- Who says professional wrestling isn't a real sport? Any
time one of your competitors can suffer an injury in exactly the same fashion
as a quality former Major League Baseball reliever, then you have a bonafide
argument that you are indeed a sport. Enter World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE)
superstar Randy Orton, who
was supposed to be a part of a tag team match with partner Dean Ambrose at
Sunday night’s Hell in a Cell pay-per-view. Instead of wrasslin’ inside the
squared circle, though, Orton will be recuperating at home from a dislocated
shoulder he sustained while taking out the trash. It’s the exact same way
then-San Diego Padres pitcher Jay Witasick wrecked his elbow during spring
training in 2003, damaging ligaments in his elbow while tossing trash bags
filled with watermelon remains into a dumpster and nearly causing enough
carnage to require Tommy John surgery. Say what you will about professional
wrestling, but its performers are mostly in amazing, world-class shape and the
fact that a physical specimen like Orton - and a world-class thrower of the
baseball such as Witasick - can injure themselves doing mundane, everyday tasks
that fat slobs with 30-percent body fat do on a daily basis with no problems is
hilariously ironic. Orton's injury forced WWE to cancel his and Ambrose’s match
against Luke Harper and Braun Strowman and convert the contest into a six-man
tag team match featuring the three other originally scheduled participants. The
full extent of Orton’s injury isn't known, but he has dealt with recurring
shoulder injuries throughout the course of his career……….
- Sometimes, history needs a makeover. That’s very much
true in Ukraine, where new
legislation - so-called “decommunization” laws - came into force and mandated
that all remnants and symbols of the country’s communist past be taken down. Getting
rid of so many monuments and displays can be a daunting task, but artist
Alexander Milov is ahead of the curve on this one. Right around the time dorks
around the world were diving into the minutiae of the “Star Wars: The Force
Awakens” trailer and analyzing every single frame, Milov was showing off his
own innovative take on the iconic sci-fi franchise by revealing a statue of
Vladimir Lenin being converted into the likeness of the dark lord himself,
Darth Vader. Some might argue that it’s less of a conversion and more
representing who Lenin truly was, but either way Milov is delivering what he
claims is the world’s first-ever monument to Vader, the Sith lord formerly
known as Anakin Skywalker. The statue is a technological piece whose head contains
a Wi-Fi hotspot hopes it will attract Star Wars dorks from around the world.
Overhauling the statue was a good idea because the original was made of gypsum,
which had weakened over time. The artist strengthened the structure and added
the necessary helmet and cape, both made of titanium alloy. Darth Lenin resides
in Odessa, a Black Sea port city that has been the site of clashes between
separatist and pro-Ukraine forces. Pro-western former Georgian leader Mikheil
Saakashvili, who was recently installed as governor of the region, has to be
fired up about this, as does the Internet Party of Ukraine, which presented
Darth Vader as candidate for prime minister last year. Stay dork-tastic,
Ukraine………
- Happy trees for one and all. An all-time great
television show from a bygone era has come into the modern age, as the very first episode of the very
first season of Bob Ross’ “The Joy of Painting” is now online. Ross, whose
ahead-of-its-time Jew fro, epic facial hair and calming, congenial style made
his instructional painting show a cult classic both when it first aired on
January 11, 1983 and in the 21st century, passed away in 1995, but his cult
following lives on and the first episode shows why. “I think each of us
sometime during our life has wanted to paint a picture,” Ross ruminates at the
beginning of the episode. His man perm, unbuttoned top buttons of his
button-down shirt and the paintings he made look so easy and sound so easy to
do at home - even though they clearly weren't - made for an amazing, soothing
show. “I think there’s an artist hid in the bottom of every single one of us,”
Ross says later in the episode. “You know, we have avoided painting for so long
because I think all of our lives we’ve been told that you have to go to school
half your life, maybe even have to be blessed by Michelangelo at birth to ever
be able to paint a picture. And here we want to show that that’s not true —
that you can paint a picture right along with us.” Another reason the show was
so much fun to watch is the manner in which Ross offered tips and encouraged
viewers to paint along with him rather than positioning himself as a high-minded
expert talking down to the masses who weren't nearly as talented as he was.
Phrases like “happy trees” were epic as well, so bringing the show to YouTube
is a a brilliant idea. “Anybody can paint,” Ross says near the end of the
episode. “All you need is a dream in your heart [and] a little practice.” Damn
straight, B. Ross………
- Because bacon. If there is any food resource that the
majority of Americans can agree is vital to our national happiness, this salted
pork product is it. That makes Kellogg’s decision to trot out its new Frosted Maple Bacon Pop Tarts a
brilliant one on multiple levels. It is the first-ever sweet-and-salty Pop-Tart
and much to the delight of stoners everywhere, it will have a maple and bacon
flavored filling. On the exterior, this nutrition-poor breakfast pastry will
have sweet white frosting sprinkled with salty and smoky flavored
"crunchlets." Slackers with no culinary skills won't have to wait
long for this one, as it will hit store shelves in December. Frosted Maple
Bacon Pop Tarts are one of five new flavors due out in the coming months for
the popular pastry line, which debuted with four
simple flavors in 1964: strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon and apple
currant. In the past 50 years, Kellogg's has added more than two dozen flavors,
including s'mores, cookies and cream, cinnamon roll and PB&J. The five new
flavors are among the most diverse to date as alongside Frosted Maple
Bacon, Kellogg’s will add Frosted Chocolatey Caramel,
Pink Lemonade, Limited Edition Frosted Watermelon and Limited Edition
Frosted Spring Strawberry. That three of the five are fruit-based makes sense because
fruit and pastries are a natural fit and have worked well together for Pop
Tarts over the years, but the Frosted Maple Bacon version is clearly the
standout here and for Americans who feel like bacon-topped donuts with maple
frosting isn't quite enough to propel them into both obesity and a diabetic coma,
this could be the piece de resistance in their mealtime arsenal. Big ups to
Kellogg’s for making yet another bacon-fueled dream come true………
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