Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Snoop's new reality show = contact high, uniting Cyprus and Medieval Weapons Dork 1, Intruder 0


- Tearful press conference apologies from athletes found to have used performance-enhancing drugs are not a new phenomenon. Tearful press conference apologies from college athletes found to have used performance-enhancing drugs, however, are much less common. Scenes like the one involving Florida Gators quarterback Will Grier just don’t happen because college athletes are much more likely to abuse Keystone Light and cheap ganja than they are to stock up on designer PEDs that will give them an edge on the playing field. Yet here’s Grier, getting suspended for one year for violating NCAA rules and holding a weepy press conference in which he owned his mistake and promised to do better next time.  "I took an over-the-counter supplement that had something in it," Grier said. "I did not check with the medical staff before taking it. I hope that people can learn from this, learn from my mistake. I'm really sorry to everyone, just really sorry." Head coach Jim McElwain announced that Grier had tested positive, which carries an automatic suspension of one calendar year from the NCAA, meaning Grier would not be eligible to return until Florida's seventh game of the 2016 season. He would return as a redshirt sophomore, although McElwain said the school will appeal the suspension. The first-year head coach said he was made aware of Grier's failed test on Sunday and allowed the freshman to address his team during Monday's team meeting before speaking publicly about the suspension. Predictably, the players were largely supportive of their teammates and Grier will continue to practice with the team. "It's something he feels horrible about," McElwain said. "It's an honest mistake, and yet can be prevented by checking with our medical staff.” As always, college is a time to do stupid sh*t and learn from it and at least this mistake didn’t land Grier in a courtroom………


- The miracle of all miracles has happened. World, we’ve finally found the one and only instance when being an absolute dork trained in medieval combat is a good thing. The pioneer proving this point is Karen Dolley, an Indianapolis woman who is getting props for her quick thinking and brave response after fighting off a home intruder and keeping the man subdued until help arrived. Dolley was alone at her home late at night when an intruder snuck into her home. She was asleep when the break-in happened and awoke to the voice of a man inside her home. Armed with the dork-tastic knowledge she had gained hanging out in Loserville with her fellow medieval pals, Dolley went to the living room and instead of panicking or hiding under her bed to call police, she went H.A.M. on the intruder, identified as Jacob Wessel. Using ye olde skills, Dolley overpowered Wessel despite standing a mere 5-foot-6. She attacked, punching him over and over again as he struggled to respond. Dolley was so calm and collected that she even went looking for her gun - medieval gun? - but opened the wrong drawer and ended up pulling out her sword. It’s at this point Dolley needs to take some heat for bastardizing and intermingling her eras of weapons and fighting styles because the sword is not medieval, but rather a Japanese-style weapon called the Ninjato. Sure, Dolley used it to hold Wessel captive in the corner of her bedroom while she dialed 911 and officers soon showed up to apprehend the intruder. Wessel confessed to entering Dolley’s home from her back door and was arrested and hauled off to a holding cell………


- It’s time to answer the ages-old question: Can you get a contact high from a television show? BET aims to answer that question with a new reality series featuring the one and only Snoop Dogg. The man who single-handedly does more for the marijuana industry than anyone outside of the entire state of Colorado will star alongside fellow rappers Birdman and Jermaine Dupri, as well as Jay-Z’s former manager Damon Dash in an as-of-yet untitled, eight-episode series that will begin in Los Angeles next month. “From family to business to their love lives, the series will be packed with drama, laughs and hashtag-worthy one-liners," BET wrote on its website in announcing the show. The show has a relatively simple premise, focusing on the daily lives of its stars, and in the case of Snoop, that daily life includes mountains and mountains of the best dank available. Snoop has done the reality TV thing before, first with “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood” on E! from 2007-09, then making a return to the genre earlier this year with an ESPN reality show following his son  Cordell Broadus’ attempts to break into the NFL. The show and the younger Broadus’ quest for a spot in the NFL both fizzled out, but it’s clear that cable networks believe that Snoop’s mix of charisma, blood coursing with THC and rapping ability are still a solid foundation upon which to build a reality show. Then again, no one has ever accused BET of being a brilliantly run TV pioneer, so even if this show fails, the network’s reputation isn't exactly going to take a massive hit………


- The dream is alive. A united Cyprus has eluded Cypriots for four-plus decades, ever since the island nation was split in two in 1974 when Turkey invaded after a coup aimed at uniting the island with Greece. There have been pushes to reunite the island over the years and each has failed for its own reasons, but Cyprus' rival leaders say they will "significantly intensify" the pace of negotiations aimed at reunification. Their reason is actually fairly unimaginative, as leaders of the ethnically divided island recognize that "serious work" still remains before any peace deal can be struck. United Nations envoy Espen Barth Eide paints a rosy picture, claiming that Greek Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades and breakaway Turkish Cypriot leader Mustafa Akinci had a "constructive exchange" on issues that still separate them over forging a federation. Eide spoke after the two leaders met and said both men are aware of the need to keep the momentum going after talked resumed following several months of silence triggered by a spat over the island's offshore gas deposits. Ah yes, the always-present brawl over money. It spoils peace talks and negotiations of all types between groups and individuals around the world and has for ages, but let’s all just naïvely believe that two rival groups who both want control of a Mediterranean island will simply put their petty, greedy differences aside and come up with a fair and just agreement that will finally put the two pieces of this puzzle back together……….

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