- I love baseball. On a professional level, it’s my favorite sport to follow and the one whose championship (the World Series) is the most exciting and intense from start to finish. However, even my unwavering love for the game has its limits and those limits were surpassed somewhere after the midway point of Thursday night’s Padres-Rockies game that dragged on for 22 freaking innings. The Rockies finally eked across a run in the 22nd inning and won 2-1 on Troy Tulowitzki's two-out RBI double bringing in Willy Taveras with an unearned run in nearly empty Petco Park. The game lasted 6 hours, 16 minutes, beginning at 7:05 p.m. PST and not ending until 1:21 a.m. when Padres pitcher Glendon Rusch took a called third strike. The game featured 658 pitches, 42 players used, 15 pitchers used, was scoreless through 13 innings and put countless scores of people to sleep. One of the worst comments about the game came from Colorado shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, who offered this gem: “It's definitely better to win in a 22-inning game than lose, I'll tell you that," Tulowitzki said. Thanks for that, T. I know you’re tired after that long of a game, but that’s just pathetic. It was the longest game since Aug. 31, 1993, when Minnesota beat Cleveland 5-4 in 22 innings. The game mercifully rolled to a close in the 22nd when Rockies outfielder Willy Taveras reached on a two-out grounder following Padres shortstop Khalil Greene's throw that pulled 6-foot-7 first baseman Tony Clark off the bag. Taveras stole second and took third on catcher Josh Bard's throwing error. Tulowitzki doubled to left-center of Glendon Rusch (0-1), the seventh Padres pitcher. Taveras set a club record with 10 at-bats. Nothing like having three games’ worth of at-bats in a single contest. Not surprisingly, only a fraction of the crowd of 25,984 (read here: a couple hundred or so) was around to see the final out. That’ll happen when your game has a seventh-inning stretch, a 14-inning stretch and finally, a 21st-inning stretch. How ridiculous was this game? It got to the point that some Padres players amused themselves in the 18th by taping up the head of a stuffed ram and placing it on the front bench in the dugout. When guys get so punchy that they’re doing stupid sh*t like that, it’s a surefire sign that your game has gone on too long. Another high point for amusement came after the 18th inning, shortly after midnight, when the sprinklers came on in the Park at the Park, a grassy knoll beyond the bleachers in right-center. Too bad there wasn’t the mythical second shooter on that grassy knoll, because he could have put a bullet in this game and brought it to a merciful ending. Again this is from a huge baseball fan, but let’s try and keep games under 15 or 16 innings for the rest of the season, k? Thanks…..
- Just when you thought they might be losing steam in their fight against their government, Argentinean farmers are back and better than ever. These guys have gone from creating massive roadblocks on the highways around the country’s agricultural center to now lighting fires that are disrupting flights over their country. In continung to wage their battle against the government over taxes (what else?) farmers in the area in and around Buenos Aires are suspected of starting massive fires that sent smoke pouring across the city, interfering with air travel, highway traffic and also choking millionss of Argentines. According to the government, more than 270 square miles have burned the past few days. That’s the way to be, Argentinian farmers! Destroy the very land you work in order to show the government that you won't stand for them oppressing you! Props on creating enough smoke to f’up air traffic, highway traffic and cause breathing difficulties for millions of your countrymen. As I always say, burning and property destruction are keystones of any good social dissidence, so a tip of the cap to those responsible for this solid effort.
- Hang on, hang on….just yesterday I said that I hadn’t come across a good Album to Avoid recently, but gosh darn it, I have one. Mariah Carey, in all of her insanity and trying to squeeze her chubby self into slinky outfits four sizes too small for her, is back with a new album titeld E= MC2. I could say this is an album you need to avoid and be done with it, but where would the fun be in that? Carey is the prime example of why just because a person has great musical or vocal talent, it doesn’t mean they make good music. Carey has an eight-octave range, but the pop/dance crap she’s churned out over the years rivals the likes of Madonna, Britney Spears and Janet Jackson. Preditably, that’s what you’ll get plenty of on this album, with way too many overproduced, glitzy, synthesized dance/club music numbers rolling out of the speakers from the instant you press play. Jermaine Dupri and Carey have combined to produce an all-too-slick, glittery, bouncy album with all the punch and fizz of week-old Pepsi. Songs like I’m That Chick and Migrate are perfect illustrations of what’s wrong with this alubm, both showing a crap-tacular pop touch combined with a dance/party/club vibe that anyone with even moderate musical sensibilities and taste would despise. Anyone can make this kind of music if you slam them in the studio with a decent producer and plenty of synthesizers and gadgets to craft the sound. So thank you to M. Carey for giving me the perfect album to revive the Albums to Avoid feature, good times all around…..
- Well this should get interesting. With the Olympic torch being met with angry, violent protests and attempts to put out its flame during nearly every stop of its world tour, clashes between law enforcement and protestors have been the norm. However, as the torch nears Asia and begins to wind its way toward the capital city of the world’s largest oppressor of human rights, Beijing, the tension looks to be building even further. First, Chinese action hero and maker of lame-duck comedies Jackie Chan vowed to guard the torch along the final stages of its journey and to unleash his martial arts hijinks on anyone who tries to mess with it. No word on whether Chris Tucker will fight alongside him and engage in barely decipherable, lame dialogue, so stay tuned. Now we have confirmation that soldiers and police in Nepal have been cleared to open fire to stop any protests during China's Olympic torch run to the summit of Mount Everest. In other words, for trying to put out the Olympic flame, you could be putting your life on the line. Of course, Nepal's Home Ministry says the use of deadly force is only authorized as a last resort, which is what The Man always says beforehand when paving the way for the unjustified use of lethal force. The following is the alleged (and I do stress alleged) protocol for dealing with protestors. The troops will first try to persuade protesters to leave during the torch run and will arrest those who stay. If demonstrators defy all nonviolent means of restraint, troops have the option of using weapons. Umm….sure. Everyone is going to stick to that in the heat of the moment? Doubtful. Nepalese police and soldiers are already preparing for battle, with twenty-five soldiers and policemen having established camps on the mountain. Climbers will be banned from the mountain's higher elevations during the torch run. The climb up Everest, on the border between Nepal and Tibet, is planned for the first few days of May, so mark your calendar for some fireworks around that time. When you combine this debacle with the putrid air quality in Beijing, the city’s massive water shortage, bans on live news broadcasts from Tiananmen Square and widespread concerns over the safety and integrity of food to be served to athletes, this is going to be an awesome Olympic experience!
- The United States of America, building ginormous walls as means of curbing political unrest the whole world ‘round. Aside from W.’s insatiable quest to slam a huge section of wall along the Mexican border to keep those darn Mexicanos out of our country, we are also incurring the wrath of followers of radical Muslim cleric Muqtada al-Sadr in Baghdad by announcing plans to construct a huge wall through their stronghold in the Sadr City section of the nation’s capital. The wall will be made of thick concrete and will vary in height, reaching as high as 12 feet in some areas. U.S. military officials hope that the wall will restrict the mobility of rebels around the city, because God forbid people who don’t want us occupying their country without justification have the ability to fight against us. Other similar walls have gone up around Baghdad in other trouble neighborhoods, so clearly wall-building is one of our go-to policies. Shiites in the Sadr City area have become problematic after crackdowns by our military and Iraqi forces, so this wall should successfully escalate tensions in the area. I have another possible solution, one tghat is admittedly radical but would curb any and all fighting between U.S. forces and militant groups: get every damn one of our men and women in uniform out of a country they never should have been in to begin with. Yes, pull all American military personnel out of Iraq and I guarantee we won't have a single problem with another Iraqi militant group ever again. That thinking is waaaaay too complicated and sophisticated for W. and his cadre of ass hats/advisors, though, so of course it will never happen as long as that idiot is in the Oval Office…..
No comments:
Post a Comment