Saturday, October 24, 2015

Community college foot-brawls, honoring despot Bob Mugabe and being The Weeknd is exciting


- It’s one of those conversations every parent has to have with their children at some point. Mom and dad must sit down with little Ashley or Tyler and tell them, “There are bad people in the world who want to hurt you. Be careful around strangers … and around that creepy, sociopathic next-door neighbor who may or may not be a cannibal preying on the young and naïve.” It’s a chat that the unfortunate family living next to Champlin, Minnesota resident whack job Carrie Pernula was forced to have after their mentally unstable neighbor sent them a series of anonymous notes, beginning with a missive that arrived Sept. 27 by mail and said: “The children look delicious. May I have a taste?” It was a creepy letter from a woman who told police she was upset because the children made noise and left things in her yard and on her porch. Rather than doing something petty and vindictive - yet not criminal - such as throwing those left-behind toys in the trash or burning them, Pernula elected to send threatening notes and - this is true - signing her neighbors up for magazines addressed to “tasty children.” Had this crackpot stopped with threatening notes, she would have been much tougher to identify, but police were able to trace the magazines and arrested her. She spent three days in jail and you know she’s in trouble because her attorney, Debbie Lang, didn’t even try to pretend her client was innocent and instead simply called it "an unfortunate and complicated situation for everyone involved." Yes, complicated is a good way to describe the many, many psychological issues your client has, but the case itself, not so complicated………..


- Life as R&B star The Weeknd is many things, but dull is clearly not one of them. No, the artist (real name Abel Tesfaye) isn't the most talented or biggest thing in music, but he might be the best show away from the stage. Tesfaye kicked off the week by recalling a time in the recent past when he was hanging out at a party with Taylor Swift and everyone’s it girl was a little bit drunk, leading her to allegedly fawn over him and be unable to stop stroking his luscious hair. For a man who recently released his new album 'Beauty Behind The Madness,’ it was a claim that may have been made up, but one that faded quickly into the background when Tesfaye  pleaded no contest to charges of allegedly punching a police officer. The incident for which he was charged occurred  in January at the Cromwell Hotel in Las Vegas and according to police reports, officers arrived at the scene to find Tesfaye in the middle of a fight. It was his first fight of the night, but not his last. When an officer attempted to pull him from the melee, Tesfaye either was too locked in the moment to notice who it was or simply didn’t care because he (allegedly) punched the officer in the head. After pleading no contest, he gets to avoid jail time, but must pay $1,000 in damages to the injured officer and will complete anger management, alcohol evaluation and 50 hours of community service. Brawling in Vegas, assaulting cops, getting your hair stroked by the biggest recording artist in pop music and releasing a new album in the space of a calendar year is enough to fill a bucket list for most people, but there are still two-plus months for Tesfaye to add to what has already been a damn fine year……..


- It’s great to know that someone has finally recognized all that 91-year-old Zimbabwean despot Bob Mugabe has done in the name of peace. The embattled dictator, who has bulldozed national laws, election laws and the laws of common sense by remaining in power for 35 years with no chosen successor, was awarded China's alternative to the Nobel Peace Prize Thursday for what the prize committee called his inspired national leadership and service to pan-Africanism. China’s ability to overlook Mugabe trampling the basic human rights and freedoms of his people, crush dissent with an iron fist and refuse to accept that his time to govern is over, is the latest in a series of critics of the West who have received the Confucius Peace Prize. The award committee boldly chose to zero in on the one instance when Mugabe wasn’t a totally power-hungry dick, tabbing him for his government’s support of a plan to acquire large parcels of land, many from white owners, to give to black farmers. Of course, that was way back in 2002 and when land  owners challenged the move, Mugabe reportedly called them "greedy, greedy colonials." His reign of terror began after fighting in a guerrilla war in the 1970s and come 1980, Mugabe was elected president by people who clearly had no idea what they were in for. What they were in for is a tyrannical fascist who has violently cracked down on opposition groups, sending many of their leaders to jail. The Confucius committee tried to defend its decision by saying Mugabe has "overcome difficulties of all kinds and has strongly committed himself to constructing his nation's political and economic order, while strongly supporting pan-Africanism and African independence." That statement was presumably issued by the mere 36 of 76 voters who cast ballots for the award. Yes, 36 votes was enough to win against a field that included  Kazakh President Nursultan Nazarbayev, Microsoft founder Bill Gates and South Korean President Park Geun-hye. Well played, Confucius Prize Committee, well played……….


- Big ups to the players in a junior college game between East Mississippi and Mississippi Delta for doing what most of the dozens in attendance probably wanted to do themselves if only they had the power. Thanks to a hard-to-count number of hot-tempered student-athletes, the game between these two heated rivals was terminated in the final minute of the first half with East Mississippi ahead 48-0. The Lions had that massive lead when running back D.J. Law was tackled out of bounds late in the second quarter and when attempting to get up, he was shoved back to the ground while still out of bounds. Because #dudesbeingdues, Law responded to the unnecessary shove by attacking his assailant and because #dudesbeingdudes, several Mississippi Delta players joined the altercation. From there, the obvious happened as EMCC's bench emptied and a full-scale football riot broke out. You know a sporting event has gone off the rails when the police have to step in to regain control on the field and with the assistance of coaches and administrators, officers were eventually able to retake the field and restore order. The officiating crew then held a hurried meeting about how to handle the situation and the zebras eventually decided to call the game. Credit to Law for his very smart reaction that instigated a fight so massive that the Lions, ranked third in the country after winning a national championship last season, have been banned from the Mississippi Association of Community and Junior Colleges playoffs, meaning they won't be defending any titles this season. But when Law’s kids ask him some day about why everyone knows who he is and none of them seem to think too highly of him, he can tell them that he’s infamous for selfishly ruining a sure win and his team’s season all because he had to be governed by testosterone instead of intelligence in the heat of competition. Well done, idiot………

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