- Maybe now human beings will think twice about yanking
groundhogs out of their holes and hoisting them high in the air for lame-ass
publicity stunts to draw people to their boring small towns. Punxatawney,
Pennsylvania is the most glaring example, but Sun Prairie, Wisconsin has a
groundhog hoisting of its own and its event managed to eclipse Punxatawney’s
this year thanks to an angry rodent, that rodent’s massive front teeth and a
grandstanding politician who got exactly what he deserved. Sun
Prairie's groundhog, tagged with the boring moniker Jimmy, was pulled out for
his annual moment in the spotlight Monday and his Jerry and Maria Hahn, kept
him next to Mayor Jonathan Freund. Freund placed far too much confidence in the
Hahns or simply forgot that he was still dealing with a wild animal because he
continued orchestrating the event with Jimmy just inches from his face,
exposing his bitable flesh to the large rodent. Jimmy decided it was an
opportune time to dish out some pain and took a big bite of the mayor’s ear,
causing Freund to flinch was Jimmy's handler quickly pulled the animal away.
Possibly thrown off by being bitten by an angry groundhog, Freund proclaimed
that Jimmy told him there would be an early spring. That proclamation was
disputed by the Hahns, who said the mayor had gotten it wrong and that there
would be six more weeks of winter. The city fired back with a tersely worded
statement saying only the mayor can translate Jimmy’s prediction. No word on
whether that statement was dictated to some mayoral staffer while Freund was on
the doctor’s table getting his rabies shot, but maybe next year he’ll think
twice about messing with Jimmy………
- Who doesn’t need more Björk in their life – other than everyone? New
York's Museum of Modern Art is blowing right by this obvious slice of reality
and preparing the debut of a new exhibit dedicated solely to the life and music
of the Icelandic singer. Simply titled Björk, the retrospective will include a
piece titled Black Lake, "an immersive 10-minute music and film
experience" by director Andrew Thomas Huang. The video will run
concurrently with the song of the same name from Björk’s new album “Vulnicura”
and the museum seems genuinely fired up by all of this. In a statement, MOMA says
the exhibition will use "sound, film, visuals, instruments, objects,
costumes, and performance" to detail Björk's career. "The
installation will present a narrative, both biographical and imaginatively
fictitious, co-written by Björk and the acclaimed Icelandic writer Sjón,"
the release reads. There will be plenty of time to see the exhibit for anyone
who wants to be bored to death, as it will run from March 8 to June 7 and begin
at the same time as the artist's series of live dates in New York. It’s a great
promotional ploy for an album that was released in January to little fanfare,
gaining most of its attention only because its release was two months earlier
than scheduled on account of being leaked online. As for Björk, she will perform
two shows at New York's Carnegie Hall and a further four at the City Center
venue between March 7 and April 4 and to further bolster he brand, she will
also release a career retrospective book in March titled “Björk: Archives.” Outside of the fact
that there is not a person alive who needs such a heavy dose of Björk, this
should all be a whole lot of fun………
- Vietnam is known as a place where people eat cats. It isn't
often known as a place that buries them alive, setting off a global uproar
among animal rights advocates. Yes, it was an ugly and tear-inducing scene this
week when ietnamese
authorities have buried thousands of cats, many apparently still alive, simply because
the cats were found while being smuggled from China for restaurants. And yes,
that sentence is every bit as stomach-churning as it was the first time you
read it, even though a police spokesman claimed that the cats were culled in
accordance with the law because they posed an environmental and health risk. Hanoi's
environmental police offed the cats even though some of them were still living,
but there was no official confirmation on the number of felines who went to the
great litter box in the sky merely for being imported illegally. The cats were
discovered last week when police stopped a truck carrying 3 tons of cargo and
found the animals stuffed into cramped bamboo baskets. The cats were found to
belong to the driver and he was fined 7.5 million dong ($360) for smuggling the
animals. In spite of the illegality of it all, animal rights advocates seized
on the case and campaigned for the cats to be allowed to live, but those cries
fell on deaf ears. Oh, and Vietnam banned trafficking cats and serving them at
restaurants in 1998, but clearly not everyone got the memo. Either that or a
grilled gato sandwich just fetches too much money for restaurateurs to axe from
their menu. Maybe next time, go vertical and air drop the cats in the middle of
the jungle in order to avoid this whole detection problem……….
- It’s almost like Lance Armstrong wanted to remind the
world why it hates him. The disgraced cyclist, admitted steroid cheater and
all-around scumbag had largely faded from public consciousness because no one
really gives a damn about old athletes who no longer compete and won most of
their trophies thanks to what they could inject or ingest. So Armstrong popped
up in an interview in which he admitted that if faced with the choice again, he
would likely choose to ‘roid up once more. But that was only a precursor to a
bigger act of d-baggery, one that came when Armstrong rammed into two parked cars with an SUV after a night
of partying in Aspen, Colorado, then convinced his girlfriend to take the fall
for him. According to Aspen police, Armstrong was behind the wheel at the time
of the accident, but had his longtime girlfriend take the blame to avoid
national attention. Anna Hansen initially claimed she was driving, but when
police questioned her she caved and told them that it was Armstrong driving the
GMC Yukon on icy roads, hitting the cars. She initially told the cops she drove
because "Lance had a little bit to drink," according to the reports
and one of the people whose cars were damaged recalled Hansen running up to his
house in high heels, apologizing and promising to pay for the repairs. When
police found out the truth, they cited Armstrong with failing to report an
accident and speeding. It was a pretty solid tale Hansen spun of driving home
from an Aspen Art Museum party when she lost control of Armstrong's SUV, but
both she and her old man fleeing the scene before police arrived looked a bit
sketchy. For the record, failure to report an accident is a misdemeanor
punishable by up to 90 days in jail and a fine of between $150 and $300 and driving
too fast for conditions is punishable by a fine between $15 and $100, but with
Armstrong facing lots of legal actions by folks looking to reclaim prize and
endorsement money he obtained fraudulently, he probably wants to hang on to
whatever wealth he has left………..
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