Friday, February 20, 2015

Chicago Cubs v. the little guy, Kasabian v. One Direction and new-age criminals v. technology


- If only all weddings were so compelling. The nuptials in India were scheduled to go down between Jugal Kishore of Moradabad and his bride-to-be, Indira, from Rampur. They key word there is scheduled, because when they day was done, Indira was married, but not to Kishore. No, in a shocking plot twist worthy of the worst romantic comedy, the bride elected to ditch her betrothed and instead marry a guest on her big day after the groom had a seizure during the ceremony. That seems like an especially d-baggish thing to do to a man who’s already suffering physically, especially because the groom was unconscious at the time. The story unfolded thusly: As Kishore was preparing to garland his bride and extended his arms, he had an epileptic fit and fell to the ground in front of the gathering. At that point, Indira snapped, incensed that she and her family were not told about Kishore's medical condition. In a stone-cold move, she immediately announced that she would marry a guest at the wedding instead. The guest, playing the role of Indian James Dean, was clad only in jeans and a leather jacket and after being initially stunned by the request, he agreed  and the ceremony continued. A short time later, Kishore received medical treatment from a doctor and returned to the wedding. He pleaded with Indira to change her mind, but she shot him down and a badass brawl broke out, with spoons, plates and dishes were used as weapons. Several people were detained in the brawl and Kishore’s family later filed a police report, but withdrew it after “amicably” resolving the matter with the bride’s family. This is definitely a new twist on being left at the altar, mostly because when the bride bolts a typical ceremony, the groom is at least conscious and upright……….


- Kasabian have become the British version of Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney. In other words, they feel like it’s always the time and place for them to comment on any musical topic and that there is no subject within the industry that falls outside their purview. Serge Pizzorno is the most frequent Kasabian commenter, but don’t sleep on frontman Tom Meighan, who was asked about fellow British recording artists and noted man-band hacks One Direction, who have clearly sold many more albums and made much more money that Kasabian ever will despite Kasabian being what many would call an actual band with actual musical talent. The good news is that Meighan is in no way bitter or angry that five no-talent hacks who have the good fortune of being physically attractive to the ladies while also being able to dance in unison and do a good job lip-syncing along to unimaginative pop garbage that someone else writes for them. No, he merely denounced the One Directioners as  "five no-ones who won the lottery.” It’s an apt description, but Meighan wasn’t done. No, he was a long way from done and had plenty more to say. “"They're f*cking millionaires but they're five no-ones who won the lottery,” Meighan continued. “They're massive, but they're a product, we're not. They're like shampoo. You buy it to put in your hair and wash it out, like the Spice Girls." Comparing One Direction to either entity is a bit insulting, mostly because shampoo is actually quite nice and useful, unlike your average One Direction song. Oh, and Baby Spice and Ginger Spice would like an apology for Meighan sullying their names as well……….


- It’s a new breed of criminals out there. No, not because there are so many more tools and assets available to evildoers these days, tools that allow they to evade security systems and overcome any attempts to slow their roll. In fact, it’s more a case of criminals back in the day stealing something and actually, ya know, trying to get their newly (and illegally) acquired item away from the scene of the crime as fast as possible without stopping for any reason. That’s not how new-age thieves like Houston teen Kenneth Davis roll. No, Davis is a millennial and like virtually everyone his age, he’s big into social media. So big, in fact, that he decided that mid-car theft was a perfectly suitable place to incorporate some Instagram sizzle into his flow. Davis is charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and burglary of a motor vehicle after La Porte police tried to pull over three pickup trucks driving without their lights on, causing Davis and another driver to flee. One of the trucks was quickly tracked down after the thief abandoned it and from there, the case unraveled quickly. The abandoned car still had Davis’ phone inside that that phone featured a video of him driving the vehicle and singing along to the Drake song "How Bout Now." Getting that video mid-theft is both impressive and impressively moronic, especially because the phone also linked him to other car thefts. There is no guarantee that he would have gotten away if he’d foregone the video or simply remembered to take his phone with him when he fled, but social media is clearly a hazard to one and all, be they a criminal or just an average citizen trying to successfully navigate the world of Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube………


- Score one for the corporate titan. In the battle ‘twixt professional sports franchise and average fan trying to gravy-train free or discounted viewing of said franchise’s contests, U.S. District Court Judge Virginia M. Kendall has ruled in favor of the big guy. Kendall, in a decision announced at Everett M. Dirksen U.S. Courthouse, denied a temporary restraining order petition on a video board and additional signage planned for the right field bleachers at Wrigley Field, dealing a major blow to a group of investors who own two rooftop clubs along Sheffield Ave., adjacent to the iconic park. The judge ruled that the temporary restraining order wasn’t needed because attorneys for the investors failed to how that "irreparable harm" would come to the businesses before an "expedited" preliminary injunction hearing. That hearing will take place on March and will determine whether or not the Cubs are allowed to erect a 2,250-square-foot video board along other signage that would block the views from the rooftops in question. It will be a modern touch for a venue that has lagged behind the times for years, even if the moochers who have turned property near the stadium into their chance to watch games they otherwise couldn’t see without buying, you know, actual tickets to the game. The team hailed the decision and thanked the judge for expediting the process ahead of Opening Day on April 5. It’s worth noting that the investors were not asking for construction on the bleachers, the first phase of the ballpark's $375 million renovation, to be halted -- just the erection of the video board and signs. Their attorneys argued that the view-blocking video board and signage goes against the language in the 20-year contract the Cubs and the rooftops signed in 2004. That deal allows for government-approved expansion, but the fans are calling this an addition. Expect this brawl to keep intensifying for another month, at which point money and progress will win out over the little guy……….

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