Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Drew Peterson doubles down, Johnny Depp + Birdman and James Dolan melts down


- New York Knicks owner and Madison Square Garden chairman James Dolan is a) not very smart, b) bad at his job and c) has little or no impulse control. We knew all of that before this week on account of his horrid work owning the Knicks, detonating the team’s salary structure, hiring one of the worst executives in NBA history in Isaiah Thomas and then trying to re-hire Thomas after a sexual harassment scandal and turning the once-proud Knicks into a total laughingstock. We know it all even more emphatically thanks to a moronic email exchange between Dolan and a disheartened Knicks fan who took time to lay out his complaints about his favorite team in a semi-coherent email to the owner. Irving Bierman obliterated Dolan for decisions made during his tenure as owner of the Knicks and spelling and grammar issues aside, he made some solid points. "At one stage I thought that you did a wonderful thing when you acquired EVERYTHING from you dad. However, since then it has been ALL DOWN HILL,” Bierman wrote. “Your working with Isaiah Thomas & everything else regarding the Knicks. As a knicks fan for in excess of 60 years, I am utterly embarased by your dealings with the Knicks.” He concluded by urging Dolan to sell the Knicks “so their fans can at least look forward to growing them in a positive direction.” Dolan, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this is 2015 and EVERYTHING a public figure says or does ends up online, responded by attacking Bierman for writing a “hateful letter” and then got personal with it, saying, I am.just guessing but ill bet your life is a mess and you are a hateful mess.” He asked what Bierman has ever done that is positive or nice and said he was “betting nothing. In fact ill bet you are negative force in everyone who comes in contact with you.” If that didn’t already cross a line, he then accused Bierman of being an alcoholic who made his family miserable and urged him to “start rooting for the Nets because the Knicks dont want you.” The best part of the email was him signing it, “Respectfully James Dolan." My man, there is nothing respectful about you, your letter or your team, you arrogant, inept scumbag……….


- As always, men are pigs. That’s not an angry feminist take, but rather a statement of reality after a pair of skanks dressed in revealing, sexy police officer costumes were able to deke prison guards and facilitate the escape of 26 inmates at a prison in Brazil's interior Mato Grosso state. Prison officials said these ladies sweet talked the guards into letting them inside and proceeded to seduce them before spiking their drinks and leaving the lecherous men naked and handcuffed with little recollection of the night before. By the time the guards were found the next morning, 26 prisoners had escaped from the prison, located in Nova Mutum, a small city near Cuiaba. A spokesman for the Justice Secretariat of Mato Grosso, which oversees prisons, noted that officials found multiple bottles of tainted whiskey along with a pair or slutty police officer costumes next to the incapacitated guards. "We assume that is what the women were wearing when they seduced the guards," spokesman Willian Fidelis said. Despite the incompetence and superficiality of the guards, 11 of the escaped inmates had been recaptured by Sunday, Fidelis said. So far, officials claim they do not know who was responsible for the prison break, which is being investigated by civil police. The guards in the middle of this sh*t storm are being held as part of the investigation, along with the director of the prison. The director was asleep on the premises at the time to the escape, which Fidelis called unprecedented. “Nothing like this has ever happened," he said. "Nova Mutum is a small city. People haven't talked about anything else since it happened. Especially since 15 prisoners are still out there." Fifteen prisoners and two hotties with bodies who know how to work it………..


- What movie isn't better for Captain Jack Sparrow being a part of it? Johnny Depp has seemingly devoted his career to playing ridiculous caricatures of characters who require absurd makeup on their faces and other identity-disguising faux features, none more identifiable than his turn as Sparrow in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films. As it turns out,  Captain Jack nearly made the jump outside the Caribbean and into the Oscar-nominated black comedy “Birdman.” Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu revealed that he ultimately changed the conclusion because he considered the original finale "embarrassing" and a "piece of sh*t.” When the director refused to elaborate on his comments, one of the film's screenwriters, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr., laid out the specifics of how the movie was supposed to finish. "Then the camera prowled like it did the whole film, went backstage through the halls we've seen the whole time and we'd get to the dressing room where literally Johnny Depp would be sitting looking in the mirror and putting on his Riggan Thomson wig and then the poster of Pirates of the Caribbean 5 would be in the back,” Dinelaris said. "In Jack Sparrow’s voice [it would say], 'What the f*ck are we doing here, mate?' It was going to be the satire of the endless loop of that." Depp wasn’t one of the film’s cast members and the random cameo would have been clever, but in the end Inarritu seems to know what he’s doing, as “Birdman” has been nominated for nine prizes at this year's Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director and Best Original Screenplay. Stars Michael Keaton, Edward Norton and Emma Stone are also up for individual awards for their roles in the movie………


- This is what is known in the gambling world as doubling down. In the legal world, it’s simply known as trying to hire a hit man to kill the lead prosecutor in your fourth ex-wife's murder trial. Drew Peterson -- a former Illinois police officer convicted of murdering his third wife and the prime suspect in his fourth wife's disappearance – is about to be prosecuted for not being able to understand that divorce is much easier than taking your wife’s life, so he apparently decided that he might as well add another killing to his ledger while he was at it. According to Attorney General Lisa Madigan and Randolph County State's Attorney Jeremy R. Walker, Peterson schemed to hire a hit man to kill Will County State's Attorney James Glasgow, the prosecutor guilty of doing his job by prosecuting the 61-year-old scumbag for killing his third wife, Kathleen Savio. The indictment alleges that Peterson committed the offenses of murder for hire and solicitation of murder, both Class X felonies, between September 2013 and December 2014. He’s currently incarcerated at the Menard Correctional Center and will soon go toe to toe with the Illinois Attorney General's Office and the Randolph County State's Attorney's Office. In court, he and his legal team must explain their version of how he didn’t actually solicit an unnamed individual to carry out a murder-for-hire plot against Glasgow. Granted, a dude already serving a 38-year prison sentence after being convicted in the 2004 drowning death of Savio doesn’t seem to have much to lose even if Drew Peterson hasn’t been charged in Stacy Peterson suspected death. But hey, when you’ve allegedly killing your third wife because you feared your pending divorce settlement would wipe you out financially, trying to knock off the prosecutor is only mildly heinous by comparison………

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