- This week’s Jason Blair Award for near-total fabrication of a book or story goes to Misha Defonseca, who recently admitted that nearly all of her alleged Holocaust memoir was made up. Her 1997 book Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years, was made into a movie and it also inspired an opera, but those projects were actually built on a foundation of lies and fiction. The best-selling book, which tells the tale of a 7-year-old Belgian girl and her journey across Europe during World War II after her parents were arrested by Nazi police. Word is that there were questions about the book’s authenticity even before it was published, but making it into a movie exacerbated those doubts and a Belgian publication recently began raising new questions about the book. Faced with all of that pressure, Defonseca relented and admitted to making the whole story up, including the fact that she was Jewish. “I felt Jewish,” she’s quoted as saying. Well that makes it all right, then. As long as you felt Jewish, it’s ok to pretend that you were among the millions of people from a race that was mercilessly persecuted and exterminated in mass numbers and to profit off of those falsified claims. I’m sure no Jews who actually were part of the Holocaust would take offense to that. Know what, I feel Nepalese today, so I’m going to write an entire book about my travails as a Sherpa guide and how I was there when the first climbers reached the summit of Mount Everest. Nice work, Misha, you are officially a despicable human being. Your only saving grace here would be to take all of the money you’ve made off this book, selling the movie and theater rights and donating them to true Holocaust victims. You’d still be a scumbag, but at least you’d be a scumbag who did some good for people who suffered such a horrible atrocity.
- James Barbour clearly took his role as the Beast in a Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast a little too seriously. Aside from playing the grotesque, hirsute Beast in the production, J. Barbour is a beast off stage as well. What other way can you describe a dude who has admitted to getting his freak on with a minor? Barbour, 41, was sentenced Friday to 60 days in jail and three years’ probation for sexual encounters with a 15-year-old female drama student. He pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts of endangering the welfare of a minor after fondling the girl when she visited him backstage in 2001 when he was starring in Jane Eyre. The girl, who is now actually an adult at 22 years of age, looked up to him and I’m sure was thrilled to go backstage to meet a professional Broadway actor and this piece of crap decides to grope her? Getting off with 60 days in jail and probation is too lenient for this guy. If that’s all he gets and it took seven years to get punished for this one, what’s to stop him from repeating his actions. Hope you enjoy bit parts in local community theaters, James, because that’s all you should get after you get out of jail.
- I see what you’re doing Jamaica, and I am down with it. The island nation that inspired a true comedy classic in the John Candy film Cool Runnings is at it again, strongly considering the legalization of marijuana in the country. Such a move would play well with the island’s Rastafarian population, a large part of the Jamaican population and the dreadlocked, ganja-loving individuals you think of when you think of Jamaica and do your best imitation of a Jamaican accent. The Rastafarians claim that smoking tree is part of their religion, and who is the Jamaican government to argue? No word on whether Cheetos and Doritos watching Planet Earth on DVD is also a part of their religion, but if they’re true devotees of the hippie lettuce, those things are a given. A government commission has been researching possible changes to the country’s anti-drug laws. The move to legalize the chronic would also play well with some in the country’s law enforcement agencies who claim that jails and courts are being clogged up with marijuana-related cases. For the benefit of everyone involved, let’s just go ahead and rubber-stamp this one. Pass it into law and help make Jamaica an even mellower place than it already is. Heck, it’ll probably vault Jamaica to the top of the list for spring break destinations for college students around the world. No longer do they need to go all the way to Amsterdam to find a place where weed is legal. Everybody book your tickets now for Jamaica, the new stoner capital of the world.
- Maybe I’m not much for following fashion, but it still has to be a little surprising that flak jackets are the chic new look, right? Camouflage maybe, but flak vests? Mexico City appears to be the epicenter of this new trend, where a store run by designer Miguel Caballero has been closed down by the police because M. Caballero was selling bulletproof vests without a permit. The designer, sometimes known as “the Armani of bulletproof clothing,” (what a great nickname to have, right up there with King James, P. Diddy and the Sultan of Swat) had been hawking the bulletproof threads - including a casual line and formal jackets for women - for months. Yes, there is a casual line of bulletproof clothing, for when you’re going out on the town for a shooting rampage but also want to be comfortable yet stylish. The Mexico City police cited city laws designed to prevent bulletproof gear from falling into the hands of criminals at the reason for their decision, but personally I think they’re just fashion haters. What woman doesn’t want a bulletproof coat to perfectly match that new pair of shoes she just bought? Lighten up, Mexico City police, I’m sure Marc Jacobs and Giorgio Armani will be joining in on the bulletproof clothing craze any time now and when that happens you all are going to end up looking very foolish…..
- Has there ever been a clearer example of a puppet regime than the “new” government now in place in Cuba? Raul Castro may have been named the country’s new dictator, er, president, but does anyone doubt that Fidel is still in charge (with all due respect to Cosmo Kramer of Seinfeld fame, Dennis Castro is not involved)? In the Communist Party newspaper Granma - no, not Grandma - Fidel wrote an article in which he admitted that he chose candidates for Cuba’s new government but insisted that Raul is still in charge. He may be on his sickbed, but make no mistake about it, Fidel is still calling the shots. You think a despotic, power-hungry SOB like that is going to give up control as long as he’s still alive? To paraphrase Napoleon Dynamite, heck no. Raul is a figurehead, a guy to go out and do the parts of the job that requite a healthy body. Fidel is still the one wielding the decision-making power and will be until he’s dead. So enjoy having the fancy office an d getting to wear the good fatigues, Raul, just don’t forget who’s really in charge.
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