Tuesday, February 17, 2015

MLB strike zona drama, perils of being the cool sports and youth minister and defending Fatsel Rose


- So much for being the cool sports and youth minister, eh Monica Iacob Ridzi? Ridzi, now a former Romanian minister for reasons that are about to become abundantly clear, is headed to prison for five years for abusing her position and overspending public money, but in her defense, she was only trying to make all the kids like her. According to totally square and boring prosecutors, Ridzi spent an estimated 3.12 million lei ($804,000) on concerts for young people between March and May 2009, paying what they called inflated prices and illegally contracting private companies for goods and services. In other words, she paid a lot of money for some bitchin’ bands to come in and play for young people who would then theoreticlaly like her more. Yet it would seem that somewhere deep down, Ridzi knew she might be doing something kinda wrong, as evidenced by the fact that she allegedly had her assistant attempt to delete incriminating e-mails before the government could use them against her. This case has dragged on for four long years and it’s been six years since Ridzi resigned, but in the government’s defense, it is really hard to lock in on one specific case of government fraud when there are just so damn many of them. Not only did Ridzi go down, but the High Court of Cassation and Justice on Monday also sentenced one of her assistants to five years in prison for abusing her position. Ten others were convicted but receives lesser sentences and thankfully, none of them was as indignant as Ridzi, who insisted that she is a victim of Romania's recent anti-corruption drive. Fight the power….that you are no longer a part of, Monica……….


- If only Guns N' Roses guitarist Richard Fortus knew the comedic doors his words just opened. Fortus has heard all of the hate about the band’s horrid penchant for showing up offensively late to gigs, well past the “We’re f’ing rock stars and we can do whatever the hell we want” standard that big-time bands ascribe to. Much of the time, GNR’s tardiness stems from the punctuality problems of its egomaniacal, orca-fat frontman, Fatsel, er, Axl Rose. Rose, who is three times the man today that he was back when GNR mattered in the metal world, is pretty much never on time and gets snippy when someone calls him out on it. Fortus, for one, has heard quite enough. "It's not like a lot of bands, where it's like clockwork," Fortus said. “It's not like he's sitting back watching TV and eating potato chips. Man, he goes through a lot to walk out onstage. Just everything… with being himself… to get into the right place within himself." Yes, Fatsel does go through a lot before he hits the state….like everything on the craft services table. Like all of the food in his dressing room and all of the food in his bandmates’ dressing rooms. No, he clearly isn't sitting back eating potato chips because he can't eat those until he works his way through the brownies, ice cream, Doritos and Bugles. He’ll probably mix in a few sandwiches too before getting to the chips. Such is life when you appear to weigh in somewhere north of 350 pounds and are so out of shape that you can't even make it through “Welcome to the Jungle” without needing an oxygen tank and a chair to sit down on. But according to Fortus, the hate from waiting crowds only fuel’s Roses sonic fire. “You know, it's two hours after we're supposed to start, three hours… stadiums full of people just booing. And the second he'd walk out onstage… all of that negative energy just goes totally up right into the palm of his hand,” Fortus said. Only once he gets those Oreo double-stuffed cookies out of his mitts………..


- Congratulations to Salt Lake City loser, er, resident Jamie Jackson. Jackson, like every other d-bag who aspires to get their name in the Guinness Book of World Records, has failed to do anything that even remotely makes the world a better place in search of her claim to fame. Instead, she believes that she has become a productivity vampire by breaking the world record for catching bridal bouquets at weddings and now is seeking recognition for it. In truth, Guinness should just give her the record without bothering to verify it because there is no sense wasting any more time in this nonsense. Jackson submitted her application last week, saying she has caught 46 bouquets since 1996 and has the documentation to prove it. That would more than quadruple the current record of 11 bouquets caught by Stephanie Monyak of Pennsylvania. That mark has stood since 2004, but Jackson has been on her grind, elbowing other desperate single women out of the way to grab a bunch of half-dead flowers that supposedly give the catcher an inside track on being the next one to wed. She said she’s been to so many weapons not because she’s well-liked, but because of her family's connections to musical theater and their church. "It is something that you have to plan for and you have to be very strategic where you place yourself," Jackson said. "My strategy is to be right up in the front because a lot of time the brides don't know how far they are going to throw it. A lot of times it will hit a ceiling, it'll hit a chandelier ... I've had many, many catches where I've had to jump for it. And I've hit little kids by accident." Little kids be damned, right? Because all that matters is that you caught that damn bouquet, right? So far, none of them have actually been the good luck charm to get Jackson married………


- Remember all that talk about Major League Baseball wanting to shorten games? Never mind. Because if reports are true that baseball is looking into shrinking the strike zone in the name of stopping a serious dip in offense and a rapid uptick in strikeouts, then shortening games is no longer a priority. Yes, any formal rules change would have to be approved by baseball's Playing Rules Committee and at this point, the committee is merely going to monitor the strike zone this season and potentially implement changes in 2016 at the earliest, but the mere notion of making an already erratic strike zone that varies from umpire to umpire is a discomfiting one. It seems that the strike zone has expanded about 40 square inches over the past five seasons to a whopping  475 square inches in 2014 and along with actually doing some testing for performance-enhancing drugs after years of willful ignorance, that has taken a lot of home runs, runs and excitement out of games. With baseball fighting a losing battle against the NFL and NBA for fans’ loyalty and disposable income, MLB must find ways to draw in the masses. One of its targets is apparently the lower reaches of the strike zone, which has seen the most growth. Low pitches are among the most difficult for hitters to handle and especially tough to drive, so cutting out that part of the strike zone would benefit batters. The analysis of the strike zone stems from the installation of QuesTec cameras in major league ballparks and the current PITCHf/x system, with both systems helping to universalize umpires’ strike zones as much as can be done. New commissioner Rob Manfred has expressed his appreciation for the job that MLB umpires have done in calling the strike zone more consistently, but refused to say whether he would spearhead the first change to the zone since fter the 1996 season, when the boundary for the bottom of the zone was lowered from the top of the batter's knees to the bottom………..

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