlfriend’s parents without anyone b*tching about it? Prince William, currently not following the example set by America’ Idiot in Chief W. and actually serving in the military when his number was called, finds himself the target of intense criticism from British military leaders after landing a helicopter he was flying as part of his training in a field on a farm owned by the family of Big Willy’s girlfriend Kate Middleton. While the British military often seeks out private property to use for training exercises because of a dearth of suitable land of their own, the ongoing engagements of British troops in Afghanistan and Iraq (hey, another country involved because of the sheer stupidity of W. to start an unjustified, unnecessary war, super!) have put the use of military resources under closer scrutiny. As such, William taking a helicopter to visit his girlfriend’s family farm seems like a waste. Ah, if only the U.S. of A could have military “problems” like that. No, we get to deal with our men and women in uniform being forced to serve tours of duty longer than what rules were supposed to allow, a debacle of a war that should never have started and now won't end and which our current president has no plan or intention to pay for. You should be thankful that this is a big concern for you, British military, because look across “the pond” and you’ll see it could be far worse….or as W. would say, way more worser…….
- All hail Isaiah Thomas, holder of the weirdest and possibly best job in all the world. With the New York Knicks still on the hook for $18 million to Zeke, he is out as coach and general manager but still with the organization in a mysterious, ambiguous role that is becoming weirder by the day. Now, not only is Thomas in a position with no official title and where no one reports to him, but as part of his reassignment agreement with the team, he has been banned from having any contact with members of the team. Allegedly it’s because new Knicks president Donnie Walsh feels like contact with player could undermine the team’s new coach. Right, either that or you’re keeping this guy around because you don’t want to pony up the cash to buy him out and at the same time you don’t want him having a damn thing to do with the actual day-to-day operations of the team, one or the other. With that being the case, I get it, the guy has been replaced as both coach and GM thanks to season’s like this year’s 23-59 disaster, the franchise's seventh straight losing season. All I ask it that you be honest with us and explain that you feel compelled to keep Zeke around but that he’s basically being paid $18 million to do nothing. Face the trtuh, Knicks: Isaiah Thomas doing nothing for your team is actually a marked improvement over what he’s been doing for the team the past few years. If Zeke had started not having any contact with players and made no personnel decisions two seasons ago, the team probably would have doubled its win total. The current rumor is that ESPN NBA analyst and former Knicks guard Mark Jackson is the front-runner to succeed Thomas, which is about the best coaching job you can get. Yes, there are acres of scorched earth to deal with, but you’re a major upgrade just by showing up and having more than two working brain cells, plus not sexually harassing female employees. Yes, this is going to be a fun ride for the Knicks and their fans…..
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