- In the history of letter-writing campaigns, this might be the single worst effort ever. With the immortal Wesley Snipes, he of epic films such as the Blade franchise, facing federal prison for failure to pay several million dollars in back taxes, so of Wesley’s Hollywood buddies decided that penning notes of support to the judge in his case might help his cause. Denzel Washington compared Wesley to a “mighty oak planted by a stream….with leaves that never wither.” Huh? I’m not sure what metaphor you’re reaching for here Denzel, but maybe leave the writing to the professionals. Woody Harrelson also penned a letter, a rambling, what’s-the-point soliloquy that seemed to be a random note the Wood-man could have been sending to just about anyone and which had no apparent bearing on this case. His letter talked about he and Snipes working on their first movie (Wildcats) with Goldie Hawn and having birthdays a week apart. Umm, great….what the hell does that have to do with anything, Woody? Judge Joe Brown also wrote a letter which referred to Snipes as Dr. Snipes. Sorry to correct you, Your (fake) Honor, but to the best of my knowledge Snipes is not a doctor of any kind. He doesn’t even have an honorary doctorate from any college or university. Does TV judge and all-around tool Joe Brown even know who he’s writing on behalf of? Does he think this is his dentist or orthopedic surgeon Dr. Snipes? Hard to see why the judge in Snipes’ case wasn’t swayed by this capable, well-crafted letter-writing effort and sentenced my man Wesley to three years in prison. Next time get some smarter, less loopy friends and their attempts to help you might actually work W. Oh, and pay your freaking taxes too, that would also be really helpful.
- It’s about f’ing time, NFL. After dragging things out for months and months, the league has finally reached an agreement with former New England Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh, who has told ESPN.com he has potentially damaging information about the team's taping practices, that will allow him to meet with league officials and turn over any videotapes he might have to support his allegations. Walsh was employed by the Patriots from 1996 through the 2002 Super Bowl, which seems like about the same length of time it took to negotiate this freaking agreement. He’s now living a tragically hard like as an assistant golf pro in Hawaii and is expected to travel to New York and interview with commissioner Roger Goodell and other NFL officials on May 13. Prior to the meeting, the agreement calls for Walsh to provide the league with any tapes or materials he possesses from his years with the Patriots. “Commissioner Goodell will meet with Mr. Walsh ... on May 13, the earliest date that Mr. Walsh, who lives in Hawaii, will be available on the East Coast,” the NFL said in a statement released Wednesday. “The agreement also requires Mr. Walsh to return any tapes and other items in his possession that belong to the Patriots. In return, the NFL and the Patriots have promised not to sue Mr. Walsh. They also will indemnify him for any expenses, including legal fees that he incurs in connection with the interview.” So we finally will learn whether there’s any truth to allegations that the Patriots’ illegal tactics of taping other teams included not only video of their defensive signals, but also included a walk through for the St. Louis Rams prior to the 2003 Super Bowl. The irony here is that I’m one of the people who sincerely hope that Walsh has the goods on New England because I despise that smug, arrogant, terse, classless bore of a coach Bill Belichick and his team of automated robots who spout the same brainwashed drivel and generally sap all of the fun out of watching football games, but it’s been such a prolonged ordeal to reach this deal that I and many other just got tired of waiting. It’s almost anti-climatic at this point…but if the Patriots and Beli-cheat do get punished further, I suppose it will still be worth it. So on with the show…..
- Props to you, India, for saying to the United States what so many countries around the world have wanted to say to our overbearing government for so long. With our inexcusable policy of international intrusion that has led to American forces and leaders butting in all over the globe in places where we have no business being (cough….IRAQ….cough….), we have finally overstepped our bounds and had another country tell us to f’off. India is that country, with the situation being our insistence that they press Iran to cease development of its nuclear program. The Indian government tersely told the U.S. that it does not need “any advice” on how to handle its own foreign relations. With Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad set to visit India this week, negotiations between India and Iran over a proposed $7 billion gas pipeline are expected to be one of the primary topics and the U.S. government is pissed about the idea. Our government opposes the idea and also suspects Iran of running a covert nuclear weapons program. Hmm, sounds familiar….accusing a Middle East nation of having secret weapons of mass destruction, setting up a pretext for an unjustified war….where have I heard that one before? Fortunately for all of us, our warmongering, a-hole idiot of a president has only a few months left in office and probably not enough time for even a trigger-happy moron like himself to start a new war. Thanks for telling us to butt out, India, if only the rest of the world would follow your lead.
- Evaluating a riot can be difficult unless you are a trained, professional riot evaluator like myself. There are so many factors to consider and so many variables in any riot that deciding which ones are good and which ones are just a letdown. Thankfully I’m here to help with that and I can illustrate the point by talking about riots that took place this week in Santiago, Chile. To the untrained, unsophisticated eye, the fact that these riots over proposed education reforms were smaller and less widespread than riots under similar circumstances back in 2006 would indicate that these modern day riots weren’t as good. But for a veteran riot watcher like myself, digging deeper and moving past those superficial facts is key. I see violent marches in Santiago and several surrounding provincial cities and I see that these intrepid rioters were loud enough and belligerent enough to force the police to break out both tear gas and water canons. If you can achieve both of those standards, you’ve got yourself a Level 3 riot at worst. Then you factor in that at least 250 rioters were arrested in a single day you start to see that this really was a quality event of social dissidence. Thousands of angry students took part, speaking out against educational reforms they believe will be detrimental to them. So while armchair, Monday morning riot analysts might look down on these demonstrations, I hope you will join me in recognizing a quality, well-executed effort that deserves your respect.
- Mark this past Wednesday down at the day when the Dallas Cowboys officially became America’s Felons instead of America’s Team and traded for the single most idiotic, stupid player to ever step onto an NFL field. The Dallas Cowboys and Tennessee Titans agreed in principle on a trade on Wednesday for suspended cornerback Adam Jones. Under the terms of the deal, Dallas sent its fourth-round pick (the 126th overall) in Saturday's draft to the Titans for Jones. Of course, because Jones is still under suspension and a sure bet to do something stupid and get himself suspended again even if he’s eventually reinstated, there are also conditions attached to the trade. If he plays a significant amount of time in 2008, the Titans will get an additional pick from the Cowboys in 2009. If he doesn't get reinstated by the NFL, the Cowboys get the Titans' fourth-round pick in 2009. In order to extricate himself from Tennessee, Jones will also forgo the $1.25 million performance bonus that he earned in 2005 and in lieu of repaying the Titans a portion of his signing bonus, will also make a $500,000 donation to a charity of the Titans' choice within the next two years. Just a word of advice on this one for Jones: going to the strip (or “scrip” as Jones pronounces it) club and making it rain on the strippers is not an acceptable way to distribute that money. It might seem like overkill to point that out, but for a guy who has tallied six arrests and 12 incidents where police were called since being drafted, it’s very much necessary. Those bonehead moves led to his suspension by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell in April 2007 for the season. As Jones continued to parade around doing pro wrestling appearances and going to “scrip” clubs even on the eve of his hearing with Goodell about the potential continuation of his suspension, the commissioner declined to ease that punishment when Jones appealed to return after sitting out 10 games. Even now, that reinstatement is not guaranteed - far from it. Even as he’s being traded, more negative details surrounding the Vegas “scrip” club incident are surfacing. News surfaced earlier this week that the cornerback had paid money to a 29-year-old man arrested for a Las Vegas strip club shooting in February 2007 that left a club employee paralyzed. A police report said that in the weeks after the shooting, Jones paid $15,000 to the man, who threatened to hurt the cornerback, his daughter and his mother. Jones picked the man out of a police lineup last Friday, helping fulfill part of the plea deal he agreed to last December when reducing two felony counts of coercion to conspiracy to commit disorderly conduct. Yessir, you’ve got yourself a real winner, Dallas. Clearly this is a guy who lacks class, intelligence, education and diction. That’s truly hitting for the cycle, so I’m sure this will work out verrrrrrry well for you.
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