- No
one could have seen this coming. Joseph Kony, all-around good guy and leader of the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), a guerrilla
group which used to operate in Uganda, has done so much good over the years
that it’s hard to believe that this guy’s forces are accused of continuing to kill elephants for their ivory, which they trade for
supplies in Sudanese-controlled territory. Kony is best known for giving young
children the chance of a lifetime by kidnapping them and forcing them to serve
as child soldiers in his army, so you have to questions the claim of defectors
who say the ivory is trafficked from Congo's Garamba National Park to a
Sudanese-controlled enclave known as Kafia Kingi, where rebels trade the ivory
with Sudanese merchants for food, uniforms and ammunition. These defectors are
telling their sad tales to the watchdog group Enough Project, which is in turn
tarnishing Kony’s sterling international reputation. "The tusks are likely
trafficked to Nyala, South Darfur, and on to Khartoum for export abroad,
primarily to Asia," the grou’s new report claims. Kony is a very popular
guy these days, the target of a large, ongoing manhunt involving U.S. advisers
deployed to the jungles of central Africa. He’s accused of giving direct orders
for the ivory sales, which just seem out of character for such a stand-up guy.
Next thing we’re going to hear is that Kony treats women poorly, is willing to
traffic in drugs and disregards traffic laws while littering on his way through
the jungle……….
- Maybe
vastly overrated pop star Janet Jackson should title her next album “Irony.” Jackson, who is supposed to be touring the
United States right now to promote her hew album “Unbreakable,” is doing less
touring and more napping it out these days in order to get the vocal rest her
doctor prescribed to keep her pipes from being permanently harmed. It’s not
quite the miraculous intervention provided by Nickelhack frontman Chad
Kroeger’s doctor when the good doc told Kroeger not to go on tour at all and
thereby spared thousands of innocent eardrums hours of torture, but it’s still
a nice gesture. Having already postponed shows in
Salt Lake and Denver last week, Jackson was forced to pull the plug on gigs in
Kansas City and St. Louis this week, bringing her total of axed performances to
four. After axing the shows, Jackson tweeted, "Must postpone Kansas City
& St Louis... Doctors orders. Hold onto your tickets! I'll be back in
Omaha. #Unbreakable.” Did you hear that threat, Nebraska? She’s vowing to be
back on stage in your fine state and unless her doctor intervenes, that’s going
to happen. Jackson really hasn’t been relevant since Justin Timberlake ripped
off a piece of her skin-tight outfit at the Super Bowl in 2004 and briefly
exposed the world to something that led to the NFL steering away from anything
remotely controversial at the Super Bowl halftime show for a decade, so her
canceling two shows is barely worth mentioning. Any time she wants to retire,
it will be a few years too late………
- Speaking
of irony….North Webster, Indian resident Allie Carter. This northern Indiana outdoors woman is recovering from a
gunshot wound to the foot after someone very close to her Dick Cheney-ed her on
a recent hunting trip. Carter was out on a waterfowl hunt at Tri-County Fish
and Wildlife Area when she needed to take a break. As any hunter knows, taking
a break is fine. The key is being safe when you take a break, which means
making sure the safety on your gun is engaged, putting that gun in a place
where it won't fall into the wrong hands and wearing the proper safety gear to
ensure that no fellow hunters mistake you for a 10-point buck while you’re
resting. Carter either forgot her hunter’s safety course or thought it didn’t apply
when your only hunting companion has four legs and an affinity for eating its
own vomit. She and her chocolate Labrador retriever, Trigger, comprised Carter’s
hunting party and when Carter laid her 12-gauge shotgun on the ground without
the safety on, Trigger lived up to his name by accidentally stepping on top of
the gun and putting one of his mangy paws on the trigger. The resulting shot
from point-blank range sent Carter tumbling to the ground with injuries to her
foot and toes. She was treated at two hospitals and released with a valuable
life lesson about not being a moron. At least when Dick Cheney’s hunting
buddies get shot in the face, the ass hat shooting them was actually trying to
hit something………..
- Step
back and see the pattern, Dallas Cowboys. The Greg Hardy puzzle isn't like one
of those densely packed mazes of dots in kids’ magazines that you have to stare
really hard at for an hour before you actually see the picture emerge. No, one
cursory glance at this ass hat’s behavioral trend over the past few years - and
especially since he arrived in Dallas this offseason - reveals that he’s tone
deaf to his Neanderthal behavior, he has misogynistic tendencies, he’s prone to
violence and he can't take a hint when it’s time to change. Hardy, who was
released by the Carolina Panthers amidst legal troubles involving an alleged
domestic violence incident in which he was accused of hurling his girlfriend
onto a futon covered in automatic weapons before (allegedly) buying off his
accuser to avoid her pressing charges, arrived in Dallas facing a 12-game
suspension from the NFL. He had his suspension reduced to four games and when
he came back, one of his first public comments was about coming out with “guns
blazing” in his return to action. He also made crude comments about New England
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's wife Gisele Bundchen, but Hardy was just
firing up. His tour de force performance came in Sunday’s 27-20 loss to the New
York Giants, when the defensive end was involved in sideline altercations with
an assistant coach and two teammates. First, Thug Life Hardy swiped at a
clipboard special teams coach Rich Bisaccia was holding, which led to the coach
shoving him out of the huddle. From there, he went at it with inactive teammate
Dez Bryant, a noted hothead who was actually trying to calm everyone down. Oh,
and mix in a verbal showdown with receiver Devin Street, making for a hat trick
of idiocy. After a defiant Hardy acted like a petulant child in postgame
interviews by tersely snapping, “No comment,” to every question he was asked,
Cowboys owner and Chief Enabling Officer Jerry Jones said he did not have any issues with the
incidents. "As a matter of fact, I would encourage it," Jones said.
Jones called Hardy "one of the real leaders on this team." Head coach
Jason Garrett backed Jones, saying Hardy won't be disciplined. Keep on
enabling, Dallas, and see how this mess ends (hint: poorly)………..
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