Saturday, March 01, 2008

Water problems in Beijing, Will Ferrell brings the funny and a place to get your pedophile memorabilia

- I would hate to think that while the United States was busy prosecuting an unjustified, unnecessary war in Iraq that we weren’t making nearly enough of an impact in fighting a war in Afghanistan that is justified and necessary. I would hate to think that, but National Intelligence Director Michael McConnell has already thought (and said it) for me. McConnell told the Senate Armed Services Committee that the now-resurgent Taliban controls 10 to 11 percent of Afghanistan, with the U.S.-backed Kabul government of President Hamid Kirzai controlling 30 percent and the remainder under the control of local tribal leaders. Yes, we’ve been fighting there for six years, the Taliban is still alive and making a comeback, we haven’t found Osama bin Laden, but damn it, we need to keep sending the bulk of our resources to Iraq, a place where we’re busy hunting for non-existent WMD’s and forcing our ideas about government onto a people who didn’t ask for our help. But heck, let’s keep making the rest of the world hate us while sticking our nose in where it doesn’t belong and thus deprive Afghanistan, a place where our efforts really are needed and our resources would be well spent, of the men and weapons it would take to get things done. How many months is it until our Ass Hat in Chief W. is booted out of office and we can elect a new leader?

- If you’re running short on pedophile memorabilia to display in your home, may I offer a helping hand? Allow me to present the trustee’s sale to be held later this month in Santa Barbara County, Calif. that will auction off many belongings from the Neverland Ranch of black dude turned white woman/confirmed pedophile/most overrated musical act of all-time Michael Jackson. Whacko-Jacko hasn’t paid the more than $24 million in back taxes he owes on the property, so Financial Title Co. has filed notice of the trustee’s sale with the Santa Barbara County Superior Court. Court documents reveal that Jack-O has been notified by the court that he has until the date of the auction, Mar. 19, to settle his debt if he wants to keep his pedophile paradise, er, personal amusement park. He no longer lives at the property and has been jetting all around the world lately, so I doubt he’s going to save his butt by paying his back taxes. So maybe you can buy his adult alarm, the gadget he allegedly had installed in the house to warn him if adults tried to approach his bedroom while he was inside sexually assaulting a child (seriously, I’m not making that up, wish I was). Or you could buy the merry-go-round, the locomotive or dozens of other mementos to a place where so many young children were abused in such a vile manner. Personally I say we just burn it all and try to expunge this chapter from our collective memory.

- If you have a pulse and even a mediocre sense of humor, Will Ferrell’s movies usually make you laugh. Some have an abundance of laughs (Anchorman) and some have too few laughs amongst an otherwise bad movie (Blades of Glory). His latest film, Semi-Pro, falls more into the former category than the latter. Maybe I’m biased because I’m a big basketball fan, but don’t let the movie’s hoops premise fool you. It’s not a sports movie in any of the traditional senses, so even non-sports fans can enjoy the laughs. Ferrell plays Jackie Moon, owner/coach/player of the misnamed Flint (Michigan) Tropics, one of the teams in the 1970s basketball league the ABA (American Basketball Association). The ABA really existed and while it ultimately folded because it couldn’t compete with the NBA, the ABA did force the NBA to up its game and adopt new strategies and ideas. In this movie, Jackie Moon’s Tropics are one of the teams trying to be accepted into the NBA as the ABA folds. Only four teams from the ABA can go, so Moon is left to figure out a way to keep the Tropics from being left out in the cold. The only means available is elevating the last-place Tropics to fourth place, since the NBA wants the ABA’s top four teams. Moon also seeks to increase attendance at Tropics’ games to make them more appealing and does so through a variety of stunts, including motorcycle jumps inside their tiny arena and fighting a bear inside a steel cage. As with all Ferrell movies, there’s crude humor from time to time, but Semi-Pro is definitely one of the best Ferrell movies to come out so far. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but rest assured you’ll get to it laughing.

- Out of respect for the late, great Mr. Rogers, I’m going to give this next idea more consideration than I otherwise would. I’ll still be rejecting the idea, mind you, but Fred Rogers, late PBS legend and children’s TV icon of bygone decades, is involved and so I’m not going to derisively mock “Sweater Day” as I would if Rogers weren’t linked to it. Mister Rogers Neighborhood was gone before I was old enough to really enjoy it, but Rogers and his collection of puppet friends were familiar to millions during his time on TV. March 20 would have been Rogers’ 80th birthday, so a tribute is being organized to pay homage to Rogers and people across America are being asked to wear a sweater on that day to honor Rogers, whose trademark was the butt-ugly sweaters he rocked on each and every episode of his show. Mr. Rogers was a cool dude, but his gear left a lot to be desired. Normally I’d laugh at/ignore anyone asking me to don a sweater for any reason, but in this case I’ll make an exception. I’m still not going to wear a sweater, but in deference to the late Fred Rogers, I’ll leave it and that and not crack any jokes about the idea…..moving on…..

- You have to love it when a country screws over its citizens and their fundamental needs in the name of a tired sporting exhibition that most of us don’t bother to pay attention to anyhow. The Olympic Games have become tired and passé for most Americans and in many other places in the world. They contain a whole lot of fringe sports than no one outside those participating in the sports themselves care about, plus the fact that when they’re held in a different part of the world, as they will be in Beijing this summer, the majority of the world has to watch the competition on tape delay and thus we already know what happened before we can watch thanks to the magic of the Internet anf cell phones. Don’t tell this to the Chinese government, though. Even though Beijing is suffering from a major water shortage and many of the city’s residents are struggling to get the H20 they need on a daily basis, their government is giving preferential treatment to athletes and officials coming to town for the Olympics. The available water resources per person are 1/30 the world average, even lower than Israel, which as you may know is a desert-laden place, but the 16,000 arriving athletes and officials won’t be the ones taking the hit. They’ll have all the water they need for half-hour showers and various other activities, but people who actually live in Beijing won’t be so fortunate. Farmers in the region around Beijing have been ordered to grow only corn because it requires less water than rice or other vegetables. Of course, it also brings in far less in terms of revenues, but I’m sure the $30 in compensation from the government makes it all right. Well, it might if all of the affected farmers had received the money, but many say they haven’t. But hey, let’s funnel everything into putting on a tired, archaic event like the Olympics and giving visiting athletes the water they need even though they don’t give a f**k about China! Thanks Chinese government, you guys rock!

No comments: