Corruption in Gary, Indiana, Lou Pearlman is a scumbag and China shoots down Bjork's free speech

- You always hate to say that the world is a better place without a given person in it, especially when that person dies in a horrific manner. However, the world is a better place without Carlos Edward Tellos. Tellos, 52, had just been convicted of child molestation in a trial held at the Central Justice Center in Santa Ana, Calif. last Tuesday when he made the decision that his life just wasn’t worth living anymore. He leapt to his death from a ninth-floor balcony at the courthouse, avoiding having to spend the next 20 years in prison and doing so the hard way. He tucked a suicide note into his clothing, but even without one it would have been pretty clear what he was up to. Aside from questions of how he got unattended access to a ninth-floor balcony and who was supposed to be guarding him, I have to say that losing a convicted child molester doesn’t make the world a worse place to live. Dudes who are in their 50s and molesting kids aren’t likely to suddenly grow a conscience and change their ways. So I guess post-mortem thanks are in order to Tellos for not taking up a space in California’s already overcrowded prisons and using taxpayer dollars to sustain his life when he didn’t have the will to live it anymore.

 

- Lou Pearlman is indeed guilty of a heinous, reprehensible crime, one far worse than the crime he’s plead guilty to and is going to prison for. Pearlman may have pleaded guilty to federal charges of conspiracy, money laundering and making false statements during a bankruptcy proceeding, but I submit to you that he is guilty of a far greater offense, one that should net him a lifetime in solitary confinement as opposed to the 25 years behind bars and $1 million fine he’s facing on these federal charges.  Pearlman is the man most responsible for plunging the music world and America into the era of the man band, wherein he would create groups of 4-5 dudes in their late teens or mid-20s, dress them up in matching outfits, frost their tips, bleach their teeth, have writers write horrific pop-music crap for them to sing and then unleash them on us all. He was responsible for three of the biggest perpetrators of this crap-ola; the Backstreet Men, ‘N Suck and O-Clowns (actual names of the bands could vary and might be Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync and O-Town, but I think my names fit better anyhow). So while I don’t think it’s cool that Pearlman bilked banks and investors out of more than $300 million by setting up a fake accounting firm to create business documents and tax returns for himself and his companies, that doesn’t piss me off nearly as much as his creating some of the most awful music acts ever to grace a stage or recording studio. Even something as scummy as using the signature of a deceased business partner, Henry Milner, to hold off anyone looking for payment isn’t as utterly reprehensible as subjecting us to one single man-band song. Rot in prison, Lou. You are a vile, disgusting man and you deserve so much worse than what you’re getting.

 

- Having a big rack can surely be an advantage for chicks, but up to now I didn’t know it could also help them reverse a wrongful conviction on criminal charges, including breaking and entering. A well-endowed Japanese model who goes by the name Serena Kozakura had originally been sentenced to 14 months in prison for allegedly smashing in the door to her boyfriend’s apartment after an argument with another woman she discovered in the dwelling. Kozakura, whose distinguished career has gone from the prestigious field of bikini modeling to aspiring actress (soon to be porn, I’m guessing), found a unique way to get her conviction overturned. Through a re-creation of the alleged crime, she and her attorney were able to demonstrate that Kozakura couldn’t have committed the crime because her rack is too big for her to have fit through the hole that was kicked in the door during the forced entry. Now how her boyfriend or the other woman mistook the identity of the angry, mentally unstable, large-breasted bikini model breaking through that apartment door, I don’t know. But both Kozakura and her ample chest have been acquitted and are now free to pursue that acting career. So props to her attorney, although if that attorney is male, dude probably did not mind doing that recreation of the crime scene one bit.

 

- Gary, Indiana has long been one of the most crime-ridden cities in the United States. There are plenty of felons and petty criminals residing there, so needless to say that the city doesn’t need any help boosting its crime numbers from the man who is supposed to be in charge of curbing crime. Police Chief Thomas Houston either doesn’t know the laws and standards he’s supposed to uphold or he chooses to blatantly ignore them, because when his home was burglarized, he didn’t exactly follow proper police procedure in terms of dealing with four people he believed were responsible for the burglary. Houston is alleged to have assaulted two of those individuals and had them and two others illegally jailed for three days. Two of his deputies took part in this scheme and along with Houston, they have now surrendered to U.S. marshals and subsequently been released on $20,000 bond each. Both Houston and the two deputies face federal civil rights charges, just what a crime-ravaged city like Gary needs. Way to set and example for the people you’re supposed to be serving and protecting, Sheriff. But hey, maybe you’ll be lucky and someone you’ve arrested and sent to jail during your career will end up as your new cell mate when you’re convicted and sent off to jail….

- Ah, China, that bastion of free speech an tolerance where….wait, what’s that? The Chinese government is looking to enforce strict new laws on musicians and other performers visiting their country because of what they perceive as an anti-Chinese blast by singer Bjork at a recent show in Shanghai? Oh. As it turns out, Bjork was finishing up what I am sure was a stirring rendition of her song Declare Independence where she shouted, “Tibet! Tibet!” The proclamation apparently referred to China’s harsh, often restrictive rule over the Himalayan region. Chinese officials weren’t down with basically being called overbearing oppressors, so now they’re looking to make sure that no performers who take the stage anywhere in their country have the opportunity to do what Bjork did and utter a single critical word about their government. What she did “broke Chinese law and hurt Chinese people’s feelings,” read an official statement on the incident. Seriously? Hurt their feelings? Hurt feelings are what happens when you get picked last for a game of dodgeball at recess in third grade, Chinese government officials. Try making your official statements sound a little more official next time. And actually, I’m sure a lot of your people agree with what Bjork said. They’re just afraid to say so because they (rightly) figure you’ll jail and/or kill them if they do. But hey, no worries here, it’s not like this is a country preparing to host a major international event in a few months, like the Summer Olympics, right?