- Sorry to burst your bubble, CBS, but Secret Talents of the Stars should stay a secret. You all are apparently going brain-dead as a network, because if you think that more than five Americans have an interest in watching George Takei attempt to be a country music singer, you are mistaken. Problem one would be that right now, most people reading this are wondering who the frak George Takei is. If one of your “stars” in someone that most people don’t know, that’s a problem. Allow me to fill in the blanks for all of you on that one. Takei was on one of the many TV installments of Star Trek, but more of you would know him as Hiro Nakamura’s father on NBC’s current hit show Heroes. Problem two would be that if someone like Takei or country singer Clint Black (making a run at being a standup comic) is famous for one thing, odds are that they aren’t holding another talent ace in their back pocket. More than likely, they’re holding the two of hearts and the four of spades, amigos. If they could have made it as something else, they would have. Them being famous for one thing doesn’t mean we need to or want to see them try something else (see Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all-time, trying and failing miserably at minor-league baseball or that idiot Billy Crystal playing for the Yankees in an exhibition game). I get that you all are grasping at straws here because you’re waiting for new episodes of your other crappy shows to roll in now that the writers’ strike has ended, but allowing pseudo-celebs to indulge their long-held desire to try and become a country singer or standup comedian just won't cut it. Nice try, CBS, but no.
- Obscenities on the airwaves. It’s an issue that’s been up and coming for a while now, especially given obscene acts and comments on air during Super Bowls, radio shows and the like the past few years. With Howard Stern, Don Imus, Janet Jackson, etc. making the FCC sweat every time they’re on air, the issue of what is allowable on radio and TV has become more and more debated. This week, the Supreme Court has stepped into the fray when it comes to curse words and what is appropriate. The specific case before the court centers on a Federal Communications Commission policy that allows for fines against broadcasters for “fleeting expletives,” one-time uses of the F-word and its derivatives. Fox, CBS, ABC and NBC have challenged the policy after awards shows they broadcast in 2002 and 2003 were obscene because of profanities using during the broadcasts by Bono, Nicole Richie and Cher. In the initial challenge, a federal appeals court ruled that the policy was unconstitutional and may constitute a violation of the Ninth Amendment. Two airings of the Billboard Music Awards are the point of contention here, a show that aired on Fox. The FCC, being the über-square, anal retentive bastards they are, felt like one or two tiny slips of the tongue merited major ramiprecussions. Of course, as with all things in our justice system, actually getting justice will take a long time. The case won't be heard until the fall, so for now both sides are trying to put on a happy face and act like the Supreme Court hearing their case is exactly what they want. So this fall, the eternal debate of freedom of speech versus censorship will go down, stay tuned….
- The Miami Heat are an absolute disgrace. That hasn’t been a secret for the duration of this NBA season, but now their disgracefulness is reaching a level that demands outrage and action. Yes, they are 12-56 on the season and have sucked on the court from Day One. But as the season nears its end, things have taken a turn for the worst, to the extent that the Miami Heat fans need someone to intervene on their behalf. At the season’s outset, their roster was filled with aging, overpaid players and any playoff hopes were a pipe dream. Then, they traded star center and main attraction Shaq O’Neal to Phoenix just past the midway point of the season. If only that were the end of it….but it’s not. Around that same time, coach/GM Pat “Oil Slick” Riley announced that throughout the remainder of the season, he might miss a few of his team’s games because he would be out scouting college talent. After all, the Heat will have a high draft pick, so he reasoned that he needed to see the talent firsthand. Coaching his team be damned, Riley was going scouting. Forget about doing his job and giving his best effort to help the team he has right now win. Screw the fans who pay exorbitant ticket prices to see the Heat try to win games too. But wait, there’s more. A few weeks ago, the team’s franchise player Dwayne Wade decided he was shutting himself down for the year because of a nagging knee problem. He’ll probably end up having surgery on it, but he also is holding out hope that he can play for team USA in the Summer Olympics. Yup, he won't play another game this season for those fans paying nearly $100 a game to see the Heat, but he’ll play in the Olympics. So already you have one star traded, one sitting out the rest of the season and a coach who isn’t giving his all to help his team win. But wait, there’s more! Forward Dorrell Wright and center Alonzo Mourning have also had their seasons ended prematurely with injuries, further decimating the roster. With all of this going on, the team gave one of the most crap-tacular efforts in NBA history this week, losing 96-54 Wednesday night to Toronto with only seven players active for the game. But wait, there’s more! yesterday, forward Udonis Haslem had season-ending surgery to remove bone spurs from his left ankle. Fans, your 2007-08 Miami Heat! I know this would set a bad precedent, but this franchise needs to refund every damn dollar that fans have paid for tickets the second half of this abortion of a season - well, season ticket holders anyhow. Fans buying single-game ducats knew what they were getting and chose to go anyhow. Season ticket holders had paid their money months ago and couldn’t get out of it. Do the right thing, Heat, and make it right for the fans you’ve spent the entire season giving a ginormous middle finger to.
- And the riots rage on in the Tibet-China conflict. The protests going on by Tibetans spread to three neighboring provinces this week, showing that despite a crackdown by the Chinese in a furious attempt to gain control before this whole mess totally desecrates their nation’s image on the precipice of this summer’s Olympic games. Tibetan communities in Sichuan, Qinghai and Gansu marked another week of social dissidence by Tibetans as they emphatically restated their belief that the Chinese rule in their country should end. These three new areas of protests forced the Chinese government to mobilize security forces all across western China, showing once again that the power of the people is strong when they band together against The Man. At the same time as these three areas were exploding in protests, police in Tibet’s capital city of Lhasa were busy going building to building, searching for people who had the audacity to take part in a violent anti-Chinese protest last week. A deadline for those individuals to surrender is fast approaching, and if they don’t turn themselves in, they face severe ramiprecussions. Of course, the way the Chinese do business, these people will probably be killed even if they do turn themselves in, so by trying to hide they really aren’t upping their risk factor all that much. I’ve said it before, I’ll keep on saying it as long as is necessary….FREE TIBET! FREE TIBET!
- There are some teams you’d love to be a part of. Your favorite baseball team, NFL team, the League of Justice, the Olympic team for your country, etc. Let’s just say that the team of Hank Clinton and Elton John is not among teams most of us would want to join. A femi-Nazi, runner-up in the Democratic presidential race and an effeminate, homosexual, glitter, sequin and feather-wearing pop singer just aren’t the kind of winning team I’m eager to be a part of. But there they are, E. John preparing for an April 9 concert in New York City to help raise funds for the sinking ship that is Hank’s campaign. The show will take place at Radio City Music Hall in Manhattan, which will be verrrrry helpful to me when I’m looking to be as far away from the site of the show as possible when it happens. “I’m not a politician, but I believe firmly in the work that she does,” E. John said of Hank. Look Elton, I get it, I do. Hank is ten times more masculine than you and she scares the crap out of dudes who actually dress and act like dudes, let alone a softie like you, with your sequined outfits and feather-trimmed sunglasses. The funniest part of this is that the two ticket prices for the show are $125 and $250….seriously. In other words, the show will be for a bunch of rich, old white people. I might pay that much for tickets on a U2 farewelll tour, but for an Elton John fundraiser for Hank Clinton, I’m thinking I’m the one who would need to be paid if I was going to attend.
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