- If you’re not taking part in stupid pranks and stunts, you’re not truly a guy in college. It’s an unwritten rule that college dudes need to take part in as many idiotic pranks as possible, so from time to time that means you’re going to land in a little trouble. Another unwritten rule is that no one takes campus police seriously on any campus in America. They’re not real cops, they’re just paid security for your college or university. Those two facts being stated, Murray State quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt’s decision to shove a campus police officer and rip the cop’s ticket book was not a good one. Ehrhardt has been charged with robbery after pushing a campus police officer on the Murray, Kentucky campus and taking his ticket book, a stunt the school’s athletic director called “a prank gone bad.” Ehrhardt, a 20-year-old sophomore, was arrested Wednesday and charged with second-degree robbery. He actually surrendered to the campus public safety office (that had to be embarrassing) and returned the ticket book after a witness identified him. What’s funny about this is that the charge carries a potential prison term of up to 10 years. Nothing like facing a decade in the joint for pushing some glorified security guard as part of a dare by your buddies. Yup, that’s right, the reason Ehrhardt pulled this prank is because he was bet $20 to do it. The athletic department and football program are imposing internal discipline on him, but their true concern should be the fact that their starting quarterback has some of the worst judgment possible. After all, if you’re going to push a campus police officer and steal his ticket book, try and do it without a witness present or maybe mix in a ski mask. After all, if you’re a D-1 athlete, you should be able to slam on a ski mask, rip a cop’s ticket book and get away without him catching you. Nice try, knucklehead.
- Rarely has an absolutely terrible movie overachieved quite like the teen horror flick Prom Night did this past weekend. With the numbers in and counted, the movie raked in $22.7 million on its opening weekend to nudge defending box office champ 21 from the top spot. Keanu Reeves’ new crime drama Street Kings finished second with just over $12 million in revenues, with 21 sliding all the way to third place with $11 million. The top five was rounded out by kid’s flick Nim’s Island ($9 million) and George Clooney’s Leatherheads ($6.2 million). Judging by those numbers, it’s clear that moviegoers weren’t excited by an extremely mediocre slate of movies. But don’t worry, America, the summer blockbusters are just around the corner and although some of them will bomb out and fail to live up toe expectations, we’ll get at least a few great movies out of the mix.
- Great job, New York Knicks, that should solve all of your fans’ problems. In case you missed it, the most poorly run franchise in the NBA and one of the five-worst operated in all of professional sports tried to make amends for a crap-tacular season on Tuesday night by giving free food and non-alcoholic beverages away to all fans in attendance at the Knicks’ home finale against the Boston Celtics. Never mind the team’s 23-58 record, fifth worst in the NBA. Never mind the team’s coach/former GM, Isaiah Thomas, a man who single-handedly destroyed the CBA, decimated one of the NBA’s best franchises in the Indiana Pacers and then absolutely destroyed the Knicks through terrible trades, awful signing and financial mismanagement that would make the Enron boys cringe. Forget the fact that it’s been nearly a decade since the team playing in the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden, won a playoff series. Just have a free Pepsi and hot dog and all is forgiven, eh Knick fans? Here’s the best analogy I can give for this: imagine that someone comes to your home, kicks in the door and tracks mud in along the way. Once inside, they proceed to shred all of your furniture to pieces and fill the interior of your home with week-old garbage from a landfill. Next, they burn all of your appliances and puncture ginormous holes in your roof. After that, they plant C4 explosives all around your house and blow it to pieces while you watch. Then, the person offers you a stick of gum and a bottle of water as if that somehow makes what they just did all right. Thanks for nothing, Knicks. You can give away all the free food you want, but what Knick fans truly want is what they’ve been chanting for all season long: FIRE ISAIAH! FIRE ISAIAH!
- You may or may not be aware of this depending on how bad your musical tastes are, but the Country Music Awards were held this week. Yeah, I know, I didn’t have any clue about it either until after the fact, partly because I’d rather shove rusty, serrated-edge knives into my eardrums than assault them with one of the lowest, most painful forms of music known to man, and partly because I’ve developed a biological response mechanism that drives me as far away from sounds that could harm my ears as possible, kinda like a superpower only better. So I didn’t actually watch the CMA’s on television, and I actually don’t know if they were televised. But my guess is that some guys and girls with twangy, yodeling voices, banjos and wearing flannel shirts took most of the top awards with songs about moonshine, drinkin’ at the local bar and shootin’ pool, pickup trucks, honky tonk and chewin’ tobaccy. I’m told that Billy Ray Cyrus and his mullet performed with his daughter, Hannah Montana, but I can’t confirm that. Well, I can confirm the mullet part because I’m pretty sure an industrial-strength ban saw couldn’t remove that thing from Cyrus’ head. But I am disappointed that no one seized on my brilliant idea to use this night, when nearly all of country music’s “stars” would be gathered in one place to make a strategic strike and take them all out, this crippling the crap-try, er, country music industry. Maybe next year…..
- Some people find it hard to be sympathetic to the plight of former professional athletes who fall on hard times. These cynics figure that a player made millions during their career, had the fame, fortune and adoration of fans and lived a lifestyle that most of us will never know, so if they have a tough time post-sports, that’s just life evening things out. Allow me to state for the record that if any of you take that stance on the story of former NFL star Herschel Walker, I will come to your house (yes, I know where you live) and personally punch you in the face for a solid ten minutes. In case you missed it, Walker revealed recently that he suffers from dissassociative personality disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder. He’s speaking about it publicly because it’s the topic of his new book Breaking Free, but this is something he’s been dealing with for a long time. In an interview set to air this week on Nightline, Walker admits he suffered from the condition during his playing career but didn’t recognize it. He was a star running back at the University of Georgia whose NFL career was never quite as successful, with the highlight of his career being his blockbuster trade from Dallas to Minnesota that netted the Cowboys five players and six draft picks in exchange for Walker alone. So even though he was a successful athlete and has done all right for himself post-football, I feel bad for Herschel because I can definitely understand how hard this condition must make his life. Heck, he admits to once playing Russian roulette by himself with a loaded gun because of the pain he was in. So best wishes to you for the successful treatment of this condition and for a great life in spite of it, H.
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