- I absolutely love it when music artists set up a slam-dunk of a joke about their crappy new album by giving it a name that screams “Mock me!” So I say thank you to one of the most overrated acts in the past decade, Janet “I sound like a breathy 12-year-old” Jackson, for christening her new album with the moniker Discipline. Why, you ask? It’s simple; actually listening to every second of this album would take a Herculean display of discipline and even then your ears would never be quite the same. While there are a lot of ways for an artist to make a bad album, the particular one that Jackson has chosen is the most offensive. It’s one thing to try something new, to forge a new direction musically and have it not work out. You tried something new, tried to grow as an artist and it didn’t work. I can live with that because at least you made an effort. What Jackson has done is far worse, because she’s basically recycled the same garbage she’s always done and tried to pass it off as being new. As the nickname I’ve given her would indicate, I’m not a fan of her voice. She literally does sound like a pre-teen girl who’s out of breath when she sings. Couple that with the fact that she’s carved her niche out as being a skank most of the time, as evidenced by her “wardrobe malfunction” at the Super Bowl a few years ago, and you have an altogether undesirable package musically. Need more evidence of her skank-itude? Take this line from the album’s title track: “Daddy I disobeyed u/Now I want u to come punish me.” Kudos for the “u” instead of “you,” Janet. Not only do you sound like an out-of-breath pre-teen girl, you write like one too. Bonus points for the S&M imagery too. Other songs on the album like Control and Feedback are equally bad, making this quite possibly the worst album yet from an artist who has produced a career filled with stink bombs. Thanks for contributing absolutely nothing to the music world once again, Janet, you still suck.
- Congress is really on the war path, aren’t they? Well, that might be a poor choice of words, given the fact that our abomination of a president basically put a gun to their heads and forced them to enter the never-ending, unjustified war in Iraq by feeding them lies and misinformation and then extorting them into continuing to fund the Mess O’Potamia. However, I’m referring more to the fact that Congress is now hunting down people they think have lied to them or otherwise wrong them and is looking to make those people pay. Roid-ger Clemens is in their crosshairs for allegedly lying repeatedly during his testimony before a congressional subcommittee last month during a hearing on steroids in baseball. Congress has told the Justice Department to investigate Clemens, but he’s far from the only person on their radar. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who I’m a fan of because of her vocal support of ending the war in Iraq immediately (Pelosi for president in ’08!), has asked the Justice Department to initiated an grand jury investigation into whether W.’s chief of staff and former counsel should be prosecuted for contempt of Congress. Harriet Myers, W.’s former legal counsel, refused to testify before Congress back in 2006 about the (illegal) firings of eight state attorneys general for (allegedly) political reasons and not because they actually weren’t doing their job well. That was the whole Alberto Gonzales mess where ol’ Alberto forgot everything he once knew, evaded questions and tried to lie and “misremember” his way out of the mess he’d made. White House chief of staff Josh Bolten also is under fire from Pelosi for refusing to turn over key documents related to the dismissals. I can't say for sure if these two are guilty (they work or did work for W., so let’s just assume they are), but I simply have to marvel at the fact that Congress is so angry and militant these days at people who mislead or disrespect them. If only they were this vigilant about stamping out dishonest and corruption in Congress itself, what a difference in would make in this country…..
- Right up front, allow me to admit that I am a Chicago Cubs fan, so I’m talking about this next story as someone who roots for the team and has done so for a long time. It’s not easy being a Cubs fan, but rarely is it as painful as it was today when I visited the team’s official website and read up on the team’s injury news. And no, I’m not referring to star outfielder Alfonso Soriano being out for a week with a broken finger sustained while catching fly balls from a pitching machine at the team’s spring training complex in Mesa, Ariz. No, I’m referring to the fact that Felix Pie (pronounced Pee-A) is out with what the team is calling a “twisted testicle.” I winced just writing that, and I know every dude reading it did the same. I would ask how you sustain a twisted testicle, but honestly I don’t want to know. That’s one of those things you’re better off just not knowing. It’s about the worst sports injury I’ve ever heard of, bar none. I’d rather tear an ACL or rotator cuff muscle than twist a testicle. Those injuries might put you out for a year or more, but no way are they more painful than a twisted nut. How Pie is ever going to be the same, I don’t know. The team needs to give him as much time as necessary to recover from this one, especially after they made the mistake of not covering from him and telling everyone he had pulled a groin muscle instead of divulging the real nature of the injury. Get well Felix, and whatever you did to cause this injury in the first place, make sure you never do it again. You can’t go through another twisted testicle and I can’t bear to hear about it ever again, my man.
- Ohio and Texas, the time has come for you to rise up and do your part to help our nation avert disaster. The rest of the country has been stepping up one state at a time and for the most part rejecting Hank Clinton’s bid for the Democratic presidential nomination. Early in the race, Hank’s name value carried her to a lead, but the more America has been exposed to her angry femi-Nazi ways, the more support has been thrown Barack Obama’s way. Tomorrow, voters in Ohio and Texas, two states with a significant amount of delegates, will hold their primaries and will basically be the deciding factor in who becomes the Democratic Party’s candidate for this fall’s general election. As someone living in Ohio, I can tell you that both candidates have been hitting the state hard with nonstop messages that have resulted in commercial breaks during prime-time TV with multiple commercials from one candidate in a single break. Both are hitting the NAFTA issue hard, but Obama has clearly been gaining on Hank in Ohio on the strength of his nine straight primary victories leading up to tomorrow’s vote. The only way tomorrow won't be a deciding factor is if Ohio and Texas split between the two candidates, giving each of them a chunk of votes but not giving either the two-state slam-dunk win they’re after. I urge all Ohioans and Texans one more time, let’s make sure it is not Hank Clinton who gets that victory. This country has almost managed to survive the debacle that is W.’s presidency, but coming on the heels of that adversity, a Hank Clinton term in office could be the death blow.
- Can someone tell me now if this is going to turn into another NFL off-season of Brett Favre dragging his feet, hemming, hawing and holding the Green Bay Packers hostage by prolonging his decision to retire or come back for another season? It’s not that I feel bad for the Packers and them being unable to really move forward with their organizational plans for the 2008 season. Rather, I’d like to know if I’m going to have to find the nearest blunt object and start bludgeoning people with it to get them to stop talking about freaking Brett Favre and the “will he or won't he” debate for the entire damn off-season. If Favre is intending to stage another of his marathon, back-and-forth, I’m retiring/I’m returning filibusters and hold the NFL world hostage, I’ll start by picking up a barbed-wire-covered 2x4 and heading down to that damn farm in Mississippi where everyone talks in such flowery terms about Favre spending his off-season farming and being a good ‘ol country boy and I’ll beat him into submission, or at least until he makes a freaking decision. Next on my Tour O’ Pain, I’ll head to ESPN and the NFL Network to beat down every talking head still discussing the topic. In case you’re not catching my drift, I’m freaking sick and tired of hearing about one good-but-not-great, wildly overrated, past-his-prime quarterback whose team overachieved this year due to a weak schedule and next season will be sliding back to the pack at about 9-7. Favre seems like a decent guy, albeit self-absorbed and a tad arrogant, but overall a good guy. However, he’s not one of he league’s premier players anymore and face it people, he’s not winning another Super Bowl ever again. Move on, forget about him and his inner turmoil on whether to retire. When he makes a decision, we have something to talk about for a brief time, but until then, no one needs to pay attention to him. Don’t encourage this shenanigan of his….
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