- Great news, TV fans. In the midst of the deluge of über-crappy shows flooding the airwaves, one network has managed to make a smart programming decision amongst the many idiotic ones being made on a seemingly daily basis. Fox has ordered a fourth season of one of my absolute favorite shows, Prison Break, to run for 22 to 23 episodes. With the renewal comes a change in venue, with production for the show shifting all the way to the Left Coast. According to TVGuide.com, the fourth season of PB will pick up where the strike-shorted Season 3 left off, with Michael Scofield on the loose and seeking revenge against The Company and production will relocate to Los Angeles, moving from its previous home in Texas. Allow me to be one of the first to say….who cares? As long as the show remains on the air, you can produce it in Zimbabwe, Antarctica, Iceland or Fiji. Just give me my Prison Break every Monday night and give me a full season and all is well in my TV universe. So thanks for Fox, despite continuing to propagate the unmitigated abortion that is American Karaoke, for making at least one good decision by returning PB for another season.
- The ass clowns in the league offices of the NFL just can't help themselves. They’re bent on shoving their heads as far up their behinds as possible and implementing as many asinine new rules as possible while in said position. This is a league that already regulates the length of towels players are allowed to tuck into their waistbands during games, fines guys if their socks aren’t worn at the right height, flips out at even the most pedestrian endzone celebration and basically seeks to legislate all of the fun and individuality out of its game. Now, the numb nuts who run the league are reportedly considering a rule that would bar a player from wearing his hair long enough on the field to obscure his name on the back of his jersey. The matter is currently before the league’s competition committee and the proposed rule change would affect players like Pittsburgh Steelers safety Polamalu and Jaguars cornerback Rashaen Mathis, both of whom sport long dreadlocks that flow out of the back of their helmet and would either need to get a haircut or figure out a way to stuff all that hair in their helmets throughout a game. According to NFL Network’s Adam Schefter, the Kansas City Chiefs proposed the rule change, and may have been motivated by the incident in October 2006 when Chiefs running back Larry Johnson pulled Polamalu's hair to drag him down from behind -- which is legal -- and then held onto the hair after both players hit the ground, drawing an unnecessary roughness penalty. Nothing like acting out of spite and being bent about something that happened a couple of seasons ago, eh Chiefs? Because of your inability to get over it and move on, the players should have an unnecessary, moronic and overly restrictive rule foisted upon them? Schefter reports that the Chiefs have argued that the hair requirement should be enforced as a uniform violation, similar to the league's requirements that players wear their socks a certain way. But there's also some support for the rules change from league insiders who believe it's unsafe to have players running around with hair hanging out their helmet. Yeah, either that or a bunch of rich, old white dudes can’t grasp the fact that this isn’t the 1960s anymore and long hair isn’t some sign of a “goddamn hippie” or other freak seeking to subvert societal norms and overthrow the establishment. Memo to you, rich, old white dudes: LONG HAIR IS JUST HAIR THAT’S A DIFFERENT LENGTH THAN YOURS. It’s not a sign of the apocalypse, nor is it something you need to legislate out of your game. Fact is that if you actually took the time to look at the fans in the 15-34 age range who provide a lot of support for your league, you’d find a lot of dudes with long lettuce who enjoy seeing guys who look like them out on the field. Speaking as one such individual, I hope you a-holes have the good sense to reject this proposed rule. The 32 teams are expected to vote on the proposed rules change at the league meeting at the end of the month, so let’s get it right, fellas.
- Is there anything about the Beatles that isn’t controversial? During their time together, they sparked one uprising after another for everything from being anti-war to their dabblings in various religious and cult-like organizations and movements. Now that their time as a band is long gone, they’ve been at odds with Apple Computer over the use of the Apple name because the band had its own claim to the Apple name with the Apple Corps Ltd. record company they established decades ago. Now, the current point of contention is with music distributor Fuego Entertainment, which plans to release 1962 German club recordings believed to have been made during Ringo Starr’s first performance with the group. Fuego claims the recordings are important historical entities because they document the first live gig after Starr replaced Pete Best as Beatles’ drummer and that although seven of the songs from the event were later released by E.M.I., eight others were never released by anyone. Apple Corps Ltd. argues that the recordings are bootlegs and also that they are of poor quality and “dilute and tarnish the extraordinarily valuable image associated with the Beatles.” In other words, someone else is trying to make money off the Beatles and no one is allowed to make money off of their legacy besides us, says Apple Corps. The case will now go to court, but one has to wonder why, if Apple is so intent on preventing the tarnishing and dilution of the Beatles’ legacy, why they’re not suing those poseur karaoke hacks on American Karaoke who spent most of last week butchering so many of the band’s legendary tunes? Those are the people who really need to be sued…..
- It’s vital to always be on the lookout for ways to better celebrate your favorite holidays. No one who’s anyone is content with celebrating in the same tired ways they’ve celebrated a given holiday before. If all you do is break out some cheesy, lame fireworks in your back yard on the Fourth of July or watch the same boring Memorial Day parade every year, that holiday eventually becomes something you dread rather than look forward to. In that spirit, even though I think St. Patrick’s Day is a pretty lame holiday, I wholeheartedly salute the intrepid souls in Marietta, Ohio who spiced up their holiday celebration in that most festive of manners….by dyeing their crack cocaine green. Undercover cops in Marietta seized the festive crack (and really, is there any kind of crack that isn’t festive? I say no) and amazingly, this isn’t the first time they’ve seen something like this. Apparently during the Christmas season several years ago, the Washington County Sheriff’s office seized cocaine that had been dyed red. Personally, this is great news. Like many of you, I’m sure that the plain, white or off-white crack being sold in your town is getting old. Anyone and everyone who’s enough of a degenerate to be a crack addict is doing that stuff, so having something to set you apart is important. Everyone wants to be a pioneer, an innovator and an original. Green or red crack sends that message, along with the message that you’re a freaking crack addict and one of the more dangerous, scary people around.
-Riot Watch! Riot Watch! This edition is a special treat, a whirl-about that will take us around the globe to uprisings in four different countries. Let’s begin in Venezuela, where prison inmates from rival gangs took part in a brutal fight that left nine inmates dead and 20 more wounded. The melee began in the morning at the San Fernando de Apure lockup in central Venezuela and it took more than 100 prison guards and members of the national guard to quell it. Inter-gang prison riots are just about the dumbest kind of riot there is, to be honest. You’re in jail, locked up by The Man, but you choose to rebel against one another? Good one, gang members. Nothing says “reformed and ready to re-enter society” like starting the same kind of crap that probably got you imprisoned in the first place. Thankfully, there are better incidents of social dissidence on this day, one of which took place in London. Hundreds of Londoners marched through the city’s streets over the weekend to show their support for Tibet in its struggle against forced Chinese rule in their country. The London-based Free Tibet campaign sponsored the march, one of many around the world showing support for a worthy cause. Keep it up, Tibetans and pro-Tibet forces, because those Communists in China aren’t going to give up easily. Staying in Europe, our third riot/protest of the day comes from Amsterdam, where citizens were able to separate themselves from their bongs long enough to organize a demonstration against anti-immigration lawmaker Geert Wilders. Despite heavy winds and sleet, protestors showed up en masse to speak out against a short film by Wilders set to be released next month in which he denounces the Quran as a “fascist” book. The protest, called “Netherlands Shows Its Colors,” showed that many citizens don’t share Wilders’ slanted views, which is a good thing. Our fourth and final riot/protest comes from Turkey, where Kurdish protestors supporting rogue separatist guerrilla fighters clashed with police, leaving dozens injured after men in the crowd hurled large rocks at police to kick things up a notch. The direct clashes with police clearly make this the best riot of the four, because going toe-to-toe with the man always gives you bonus points. Police responded with tear gas and by administering beatdowns to some rioters, but among the four seriously injured people was one cop, so the protestors managed to do some damage of their own. All in all, a great day for rioting and one that will hopefully spark a wave of social dissidence ‘round the globe…..
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