Saturday, February 21, 2015

Jimmy Fallon hurts Screech's feelings, sex offenders and stolen clowns and Venezuelan sh*t gets real


- Sh*t is getting real in Venezuela. Then again, it’s always been real(ly dangerous) for anyone who doesn’t march in lockstep with the government in a Stepford-worthy fashion. The latest to learn this cruel reality is Caracas Mayor Antonio Ledezma, who was kidnapped by police in camouflaged uniforms who smashed their way into his office in the middle of the night, carrying the opposition leader away in real eff-you move to opposition groups. It immediately kicked things up a notch in the socialist-run South American country and Presi-dictator Nicolas Maduro announced that Ledezma, one of his most vocal critics, would be punished for his efforts to undermine the government. In response, angry Caracas residents stood near their windows and made noise with kitchen pots or smashed out one honk after another on their car horn in rush hour. A small, vociferous mob gathered to vent their anger in front of the headquarters of the intelligence service police where Ledezma is believed to be held. "He'll be held accountable for all his crimes," Maduro said. The kidnapping came one week after Maduro named Ledezma among government critics and Western powers he accused of plotting a coup to bring down his socialist government. The real surprise is that it took this long to grab Ledezma. He may have antagonized Maduro by mocking the accusation in multiple interviews, saying the real destabilizing force in Venezuela was the government's corruption. Mix in this week bringing the one-year anniversary of anti-government street protests that cloaked the capital in clouds of tear gas and smoke from burning barricades and it was a true sh*t storm of chaos. Ledezma’s allies quickly called for more protests Friday to demand his immediate release and critics believe the arrest is a misdirection to avoid addressing growing economic problems such as widespread shortages and galloping inflation that reached 68 percent last year. Ledezma’s arrest was captured on surveillance video and the footage went viral in a hurry. His release likely won't come so quickly…………


- Kung Fu Panda don’t give a f*ck. Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval, who earned his cartoon nickname because he’s thrived as a portly played on two World Series champions, made the jump to Boston this offseason as a free agent and inked a five-year, $95 million deal that instantly pegged him as a target for criticism if and when he doesn’t live up to expectations. Apparently some had lofty expectations for how he would look when he rolled into camp in Fort Myers this week and Sandoval failed to reach those high marks. Listed at 5-foot-11 and 245 pounds, he showed up at camp looking like his usual cherubic self and someone snapped a picture of it and it became an instant target for online hate. Haters ripped him for being out of shape and suggested that he needed to shed a few pounds before his Fenway Park debut in April. Not surprisingly, the former World Series MVP and the man who belted three home runs in a Series game while playing as an overweight MLBer was nonplussed by the trolls trying to drag him down. “Let them talk, talk and criticize," Sandoval said. "No matter what they say, it will never change me or the player that I am." The thing is, dude is right. While professional athletes are typically viewed as elite physical specimens whose bodies are their temples, not all of those temples contain 4 percent body fat and look like they belong on the cover of Men’s Fitness. Some dudes just play better as fatties, just like Jonah Hill is more entertaining on screen when he’s overweight. Besides, that photo was taken eight days before the first official full-squad workout and Sandoval will probably lose a pound or two before the regular season starts. "We live surrounded by critics, so let them talk, let them criticize me as much as they want. Ultimately that makes me a better player," Sandoval said. "What really matters is who you are when you step on the field, and I will let my bat and my glove speak for themselves.” Well said, Panda…………


- Sometimes, you don’t want a lost possession returned. You lose your toothbrush for a few days and don’t know where it went, it’s probably best to leave it be. A friend borrows a piece of clothing, wears it in places that leave it in rather unsavory condition and at the end of the day, maybe you just want to let them keep it. The same goes for a ceramic clown that vanished from a closed Wichita amusement park more than a decade ago and was recently tracked down at the home of a sex offender who once worked at the park and two decades ago helped restore the clown. Sure, Joyland wanted its clown back when it didn’t know what became of it, as the clown is its mascot – which is another, creepy story entirely. Louie the Clown, the mascot of the Joyland amusement park, was discovered by Wichita police officers at a home of Damian Mayes, who is serving a prison sentence for a 2010 conviction for aggravated indecent liberties with a child and aggravated criminal sodomy. Yes, a child molester who has some sort of clown fetish. This one is skeevy on so many levels. Mayes built and repaired organs at the park before he was charged and became the latest person to further the irrevocably sullied reputation of carneys, but no one knew he was the one responsible when Louie disappeared from the Joyland property in 2005 or 2006. The statue couldn’t be that important because it wasn't reported stolen until 2010, yet police said the nearly 50-year-old clown is worth about $10,000. Wichita police Detective Matt Lang said Mayes may still face charges for the theft and called the discovery of the clown "quite a shock,” adding that a phone tip led to its discovery. "Social media and a lot of interest, not only in Joyland but the clown in particular, kind of kept it alive," Lang said. Yes, but why? Clowns are freaky, they’re disturbing and quite frankly, one that hung out at the home of a pedophile should stay lost………..


- It’s amazing what a sex tape and a stabbing will do for a person’s chances to be part of a reunion for iconic Saturday morning teen drama of which they were once a vital part. When Jimmy Fallon reunited the original “Saved By the Bell” cast earlier this month, he brought Mark-Paul Gosselaar (who played Zack Morris in the classic '90s teen sitcom), Mario Lopez (AC Slater), Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) and Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano) back together, but there was one curious omission. That would be Screech, a.k.a. Dustin Diamond, who said he wasn't asked to be a part of Fallon's reunion. In the sketch, Berkley mocked her post-“Bell” role in the notoriously raunchy 1995 film “Showgirls” and Dennis Haskins' Mr. Belding, the principal of the show's fictional Bayside High School, made an appearance and became Twitter cannon fodder for all the weight he had gained. Diamond's agent claimed that the actor didn't appear in the reunion sketch because he had "prior commitments,” which was vague and dubious even then. Now, Diamond has owned the truth that he wasn't invited to be take part and only found out about the reunion a couple of days before it took place, when a friend of his girlfriend sent her a text about it. He said he wished he had been invited, but having a sex tape and a recent arrest in Ozaukee County, Wisconsin following an altercation at a bar in which a man was stabbed and he was charged with recklessly endangering safety, carrying a concealed weapon and disorderly conduct must have given Fallon a second thought. In his defense, he denies stabbing the man and has pleaded not guilty to all charges. In Fallon’s defense, sex tape Screech doesn’t need to be filling anyone’s late-night TV viewing………

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