- The
NHL is a better place today than it was at the start of the week. One man is
the reason for it and his name is John Robert Tortorella. Torts, who hoisted a
Stanley Cup for the Tampa Bay Lightning and ranted, raved and berated led the
New York Rangers to the verge of a Stanley Cup finals berth, is finally back in
professional Hockey. He has been out of hockey since the Vancouver Canucks
fired him in May 2014 after one season on the bench, but not because he wasn’t
a hell of a good show on the bench and in interviews. In fact, Tortorella’s
animated ranting and raving in press conferences is just about the best show in
hockey and that’s why it’s a beautiful thing that the struggling Columbus Blue
Jackets have hired him to get them back on track after to an 0-7 start.
Tortorella takes over for Todd Richards, who was fired on Wednesday with the
team off despite having led Columbus to its their second NHL playoff appearance
in 2013-14, when they lost to the Pittsburgh Penguins in the opening round.
"One of the problems right now is expectations," Tortorella said.
"Expectations that weren't there last year with this club." The
amazing Torts is referring to the high hopes for the Blue Jackets after
finishing last season on 16-2-1 run. After losing to the New York Islanders 4-0
on Tuesday, those lofty expectations have taken a hit and that big finish looks
like fool’s gold. "We're not responding the right way," general
manager Jarmo Kekalainen said. "By no means does this let anyone off the
hook." Firing coaches on a whim is kind of the NHL’s thing, so the change
is hardly a stunner, but what would be is Tortorella completing the a
three-year contract he signed. Dazzle us while you can, Torts……..
- When
you have a chance to make a life-changing real estate purchase, this is why you
cannot sleep on it. On the rare chance that two New Hampshire properties at the
center of an armed standoff with federal agents, including a compound that
featured escape routes and once was believed to be booby-trapped, goes on the
market and you don’t buy it, someone like New Hampshire businessman James
Hollander will. Hollander snapped up the two properties once belonging to
convicted tax evaders Ed and Elaine Brown during a federal auction that
attracted seven bidders and lasted only about 15 minutes, dishing out a mere $205,000
for the 100-acre compound and $415,000 for Elaine Brown's dental office. How
much did it cost to get in on the action? Minimum bids were $125,000 and
$250,000, respectively for these pieces of American lore made famous when the
Browns became anti-government celebrities in 2007 by holding federal agents at
bay for nine months after they were convicted of tax evasion. Any property upon
which two people are able to hold off the feds after agents come to take them into
custody is one worth respecting at a minimum and owning if at all possible. The
Browns are now in their 70s and serving prison sentences of more than 30 years
and to this day, it’s still awesome that during their standoff with The Man, the
Browns welcomed anti-tax and anti-government supporters to the compound. The
feds tried to hold an auction last year, but federal agencies couldn't ensure
the entire parcel was free of booby traps. This time around, the hilltop house
and the grounds up to the tree line were searched extensively and deemed free
of improvised explosive devices. That’s actually a bit sad because the Browns
went to a lot of trouble earning their 2009 convictions for of amassing
weapons, explosives and booby traps and plotting to kill federal agents who
came to arrest them. Here’s hoping Hollander enjoys his, um, interesting new
home………..
- Noooooooooooooooo.
The NFL has chosen some regrettably bad musical acts – hello, overproduced pop
hack Katy Perry, an aged-out Aerosmith and Madonna – but as the league bears
down on the historically-significant-due-to-its-number-being-round Super Bowl
50, the league can't whiff on the act it picks to lip-sync a bunch of garbage
mainstream pop songs on a stage the size of Rhode Island and with more LED lighting
than five Las Vegas Strips…..right? Literally every artist in music would want
that platform to promote their career, so picking a great artist is easier than
knowing that noodle-armed Peyton Manning and his Denver Broncos won't get
within one game of the Super Bowl. Having said that, let’s take a look at the
reported new frontrunner for the halftime show and…..seriously? You ass clowns
in the league office are picking arguably the biggest tool in music right now –
all apologies to Nickelhack and especially frontman Chad Kroeger and his
mercifully damaged vocal chords – and negotiating with Maroon 5 and its
ultimate poseur of a frontman/reality karaoke show judge/coach Adam Levine? While
several acts have been rumored to be taking the stage in Santa Clara next
February, Levine and his band of music murderers have reportedly been in
extensive talks with the league, which was previously thought to be considering
two much smarter choices in Coldplay
and Bruno Mars. Mars may have just
performed at the Super Bowl in 2014, but he did a great job and would be a huge
upgrade over an ass hat like Levine, who is the personification of the term
d-bag with his poseur tattoos, ridiculously stylized attempts to look rugged
and tough and whose falsetto tones hurt both ear and soul while belting out
mindlessly inane lyrics. Depending on who you believe, One Direction, Taylor
Swift and Britney Spears
have also been considered for the gig and only Swift is definitively better
than Maroon 5, so the NFL is clearly going down the wrong path here. At least
we’ll all have fair warning if the glorified boy band known as Maroon 5 is
ultimately chosen and can make plans to better spend our 30 minutes of Super
Bowl intermission time, perhaps making another bowl of guacamole, emptying our
bladder after two-hour first half fueled by four beers or organizing our sock
drawer………
- Did
anyone consider that Ojukwu Nnamdi Rowland and Ngene Linus Chibuike were just
bringing that much-needed seed money to the deposed Nigerian prince who has
been sending out those heart-wrenching emails soliciting thousands of dollars
from total strangers so he can access his massive inheritance and pay them back
their investment with interest? Sadly, Nigeria's Economic and Financial Crimes
Commission doesn’t seem to think so of the two men charged with money
laundering after they were arrested at the international airport in Lagos,
Nigeria's commercial hub, while carrying $5.4 million in cash and both trying
to fly to China. The commission said in a statement that Rowland was carrying
an undeclared $2.9 million in U.S. dollars when he was searched, while his pal Chibuike
was arrested carrying $2.5 million. Both were trying to make their connection
for the first leg of a journey to China via Ethiopia's capital, Addis Ababa.
According to the commission, the pair were charged at the Federal High Court in
Lagos. Both pleaded innocent and were granted bail, which seems a bit
surprising for two dudes rolling deep in benjamins and with obvious means to
find a way out of the country. They become the two most visible examples to
date of President Muhammadu Buhari’s quest to halt endemic corruption in a
country cited in more financial scam emails that any in the history of the
Internet. Buhari has also asked other countries to help return billions of
looted dollars, a request that hasn’t exactly been met with a massive rush of
cooperation so far……….
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