Friday, October 09, 2015

Spoiled action stars like 007, Saudi groping on social media and Ohio stoner assistance


- When did the NBA become a Bravo reality series featuring catty divas brawling with one another at posh southern California mansions? Apparently right around the time Memphis Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes found out that New York Knicks coach Derek Fisher was dating Barnes’ ex-wife, Gloria Govan, that’s when. Govan is one of the stars of the reality show "Basketball Wives LA,” so it’s no surprise that she’s at the heart of this kind of drama, but it’s a bad look for the Association when a player on one of its best teams and the head coach of one of its biggest franchises - albeit one currently entrenched in awfulness - are in a fistfight so bad that they both end up bloody and only stop when one of the involved parties’ children is terrified by the fight and pleads with them to stop. The mayhem began when Barnes, in training camp with the Grizzlies and in California training for a bit in Santa Barbara, found out that Fisher was at a party at Barnes’ former home with Barnes’ ex-wife. Fisher had flown to California to visit his children and his team had the day off, but when he hung out at a bonfire with Govan, that was the tipping point for Barnes, one of the NBA’s most combustible players. Barnes reportedly drove more than an hour and a half to confront his former teammate with whom he played with the Los Angeles Lakers from 2010 to 2012. The two men were known to be very close during that time, but a source close to the situation said that when he arrived at the party, Barnes was confrontational from the start and told Fisher he felt hurt and disrespected by Fisher’s actions. Both men’s teams and the league has acknowledged their awareness of the situation are investigating, but for now, both parties appear to be simmering down……..


- A stoner’s gotta do what a stoner’s gotta do. Sometimes, what a stoner has to do is get really, really high and call the police to let them know that he may have gotten his hands on some really good sh*t and smoked so much of it that he’s a little too high for his own good. It’s the sort of hardcore, keeping-the-peace police work that men and women who dream of a career in law enforcement imagine themselves doing when they grow up. They picture a dispatcher receiving a phone call from a pothead who complained he'd gotten too high smoking marijuana and needed their assistance. This unidentified stoner called police and then went back to his place in a fetal position on the floor, groaning and surrounded by snacks that included Doritos, Goldfish crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies. It’s like the worst stoner clichés ever, all rolled into one. The only way this situation could have been more clichéd is if this guy was next to a stack of “Planet Earth” DVDs on his left, a stack of “Beavis & Butthead” DVDs on his right, a knit poncho covered his skinny frame and his idle hackey sack sat by his feet. Austintown Township police found the man on the floor and he told officers he couldn't feel his hands. Stunningly, officers found a glass jar of ganja and drug paraphernalia in the man's car after he gave them his keys. This Big Lebowski wannabe refused medical treatment and so far has not been charged with a crime, possibly because he was just too damn pathetic to charge with anything……..


- What is it with bitter, aging action stars wanting to cut ties with the franchises that made them the major Hollywood names they are today? First Kiefer Sutherland stupidly declares that he wants no part of a possible “24” spin-off series even though Fox has made it clear the door is open for him and now, freaking Daniel Craig is hitting the eject button on his involvement with the Bond franchise. Craig, who will make his fourth appearance as 007 in “Spectre,” is set for release worldwide next month, is three Bond appearances behind the likes of Sean Connery and Roger Moore. He clearly has no intention of chasing those men down despite saying recently that he would keep playing Bond "as long as I'm physically able." Something must have changed because now, Craig is acting like a spoiled brat and going so far as to invoke wholly unnecessary suicide jokes in his efforts to convince everyone that he will never play Bond again. "Now? I'd rather break this glass and slash my wrists. No, not at the moment. Not at all. That's fine. I’m over it at the moment. We're done. All I want to do is move on,” Craig said. "For at least a year or two, I just don't want to think about it. I don't know what the next step is. I've no idea. Not because I'm trying to be cagey. "Who the f*ck knows? At the moment, we've done it. I'm not in discussion with anybody about anything. If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for the money.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put the brakes on that tricked-out Aston Martin. Of course it would only be for the money. Every Bond movie anyone has ever done is for the money. Have any of these been some cinematic masterpiece that has advanced the art form to a higher plain? Bond movies are about making money using gadgets, explosions and hot women. Stop acting like you’re suddenly better than that, Dan………


- Man, there is nothing more infuriating than being in what you think is the privacy of your own home, chilling in the kitchen and taking a moment to grope your maid only to have your wife capture the moment on video and post it to Facebook. An unidentified Saudi Arabian man knows what we’re talking about, but thankfully, the draconian and socially stunted laws of his nation have his back. The man’s wife caught him getting handsy with the maid in their kitchen and rolled tape on the incident using her smartphone. She then totally sold him out by likely using the WiFi he paid for to post the video on social media with the caption: “the minimum punishment for this husband is to scandalize him.” Oh, because that’s suddenly your judgment to make? The video quickly went viral across multiple social media platforms and as one might suspect, virtually everyone supported the wife. Many Twitter users started using the hashtag #Saudiwomancatcheshusbandcheating to express their support, but Saudi Arabia’s legal system wasn’t so encouraging. The wife, who has not been publicly identified, could face defamation charges and up to one year in jail for posting that video of her husband in a compromising position. It’s reassuring to know that there are at least a few places left in the world where justice is still practiced……..

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