- Let this be a lesson to everyone out there age 18 or above, and maybe even for those a little younger. When you go to marry someone, think carefully and really consider who you’re about to wed. Make the right choice and you have a great partner to go through the rest of your life with. Make the wrong choice and you’re paying alimony and child support out the wazoo and being forced to fork over $375,000 to cover your ex’s legal fees in the child custody case they’re fighting against you. Yes, the Insane One, Britney Spears, has been ordered by an L.A. court commissioner to pony up nearly $400K to finance the attorney’s fees for her former leech, er, husband, K-Dirt Federline. K-Dirt’s attorney had been asking for $500,000, but the commish put the cap on at $375,000. Spears’ own attorney argued that 1) K-Dirt’s lawyer was over-billing his client and 2) K-Dirt could pay for his own attorney, which actually does seem like a reasonable request. Well, reasonable until you realize that Spears is basically financing K-Dirt’s life through alimony and child support payments. All his lawyer needs to do is to throw on a track from K-Dirt’s attempt at a rap album and no judge is going to believe that this guy has any shot of earning a living in his attempted profession. All of this could have been avoided if Brit had been smart enough to not marry a dirtbag, leech, trailer-park bum to begin with, but she really doesn’t have the best judgment, does she…….
- Thanks for nothing, NCAA Tournament higher seeds. You all systematically destroyed my bracket this weekend by turning in your worst performances at the worst possible time. Let’s begin with America’s chokers, the Duke Blue Devils. Now I’m the first to admit that I hate the Dukies, those arrogant, pompous, condescending, rich, Van-uppity a-holes. However, I bit the bullet this year and actually picked them to advance safely through the tournament’s first three rounds, all the way to the Elite Eight. I usually pick them to get bounced in the first round out of spite, but I banked on them this year. Of course, they promptly let me down by getting bounced in the second round by West Virginia, 73-67. The second-seeded Blue Devils proved they never deserved their seed and busted my bracket with a lackluster effort. Fast forward to today, when Georgetown choked away a double-digit second-half lead to mid-major Davidson, basically a one-man team led by super-shooter Stephen Curry. Davidson 74, Georgetown 70. Thanks for nothing, Hoyas. You became the second #2 seed to lose, but your loss is worse because of that big lead blown and also because you lost to a team seeded 10th. Coming on the heels of colossal letdowns by fourth and fifth-seeded Connecticut and Drake in the opening round and a no-show by fourth-seeded Vanderbilt in the same round, I feel betrayed and bamboozled by you, high seeds. Not that I’m the guy filling out 50 brackets and gambling away half of his savings on the tournament, but when I do pick you to win on the one bracket I fill out, you could at least bother to play a reasonably good game, that’s not too much to ask.
- Looking to get an early jump on the next 007 movie? You can do it, as long a you either live in Britain or don’t mind buying a plane or boat ticket there to see Quantum of Solace, the latest James Bond adventure. Can I pause for a moment and say how horrible of a name that is? It sounds like you just wrote down impressive-sounding, multi-syllabic words on index cards, threw them in a hat and pulled out two of them. Quantum of Solace doesn’t even sound interesting or sensical, just a bizarre word combination designed to wow. Now I’ll still end up seeing this movie because I’m a theater junkie and I do enjoy action films, I just think you could have come up with a better title. That being said, the film initially had a Nov. 7 release date worldwide and for the United States, that date will remain. But over in Bondland, a.k.a. Britain, the film will be released a week earlier on Oct. 31. Normally it’s the U.S. getting films before the rest of the world, but this time the tables are flipped. You won't believe it, but once again James Bond is tracking down a vague, far-reaching international conspiracy. So you can either wait until Nov. 7 to find out the who’s, how’s and why’s, or you can hop a bird to Britain and find out a week earlier. If you do, do me a favor and don’t spoil it by telling me the plot before I can see it for myself.
- Murder plots don’t usually involve gorillas, but here is one case where they do and also where the gorillas might be the smarter of the individuals involved in the whole mess. A park ranger in the Congo, located in central Africa, has been arrested and charged with masterminding the slaughter of 10 endangered mountain gorillas as part of a scheme to thwart local conservationists’ plan to save the creatures’ mountain habitat. This ass hat thought that by killing the gorillas that lived in the area, he could clear the way for loggers to cut down trees in the region to make charcoal, a lucrative business in the Congo. So to review, this guy, likely in league with or being paid off by the logging companies, concocted a murder plot to take out 10 gorillas. He set up the plan that led to these poor animals being massacred, a park ranger who was supposed to be protecting the creatures and their habitat. This is one of the more despicable things I have heard of lately, so let’s hope that life in a prison in the Congo is every bit as gruesome and dirty as I imagine it to be.
- Five years later, the fallout from the massive nightclub fire that killed 100 people in West Warwick, R.I. continues. Just a few months ago, lawsuits by friends and families of people who died in the blaze against a local TV station whose cameraman impeded club patrons from escaping the burning building were settled. Now, the manager of the band Great White, whose pyrotechnics sparked the fire, has been released from prison after serving less than half of his four-year sentence. Daniel Biechele, 31, is a former manager for 1980s rockers Great White and he’s now a free man, although he won't ever be truly free from the stigma of being linked to this disaster. His name is going to be linked with the fire and those 100 deaths for the rest of his life. He had been in prison in Cranston, R.I., but the first thing he should have done upon being released was make a beeline for the border (which couldn’t be too far, given how tiny Rhode Island is). It’s a small state and everyone there knows who he is and if he ever returns, let’s just say they won't be buying him a beer. So go free, Daniel, live your life, but stay clear of our nation’s smallest state if you value your life and health.
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