Friday, February 06, 2015

Naked Detroit freeway cowboys, NFL linebacker on pizza guy assault and Ghostface Killah concert beatdowns


- If ever there was a doubt that a Ghostface Killah concert is not a Taylor Swift show, this should erase it. The MC and Wu-Tang Clan member was on stage in Texas recently when the show’s resident audience troll was talking a bit too much junk and crossing that thin line between being a dick and pissing off the most important man in the house. After hearing the heckler curse him out for virtually the entire show and give him a series of very visible one-fingered salutes, Ghost decided he’d had just about enough. With another audience member rolling tape on his smartphone, Ghost informed his tormentor that, "I will pound you out.” As it turned out, Ghost did not have to do any pounding of his own. Instead, the crowd turned its focus from the stage to the heckler and as many of them were likely just as irritated with the man for the distraction he had been all night long, a throng of fans descended on the man and began beating him down. As the melee unfolded, Ghost was heard in the background saying, “Thank you, thank you.” With the beatdown in full effect, he let everyone know that this was why, “I love Texas.” It was a truly heartwarming scene of groupthink violence and the mob mentality on full display, with the troll getting the ass-kicking of a lifetime and Ghost getting a wonderful group assault to generate attention for “Sour Soul,” his upcoming collaboration album recorded with Toronto-based trio Badbadnotgood. It was a win for all involved, except of course the (probably) drunken idiot who went him with what had to be a litany of injuries and a forgettable evening pain……….


- Undergarments: They’re more than just a way to keep your most personal regions in place when you’re moving around in the world. They save lives too, as evidenced by the curious case of Brazilian merchant Ivete Medeiros. Medeiros is a merchant in the Amazonian city of Belem and she’s still alive today because she chose to wear the right bra to work earlier this week. According to police, an underwire bra saved Medeiros’ life after she was struck near the heart by a stray bullet. She was shot after she heard a loud disturbance at the market and walked toward the noise. A thief attempting to rob a passerby on the other side of the street opened fire because, ya know, guns, and a bullet struck Medeiros under her left breast. At first, Medeiros’ husband thought she had been killed, but upon closer examination the bullet had lodged in the underwire of her black lace bra. Medeiros survived with a painful bruise, a small bullet hole in her dress and one hell of a story about that time when some reckless ass hat decided to squeeze off a few rounds in a crowded marketplace because it was that important to thieve a few dollars from a stranger and shot her in the process. She still has the dress, the life-saving bra and the deformed bullet and is appropriately thankful for the undergarment that saved her life. "It was a deliverance from God,” Medeiros said. Yes, and God can use literally anything he wants to save a life, even if that something came off the discount rack at the local department store……….


- So you still think professional athletes and celebrities are any different than the rest of us? Meet Indianapolis Colts linebacker D’Qwell Jackson, who found himself in a spot familiar to nearly every adult this week but proved that he couldn’t quite handle the pressure of battling a zit-faced pizza boy in his mom’s station wagon for a parking spot. According to police, the pizza delivery guy and Jackson were angling for the same spot on the 1900 block of 12 Street NW in Washington when things turned ugly. According to the delivery dork, he told Jackson he would be in the spot momentarily, but the Colts linebacker became incensed and attacked him. The police report stated that the driver claimed that Jackson punched him in the face and the back of the head during the dispute. Jackson was arrested about 8 p.m. ET and taken to the station's third district, where he was released later that night. Rage over someone snagging that one vacant parking spot when you’ve been circling the block or lot for 20 minutes is understandable, but being a 250-pound NFL linebacker doesn’t entitle you to mete out your brand of justice to the person who dared to drop their rig, costing 1/100th of what your whip is worse, into that spot. "The Indianapolis Colts have been made aware that D'Qwell Jackson was charged yesterday in DC with a count of simple assault. When the Club learns more of the surrounding facts, it will make an appropriate statement," the team said in a statement. In and of itself, this might seem like an instance of a testosterone-fueled jock going meathead on the type of loser he used to harass in high school, but when you put it in context and realize that he is the fifth member of the Colts to be arrested since March 2014, you start to wonder if the Colts are the new Cincinnati Bengals……


- My, how hard times have driven Detroit to the brink. The city is trying to battle back from bankruptcy, it’s still a post-apocalyptic hell hole filled with stray dogs, foreclosed homes and abandoned businesses….and those are the good parts of town. Mix in a brutally cold winter and none of their professional sports franchises anywhere close to a title and you have a recipe for a city where sooner or later, someone is going to snap. Cue the scene earlier this week with a massive snowstorm blowing through town and the city’s freeways caked with wintry mess. Motorists attempting to navigate the morass of snow, ice and driving incompetence had an added distraction to deal with when a naked cowboy came striding down the road in the chilly winter afternoon. Driver Francis Gojcaj posted a video after seeing the man walking on I-75 in Auburn Hills, clad only in a cowboy hat. In the video, the naked cowboy is seen casually strolling along, right down the middle of the freeway. Many motorists can be heard asking the man if he’s OK, but he ignores their offers for help and keeps on walking like a true country western badass. Eventually, someone called the police on account of, ya know, seeing a naked dude going for a walk and displaying what had to be the worst case of shrinkage known to humanity. According to Auburn Hills police, the man suffers from a crisis medical condition and was taken to a nearby hospital for evaluation. Because of his mental condition, police say it is unlikely that charges will be filed in the case. There’s also a chance that this guy were merely the latest Detroiter to have his bank account drained by the fiscal woes of the city and had literally lost the shirt off his back, but at least no one took away his favorite cowboy hat………

No comments: